 | The Combat of Love and Friendship |  |
SCEN. 4.
To them, Pisis. Lamp. Quarrelling at the door.Pis.
Slave, Rascal, I'le beat thy Brains out with the hilt of
my Sword.
Lam.
Sir I suppose it is my Mistresse pleasure,
That I should first appear, you stay her Leisure.
Eth.
How now? what Sawcie companions raise this tumult
so nigh me? what you two? I did not think you had stood in
so little awe.
Lam.
Most fairest Ladie, indeed and forsooth
He rudely hath almost beat out my tooth.
Pis.
And Ladie I suppose he did deserve it, in offering to
compare himself with me; nay, and what's more, he did prefer his
Poetry before my valour.
Eth.
Y'are both rude Fellowes, get you to the door agen, let
me see whether you can come in more civilly. Go I say.
Why this is well, now let me hear what you can say for your
selves.
Lam.
Fairest of Ladies, hither I am come,
Out of my store of wit to shew you some:
And if you please on this my Present Smile,
(Presents a Paper.)
My self the happiest of Men I'le stile.
Eth.
What have we here, a Paper of Verses? Read e'm.
Lam.
(reads)
Madam, th'Unwritten Paper I had brought
Fair as t'was ith' native hew,
Because it was a thing unfit I thought,
To give ought Blotted unlike you.
Sad that It should nothing send;
Whose Tears by chance to these few verses fell,
Doubtful lest they might offend.
Thus every thing fair Lady I enjoy,
Doth court your Presence, mourns to find you coy.
Eth.
And now, 'faith what Poet has hir'd you to put off his
verses? you bring nothing of your own besides the Tune, you'd
make an incomparable fellow, if you had but a Raw arm, and a
Partner, the structure of whose Body were built upon a woodden
leg, to bellow it out by turnes in a most pitiful unsanctified
Note. Come, I know 'tis some Penny-Rimer or other hath sold
you a stock to set up with, to save the delayes of Printing: Take
you out of this common way, and I know you have no more
Rime in you then a dying Swan, though lesse melody.
Lam.
No, Madam? if for verses you thirst ever,
My Pen shall run, I say, as doth a River.
Pis.
Pox of all his Canting; This foolish thing call'd verse
is a language as bad as Barbarisme to me: I can as soon turn
honest as Rimer.—Divinest Lady; I fear me you'l grow sick
of this bad Poet; give me but leave to silence him, I'le talk him
dead. Speak nothing but Swords and bullets: Or dart a fire
from my Basilisks Eyes shall sindge and stifle all his Poetry: I
will do this or any thing, be it beyond the reach of Man or
Thought, to do you service.
Eth.
Has your Sawcinesse done yet? or do you want breath
to conjure any further? Sure you forgat your Circle, else we
should have seen some darksome Feind rais'd by your Charmes,
or heard a ratling Tempest lowder then the tongue that made it:
know Sir, a Silence would better become those Swelling lips, till
you had known my pleasure. What if I like his Poetry and prefer
it 'bove all the Thunders of your puft up valour? 'Tis no
new thing to wooe in Rime.
Pis.
Lady, since 'tis your will, I'le be as silent as the Grave,
which strait should Swallow up that Bombast Poet, but that you
please to ransom him: My lips shall be seal'd up as close as
Cockles, and never divide Themselves till you uncharm e'm.
Now as sure as the Death he talk't of, he speaks all by
th' line, his Tongue runs like some mad chain'd dog, thus farre,
and is then checkt for want of room and breath. 'Twere better
He
bowes
you had obey'd without the tediousnesse of a reply, and
not have bin thus stubborn out of Duty. Well proceed
Lamprias.
Lam.
I blesse the Tongue that gives me leave, and shall
Thank you hereafter that hee's not my Rivall.
Eth.
And yet 'twere not amisse to thank in present, if your
Rime would bear it. But pray Sir, whence growes this peremptory
noise of yours? who hath inform'd you that Pisistratus is
not the first in my Thoughts?
Lam.
Lady your self hath taught me this, for why
You'd not bid him be silent, unlesse I
Should be the Man, and since you deign this favour,
I shall still be your Creature, still and ever.
Eth.
'Tis true indeed, I bade him be silent, and see, he dares
not so much as whisper; but 'twas only that I might have leisure
to deny you. Do you not see how he is obedient? he dares
not venture so near a disloyalty as but to breathe at's mouth;
he sucks in all the Ayr at his Nostrils onely, and instead of
speaking does but meerly shrug, and faintly nod his head, as if
he fear'd this were a Disobedience too: faith try him, and see
how stubbornly hee'l hold his peace.
Lam.
Pisistratus! why Pisistratus, what hath thy tongue
Forgot his Thunder? Is thy speech all gone?
Eth.
You see he dares not trespasse, and I would you durst
not too.—But did I command you to breathe nothing but
what was clad in verse, and yet forsooth you dare utter your
mind in Prose.
Lam.
Lady 'twas verse I said, I say 'twas verse,
And if you please I will the same rehearse.
Eth.
A very fine, smooth verse indeed, where the Musick ends
in Tongue and Gone: 'twas well chim'd you think: but no matter,
I shall find time to punish these Enormities hereafter; mean
while I'le tempt your Obedience a little further, and command
your Silence, yet 'tis one favour I have done you, that you
practise by Pisistratus, and hold your peace by Rule.
My Thanks and I could wish—
Eth.
Stop there, and know, when I command a Silence, you
must not promise but perform it: for once I'le pardon you your
Rime, and give you leave to break off ith' middle. Now Pisistratus
I untye your tongue, and expect what you have to say.
