University of Virginia Library

Act. 5.

Scen. 1.

Enter Thais and Pythias.
Tha.
Continuest drabbe to talke in riddles to me?
I know, I know not, heard so, he is gone,
I was not by—. Wilt thou not in plaine tearmes
Tell me the matter? the maides cloathes are torne,
She weepes and silent keepes, the Eunuch gon.
Why this? what's chanc'd? speakest not?

Pyth.
Woes mee
Poore soule!
What should I say? they say he was no Eunuch.

Tha.
who then?

Pyth.
This Chærea here.

Tha.
which Chærea?

Pyth.
This younger brother vnto Phædria.

Tha.
What saist witch?

Pyth.
I haue found it certaine so.

Tha.
Why what a gods name had he here to do?
Or why was hither brought?

Pyth.
I cannot tell,
But that I guesse he loued Pamphila.

Tha.
I find my selfe accursed wretch vndone,
If this be true thou vtterst. Ist for that,
The wench so weepes?

Pyth.
I thinke so.

Tha.
Thinkst so hegge?
Was this the charge I left you at my parting?

Pyth.
What should I do? I left 'hem both alone
As you did bidde.

Tha.
Vnluckie queane, thou left's
A lambe to the woolfe: oh I am asham'd,
Enter Chærea in the Eunuchs cloathes.
So to be plaid on. What man haue we here?

Pyth.
Mistresse, for Gods loue peace; we are well
W'haue caught
The man.

Tha.
Where is he?

Pyth.
Looke to your left hand.
Do you not see him?

Tha.
Yes.

Pyth.
Call out for helpe;
To lay hold on him with all speede you can.

Tha.
What shall's do with him foole?

Pyth.
What do,
D'you aske?
Pray marke if when you wistlie eye the fellow,
Has not a ashamelesse leere?

Tha.
No, has he not.

Pyth.
Note with what confidence my man struts too.

Scen. 2.

Chæ.
As I but now to Antiphoes did come,
His father and his mother were at home;
As if't had beene so plotted so that in
I could not enter butt I must be seene.
Whil'st here about the doore a while I stay,
One that I knew came but into my way:
I him espying hastily betooke
Me to my heeles; and fled into a nooke
Was vnfrequented: so from place to place
Posted, till I to death nigh wearied was:
And this I did, least any should me know.
But is not this Thais, I see? tis she:
I sticke ith'mire; nor know I what to do.
But what care I? what dare she do to me?

Tha.
Let's to him. O, you are well met honest Dorus.
Tell me, didst runne away?

Chæ.
Mistresse I did.

Tha.
And was it well done, thinkst thou?

Chæ.
no forsooth.

Tha.
Thinkst to go with't scotfree so away?

Chæ.
Forgiue me but this one fault, if I euer
Commit the like againe, then kill me sor't.

Tha.
Didst feare my curstnesse?

Chæ.
No.

Tha.
What
Feardst thou then?

Chæ.
I feard your maid here would tell tales of me.

Tha.
What hadst thou done?

Chæ.
A trifle.

Pyth.
Impudence
A trifle? is't a trifle in thine eye
To take a freeborne maid, and rauish her?

Chæ.
I tooke her for my fellow seruant.

Pyth.
Fellow?
I scarce can hold my fingers from his cares.
Monster art come againe, to flout vs too?

Tha.
Get you hence Bedlam.

Pyth.
Pray forsooth, why so?
I thinke I ow't the gallowes, if I do
As I do threaten; and the rather too,
Because he does confesse he's slaue to you.

Tha.
No more of this. Chærea you haue committed
An act farre vnbeseeming that faire port
Your selfe and friends here beare; say the scorne fitted
And to my course of life did iustly sorte:
Yet for your owne worth you should haue forborne.
Nor truely know I now what course to frame
Touching the maid; you haue disorderd so
All my proceedings, I cannot returne
Her to her friends, as I desird the same;
And as was fitting for the maid to goe:
So that both maid and friends I might haue made
Beholding to me, by the course I laid.

Chæ.
Thais, but now I hope hencefoorth I will grow
Fast loue betweene vs: oftentimes you know
From bad beginnings, slight occasion,
Great loue hath had its deriuation.
What, if some higher powers did thus decree?

Tha.
In such sense I do take it verily;
And so do wish't.

Chæ.
Pray one thing reckon right;
No purposd scorne, but loues imperiall mihght
Then swayd my passions.

