 | Ram-Alley : or Merrie-Trickes |  |
Actus 4.
Scæna. 1.
Sir Oliuer, Iustice Tutchim, Taffata, Adriana.S. Ol.
Good meate the belly fils, good wine the braine,
Women please men, men pleasure them againe,
Ka me, ka thee, one thing must rub another,
English loue Scots, VVelshmen loue each other.
I. Tu.
You say very right sir Oliuer, very righr,
I haue't in my noddle ifaith, That's all the fault
Old Iustices haue, when they are at feasts,
They wil bib hard, they wilbe fine: Sun-burnt
Now could I sit in my charyre at home and nod
A drunkard to the stocks, by vertue of,
The last statute farely.
Taf.
Sir you are merry,
I. Tu.
I am indeed.
Taf.
Your supper sir was light.
But I hope you thinke you welcome.
I. Tu.
I doe,
A light supper quoth you, pray God it be,
Pray god I carry it cleanly, I am shure it lies,
As heauy in my belly as moult lead,
Yet Ile goe see my Sister Sommerfield,
Si. O.
So late good Iustice.
I. Tu.
I euen so late,
Night is the mother of wit, as you may see,
By Poets or rather Cunstables
In their examinations at midnight,
Weele lie together without marrying,
Saue the Curats fees, and the parish a labour,
Tis a thriuing course.
S. Ol.
That may not be,
For excomunications then will flee.
I. Tu.
Thats true, they fly indeed like wild-geese,
In flocks, one in the breech of another.
But the best is a small matter stayes them,
And so farwell.
S. O.
Farwell good Iustice Tutchim,
Exit.
Alasse good gentleman his braines are erased,
But let that passe: speake widdow ist a match,
Shall we clap it vp.
Adr.
Nay if't come to clapping,
Good night ifaith Mistris looke before you,
Theres nothing more dangerous to maide or widdow,
Then suddaine clapings vp; nothing has spoyld,
So many proper ladies as clappings vp:
Your shittill-cocke, striding from tables to ground,
Onely to try the strength of the backe,
Your riding a hunting, I though they fall,
With their heels vpward, and lay as if
They were taking the height, of some high starre
With a crosse staffe: noe nor your iumlings
In horsslitters, coatches or caroatches,
Haue spoyld so many women as clappings vp,
Si. Ol.
Why then weele chop it vp.
Taf.
Thats not alowed.
But faith sir Knight I haue a kind of Itching,
To be a Lady, that I can tell you woes,
And can perswade with better rethorick,
Then oathes, wit, welth, valour, lands, or person,
I haue some debts at court, and marrying you,
I hope the Courtier will not sticke to pay me,
Si. Ol.
Neuer feare thy payment. This I will say,
For Courtiers theyle be shure to pay each other,
How ere they deale with Cittizens.
Ta.
Then heres my hand,
I am your wife condition we be ioynd,
Before to morrows sunne.
Si. O.
Nay euen to night,
So you be pleas'd with little warning widdow,
We old men can be ready, and thou shalt see,
Before the time that chanticlere,
Shall call and tell the day is neere,
When wentches lying on their backs,
Receiue with ioy their loue-stolne smacks,
When maids awak't from their first sleepe,
Deceiu'd with dreames begin to weepe,
And thinke if dreames, sutch pleasures know,
What sport the substance them would show,
When Ladies gin white Lymmes to spred,
Her loue but new stolne to her bed,
His cotten showes yet scarce put off,
And deares not laugh, speake, sneze, or cough,
When precise dames begin to thinke,
Why their grose souring husbands stincke,
What pleasure twere then to inioy,
A nimble vickar, or a boy.
Before this time thou shalt behold,
Me quaffing out our brydall bole.
Adr.
Then belike before the morning Sunne
You wil be coupled.
Taf.
Yes faith Adriana,
Adr.
Well I will looke you shall haue a cleane smocke,
Prouided that you pay the fee Sir Oliuer,
Since my Mistris sir will be a Lady,
Ile loose no fees due to the wayting maid.
Why is there a fee belonging to it.
Adr.
