University of Virginia Library

Actus. 1.

Scena 1.

Lingva, apparrelled in a Crimson Satten gowne, a Dressing of white Roses, a little Skeane tyed in a purple Skarfe, a paire of red Buskins drawne with white Ribband, silke garters, gloues, &c.
Avditvs, in a Garland of Bayes intermingled with red & white Roses vpon a false hayre, a cloath of Siluer Mantle vpon a paire of Sattin Bases, wrought sleeues, Buskins, Gloues, &c.
Lingva. Avditvs.
Ling.
Nay good Auditus doe but heare me speake.

Avd.
Lingua thou strik'st too much vpon one string,
Thy tedious plaine-song grates my tender eares.

Ling.
'Tis plaine indeed, for Truth no descant needs,
Vna's her name, she cannot be diuided.

Avd.
O but the ground it selfe is nought, from whence
Thou canst not relish out a good diuision:
Therefore at length sur-cease, prooue not starke madde,
Hopelesse to prosecute a haplesse sute:
For though (perchance) thy first straines pleasing are,
I dare ingage mine eares, the cloze will iarre.

Ling.
If then your confidence esteem my cause,
To be so friuolous and weakely wrought.
Why do you dayly subtile plots deuise,
To stop me from the eares of common Sense,
Whom since our great Queene Psyche hath ordain'd,
For his sound wisdome, our Vice-gouernour,
To him, and to his two so wise assistants,
Nimble Phantastes, and firme Memorie:
My selfe and cause, I humbly do commit,
Let them but heare and iudge, I wish no more.

Avd
Should they but know thy rash presumption,
They would correct it in the sharpest sort:
Good Ioue what Sense hast thou to be a Sense;
Since from the first foundation of the world,
We neuer were accounted more then fiue;
Yet you forsooth, an idle prating Dame,
Would faine increase the number, and vp-start
To our high seates, decking your babling selfe
With vsurpt titles of our dignitie.

Ling.
An idle prating dame: know fond Auditus,
Records affirme my title full as good,
As his amongst the fiue is counted best.

Avd.
Lingua confesse the truth, th'art wont to lie.

Ling.
I say so too, therefore I do not lye,
But now spite of you all I speake the truth.
You fiue among vs subiects tyrannize,
Making the sacred name of common sense,
A cloake to couer your enormities:
Hee beares the rule, hee's iudge but iudgeth still,
As hee's informed by your false euidence:
So that a plaintife cannot haue accesse,
But through your gates hee heares but what, nought els
But that thy crafty eares to him conuaies,
And all hee sees is by proud Visus shewed him:
And what hee touches is by Tactus hand,
And smells I know butt through Olfactus nose,
Gustus beginns to him what ere he tastes:
By these quaint tricks free passage hath beene bard
That I could neuer equally bee heard.
But well tis well.

Avd.
Lingua thy feeble sexe,
Hath hither-to with-held my ready hands
That longd to plucke that nimble instrument.

Ling.
O horrible ingratitude? that thou,
That thou of all the rest shouldst threaten me:
Who by my meanes conceiust as many tongues,
As Neptune closeth lands betwixt his armes:
The ancient Hebrewe clad with misteries,
The learned Greeke rich in fit Epithites.
Blest in the louely marriage of pure words,
The Caldy wise, the Arabian Physicall,
The Romaine Eloquent, and Tuscane graue,
The Brauing Spanish and the smooth-tongd French,
These pretious Iewells that adorne thine eares.
All from my mouthes rich Cabbinet are stolne,
How oft hast thou beene chaind vnto my tongue.
Hang'd at my lips and rauisht with my words,
So that a speech faire fetherd could not flie:
But thy eares pit-fall caught it instantly,
But now O Heauens.

Avd.
O heauens thou wrongst me much,
Thou wrongst me much thus falsely to vpbraide me:
Had not I granted thee the vse of hearing,
That sharpe edg'd tounge whetted against her maister,
Those puffing lungs, those teeth those dropsie lippes,
That scalding throate those nosthrills full of ire.
Thy pallate proper instruments of speech,
Like to the winged chanters of the wood,
Vttring nought els but idle siflements,
Tunes without sense, words in articulate:
Had neere beene able to 'haue abus'd me thus.
Words are thy Children but of my begetting.