Tha.
I beleeue 'twas so;
And truly therefore pardon you the rather:
I am not (Chærea) of such stubborne nature,
Nor so vnskild as loues power not to know.

Chæ.
So helpe me God as I now grow in loue
With you to Thais.

Pyth.
Then mistresse I perceaue
You ought to watch him.

Chæ.
O, I dare nor prooue.

Pyth.
Introth Ile trust thee for iust nothing.

Tha.
Leaue.

Chæ.
Thais, I do commend, commit my selfe
To your protection, begge your helpe herein;
Desire, beseech you'l stand my Patronesse.
I cannot liue if I not marrie her.

Tha.
But if your father—

Chæ
Tsh, what? I know he will—
So she be knowne freeborne.

Chæ.
If you please stay
A little, the maides brother will be here;
He went to call the nurse that nur'st her young:
You may be by at her acknowledging.

Chæ.
Yes, I will stay.

Tha.
And in the meane time will You.
(Till he do come) we go into my house?
Tis better then at doore here waiting stand.

Chæ.
With all my heart.

Pyth.
Pray what d'ye meane to do?

Tha.
In what?

Pyth.
D'you aske? meane you for all this yet
To let him come againe into the house?

Tha.
Why not?

Pyth.
Take my word for't, h'le aduenture
Some second battrie.

Tha.
Prithee hold'thy chat.

Pyth.
Ha'you not had sufficient triall of him?

Chæ.
I will not, Pythias.

Pyth.
Ile not trust you, Chærea;
Vnlesse you be kept out.

Chæ.
But (Pythias)
Thy selfe shalt be my keeper.

Pyth.
Troth not I:
Ile neither trust thee with the custodie
Of any thing, not keepe thee yet my selfe.
Enter Chremes and Sophrona,
So get you hence.

Tha.
Her brother's fitly come.

Chæ.
I'm lost, pray let vs in. I would not (Thais)
He see me in this habite in the streete.

Tha.
Why, art asham'd?

Chæ.
Yes truth.

Pyth.
Yes truth? alacke!
A maiden batchelor I warrant you.

Tha.
Go in before, I follow. Pythias
Tarrie you here, to bring in Chremes with you.

Exeunt Chærea and Thais.

Scen. 3.

Pyth.
What, can I thinke of no plot, no deuice,
No tricke to crie quittance with this rascall!
That foisted in this counterfeit among vs?

Chr.
Pray moue your ioynts a little nimbler nurse.

Soph.
I moue sir.

Chr.
I, I see't; but nothing forward.

Pyth.
Haue you yet shewn the tokens to her sir?

Chr.
Yes, all.

Pyth.
What sayes she, pray? remembers them?

Chr.
Yes perfectly.

Pyth.
In troth you bring good newes,
For I do wish the maid well. Pray go in;
Exit Chremes and Sophrona.
My mistresse long since did expect your comming.
Enter Parmeno.
But see the honest fellow Parmeno,
I thinke I haue found a tricke to nettle him,
As I would wish. Ile first go in and heare
The maides acknowledgement; and againe come foorth
To fright the rogue with a fine pennieworth.
Exit Pythias.

Scen. 4.

Par.
I now scout out, to see what Chærea has done:
Who if he haue the businesse cleanely handled,
Good gods! What glorious palme haue I then wonne?
For to omit, that I a case intangled
Haue wound out fairely to his hand; haue wrought,
Haue compassed his loue, his wench, a maid
He so did dote on: and yet cost him nought,
(No purse expence, no trouble, hazard made,)
And from a greedie harlot. Then agen
Enter Pythias
(Which I indeed accompt my Masters prise)
That I haue found him out a readie meane,
To learne these strumpets manners and full guise
Which ripely vnderstood, he may for euer
Detest their courses, when abroad they git,
None are more neate and sweete in their behauiour,
They mince and picke vpon each daintie bit;
(With their friend eating such is their demeanor)
And then to note their greedie rauening,
Their sluttishnesse, their penurie at home;
What nastie Cormorants they are alone;
Out of stale porrage musty bread deuouring:
These things are youths true cordialls being knowne.

Scen. 5.

Pyth.
Roague for thy deeds & words Ile plague thee so.
Thou shalt not for our wrongs hēce scot-free go.
Your mercie oh good gods! oh cruell practise!
Alas poore youth! but ô that cursed vilaine!
That vilaine Parmeno, that brought him hither!