A Knight and neuer heard of smocke fees,
I would I had the monopoly of them,
So there were no impost set vpon them:
Enter W. Sm.
S. Ol.
Whom haue wee heere what my mad-headed sonne
What makes he here so late? say I am gone,
And I the whilest will step behind the hangings.
W. S.
God Blesse thee parcell of mans flesh,
Ta.
How sir.
W. S.
Why parcell of mans flesh art not a woman?
But widdow whers the old stinkerd my father,
They say widdow you dance altogether.
After his pipe.
Ta.
What then.
W. S.
Thar't a foole,
Ile assure thee theres no musick in it.
Ta.
Can you play better.
W. S.
Better widdow?
Bloud dost thinke I haue not learnt my pricke song,
What not the court prick song? one vp and another downe,
Why I haue't to a hare by this light,
I hope thou louest him not.
Ta.
Ile marry him sir,
W. S.
How marry him, foote art mad widdow,
Woot marry an old crased man,
With meager lookes, with visage wan,
With littell legs and cryncled thies,
With Chapfalne gummes and deepe sunke eyes,
Why a dog seazd on ten daies by death
Stinkes nor so loathsome as his breath,
Nor can a citty common iaques,
Which all mens Breeches vndertakes,
Yeeld fasting stomakes such a fauour.
As doth his breath, and vgly fauour.
S, O.
Rogue,
Adr.
Thats all one sir she meanes to be a Lady,
W. S.
Does she so, and thou must be her waiting woman.
Faith thou wilt make a fine dainty creature,
To sit at a chamber doore and looke fleas,
In thy Ladies dog while she is showing,
Some slippery britcht Courtier rare faces,
In a by window, foote widdow,
Marry me a young and compleate gallant,
How a compleat gallant? what? a fellow,
With a hat tuck't vp behind, and what we vse,
About our hips to keepe our coates from dabling,
He weares about his neeke, a farthingale:
A standing coller to keepe his neate band cleane,
The whilst his shirt does stinke, and is more foule,
Then an in of chancery table cloth,
His breeches must be pleyted as if a had
Some thirty pockets, when one poore halpeny purse,
Will carry all his treasure, his knees all points,
As if his legs and hammes were tyde together,
A fellow that has noe inside, but prates
By roate, as players, and parrotts vse to doe,
And to define a compleat gallant right,
A mercer form'd him, a taylor made him,
And a player giues him spright,
Wi. Sm.
Why so, in my conscience to be a Countesse,
Thou wouldst marry a hedg-hog: I must confesse,
Tis state to haue a coxe-combe kisse your hands,
While yet the chamberly is scarse wypte off,
To haue an vpright vsher march before you,
Bare headed in a Tuftafata ierkin
Maide of your old cast gowne, shewes passing well,
But when you feele your husbands pulses, thats hell,
Then you fly out and bid straite smockes farwell,
Taf,
I hope sir what ere our husbands be,
We may be honest.
W. S.
May be; nay y'are,
Women and honesty are as neere alyde,
As parsons liues are to their doctrines,
One and the same: but widdow now be ruld,
I hope the heauens will giue thee better grace,
Then to accept the father and I yet liue,
To be bestowed, if you wed the stinckerd,
You shall find the tale of Tantalus
To be noe fable widdow.
Si. Ol.
How I sweate,
I can hold noe longer, degenerate bastard,
I here disclayme thee, casheere thee, nay more,
I disinherit thee both of my loue.
And walke in Paules amongst thy casheerd mates
As malancholly as the best:
Taf.
Come not neere me,
I forbid the my house, my out-houses,
My Garden, Orchard, and my backe-side,
Thou shalt not harbor neere me.
Sir Ol.
Nay to thy greefe,
Know varlet I will be wed this morning,
Thou shalt not bee there, nor once be grac'd
With a peece of Rosemary: Ile casheere thee,
Do not reply, I will not stay to heare thee.
Exit.
W. Sm:
Now may I goe put me on a cleane shirt
And hang my selfe, foot who would haue thought
The Foxe had earth'd so neere me; whats to bee done?