Ling.
Perfidious Liar how can I endure thee,
Cal'st my vnspotted chastity in Question:
O could I vse the Breath mine anger spends,
I'de make thee knowe.

Avd.
Heauens looke on my distresse,
Defend me from this rayling viperesse.
For if I stay her words sharpe vinigar,
Will fret me through, Lingua I must be gone:
I heare one cal me more then earnestly.
Exit Auditus.

Ling.
Nay the loud cannoning of thunder-boults,
Screeking of Wolues, houling of tortur'd Ghosts
Pursue thee still and fill thy amazed eares
With cold astonishment and horrid feares:
O how these senses mufflle common sense:
And more, and more with pleasing obiects striue,
To dull his iudgement and preuert his will
To their be-hests, who were he not so wrapt
I' the duskie cloudes of their darke pollicies,
VVould neuer suffer right to suffer wronge,
Fie Lingua wilt thou now degenerate:
Art not a woman, doost not loue reuenge,
Delightfull speeches, sweet perswasions
I haue this long time vsd to get my right,
My right that is to make the Senses sixe;
And haue both name and power with the rest.
Oft haue I seasoned sauorie periods,
With sugred words, to delude Gustus taste,
And oft embelisht my entreatiue phrase
With smelling flowres of vernant Rhetorique,
Limming and flashing it with various Dyes,
To draw proud Uisus to me by the eyes:
And oft perfum'd my petitory stile,
With Ciuet-speach, t'entrap Olfactus Nose,
And clad my selfe in Silken Eloquence,
To allure the nicer touch of Tactus hand,
But all's become lost labour, and my cause
Is still procrastinated; therefore now,
Hence yee base off-spring of a broken minde,
Supple intreaties and smooth flatteries:
Go kisse the loue-sick lippes of puling Guls,
That still their Braine to quench their loues disdaine,
Go guild the tongues of Bawdes and Parasites,
Come not within my thoughts. But thou Deceipt,
Breake vp the pleasure of my Brim-full brest,
Enrich my minde with subtile pollicies.
Well then Ile goe, whither? nay what know I?
And do, in faith I will, the deuill knowes what,
What if I set them all at variance,
And so obteine to speake, it must be so.
It must be so, but how? there lyes the point:
How? thus: cut this deuise will neuer proue,
Augment it so, 'twill be too soone descride,
Or so, nor so, 'tis too too dangerous.
Pish, none of these, what if I take this course? ha?
Why there it goes, good, good, most excellent.
He that will catch Eeles must disturbe the floud,
The Chickin's hatcht ifaith, for they are proud,
And soone will take a cause of disagreement.

SCENA. 2.

Mendacio, attired in a Taffata sute of a light colour changeable, like an ordinary page, Gloues, Hamper.
Lingva. Mendacio.
Ling.
I see the heauens nurse my new-borne deuise,
For loe my Page Mendacio comes already,
To file and Burnish that I hammerd out,
Neuer in better time Mendacio,
What hast thou done?

Men.
Done, yes long agoe.

Ling.
Ist possible thou shouldst dispatch so soone?

Men.
Madame, I had no sooner told
Tactus, that Gustus would faine speake with him:
But I spied Uisus, Gustus and the rest,
And serued them all with sauce of seuerall lyes,
Now the last Sense I spake with was Olfactus,
Who hauing smelt the meaning of my message,
Straight blew his nose, and quickly puft me hither,
But in the whirle-winde of his furious blast,
Had not by chance a Cobweb held me fast,
Mendacio had beene with you long ere this.

Ling.
Witnesse this lye, Mendacio's with me now,
But sirra out of iesting will they come?

Mend.
Yes and it like your Ladyship presently:
Here may you haue me prest to flatter them.

Ling.
Ile flatter no such proud Companions,
'Twill doe no good, therefore I am determined
To leaue such basenesse.

Men.
Then shall I turne and bid them stay at home.

Ling.
No, for their comming hither to this groue,
Shall be a meanes to further my deuise,
Therefore I pray thee Mendacio go presently,
Run you vile Ape.

Men.
Whether?

Ling.
What doost thou stand?

Men.
Till I know what to doe.

Ling.
S'pretious 'tis true,
So might thou finely ore-run thine errand.
Hast to my Chest.

