University of Virginia Library

Actus quartus

Scæna prima.

Enter the Colonels Second. Usher &c. with Chaugh and Trim.
Second.

Truth sir, I must needs blame you for a Trewant,
hauing but one lesson read to you and neglect so soone: fye,
I must see you once a day at least.

Chaugh.

Would I were whipt Tutor if it were not long of
my man Trimtram here.

Trim.

Who, of mee?

Cha.

Tak't vpon the Trim. Ile giue the fiue shillings, as I
am a Gentleman.

Trim.

Ile see you whipt first: well, I will too; faith sir, I
saw he was not perfect, and I was loth he should come before
to shame himselfe.

Sec.

How? shame sir? is it a shame for Schollers to learne?
Sir, there are great Schollers that are but slenderly read in
our profession: sir, first it must be Oeconomicall, the Oecumenicall:
shame not to practise in the house how to performe in
the field: the naile that is driuen takes a little hould at the
first stroke, but more at the second, and more at the third,
but when tis home to the head, then tis firme.

Chau.

Faith I haue bene driuing it home to the head this
two dayes.

Trim.

I helpt to hammer it in as well as I could too sir.

Sec.

VVell sir, I will heare you rehearse anon, meane time
peruse the exemplary of my bills, and tell me in what language
I shall rore a Lectue to you; or ile read to you the Mathematicall
science of Roaring.

Cha.

Is it Mathematicall?

Sec.

Oh sir, does not the windes roare? the Sea roare? the
Welkin roare? indeed, most thinges doe roare by nature,
and is not the knowledge of these thinges Mathematicall?

Cha.

Pray proceed sir.

reads his bill
Sec.

The names of the languages, the Sclauonian, Parthamenian,
Barmeothian, Tiburnian, Wappinganian, or the moderne
Londonian. Any man or woman that is desirous to roare
in any of these languages, in a weeke they shall be perfect,
if they will take paines; so let 'um repaire into Holborne to
the signe of the Cheat loafe.

Chau.

Now your bill speakes of that, I was wondring a
good while at your signe, the loafe lookes very like bread
ifaith, but why is it called the cheate loafe?

Second.

This house was sometimes a Bakers sir, that serued
the Court where the bread is called cheate.

Trim.

I, I, twas a Baker that cheated the Court with
bread.

Sec.

Well sir, choose your languages: and your Lectures
shal be read, betweene my Vsher and my selfe, for your better
instruction, prouided your conditions be performed in the
premisses beforesaid.

Chau.

Looke you sir, theres twenty pound in hand, and
twenty more I am to pay when I am allowed a sufficient
Roarer.

Sec.

You speake in good earnest sir.

Chau.

Yes faith doe I Trimtram shall be my witnes.

Trim.

Yes indeed sir, twenty pound is very good earnest.

Usher.

Sir one thing I must tell you belongs to my place,
you are the youngest Scholler, and till another comee vnder
you, there is a certaine garnish belongs to the Schoole, for
in our practise we grow to a quarrell: then there must be wine
ready to make all friends, for thats the end of Roaring, 'tis
valiant but harmelesse, and this charge is yours.

Chau.

With all my heart ifaith and I like it the better: because
no blood comes on it, who shall fetch?

2. Roar.

Ile be your Spanniell sir.

Sec.

Bid Vapor, bring some Tobacco too,

Chau.

Doe and heere's mony for't.

Exit 2. Roarer.
Vsher.

No, you shall not, let me see the mony: so, Ile keepe
it, and discharge him after the Combat, for your practise sake
you and your man shall roare him out on't, (for indeed you
must pay your debts so: for thats one of the maine ends of
Roaring) and when you haue left him in a chafe, then Ile
qualifie the Rascall.

Chau.

Content ifaith Trim. weele Roare the rusty Rascall
out of his Tobacco.

Trim.

I and he had the best Craccus in London.

Sec.

Obserue Sir, wee could now roare in the Slauonian
Language, but this practise hath beene a little sublime: some
hayres breadth or so aboue your Caput; I take it for your vse
and vnderstanding both it were fitter for you to tast the moderne
assault, only the Londonian Roare.

Chau.

Ifaith sir, that's for my purpose, for I shall vse all my

roaring heere in London: in Cornewall wee are all for wrastling,
and I doe not meane to trauell ouer sea to roare there.

Sec.

Obserue then sir, but it were necessary you tock forth
your tables, to note the most difficult poynts for the better
assistance of your memory.

Chau.

Nay sir, my man and I keep two Tables.

Trim.

I sir, and as many trenchers, cattes meat and dogges
meate enough.

Sec.

Note sir,—Dost thou confront my Cyclops?

Vsh.

With a Briarean Brousted:

Chau.

Cyclops.

Trim.
Briarean.

Sec.

I know thee and thy line all pedegree,

Usher.