What miracle shall I now vndertake
To winne respectiue grace with God and men?
What if I turn'd Courtier and liu'd honest?
Sure that would do it: I dare not walke the streets,
For I dwindle at a Sargeant in buffe
Almost as much as a new Player does
At a plague bill certified forty:
Well I like this widdow, a lusty plumpe drab
Has substance both in bretch and purse,
And pitty and sinne it were she should be wed
To a furd cloacke and a night-cap. Ile haue her,
This widdow I will haue: her money
Shall pay my debts and set me vp againe,
Tis heere, tis almost forg'd, which if it take,
The world shall praise my wit, admire my fate.
Exit.
Enter Beard, Dash, Francis, Sargeant, Drawers.
Bea.
Sargeants beware, be sure you not mistake,
For If you do.
Dash.
She shall be 'quickly bayld:
She shal Corpus cum causa be remou'd,
Your action entred first below, 'shall shrincke,
And you shall find sir Sargeant she has friends
Will sticke to her in the common place.
Sar.
Sir
Will you procure her bayle:
Bea.
She shall be baylde,
Drawer bring vp some wine, vse her well,
Her husband is a Gentleman of sort
A Gentleman of sort, why what care I:
A woman of her fashion shall find
More kindnesse at a lusty Sargeants hand
Then ten of your Gentlemen of sort.
Dash.
Sir vse her well, shee's wife to Maister Throte:
Sar.
Ile vse her sir as if she were my wife,
Would you haue any more.
Bea.
Drinke vppon that
Whil'st wee go fetch her bayle.
Dash,
fellow Dash,
With all the speed thou hast runne for our Maister,
Make hast least hee be gone before thou comest,
To Ladie Somerfields: Ile fetch another,
She shall haue baile.
Dash.
And a firking writte
Of false imprisonment, she shall be sure
Of twelue-pence damage, and fiue and twenty pound
For sutes in law: Ile goe fetch my Maister.
Exit.
Bea.
And I another:
Sar.
Drawer leaue the Roome
Heere Mistris a health:
Fra:
Let it come sweet Rogue.
Dra:
I, say you soe: then must I haue an eye,
These Sargeants feede on very good reuersions,
On Capons, Teales, and sometimes on a Wodcock
Hot from the shrieues owne table, the knaues feed well
Which makes them horrid letchers.
Fra.
This health is pledgd
And honest Sargeant how does maister Gripe
The Drawer stands aside.
The keeper of the Counter, I do protest
I found him alwayes fauorable to mee,
A is an honest man, has often stood to me,
And beene my friend and let me goe a trust
For victuall when a denied it knights: but come,
Lets pay and then begon, th'arrest you know
Was but a trick to get from nimble Dash
My husbands man:
Sar.
True but I haue an action
At sute of Mistrisse, Sel-smocke, your quandam Baude,
The summe is eyght good pound, for six weekes board,
And fiue weekes loane for a red Tafata gowne
Bound with a siluer lace:
Fra.
I doe protest,
By all the honesty twixt thee and mee,
I got her in that gowne in sixe weekes space
Foure pound and fourteene pence giuen by a Clarke
Out of her house, and does the filthy Iade
Send to me for money? but honest Sergeant,
Let me go, and say thou didst not see me,
Ile doe thee as great a pleasure shortly.
Sar.
Shall we imbrace to night.
Fra.
With all my heart.
Ser.
Sit on my knee and kisse,
Enter Beard,
Bea.
What news boy? why stand you Centinell?
Dra.
Do but conceale your selfe, and we shall catch
My Sergeant napping.
Bea.
Shall maides be heere deflowred,
Sar.
Now kisse againe.
Draw.
Now, now.
Enter Cap. and seeing the hurly burly, runs away.
Bea.
Deflower virgins, rogue? auant ye slaue,
Are maides fit subiects for a Sargeants mace.
So now are we once more free: ther's for the wine.
Ex. Ser.
Now to our Randeuow: three pounds in gold
These flops containe; weele quaffe in Venice glasses,
And sweare some Lawyers are but silly Asses.
Exeunt.
Enter Captaine Face.