Men.
I, I,

Ling.
There shalt thou find,
A gorgeous Robe, and golden Coronet,
Conuey them hither nimbly, let none see them.

Men.
Madam, I flie, I flie.
Exit Mendacio.

Ling.
But here you sirra?
Lock vp your fellow Seruant, Veritas.

Mend.
I warrant you,
You need not feare, so long as I am with you.
He goes out, and comes in presently.
What coulour is the Robe?

Ling.
There is but one.

Mendacio going, turnes in hast.
Men.
The Key Madam, the Key.

Ling.
By Iuno how forgetfull is suddaine speed.
Here take it, runne.

Men.
Ile be here instantly.
Exit Mendacio.

SCENE. 3.

Lingva Sola.
Ling.
Whilome this Crowne and gorgious ornament,
Were the great prize, for which fiue Orators,
With the sharpe weapons of their tongues contended:
But all their speeches were so equall wrought,
And a-like gratious, that if his were witty
His was as wise; the thirds faire eloquence
Did pararell the fourths firme grauitie,
The lasts good gesture kept the Ballance euen
With all the rest so that the sharpest eye,
And most iudicious censor could not iudge
To whom the hanging victory should fall,
Therefore with one consent they all agreed,
To offer vp both Crowne and Robe to me,
As the chiefe patronesse of their profession,
Which heretofore I holily haue kept,
Like to a misers gold, to looke on onely.
But now Ile put them to a better vse,
And venter both, in hope to—

SCENA. 4.

Mendacio. Lingva.
Mend.
Haue I not hied me Madam? looke you here,
What shall be done with these temptations?

Ling.
They say a golden Ball,
Bred enmitie betwixt three Goddesses,
So shall this Crowne be author of debate,
Betwixt fiue Senses.

Mend.
Where shall it be laide?

Ling.
There, there, there, 'tis well, so, so, so,

Mend.
A Crown's a pleasing baite to looke vpon,
The craftiest Foxe will hardly scape this trap.

Ling.
Come lets vs away, and leaue it to the chance.

Mend.
Nay rather let me stand close here-abouts,
And see the euent.

Ling.
Do so, and if they doubt
How it came there, faine them some pritty fable,
How that some God—

Mend:
Tut, tut, tut, let me alone,
I that haue fained so many hundred Gods,
Can easily forge some fable for the turne:
Whist Madame, away, away, you fright the Fowle,
Tactus comes hard by, looke you.

Ling.
Ist he for certaine?

Mend.
Yes, yes, yes, 'tis he.

Ling.
'Tis he indeed.
Exit Lingua.

SCEN. 5.

Tactvs, in a darke coloured Sattin mantle ouer a paire of silke Bases, a Garland of Bayes mixt with white and red Roses, vpon a blacke Grogaram, a Faulchion, wrought sleeues, Buskins, &c.
Mendacio. Tactvs.
Men.
Now chast Diana grant my netts to hold.

Tact.
The blasting Child-hood of the cheerefull morne
Is almost growne a youth and ouer-climbes
Yonder gilt Easterne hills, about which time,
Gustus most earnestly importund me,
To meete him here abouts, what cause I know not.

Men.
You shall do shortly to your cost I hope.

Tact.
Sure by the Sunne it should be nine a clocke.

Men.
What a star-gazer, will you neere looke downe?

Tact.
Cleere is the Sunne and blewe the Firmament,
Me thinkes the heauens do smile.

Tactus sneezeth.
Men.
—At thy mishap
To looke so high and stumble in a trap.

Tactus stumbleth at the Robe and Crowne.
Tac.
High thoughts haue slippry feete, I had well nie falne.

Men.
Well doth he fall that riseth with a fall.

Tact.
Whats this?

Men.
O are you taken, tis in vaine to striue.

Tact.
How now?

Men.
Youle be so entangled straight.

Tact.
A Crowne?

Men.
That it will be heard.

Tact.
And a Robe.

Men.
To loose your selfe.

Tac.
A Crowne and a Robe.

Men.

It had beene fitter for you, to haue found a fooles
coate and a Bable, hey, hey.

Tac.

Iupiter, Iupiter, how came this here?

Men.

O Sir Iupiter is making Thunder hee heres you not,
heres one knowes better.