Par.
What may the matter be?

Pyth.
It pitties me;
Therefore I hasted out o' doores, poore woman:
Because I would not see't. Oh, what example
(Say thee) they do intend to make of him?

Par.
ô God! What strange stirre's this? am not I lost, trow?
Ile to her. What meanes this fright, Pythias?

Pyth.
Doost aske audacious fellow? whilst thou soughtst
To put a tricke vpon vs, th'hast vndone,
Hast vterly vndone that prettie youth,
Thou broughtest vs for an Eunuch.

Par.
why, what's chāc'd?

Pyth.
Doost know the maid was sent vs is free borne?
And has a brother here of great accompt?

Par.
I know't not.

Pyth.
But she's prou'd so: this poore youth
Has rauisht her; which when her brother heard of.
Comming in furious heate—

Par.
What did he do?

Pyth.
First piteously has bound him.

Par.
Ha, has
Bound him?

Pyth.
I, although Thais beggd the contrarie.

Par.
What sayst?

Pyth.
And now he further threatneth
To vse him in such sort, as is the wont
To be perform'd vpon adulterers.

Par.
Vpon what confidence dare he venture
So heynous an attempt?

Pyth.
Why, is't so heynous?

Par.
Is't not the heynousest that can be thought on?
Who euer saw any one apprehended
For an adulterer in a bawdie house?

Pyth.
I know not that.

Par.
But that thou maist know't
I tell thee (Pythias) tis my Masters sonne.

Prth.
What, ist I pray?

Par.
Therefore let Thais looke then,
She suffer him sustaine no iniurie.
But why do I my selfe not rescue him?

Pyth.
Parmeno consider what you go about:
Lest you not helpe him, and yet cast away
Your selfe for euer. For they do imagine
That all is done is of your practising.

Enter the old man, Laches.
Par.
What shall I do then wretch? or what contriue.
But lo, I see my old Master newly come
Out o'the countrey: were I best acquaint him
What is befalne or not? Ile tell him, sure;
Though I do know, I shall pay soundly for it:
But I must doot, that he may helpe his sonne.

Pyth.
I, thou doost wisely. Ile goe in. Deliuer
Euery thing to him, as it chanc'd in order.

Scen. 6.

Lach.
My Country grange yeelds this commoditie,
I find no irksomnesse in field, or citie:
I can shift place, being of either wearie.
But is not yond our Parmeno? tis he.
Who waite you here for before Thais doore?

Par.
Who's that? oh Master! you are wellcome home.

Lach.
Who wait'st thou here for?

Par.
I'm vndone, my Tongue
Falters for feare.

Lach.
How's this? why shakst thou so?
Tell me, 's all well here?

Par.
Master first I craue
You would conceiue the matter as it stands:
That what so ere hath happend, hath not come
Through any fault of mine.

Lach.
Say, what it is?

Par.
Indeede you vrge the question orderly:
I should haue first opend the case to you.
Phædria bought an Eunuch to bestow
vpon her here

Lach.
Vpon whom here?

Par.
Thais.

Lach.
Bought saist thou? I am certainely vndone.
What cost he?

Par.
Twentie pound.

Lach.
All's lost.

Par.
Besides
Chærea doos loue a minstrell wench here.

Lach.
Ha!
What, loues saist thou? doos he alreadie know
What a whore meanes? is he got to towne too?
One mischiefe broodes another.

Par.
Pray you sir
Do not so eye me. This he dooes not do
vpon my setting on.

Lach.
Sirrha, leaue talke
Touching thy selfe. If I liue (pillorie)
I'l—,But vnfold first th'whole bus'nesse to me.

Par.
Charea was brought to Thais for that Eunuch.

Lach.
How! for an Eunuch?

Par.
Yes sir, afterward
They haue taken him for an adulterer;
And bound him.

Lach.
Oh, I'm undone for euer.

Par.
Pray note (good sir) these strumpets insolence.

Lach.
Is there yet any further mischiefe left,
Or ill vnutterd.

Par.
This is all.

Lach.
Why stay I
From breaking in vpon 'hem?

Par.
There's no doubt
But I incurre some famous punishment:
But since I must do't of necessitie,
I ioy yet I shall worke these queanes some mischiefe.
For th'old man long hath sought occasion
To plague'hem soundly: now at last has found one.

Enter Pythias.