Cap.
Is the coast cleare, are these combustions ceast,
And may we drinke Canary sack in peace?
Shall we haue no attendance heere you rogues,
Where be these raskals that skip vp and downe,
Faster then Virginall iacks? drawers.
Dra.
Sir.
Cap.
On whom waite you sir rogue?
Dra.
Faith Captaine
I attend a conuenticle of Players.
Ca.
How players, what is there ere a Cuckold among them?
Dra.
Ioue defend else, it stands with pollicie,
That one should be a notorious Cuckold,
If it be but for the better keeping
The rest of his company together.
Cap.
When did you see sir Theophrastus Slop,
The Citty Dog-maister?
Dra.
Not to day sir.
Cap.
What haue you for my supper.
Dra.
Nothing ready
Vnlesse you please to stay the dressing Captaine,
Cap.
Zownes stay the dressing; you damned rogue,
What shall I waite vpon your greasie cooke,
And waite his leisure, goe downe staires roague,
Now all her other customers be seru'd,
Yet left for me.
Dra.
Yes sir.
Cap.
And good-man roague
See what good thing your Kitchin-maide has left
For me to worke vpon, my barrow-gutlings grumble
And would haue food: Say now the Vintners wife
Should bring me vp a Pheasant, Partridge, Quaile,
A pleasant banquet, and extreamly loue me,
Desire me to eate, kisse, and protest,
I should pay nothing for it, say she should drinke
Her selfe three quarters drunke, to winne my loue,
Then giue me a chaine, worth some three score pounds,
Say twere worth but forty, say but twenty,
For Cittizens do sildome in their wooing,
Giue aboue twenty pounds: say then 'tis twenty,
Ile goe sell some fifteeene pounds worth of the chaine,
To buy some clothes, and shift my lowsie linnen,
And weare the rest as a perpetuall fauour,
About my arme in fashion of a Bracelet,
Say then her husband should grow iealious,
Ide make him drunke, and then Ile Cuckold him,
But then a Vintners wife, some Rogues will say,
Which sits at Barre for the receit of custome,
That smels of chippings and of broken fish,
Is loue to Captaine Face, which to preuent,
Ile neuer come but when her best stitcht hat,
Her Bowgle gowne and best wrought smock is on,
Then does she neither smell of bread, of meate,
Or drappings of the tap, it shall be so.
Enter Boutcher, W. Smalshanke, and Constantia.
Bou.
Now leaue vs boy; blesse you Captaine Face.
Cap.
Ile haue no Musick?
W. S.
Foot doost take vs for fidlers
Cap.
Then turne straight, Drawer runne downe the stares,
And thanke the Gods a gaue me that great patience
Not to strike you.
Bou.
Your patience sir is great,
For you dare sildome strike. Sirra they say,
You needs will wed the widdow Taffata,
Nolens volens.
Cap.
Doe not vrge my patience,
Awake not furie, new rakt vp in embers,
W. S.
Men say y'aue tricks,
Y'are an admirable Ape, and you can doe
More feates then three Babounes, we must haue some.
Cap.
My patience yet is great, I say be gone,
My tricks are dangerous.
Bou.
That's nothing,
I haue brought you furniture, come get vp
Vp vpon this table, doe your feates,
Or I will whip you to them, doe not I know
You are a lowsie knaue.
Cap.
How? Lowsie knaue,
Are wee not English bred?
Bou.
Y'are a coward Roague.
That dares not looke a Kitling in the face,
If she but stare or mew.
Cap.
My patience yet is great:
Doe you bandie troopes, by Dis I will be Knight,
Weare a blew coate on great Saint Georges day,
And with my fellowes driue you all from Paules
For this attempt.
Bou.
Will you yet gee vp,
I must lash you to it,
Cvp.
By Pluto, Gentlemen,
To doe you pleasure, and to make you sport,
Ile do't.
W. S.
Come get vp then quick.
Bou.
Ile dresse you sir.
Cap.
By Ioue 'tis not for feare,
But for a loue I beare vnto these tricks,
That I performe it.
Bou.