Tact.
Tis wondrous rich, ha, but sure it is not so, ho,
Do I not sleepe and dreame of this good luck, ha.
No I am awake and feele it now
Whose should it be?

He takes it vp
Men.
Set vp a Si quis for it.

Tact.

Mercury alls mine owne, heres none to cry halfes
mine.

Men.
When I am gone.
Exit Mendacio.

SCEN. 6.

Tactvs solus:
Tact.
Tactus thy sneezing somewhat did portend,
VVas euer man so fortunate as I?
To breake his shinnes at such a stumbling Block.
Roses and Baies packe hence: this Crowne and Robe,
My Browes and Bodie circles and inuests.
How gallantly it fitts me, sure that slaue,
Measurd my head that wrought this Coronet.
They lie that say Complections cannot change:
My Bloud's enobled, and I am transform'd,
Vnto the sacred temper of a King,
Me thinke I here my noble Parasites
Stiling me Cæsar, or great Alexander,
Licking my feete and wondring where I got
This pretious oyntment; how my pace is mended,
How princely do I speake, how sharpe I threaten:
Peasants Ile curbe your head strong impudence:
And make you tremble when the Lyon roares,
Yea earth-bred wormes. O for a looking glasse:
Poets will write whole volumes of this scarre,
VVhere's my attendants? Come hither Sirra quickly.
Or by the wings of Hermes.—

SCEN. 7.

Olfactvs, in a Garland of Bayes intermingled with white and red Roses vpon a false hayre, his sleeues wrought with flowers vnder a Damaskt mantle ouer a paire of silke Bases, a paire of Buskins drawne with riband, a flowre in his hand.
Tactvs. Olfactvs.
Tact.
Ay me Olfactus comes, I cald too soone,
Heele haue halfe part I feare what shall I do!
Where shall I run? how shall I shift him of!

Tactus wrappes vp the robe and crowne and sits vpon thē.
Olf.
This is the time & this the place appointed,
Where Uisus promis'd to conferre with me.
I thinke hee's there—No, no, tis Tactus sure.
How now? What makes you sit so nicely?

Tact.
Its past immagination, its so indeed.

Oef.

How fast his deeds are fixed and how melancholly he
lookes. Tactus, Tactus.

Tact.
For this is true, Mans life is wondrous brittle.

Olf.
He's mad I thinke he talkes so Idely, so ho, Tactus.

Tact.
And many haue beene metamorphosed,
To stranger matters and more vncoth formes,

Olf.
I must go neerer him he doth not heare

Tact.
And yet me thinks, I speake as I was wont
And—

Olf.
Tactus, Tactus.

Tact.
Olfactus as thou louest come not neere me,

Olf.
Why art thou hatching eggs th'art feard to breake them

Tact.
Touch me not least thou chance to breake my life.

Olf.
Whats this vnder thee?

Tact.
If thou meddle with mee I am vtterly vndone,

Olf.
Why man what ayles thee?

Tact.
Let me alone and Ile tell thee,
Lately I came from fine Fantastes house.

Olf.
So I beleeue for thar't very foolish.

Tact.
No sooner had I parted out of doores,
But vp I held my hands before my face:
To sheild mine eyes from th'lights percing beames,
When I protest I saw the Sunne as cleere,
Through these my palmes as through a prospectiue:
No marueile, for when I beheld my fingers:
I sawe my fingers neere transform'd to glasse,
Opening my breast, my Breast was like a windowe,
Through which I plainely did perceiue my heart:
In whose two Concaues I discernd my thoughts,
Confus'dly lodged in great multitudes.

Olf.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, why this is excellent,
Momus himselfe can find no fault with thee
Thou'st make a passing liue Anatomie.
And decide the Question much disputed:
Betwixt the Galenists and Aristotle.

Tact.
But when I had ariu'd and set me downe,
Viewing my selfe, my selfe ay me was changed.
As thou now seest to a perfect vrinall.

Olf.

T'a perfect vrinal, O monstrous monstrous, art not mad
to thinke so?