Pis.
First let me humbly thank you, that I am still a Souldier,
and may talk.
Eth.
You say right indeed, for most of you are skill'd at no
other weapon.
Pis.
But if you'l give me leave to expresse my Thoughts,
I'm none of those weak counterfeit Warriours; no shadow but
a Souldier; my Part is not to say, but do: I disclaim these
Trifles of Service, this talking way of Courtship: Give me a
danger such as would strike astonishment in the bold Alcides:
Plant me instead of Ordnance against the Walls of a besieged
City, or let me enter on a Grove of Pikes, which I will mow
down like a crop in harvest.
Eth.
Blesse us! what a volley of words is here; you do not
Speak methinks, but Discharge, and make every sentence, a peal.
Pis.
Madam, I bring no puling Elegies, no Poetry I, Bellona
is my Muse, and this bright Sword the onely offering I can present:
but such as when you please shall sacrifice whole Hecatombes
of your Enemies; (if yet among Mortals there be any
so prophane as to injure so Divine a Beauty.)
Eth.
You promise Liberally; but I fear when it should come
to th' Test, your Sword will not be so nimble as the Tongue that
brags on't; it shall be fastned so close in the Scabbard that you
cannot draw it out, or some such pretty toy to delude a danger:
Then instead of fighting you shall swear valiantly against the
Cutler, and give no Death but in your Curses.
Pis.
Lady, your comment wrongs my worth, by your fair
honour, and by those many Victories, which yet sit warm and
fresh upon my cumbred Sword, were he a man, and such whom
often Conquests had made great as my self, and to what height
my vertues have arriv'd, to be thought immortal; if such a man
should speak these words, I would strait confute the wild opinion
of the loose world, and leave this wonder dead before their
Eyes.
Faith 'twould do well to have some proof of so untam'd
a valour. But yet Sir, methinks you are much mistaken in the
wooing way. Sister, what will you say if I take down this Lyonlike
Champion? this Spirit rampant? I'le undertake with two
words so to humble him, that of a boysterous Roarer, he shall
become as supple a Courtier as you would desire.
Pan.
I should as much admire the miracle, as the power that
effected it.
Eth.
Mark then. Sir, as I told you, methinks you are mistaken
in the way of wooing: I would have a tame Suitor, you
make too much noyse in a Ladies Chamber; pray let me have
your Courtship in a softer Dialect.
Pis.
Madam, the power of your love is so prevalent, that it
can turn me to any shape; I can submit my mounting soul to a
most gentle Carriage and sweet behaviour onely for your sake
Lady.
Eth.
As how Sir? I long for an experiment.
Pis.
Why thus: Divinest Lady, my humble service being
premis'd—
Eth.
What? Do you repeat your Letters? Sure this was the
last you writ to your Country Mistresse. Does it not follow—
Hoping you are as deep in love as I am at the writing hereof—
and so forth?
Pis.
Lady I do esteem't the greatest part of my Duty, still at
the first appearance to present my service to you.
Eth.
What and give the same thing twenty times over? I
thought you had presented that sufficiently already, but now I
begin to suspect it as at anothers command, and none of your
own, you are so free on't.
Pis.
I hope you do not take me for a Serving-man, or Gentleman
Usher, Lady?
Eth.
And yet that lac'd Cloak being so near ally'd to a Livery,
may breed a foul suspition.
Pis.
Fair Madam y'are mistaken.
Eth.
What Sawcebox? tell me I lye. I'le make you more
Obedient.
Pis.
Would it would please you Lady to descend so low, as
quick in the Execution, as apprehension.
Eth.
Blesse me! my servant all this while, and now to seek in
what pleases me? I'le hear no more at this time, I care not what's
your bus'nesse.
Pan.
Nay Sister, now you are too cruel.
Eth.
My doome's irrevocable; be gone I say; I expect no
reply.
Pis.
Your Creature.
(offers to go out.)
Eth.
Come back agen; my humor's alter'd; and now I
think on't, I'le put a further tryal upon your Loyalty; you begin
to complement pretty well, I'le try the power of love, and
see whether it can file you into a more smooth garb; and to
that purpose I command you (upon pain of my displeasure) to
appear never before me but as your Rival Lamprias is wont, in
Rime. I know you are not such an Enemy to the Muses, but
that upon such an occasion they may smile upon you. And then
for you Lamprias, because I would not have you un-imploy'd,
you shall assume his fighting humour; I love a man compleat in
all wayes. Give him your Sword Pisistratus, he should have
your Buffe Coat, but that your Doublet I fear is Canvas on the
back: I know you'l fight couragiously; and for Pisistratus, I
make no question, but in a short space we shall have him as good
a Poet as most at Court, and make verses on one leg as well as
the best of e'm. Come Sister, let's leave e'm to think on't, when
you are provided let me see you agen.
(Exe. Pan. Eth. Eud.)
Pis.
Make verses on one leg? I warrant they'l halt to the
purpose. Shall I turn Poet and be feasted by the Players? well!
I thank my stars I am not so far to seek yet, but that I can drink,
and take Tobacco, with some other initiating qualities, in which
we Poets and Souldiers are near ally'd.
Lam.
In good faith I have not one quality of a Souldier, but
running away; I think we were best change habits, I could
rime as well in thy Suit, and thou fight as manfully in mine,
couldst not?
Pis.
I but doest think shee's no better sighted, then not to
discern us by our faces?
Lam.
I had forgot that; but what then shall we do?
Nay that I know not, let's ee'n to our friend Miserotos,
and take his Advice; A Looker on may see better waies in the
game then a Party.
| The Combat of Love and Friendship | |