University of Virginia Library

SCEN. 1.

Miserotos
laughing.

Ha, ha, ha, I have ee'n burst my self yonder with laughing,
and am now forc't to retire for fear of my ribs; The most
prodigious Contention about a Mistresse that e're I beheld: A
Ballad-singer and a vext Constable I should take e'm for; but
that I know the one to be a boysterously valiant Captain, and
t'other a Gentleman abus'd into a Poet by his Mistresse: who,
having for a long time courted her with verses only and Sonnets,
is now injoyn'd by Her to speak nothing but Rime. The Captain
being his Rival hath now provok't the Quarrel, he hath
drawn his Faulchion, and wheeling about, lies at his Guard

most fiercely, whiles my Riming Gentleman makes at him with a
pair of Heroick Verses, which he again puts by with a warlike
Oath or two: Such strange Passadoes there are between e'm,
such Hermaphroditical Play; short sword and long verse, as I
ne're saw the like. But here they come.

To him Pisistratus. Lamprias.
Pis.
I say I'le fight what e're comes on't.

Lam.
Why then have at you Sir; nay I'le assure ye,
There is no Poet but he hath his Furie.

Mis.

Nay good Captain be pacified; indeed it is not manly
to challenge or beat another whom you know resolv'd not to
fight agen: why you see he refuses your weapon: Alas he combates
in another way; if you will make Amorous Sonnets with
him, I know he will enter the Lists.

Pis.

No! my Sword shall be my Pen, and I will print a bloodie
Tragick Poem upon his flesh—
—By this good steel I will.

Lam.
By these good Verses thou shalt have thy fill.
Nay, though with sword I fight not, yet will I
Hang thee in strong lines; make thee living die.

Pis.

Strong lines? strong halters: I'le beat this riming spirit
out of you, and make you howl in pitiful prose. If ever I hear
you pelting verses at my Mistresse window any more, I'le beat
that inspired Pate: I will Sirrah, so that the discharg'd Chamber-pot
shall be a work of Charitie, the urine being med'cinal.

Lam.
I do defie thee and thy threats, thou fellow,
That look'st so like a foaming angrie Billow;
Crown'd with my twig of Lawrel I fear not
Thunder of rotten Eggs or Chamberpot.

Pis.

Get you a Sword Changeling, and a good one too, or
I'le crown your Cockscomb with a hollie twig as big as my arm,
Ile make your brains so fluent, they shall be ready to flie out upon
all occasions.

Lam.
My Bodie shall with Poetrie be charm'd,
Thus to be naked is to be best arm'd.

Pis.
Ile ee'ne try what Armour of proof you have.

offers to beat him.
Mis.

Hold, hold, shall I now tell you what you
two are?

Pis.

Yes, Mars, and Apollo.

Mis.

A ridiculous pair of Cockscombs you are to quarrel,
and violate all bonds of friendship: thus for a white face, a coy,
disdainful woman, who for ought you know when you have
done your best, will onely laugh at your follie: I would not
have you expect to be so Generously miserable as to deserve
Pitie.

Pis.

Come, come, you onely speak this out of your own
Aversenesse to all Love: she hath most affectionately ingag'd
her self by several promises to one of us two; but finding us
both, so equally deserving, cannot as yet finallie determine the
partie.

Lam.
Nay that's for certain none can husband bee
To fair Ethusa, unlesse I or Hee.

Pis.

Here's nothing to be done with my Sword, and I scorn to
kill him as he is, unarm'd. Prithee Miserotos we should be much
bound to the discoverie of thy Justice, if thou couldst chalk us out
a fair way of Decision.

Mis.

Faith I can imagine none, you are so disproportionably
qualified; unlesse putting it to the hazard of Lots. For you
standing on tearms of Chivalrie, He of Poetrie; you for the
point of your Sword, he of his pen, can never meet in fair
Duel.

Pis.
Why then Ile stand to Lots.

Lam.
And shall I too? No; for I much do fear
To venture such fair hopes as now appear.

Pis.

Nay then let her decide it; I know her judgement must
prefer me, therefore I'le stand to no other Lotterie but her liking.

Lam.

'Tis then agreed.— Exe. Lamp. Pis.

Mis.

Did ever men run thus out of their wits with love? nay
and for one that gives e'm no Encouragement at all, the most
contemptful abusive woman that ere was sued to. She appoints
e'm their daies of visits, and then sits in state like some great
Princess about to decide grave matters concerning the Common-Wealth:

They usually walk without ith' Hall, and converse with
the Serving-men, till summon'd by her Gentlewoman, who being
the Clark of the Court, presents their Petitions, their Amorous
Papers of Verses, and takes their several Enditements 'gainst the
next appearing.
Well, give me Libertie of soul, who's will take Beautie.

(Ex. Mis.)