Tact.
I do not thinke so, but I say I am so,
Therefore Olfactus come not neere I aduise you:

Olf.
See the strange working of dull mellanchollie.
Whose drossy drying the feeble Braine,
Corrupts the sense, deludes the Intellect.
And in the soules faire table falsly graues,
Whole squadrons of phantasticall Chimeras
And thousand vaine immaginations:
Making some thinke their heads as big as horses,
Some that th'ar dead, some that th'ar turnd to Wolues:
As now it makes him thinke himselfe all glasse,
Tactus diswade thy selfe, thou doest but thinke so.

Tact.
Olfactus if thou louest mee get thee gone,
I am an vrinall I dare not stirre.
For feare of cracking in the Bottome.

Olf.
Wilt thou sit thus all day?

Tact.
Vnlesse thou helpe me.

Olf.
Bedlam must helpe thee, what wouldst haue me do!

Tact.
Go to the Citty make a Case fit for me.
Stuffe it with wooll, then come againe and fetch.

Olf.
Ha, ha, ha, thou'lt be laught out of case & countenance.

Tact.
I care not, so it must be, or I cannot stirre.

Olf.

I had best leaue troubling him he's obstinate, (Vrinall
I leaue you) but aboue all things take heed Iupiter sees you
not, for if he doe heele nere make water in a siue: againe thoult
serue his turne so fit to carry his water vnto Æsculapius, Farewell
Vrinall, Farewell.

Tact.

Speake not so lowd, the sounds inough to crack me,
What is he gone? I an Vrinall, ha, ha, ha, I protest I might haue
had my face washt finely, if he had meant to abuse me: I an
Vrinall, ha, ha, ha, go to, Vrinall you haue scapt a faire scouring,
well Ile away, and get me to mine own house, there Ile lock
vp my selfe fast, playing the Chimick, augmenting this one
Crowne to troopes of Angels, with which gold-winged messengers,
I meane,

To worke great wonders, as to build and purchase,
Fare daintily, tie vp mens tongues, and loose them,
Command their liues, their goods, their liberties,
And captiue all the world with chaines of gold,
Hey, hey, tery linkum tinkum.
He offers to go out, but comes in suddenly amazed.
O Hercules!
Fortune the Queene, delights to play with me,
Stopping my passage with the sight of Uisus,
But as he makes hether, Ile make hence,
Theres more wayes to the wood then one.
He offers to go out at the other doore, but returnes againe in hast
What more Diuils to affright me?
O Diabolo, Gustus comes here to vexe me.

So that I poore wretch, am like a Shittle-cock betwixt two
Battledores. If I runne there, Uisus beates me to Scilla, If here,
then Gustus blowes me to Carybdis.

Neptune hath sworne my hope shall suffer shipwrack.
What shall I say?
Mine Vrinal's too thin to bide the fury of such stormes as these.

SCEN. 8.

Visvs, in a Garland of Bayes mixt with white and red Roses, a light coloured Taffata mantle striped with siluer, and fringd vpon greene silke Bases, Buskins. &c.
Gvstvs in the same fashion, differing onely in colour.
Tactvs, in a corner of the Stage.
Visvs. Gvstvs. Tactvs.
Vis.
Gustus good day.

Gvst.
I cannot haue a bad,
Meeting so faire an omen as your selfe.

Tact.
Shall I? wilt proue? ha? well 'tis best to venture.

Tactus puts on the robes.
Gvst.
Saw you not Tactus, I should speake with him.

Tact.
Perchance so, a sodaine lye hath best luck.

Vis.
That face is his, or else mine eye's deceiu'd,
Why how now Tactus, what so gorgious?

Gvst.
Where didst thou get these faire habiliments?

Tact.
Stand back I charge you as you loue your liues,
By Stix, the first that toucheth me shall dye.

Vis.
I can discerne no weapons, will he kill vs?

Tact.
Kill you? not I, but come not neere me you had best.

Vis.
Why, art thou mad?

Tact.
Friends as you loue your liues,
Venture not once to come within my reach.

Gvst.
Why dost threaten so?

Tact.
I do not threaten, but in pure loue aduise you for the best,
Dare not to touch me but hence flie a pace,
Adde wings vnto your feete and saue your liues.

Vis.
Why what's the matter Tactus prethe tell me?

Tact.
If you will needs ieopard your liues so long,
As heare the round of my amazednesse.
Then for your better safetie stand aside.