Scen. 7.

Pyth.
Troth for this many aday there has not chanced
An accident more pleasant then this now;
To see the old man come in so mistaken:
'T was sport to me alone of all the rest,
Who knew the ground of th'eror. ha, ha, he.

Par.
What ist she laughes at?

Pyth.
I'm come forth to meete
With Parmeno, but where a Gods name is he?

Par.
Doos she seeke me?

Pyth.
See where he is, Ile to him

Par.
What newes with thee now Giglet?

Pyth.
Ha, ha, he.

Par.
What meanst thou? why this laughter? goest thou on?

Pyth.
Ha, ha, ha, he. Oh-oh-I burst, I faint
With laughing at thee.

Par.
Wherefore?

Pyth.
dost thou aske?
Vpon my troth I neuer in my life
Knew a more errand foole, nor euer shall.
Ha, ha, ha, he—it cannot be expressed
What pastime thou hast made vs yond' within:
And yet (good truth) at first I tooke thee for
A very wise and cunning pated fellow.

Par.
Why what's the matter?

Pyth.
What at the first dash
Oughtst thou to credit euery thing I said?
What didst thou thinke the braue exploit too little,
The rash youth ventred through thy setting on;
vnlesse thou further diddst discouer him
vnto his father? prithe, tell me one thing;
What thinkst thou Cherea thought, when now his father
Found him so fine drest in an Eunuchs habit?
How ist? seest thou yet, thou art ripe for hanging?

Par.
How? what saist thou pestilent queane, diddst lye then?

Pyth.
Ha, ha, ha, he.

Par.
And keep'st a laughing still too?
Thinkst thou tis such fine pastime (harlotrie)
To make a scorne of me?

Pyth.
ô yes; sport; sport a life.

Par.
I, if perchance thou carry't away, scotfree.

Pyth.
Indeede la?

Par.
Ile crie quittance o' my credit.

Pyth.
Yes sure. We shall haue, time yet, Parmeno:
For thee, thou art to be truss'd vp presently;
Who fleshest heedlesse youth in vilanie
And then betraist him to discouerie,
Father and sonne will both make thee an example.

Par.
I am a dead man.

Pyth.
Looke you' this y'haue got now,
For the Eunuch you late vsherd home to vs.
Exit Pythias.
Farewell.

Par.
Vnluckie I am caught iust like a rat,
Trac'd by my noise, mine owne vnheedie chatt

Enter Thraso and Gnato.

Scen. 8.

Gna.
VVhat do we now? on what hopes? or with what Purpose
Do we come hither? what intend you Traso?

Thr.
Who, I to yeeld my selfe to Thais mercie,
Do all she shall inioyne.

Gna.
What ist you say?

Thr.
Why I lesse, then the valiant Hercules,
Who condiscended to serue Omphale?

Gna.
I like the precedent Would I yet might see
Her cracke your crowne once with her pantesse.
Enter Chærea.
What newes? her doore opes.

Thr.
what new mischief's this?
I nere saw this man yet: what may it meane,
That he comes foorth so hastily and iocond?

Scen. 9.

Chæ.
Oh louing countriemen, liues any man
More happie then my selfe? troth, I thinke none
The Gods haue shewne all their full might on me;
On whom so sodainely so many chances,
So many prosperous chances meete in one.

Par.
Why is he growne so merrie?

Chæ.
Oh my dearest,
My kindest Parmeno' first fashioner,
Contriuer, finisher, of all my fortunes;
All my contentments. Knowest thou Parmeno
What ioy I am in? hearest thou my Pamphila
Is found to be free borne?

Par.
Yes, I haue heard so.

Chæ.
Made sure to me?

Par.
As God shall helpe me, I'm
Glad ont.

Gna.
do y' heare him what he saies?

Chæ.
I ioy beside
My brother Phædria's loue is now faire setled:
W'are made one house; Thais hath giu'n vp her selfe
Vnto my fathers kindnesse and protection:
Shee's now our owne.

Par.
Then she is all your brothers.

Chæ.
That's most certaine.

Par.
Then (that's other cause of ioy)
The souldier is cashierd hence.

Chæ.
now I prithee
Giue thou my brother notice of this newes,
Where ere he may be found; and speedily.

Par.
Ile seeke for him at home.

Thr.
Doost thou now Gnato
Make any doubt, but I am lost for euer?

Gna.
Sure I iudge so.