It is Collateral: as Brutus and Posthumus.

Trim.

Brutus.

Chau.

Posthumus.

Sec.

False as the face of Heccate; thy sister is a—

Ush.

What is my Sister Centaure?

Seco.

I say thy Sister is a Bronstrops.

Ush:

A Bronstrops!

Chau.

Tutor, Tutor, ere you goe any further, tell mee the
English of that, what is a Bronsterops pray.

Se.

A Bronsterops is in English a Hippocrene.

Chau.

A Hippocrene, note it Trim. I loue to vnderstand the
English as I goe.

Trim.

Whats the English of Hippicrene.

Chau.

Why Bronsterops?

Vsh:

Thou dost obtrect my flesh and blood,

Sec.

Agen, I denounce, thy sister is a fructifer,

Chau.

What's that Tutor?

Sec.

That is in English a Fucus or a Minotaure.

Chau.

A Minotaure:

Chau.

A Fucus.

Ush.

I say thy mother is a Callieut, a Panagron,
a Duplar and a Sindicus.

Sec.

Dislocate thy Bladud.

Vsh.

Bladud shall coniure, if his Dæmons once appeare,

Enter 2. Roarer with Wine, and Vapor with Tobacco.
Sec.

Aduance thy respondency.

Chau.

Nay good gentleman, doe not fall out, a cup of wine
quickly Trimtram.

Ush:

See my steele hath a glister,

Chau.

Pray wipe him, and put him vp againe good Vsher.

Vsh.

Sir at your request I pull downe the Flag of defiance.

Sec.

Giue me a boule of Wine my fury shall bee quencht,
heere Vsher.

Vsh.

I pledge thee in good friendship.

Chau.

I like the conclusion of Roaring very well ifaith.

Trim.

It has an excellent conclusion indeed, if the Wine
be good, alwayes prouided.

Seco.

O the wine must be alwayes prouided be sure of that.

Ush.

Else you spoyle the conclusion, and that you know
crownes all.

Chau.

Tis much like wrestling ifaith: for wee shake hands
ere we begin: now thats to avoid the Law, for then if hee
throw him a furlong into the grownd, hee cannot recouer
himselfe vpon him, because twas done in cold friendship.

Seco.

I beleeue you sir.

Chau.

And then we drinke afterwards, iust in this fashion,
wrestling and Roaring are as like as can bee ifaith, euen like
long sword and halfe pike.

Sec.

Nay they are reciprocall if you marke it, for as there
is a great Roaring at Wrestling: so there is a kinde of wrestling
and contention at Roaring.

Chau.

True ifaith, for I haue heard 'um roare from the sixe
windmilles to Islington: those haue beene great falls then.

Ser.

Come, now a briefe rehersall of your other dayes
lesson, betwixt your man and you, and then for to day wee
break vp schoole.

Chau.

Come, Trimtram; if I be out Tutor, Ile be bold to
looke in my tables, because I doubt I am scarse perfect.

Ser.

Well, well, I will not see small faults

Chau.

The wall,

Trim.

The wall of mee, to thy kennell spannell,

Chau.

Wilt thou not yeeld precedencie?

Trim.

To thee, I know thee and thy broode

Chau.

Know'st thou my brood, I know thy broode to,

thou art a Rooke;

Trim.

The nearer a kinne to the Chaughes?

Chau.

The Rookes a kin to the Chaughis?

Ser.

Verie well maintain'd,

Chau.

Dungcoer, thou liest,

Trim.

Lie, enucleste the kernell of thy scabberd,

Chau.

Now if I durst draw my sword, twere valiant yfaith:

Seco.

Draw, draw, howsoeuer,

Chau.

Haue some wine readie to make vs frends I pray you,

Trim.

Chaugh, I will make thee flie and roare,

Chau.

I will reare in thou strik'st me,

Seco.

So tis ynough: now conclude in wine, I see you will
proue an excelent practitioner: wondrous well perform'd on
both sides:

Chau.
Heere Trimtram I drinke to thee,

Trim.
I'le pldge in good friendship,
Enter a Seruant.
Is there not one Maister Chauogh heere,

Vsh.

This is the Gentleman sir;

Seru.

My maister, sir, your elected father in law, desires
speedyly to speake with you:

Chau.

Friend I will follow thee, I would thou hadst come
a little soner, thou shouldest haue seene Roring sport yfaith,

Seru.

Sir Ile returne that you are following,

Exit seruant

Chau.

Doe so: Ile tell thee Tutor, I am to marry shortly, but
I will deferre it a while till I can roare perfectly, that I may
get the vpper hand of my wife on the wedding day, 'tmust
be done at first or neuer.

Sec.

'Twill serue you to good vse in that sir.

Cha.

How lik'st thou this Whifler?

Vap.

very valiantly ifaith sir,

Cha.