Gvst.
How full of ceremonies, sure he'le coniure,
For such like Robes Magitians vse to weare.

Vis.
Ile see the end, though he should vnlock Hell:
And set th'infernall hagges at libertie.

Tact.
How rash is man on bidden armes to rush.
It was my chance, O chance most miserable,
To walke that way that to Crumena leads.

Gvst.
You meane Cremona a little Towne hard by.

Tact.
I say Crumena, called Uacua,
A Towne which doth, and alwaies hath belongd,
Chiefely to Schollers: from Crumena walles,
I saw a man came stealing craftily,
Apparelled in this vesture which I weare,
But seeing me eft-soones, he tooke his heeles,
And threw his garment from him all in hast,
Which I perceiuing to be richly wrought,
Tooke it me vp: But good now get you gone,
Warn'd by my harmes, and scape my miserie.

Vis.
I know no danger, leaue these circumstances.

Tac.
No sooner had I put it on my back,
But suddainly mine eyes began to dim,
My ioints waxe sore, and all my body burne
With most intestiue torture, and at length,
It was too euident, I had caught the plague.

Vis.
The plague, away good Gustus lets be gone,
I doubt 'tis true, now I remember me,
Crumena Vacua neuer wants the plague.

Gvst.
Tactus Ile put my selfe in ieopardy to pleasure thee.

Tact.
No gentle Gustus, your absence is the onely thing I wish,
Least I infect you with my companie.

Gvst.
Farewell.
Exit Gustus.

Vis.
I willingly would stay to do thee good.

Tact.
A thousand thankes, but since I needs must die,
Let it suffice, death onely murthers me,
Oh 'twould augment the dolour of my death,
To know my selfe the most vnhappy Bowe,
Through which pale death should aime his shafts at you.

Vis.
Tactus farewell, yet die with this good hope,
Thy corps shall be interred as they ought.
Exit Uisus.

Tac.
Go make my Tombe, prouide my funerals, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
Excellent Asses thus to be deluded,
Bewaile his death and cruell destinies,
That liues, and laughes your fooleries to scorne,
But wher's my Crowne, oh here: I well deserue,
Thus to be crowned for two great victories ha, ha, ha,
Uisus take care my corps be well interr'd:
Go make my tombe, and write vpon the stone.
Here lyes the Sense, that lying guld them all,
With a false plague, and fained Vrinall.

SCENE. 9.

Avditvs. Tactvs.
Avd.
Tactus, Tactus.

Tac.

O Iupiter, 'tis Auditus all's mard, I doubt the slie knaue
heres so farre, but yet Ile grope him: how now Eares, what make
you here, ha?

Avd.

Nay, what make you here, I pray what were you talking
euen now, of an Asse, & a Crowne, & an Vrinall & a plague?

Tac.

A plague on you, what I?

Avd.

Oh, what you.

Tac.

O I had well nigh forgot nothing, but I say—

Avd.

What?

Ta.

That if a man (do you marke sir) being sick of the plague
(do you see sir) had a a, a, hem, hem, (this cold troubles me, It
makes me cough somtimes extreamly,) had a French Crowne,
(sir you vnderstand me) lying by him, and (come hither, come
hither) & would not bestow 2 pence (do you heare) to buy an vrinall
(do you marke me) to cary his water to the Phisitiā, (hem)

Avd.

What of all this?

Ta.

I say such a one was a very Asse, this was al I vse to speak
to my selfe, whē I am alone; but Auditus, when shall wee heare a
new set of singing-books, or th'viols, or the cōsort of Instrumēts.

Av.

This was not al, for I heard mētiō of a tombe, & an epitaph.

Tac.

True, true, I made my selfe mery with this Epitaph, vpon
such a fooles tombe thus a, thus, thus, plague brought this man,
(foh I haue forgotten) ô thus, plague brought this man (so, so, so)
vnto his buriall, because, because, because, (hem, hem) because he
would not buy an vrinall, come, come Auditus, shall we here thee
play, the Lyeroway, or the Lute-way shall we, or the Cornet, or
any Musicke, I am greatly reuiued when I heare.

Avd.

Tactus, Tactus, this will not serue, I heard all, you haue
not found a Crowne: you, no, you haue not.

SCEN. Vltima.

Tactvs. Avditvs. Visvs. Gvstvs. Mendatio.
Tact.

