University of Virginia Library

SCEN. 7.

Olfactvs, in a Garland of Bayes intermingled with white and red Roses vpon a false hayre, his sleeues wrought with flowers vnder a Damaskt mantle ouer a paire of silke Bases, a paire of Buskins drawne with riband, a flowre in his hand.
Tactvs. Olfactvs.
Tact.
Ay me Olfactus comes, I cald too soone,
Heele haue halfe part I feare what shall I do!
Where shall I run? how shall I shift him of!

Tactus wrappes vp the robe and crowne and sits vpon thē.
Olf.
This is the time & this the place appointed,
Where Uisus promis'd to conferre with me.
I thinke hee's there—No, no, tis Tactus sure.
How now? What makes you sit so nicely?

Tact.
Its past immagination, its so indeed.

Oef.

How fast his deeds are fixed and how melancholly he
lookes. Tactus, Tactus.

Tact.
For this is true, Mans life is wondrous brittle.

Olf.
He's mad I thinke he talkes so Idely, so ho, Tactus.

Tact.
And many haue beene metamorphosed,
To stranger matters and more vncoth formes,

Olf.
I must go neerer him he doth not heare

Tact.
And yet me thinks, I speake as I was wont
And—

Olf.
Tactus, Tactus.

Tact.
Olfactus as thou louest come not neere me,

Olf.
Why art thou hatching eggs th'art feard to breake them

Tact.
Touch me not least thou chance to breake my life.

Olf.
Whats this vnder thee?

Tact.
If thou meddle with mee I am vtterly vndone,

Olf.
Why man what ayles thee?

Tact.
Let me alone and Ile tell thee,
Lately I came from fine Fantastes house.

Olf.
So I beleeue for thar't very foolish.

Tact.
No sooner had I parted out of doores,
But vp I held my hands before my face:
To sheild mine eyes from th'lights percing beames,
When I protest I saw the Sunne as cleere,
Through these my palmes as through a prospectiue:
No marueile, for when I beheld my fingers:
I sawe my fingers neere transform'd to glasse,
Opening my breast, my Breast was like a windowe,
Through which I plainely did perceiue my heart:
In whose two Concaues I discernd my thoughts,
Confus'dly lodged in great multitudes.

Olf.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, why this is excellent,
Momus himselfe can find no fault with thee
Thou'st make a passing liue Anatomie.
And decide the Question much disputed:
Betwixt the Galenists and Aristotle.

Tact.
But when I had ariu'd and set me downe,
Viewing my selfe, my selfe ay me was changed.
As thou now seest to a perfect vrinall.

Olf.

T'a perfect vrinal, O monstrous monstrous, art not mad
to thinke so?

Tact.
I do not thinke so, but I say I am so,
Therefore Olfactus come not neere I aduise you:

Olf.
See the strange working of dull mellanchollie.
Whose drossy drying the feeble Braine,
Corrupts the sense, deludes the Intellect.
And in the soules faire table falsly graues,
Whole squadrons of phantasticall Chimeras
And thousand vaine immaginations:
Making some thinke their heads as big as horses,
Some that th'ar dead, some that th'ar turnd to Wolues:
As now it makes him thinke himselfe all glasse,
Tactus diswade thy selfe, thou doest but thinke so.

Tact.
Olfactus if thou louest mee get thee gone,
I am an vrinall I dare not stirre.
For feare of cracking in the Bottome.

Olf.
Wilt thou sit thus all day?

Tact.
Vnlesse thou helpe me.

Olf.
Bedlam must helpe thee, what wouldst haue me do!

Tact.
Go to the Citty make a Case fit for me.
Stuffe it with wooll, then come againe and fetch.

Olf.
Ha, ha, ha, thou'lt be laught out of case & countenance.

Tact.
I care not, so it must be, or I cannot stirre.

Olf.

I had best leaue troubling him he's obstinate, (Vrinall
I leaue you) but aboue all things take heed Iupiter sees you
not, for if he doe heele nere make water in a siue: againe thoult
serue his turne so fit to carry his water vnto Æsculapius, Farewell
Vrinall, Farewell.

Tact.

Speake not so lowd, the sounds inough to crack me,
What is he gone? I an Vrinall, ha, ha, ha, I protest I might haue
had my face washt finely, if he had meant to abuse me: I an
Vrinall, ha, ha, ha, go to, Vrinall you haue scapt a faire scouring,
well Ile away, and get me to mine own house, there Ile lock
vp my selfe fast, playing the Chimick, augmenting this one
Crowne to troopes of Angels, with which gold-winged messengers,
I meane,

To worke great wonders, as to build and purchase,
Fare daintily, tie vp mens tongues, and loose them,
Command their liues, their goods, their liberties,
And captiue all the world with chaines of gold,
Hey, hey, tery linkum tinkum.
He offers to go out, but comes in suddenly amazed.
O Hercules!
Fortune the Queene, delights to play with me,
Stopping my passage with the sight of Uisus,
But as he makes hether, Ile make hence,
Theres more wayes to the wood then one.
He offers to go out at the other doore, but returnes againe in hast
What more Diuils to affright me?
O Diabolo, Gustus comes here to vexe me.

So that I poore wretch, am like a Shittle-cock betwixt two
Battledores. If I runne there, Uisus beates me to Scilla, If here,
then Gustus blowes me to Carybdis.

Neptune hath sworne my hope shall suffer shipwrack.
What shall I say?
Mine Vrinal's too thin to bide the fury of such stormes as these.