Hold vp your snout sir,
Sit handsomly, by heauen, sir you must do it,
Come boy.
W. S.
No by this good light, Ile play
Him that goes with the motions.
Dra.
Wher's the Cap. Gentlemen?
W. S.
Stand back boy, and be a spectator, Gentlemen
You shall see the strange nature of an out-landish beast,
That ha's but two legs, bearded like a man,
Nosd like a Goose, and toungd like a woman,
Lately brought from the land of Catita,
A beast of much vnderstanding, were it not giuen
Too much to the loue of Venery: do I not do it well?
Bou.
Admirably.
W. S.
Remember noble Captaine,
You skip when I shall shake my whip: Now sit,
What can you doe for the great Turke?
What can you doe for the Pope of Rome?
Harke, he stirreth not, he moueth not, he waggeth not,
What can you do for the towne of Geneua sirra?
He holds vp his hands insteed of praying.
Sure this Baboune is a great Puritane.
Bou.
Is not this strange.
W. S.
Not a whit by this light,
Bankes his horse and hee were taught both in a stable.
Dr.
O rare.
Cap.
Zounes Ile first be dam'nd, shall sport
Bee laught at; by Dis, by Pluto, and great Proserpine,
My fatall blade once drawne, falls but with death,
Yet if youle let me goe, I vow by Ioue,
No widdow, maide, wife, punke, or Cockatrice,
Shall make me haunt your goasts.
Bou.
'Twill not serue sir,
You must shew more.
Cap.
Ile first be hangd and damn'd.
W. S.
Foote can a iumpe so well.
Bou.
Is a so quick?
I hope the slaue will haunt no more the widdow.
W. S.
As for that take no care, for by this light
Sheele not haue thee.
Bou.
Not haue me?
W. S.
No not haue thee,
By this hand, flesh, and bloud, she is resolu'd
To make my father a most fearefull Cuckold,
And he's resolu'd to saue his soule by her.
Bou.
How by her?
W. S.
Thus, all old men which marry
Young wiues, shall questionlesse be sau'd,
For while th'are young, they keepe other mens wiues,
And when th'are old, they keepe wiues for other men,
And so by satisfaction procure saluation.
Why thou deiected taile of a Crab,
Does not the faire Constantia Somerfield
Doate on thy filthy face; and wilt thou wed
A wanton widdow? what canst thou see
To doate on her.
Bou.
Onely this, I loue her.
W. S.
Doo'st loue her then, take a purgation,
For loue Ile assure thee is a binder:
Of all things vnder heauen, there's no fitter parralells then a
Drunkard and a Louer: for a drunkard looses his sences, so
does your louer; your drunkard is quarrelsome, so is your
louer: your drunkard will sweare, lye, and speake great
words, so will your louer: your drunkard is most desirous of
his letchery, and so is your louer: Well the night growes old,
farewell:
While faire Constantia is resolu'd to wed thee.
Ex.
T. S.
Foote shall we let the wentch goe thus,
My masters now show your selues Gentlemen
And take a way the Lawiers wife;
Foote though I haue noe wit, yet I can,
Loue a wentch and choose a wife,
Gen.
Why sir, what should you doe with a wife, that are
held none of the wisest? youle get none but fooles.
Th. S.
How fooles, why may not I a foole get a wise child
as well as wise men get fooles: all lies but in the agillity of
the woman: introth I thinke all fooles are got when there
mothers asleepe; therefore Ile neuer ly with my wife but
when she is brawd waking, stand to't honest friends, knocke
downe the Lieftenant and then hurry the wentch to Fleet-streete,
there my father and I will this morning be married.
Enter Beard and Francis,
Gen.
Stand close they come.
Bea.
By Ioue the night growes darke and Luna lookes,
As if this hower some fifty cuckolds were making,
Then let vs trudge.
Gen.
Downe with 'em, downe with them, away with her
Maister Smal-shankes to Fleetestreet, goe the Curate there
staies for you.
Bea.
And stayes the Curat.