Tush, thou shalt see more by and by.

Ua.

I can stay no longer indeed sir, who paies mee for my
Tobocco?

Cha.

How, pay for Tobacco, away ye sootie mouth'd piper:
you rustie piece of Martlemas bacon, away.

Trim.

Let me giue him a Marke for't.

Chau.

No Trimtram, doe not strike him, weele onely

roare out a curse vpon him.

Trim.

Well, doe you begin then,

Chau.

May thy Roule rot, and thy pudding drop in pieces,
being sophisticated with filthy vrine.

Trim.

May Serieants dwell on either side of thee, to fright
away thy two penny customers.

Cha.

And for thy penny ones, let them sucke thee drie.

Trim.

VVhen thou art dead, maist thou haue no other
sheets to be buried in but mouldie Tobacco leaues.

Cha.

And no strawings to sticke thy Carkas, but the bitter
stalkes.

Trim.

Thy mourners, all greazie Tapsters,

Cha.

VVith foule Tobacco pipes in their hats in stead of
rotten Rose mary: and last of all may my man and I liue to see
all this perform'd and, to pisse reeking euen vpon thy graue.

Trim.

And last of all for mee, let this Epitaph bee remembred
ouer thee.

Here coldly now within is laid to rot,
Aman that yesterbay was piping hot:
Some sap he died by pudding, some by pricke,
Others by role and ball some leafe, all sticke
Fast in censure, yet thinke it strange and rare,
(He liu'd by smoake, yet died for want of ayre)
But then the Surgeon said when he beheld him,
It was the burning of his Pipe that kild him.

Chau.
So, are you paid now whifler?

Vap.
All this is but smoake out of a stinking Pipe,

Chau.
So, so, pay him now Usher.

Sec:
Doe not henceforth neglect your schooling M. Chaugh.

Cha.
Call me Rooke if I doe Tutor.

Trim.
And me Rauen, though my name be Trimtram.

Cha.
Farewell Tutor.

Trim.
Farewell Vsher.

Sec.
Thus when the Drum's vnbrast, and Trumpet cease,
Soldiers must get pay for to liue in peace.

Exeunt
Enter the Colonels Sister, meeting the Surgeon.
Sist.
Oh my most worthy brother, thy hard fate 'twas:
Come hither honest Surgeon, and deale faithfully
With a distressed Virgin: what hope is there?

Surg.
Hope, Chillis was scapt miraculously Lady.

Sist.
Whats that sir.

Surg.

Caua vena: I care but little for his wound 'ith Orsophag,
not thus much trust mee, but when they come to Diaphragma
once, the small Intestines, or the Spynall Medull,
or i'th Rootes of the Emunctories of the noble parts, then
straight I feare a Syncops; the slankes retyring towards the
backe, the Vrine bloody, the Excrements purulent, and the
Dolour pricking or pungent.

Sist.

Alasse I'me nere the better for this answer.

Surg.

Now I must tell you his principal Dolour lies i'th region
of the Liuer, and theres both inflamation and Turmafaction
feard, marry I made him a Quadragular plumation,
where I vsde Sanguis Draconis by my faith, with powders
incarnatiue, which I temperd with oyle of Hypericon, and other
liquors mundificatiue.

Sist.

Pox a your Mundies figatiues, I would they were all
fired,

Surg.

But I purpose Lady to make an other experiment at
next dressing with a Sarcotricke medicament, made of Iris of
Florence. Thus Masticke, Calaphena, Apopanax, Sacrocolla:

Sist.

Sacro-halter, what comfort is i'this to a poore Gentlewoman;
pray tell me in plaine tearmes what you thinke
of him?

Sur.

Marry in plaine tearms I know not what to say to him,
the wound I can assure you encliues to Paralisme; and I find
his body Cacochimicke: being then in feare of Feuer and inflamation,
I nourish him altogeither with Viands refrigeratiue
and giue for potion the iuyce of Sauicola, dissolu'd with
water Cerefolium: I could doe noe more Lady, if his best
Guiguimos were disseuered.

Exit.
Sist.
What thankelesse paines does the tongue often take,
To make the whole man most ridiculous:
I come to him for comfort, and he tyres me
Worse then my sorrow, what a pretious good
May be deliuered sweetly in few words:
And what a mount of nothing ha's he cast forth.
Alasse his strength decaies: how cheere you sir,
My honourd Brother?

Colo.
In soule neuer better.
I feele an excellent health there, such a stoutnes,
My inuisible enemy flies mee, seeing me armde
With penitence and forgiuenes, they fall backward,
VVhether through admiration, not imagining
There were such armory in a Souldiers soule,
As pardon and repentance: or through power
Of ghostly valour? but I haue bene Lord
Of a more happy conquest in nine howers now,
Then in nine yeares before: Oh kinde Lieftenants
This is the onely war we should prouide for,
VVhere he that forgiues largest & sighes strongest,
Is a tride Soldier, a true man in deed,
And wins the best field, makes his owne heart bleed.
Read the last part of that Will sir.