Peace, peace, faith peace, come hether, harke thee
good nowe.

Avd.

I cannot hold I must needes tell,

Tact.

O do not, do not, do not, come hether, will you bee
a foole?

Vis.
Had he not wings vpon his feete and shoulders?

Men.
Yes, yes and a fine wand in his hand,
Curiously wrapped with a paire of snakes.

Tact.
Will halfe content you, pish twil nere be knowne.

Gvst.
My life, twas Mercury.

Mend.

I do not knowe his name but this I am sure his hat
had wings vp'ont.

Vis.
Doubtles twas he, but say my Boy what did he?

Mend.
First I beheld him houering in the aire,
And then downe stouping, with a hundred gires:
His feete he fixed on Mount Chephalon,
From whence he flew and lighted on that plaine,
And with disdainefull steps soone glided thether:
Whether ariued, he suddenly vnfoulds
A gorgeous Robe, and glittering ornament,
And laye them all, vpon that hillocke:
This done he wafts his wand, tooke wing againe,
And in a moment vanisht out of sight,
With that mine eies gan stare, and heart grew cold,
And all my quiuering ioynts with sweat bedewd:
My heeles my thought had wings as well as his,
And so away I runne, but by the way:
I met a man as I thought comming thether,

Gvst.
What markes had he?

Mend.
He had a great—what this is he, this is he,

Vis.
What Tactus?

Gvst.
This was the plauge vext him so,
Tactus your Graue gapes, for you are you ready:

Vis.
Since you must needes die, do as others do,
Leaue all your goods behind you; bequeath the
Crowne and Robe, to your executors.

Tact.
No such matter I like the Egiptian Knights,
For the more state, wilbe buried in them.

Vis.
Come, come deliuer:

Visus snatcheth the crowne and sees letters grauen in it.
Tact.
What will you take my purse from me?

Vis.
No but a Crowne, thats iust more then your owne.
Ha, whats this? tis a very small hand,
VVhat Inscription is this?
Hee of the fiue that proues himselfe the best,
Shall haue his Temples with this Coronet blest.
This Crowne is mine, and mine this garment is,
For I haue alwaies beene accounted best.

Tact.

Next after mee, I as your selfe at any time: besides I
found it first, therefore tis mine.

Gvst.
Neither of youres, but mine as much as both,

Avd.
And mine the most of any of you all,

Vis.
Giue me it or els—

Tact.
Ile make you late repent it—

Gvst.
Presumptious as you are—

Avd.
Spite of your teeth—

Mend.
Neuer till now a ha it workes a pace,
Uisus I know tis yours and yet me thinkes:
Auditus you should haue some challenge to it,
But that your title Tactus is so good:
Gustus I would sweare the Coronet were yours,
VVhat will you all go braule about a trifle:
Viewe but the pleasant coast of Mycrocosme,
Ist not great pitty to be rent with warres,
Ist not a shame, to staine with brinish teares,
The smiling cheekes of euer-cheerefull peace,
Ist not farre better to liue quietly:
Then broyle in fury of dissention,
Giue me the Crowne ye shall not disagree,
If I can please you; Ile play Paris part,
And most vnpartiall iudge the controuersie:

Vis.

Sauce-box goe meddle with your Ladies fanne,
and prate not here.

Mend.
I speake not for my selfe, but for my Countries safe commoditie.

Vis.
Sirra be still.

Mend.
Nay and you be so hot the deuill part you,
Ile to Olfactus and send him amongst you.
O that I were Alecto for your sakes:
How liberally would I bestow my snakes.
Exit Mendico.

Vis.
Tactus vpon thine honour,
I challenge thee to meete me here,
Stronge as thou canst prouide in tha'fternoone.

Tact.
I vnder-take the Challenge, and heres my hand,
In signe thou shalt be answered.

Gvst.
Tactus Ile ioyne with thee, on this condition,
That if we win, he that fought best of vs,
Shall haue the Crowne, the other weare the Robe.

Tact.
Giue me your hand I like the motion.

Vis.
Auditus shall we make our forces double,
Vpon the same termes.

Avd.
Very willingly,

Vis.
Come lets away feare not the victory.
Rights more aduantage, then an host of soldiars.

Exeunt omnes.