Whats here knockt downe, and blud of men let out,
Must men in darkenesse bleed, then Erebus looke big,
And Boreas blow the fire of all my rage,
Into his nose. Night thou art a whore,
Smalshanke a rogue: and is my wench tooke from me,
Sure I am guld, this was no Coccatryce,
I neuer saw her before this day-light peept,
What dropst thou head, this surely is the heyre,
And mad will Smal-shankes lay in Ambuscado,
To get her now from me, Beard: Lieftenant Beard,
Thou art an asses what a dull slaue was I,
That all this while smelt not her honesty.
Pate I doe not pitty thee: hadst thou braines,
Lieftenant Beard had got this wealthy heyre,
In pate and wench: reueng, reuenge come vp,
And with thy curled locks cling to my beard,
Smale-shamkes I will betray thee: I now will trudge,
To Saint Iohnsstreete to informe the Lady Sommerfield,
Where thou art: I will preuent the match,
Thou art to Fleetestreet gone, reuenge shall follow,
And my incensed wrath shall like great thunder,
Dispersse thy hopes and thy braue wife a sunder.
Enter Lady Sommerfield, and Iustice Tutchin.
Tu.
Say as I say widdow, the wench is gon,
But I know whether, stolne she is, well.
I know by whome, say as I say widdow,
I haue bin drinking hard, why say so too,
Old men they can be fine, with small a doe,
The law is not offended, I had no punke,
Nor in an alehouse, haue I made me drunke.
The statute is not broke, I haue the skill,
To drinke by law, then say as I say still,
La. S.
To what extremes doth this licentious time,
Hurry vnstayed youth, nor Gods nor Lawes,
Whose penall scurges are inough to saue,
Euen damned fiends, can in this looser age,
Confine vnbounded youth, who durst presume,
To steale my youths delight, my ages hope,
Her fathers heyre, and the last noble stemme,
Of all her ancestors: feare they or Gods or lawes.
I. Tu.
I say as you say sister, but for the lawes,
There are so many that men do stand in awe,
Of none at all; take heed they steale not you.
Who woes a widow with a faire full Moone
Shall surely speed, beware of full Moones widdow,
Will Smalshankes has your daughter no word but mum,
My warrant you shall haue when time shall come.
La. S.
your warrant?
I. Tu.
I my warrant widdow.
My warrant can stretch far; no more but so,
Twill serue to ketch a knaue, or fetch a Doe.
Ser.
Heres a gentleman much desirous to see you madam.
La. So.
What is a for a man.
Ser.
Nothing for a man, but much for a beast,
I thinke him lunatique for a demannds,
What plate of his is stirring i'the house,
A calls your men his Butlers, Cookes, and Steward,
Kisses your woman, and makes exceeding much
Of your Coach-mans wife;
I. Tu.
Then he's a gentleman,
for tis a true note of a gentleman, to make much of other mens
wiues, bring him vp, a sirra, makes a much of your Choachmans
wife, this geere will runne a wheeles then shortly,
A man may make much more of a nother mans wife, then a
can do of's owne.
L. S.
How much brother?
I. Tu.
A man may make with ease,
A Punke, a Child, a Bastard, a Cuckold, of another mans wife
all at a clap.
Seru.
Thats my Lady.
Enter Seruingman and Throte.
Thr.
For that thou first hast brought me to her sight,
I here create thee Clarke a the Kitching, no man shall beg it
from thee.
Ser.
Sure the fellowes mad.
L. S.
What would you sir? I gesse your long profession,
By your scant suite: your habit seemes to turne:
Your inside outward to me; y'are I thinke.
Some Turner of the law.
Thr.
Law is my liuing.
And on that auncient mould I weare this outside,
Suite vpon suite wasts some yet makes me thriue.
First lawe, then gold, then loue, and then we wiue.
I. T.
A man of forme like me but what's your businesse?
La.
Be briese good sir: what makes this bold intrusion?
Th.
Intrude, I do not, for I know the lawe,
It is the rule that squares out all our actions,
Those actions bring in coyne, coyne gets me friends,
Your sonne in law hath law at's fingers ends.
La.
My sonne in law.
Th.