Chæ.
What should I first count on?
Whom chiefely praise? or him that counseld me
Or yet my selfe that venturd the performance?
Or shall I not yeeld fortune share of praise,
Which guided these things thus? Which in one day
Hath closed vp so many, so great things,
And all so timely orderd? or the easie
And pleasant disposition of my father?
Oh I beseech thee, gratious Iupiter.
Continue to vs this our happinesse

Enter Phædria.
Phæ.
Your faith good Gods! What things aboue beleefe
Hath our man told me? but where is my brother?

Chæ.
Here.

Phæ.
I am glad—

Chæ.
I well beleeue you, brother
There is none liuing more deseruing loue
Then this your Thais: she's a furtherer
To all our family

Phæ.
Why, how now brother,
Commendst thou her to me?

Thr.
I am vndone:
The lesser hope I haue, the more I loue.
Helpe Gnato at a pinch; my trust's in thee.

Gna.
What wold you haue me do?

Thr.
Win by intreatie,
By money. I may hold some place neere Thais.

Gna.
'Tis a hard taske.

Thr.
Come, I know thee Gnato.
If once thou vndertak'st a thing—worke this,
And name but what reward or gift thoult haue
And thou shalt hau't.

Gna.
Say you so?

Thr.
I, and will
Performe it.

Gna.
If I performe it, I require your house
Do euer open rest at my command,
Be you within or not: that though vnbidden
I still haue roome and welcome giuen me

Thra.
Here is my hand thou shalt.

Gna.
Then I will settle
To the attempt.

Phæ.
Whom heare I here? ô Thraso!

Thra.
God saue you.

Phæ.
Thou perhaps hear'st not the Newes?

Thra.
Yes, I know all.

Phæ.
Why do I see you then
Here in these quarters?

Thr.
Sir as resting onely
Vpon your loue.

Phæ.
Know'st thou not, what to rest on?
I tell thee souldier, if I here henceforward
Do take thee in this streete; th'art a dead man:
It will auaile you little then to say
You sought some man, or were to passe this way.

Gna.
Nay good sir this not fitteth.

Phæ.
I haue said it.

Gna.
I know you are not of such boistrous temper.

Phæ.
It shall so stand.

Gna.
Pray yet first giue me hearing
Of a few words; which when I shall haue said
As you do like it, grant it.

Phæ.
Well, let's heare.

Gna.
Thraso remoue your selfe a little of.
First I most earnestly request you both
Thus farre to credit me; that what herein
I do, is chiefely for my owne sake meant:
But if the same may likewise further you,
Twere simplenesse in you not to admit it.

Phæ.
What ist?

Gna.
I thinke fit, you take vnto you
This riuall souldier.

Phæ.
How saist? take him to vs?

Gna.
Pray but consider this; you Phædria
Do surely loue your Thais companie,
And so fare well: little you haue to giue her,
And she of force must be supplied largely.
Now then to serue her turne, and spare your cost,
There's none can be more fitting, or more vsefull
Then is this souldier: first has where withall,
And then there's none more lauish: he's a foole
A prating babling foole, a dolt, a blocke,
will snore you out whole dayes, and nights together.
And for the feare that she may happe to loue him,
That's needelesse: you may pelt him out at pleasure:

Phæ.
What were we best to do?

Gna.
Then adde this too;
(Which I accompt a thing of greatest moment.)
None fares more richly, none more daintily.

Phæ.
Its mar'le but we haue neede at any hand
Of this same fellow.

Chæ.
That's my iudgement too.

Gna.
You take the right course. One thing more I beg,
I may be made one of your companie:
I haue beene long now rowling of this stone.

Phæ.
We admit thee.

Chæ.
Yes, and freely.

Gna.
Phædria,
And Phæria in requitall, twixt you both
I tender him to flout, and feede vpon.

Chæ.
We like it.

Phæ.
He deserues it.

Gna.
Thraso, now
You may draw neere at pleasure.

Thra.
Gnato, say
How stands my case?

Gna.
How? these men knew you not
After I told, hem your conditions,
Prais'd you according to your deeds and vertues;
I wonne my sute.

Thra.
It was well done, I thanke thee.
I neuer yet could come in any place
But all men doated on me.

Gna.
Said I not:
How gracefull was his tongue for eloquence?

Phæ.
Thou left'st out nothing. Passe we this way hence.

Exeunt all but Gnato.