Madame your sonne in law,
Mother I come, (be glad I call you so)
And win your approbation of my choice,
Your cherry-ripe sweet daughter (so renownd,
For beauty, vertue, and a wealthy dowre)
I haue espousd.
La.
How? you espouse my daughter?
Thr.
Nouerint vniuersi, the lawes of heauen,
Of nature, church, and chance, haue made her mine,
Therefore deliuer her by these presents.
I. Tu.
How's this? made her yours sir? per quam regulam,
Nay we are letter'd sir, as well as you,
Redde rationem per quam regulam.
Thr.
Femini ludificantur viros:
By that same rule these lips haue taken season,
Tut I do all by Statute law, and reason.
La.
Hence you base knaue, you petty-fogging groome,
Clad in old ends, and peec'd with Brokery,
You wed my daughter?
I. T.
You sir Ambo-dexter,
A Sumners sonne, and learn't in Norfolke wiles,
Some common baile, or Counter Lawyer,
Marry my neece? your halfe sleeues shall not carry her.
Thr.
These Stormes will be dissolu'd in teares of ioy,
Mother I doubt it not: Iustice to you,
That ierke at my halfe sleeues, and yet your selfe
Doe neuer weare but Buckerom out of sight,
A Flannell wast-coate, or a Canuas Trusse,
A shift of thrift, I vse it: let's be friends,
You know the law hath tricks, ka me, ka thee,
Viderit vtilitas, the mott to these halfe armes,
Corpus cum causa needs no bumbasting.
We weare small hayre yet haue we tongue and wit,
Lawyers close breech't haue bodies pollitick.
La.
Speake, answer me sir Iack: stole you my daughter?
Thr.
Short tale to make, I fingered haue your daughter,
I haue tane liuery and season of the wench,
Deliuer her then, you know the Statute lawes,
Shee's mine without exception, barre or clause:
Come, come, restore.
La.
The fellow's mad I thinke,
Thr.
I was not mad before I married,
But ipso facto what the act may make me,
That know I not.
I. T.
Fellows come in there,
Ent. 2. or 3. Ser.
And I attach you heere of fellony:
Lay hold on him: Ile make my Mittimus,
And send him to the Iayle; haue we no barre
Nor clause to hamper you, away with him,
Those clawes shall claw you to a barre of shame,
Where thou shalt shew thy Goll, Ile barre your claime,
If I be Iustice Tutchin.
Thr.
Hands off you slaues,
Oh! fauour my Ierkin, though you teare my flesh,
I set more store by that: my Audita
Querela shall be heard, and with a Certiorare
Ile fetch her from you with a pox.
Enter Beard.
Bea.
What's heere to do? is all the world in armes?
More tumults, brawles, and insurrections,
Is bloud the Theame whereon our time must treate.
Thr.
Heer's Beard your Butler: a rescue Beard; draw,
Bea.
Draw? not so: my Blad's as ominously drawne
Vnto the death of nine or ten such groomes,
As is a knife vnsheath'd with the hungry maw,
Threatning the ruine of a chine of Beefe:
But for the restlesse toile it tooke of late,
My blade shall sleep awhile.
Th.
Helpe.
Be.
Stop thee Throate
And heare me speake, whose bloody Characters,
Will shew I haue beene scuffling: briefly thus,
Thy wife, your daughter, and your louely Neece,
Is hurri'd now to Fleet-streete, the damn'd crew
With glaues and clubs haue rapt her from these armes,
Throate thou art bobd, although thou boughtst the heyre,
Yet hath the slaue made a re-entry.
I. Tu.
Sirra what are you?
Th.
My Ladies Butler sir.
Bea.
Not I by heauen.
Thr.
By this good light he swore it,
And for your daughters loue he ran away.
Bea.
By Ioue I guld thee Throte.
I. T.
More knauery yet,
Lay hands on him, pinion them both,
And guarde them hence towards Fleet-streete, come away,
Bea.
Must we be led like theeues, and pinniond walke,
Spent I my bloud for this? is this my hyre?
Why then burne rage, set Beard and nose on fire.
I. T.
On, on I say.
Thr.
Justice, the law shall firke you.
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