1 Liefetenant
reads.

I also require at the hands of my most beloued Sister,
whom I make full Executrix, the disposure of my body in buriall
at S. Martins i'th field: and to cause to be distributed
to the poore of the same parish, forty Marke, and to the
Hospital of maymed Souldiers a hundred: lastly I giue and bequeath
to my kinde, deare, and vertuous sister, the full possession
of my present estate in riches, whether it be in Lands,
Leases, Money, Goods, Plate, Iewels, or what kind soeuer,
vpon this condition following, that shee forthwith, tender
both her selfe and all these Infeoffments, to that noble Captaine
my late Enemy Captaine Ager.

Sist.
How sir?

Colo.
Read it againe sir, let her heare it plaine.

Sist.
Pray spare your paines sir, tis too plaine already.
Good sir, how doe you, is your memory perfect?
This Will makes question of you: I bestowde
So much griefe and compassion a your wound,
I neuer look't into your sences Epilepsie:
The sickenes and infirmity of your iudgement
Is to be doubted now, more then your bodies,
Why is your loue no dearer to mee sir,
Then to dispose me so vpon the man,
Whose furie is your bodies present torment?
The Author of your danger: one I hate
Beyond the bounds of malice, doe you not feele
His wrath vpon you? I beseech you sir,
Alter that cruell article.

Colo.
Cruell sister? (forgiue me naturall loue)
I must offend thee, speaking to this woman, am I content,
Hauing much kindred, yet to giue thee all,
(Because in thee I de raise my meanes to goodnesse)
And canst thou prooue so thanklesse to my bounty,
To grudge my soule her peace? is my intent
To leaue her rich, whose onely desire is
To send me poorer into the next world,
Then euer Vsurer went, or politicke Statist?
Is it so burdensome for thee to loue
VVhere I forgiue? Oh wretched is the man
That buildes the last hopes of his sauing comforts
Vpon a womans charity? hees most miserable,
If it were possible, her obstinate will
VVill pull him downe in his midway to heauen,
I'ue wrongd that worthy man past recompence,
And in my anger robd him of faire fame:
And thou the fairest restitution art
My life could yeeld him: if I knewe a fairer,
I'de set thee by and thy vnwilling goodnes,
And neuer make my sacred peace of thee:
But theres the cruelty of a fate debard,
Thou art the last, and all, and thou art hard.

Sist.
Let your grieu'd heart hold better thoughts of mee,
I will not proue so sir, but since you enforce it,
VVith such a strength of passion Ile performe,
VVhat by your will you haue inioynd me to,
Though the world neuer shew me ioy agen.

Colo.
Oh this may be faire cunning for the time,
To put me off, knowing I hold not long,
And when I looke to haue my ioyes accomplish't,
I shall find no such things: that were vilde cosenage,
And not to be repented.

Sist.
By all the blessednes,
Truth and a good life lookes for, I will doo'te sir,

Colo.
Comforts reward you for't, when ere you grieue,
I know if you dare sweare I may belieue.

Exeunt
Enter Captaine Ager.
Cap.
No sooner haue I entrance i'this house now,
But all my ioy falls from mee, which was wont
To be the sanctuary of my comforts:
Me thought I lou'd it with a reuerent gladnes,
As holy men doe consecrated Temples
For the Saints sake, which I belieu'd my mother,
But prou'd a false faith since, a fearefull heresie,
O who'de erect th'assurance of his ioyes
Vpon a womans goodnes? whose best vertue,
Is to commit vnseene, and highest secrecie,
To hide but her owne sin, ther's their perfection,
And if shee be so good, which many faile of to,
When these are bad, how wondrous Ill are they,
What comfort I'st to fight, win this dayes fame,
When all my after dayes, are lamps of shame,
Enter the Lady Ager.
Blessings bee firme to me, hee's come tis hee,
A surgeon speedily;

Cap.
A surgion? why maddam,

Lady.
Perhaps you'le say tis but a little wound
Good to preuent a Danger: quick, a surgeon,

Cap.
Why maddam,

Lady.
I, I, thats all the fault of valiant men,
Theile not be knowne a their hurts till rhei'r past helpe,
And then to late they wish for't:

Cap.
Will you heare mee.

La.
Tis no disparagement to confesse a wound,
I'me glad sir tis no worse, a surgeon quickly,

Capt.
Maddam,

Lady.
Come, come sir, a woun'ds Honorable,
And neuer shames the wearer,

Cap.
By the Iustice
I owe to honour, I came of vntouch't,

Lady.
I'de rather beleeue that;

Cap.
You beleeue truth so,

Lady.
My teares preuaile then, welcome, welcome sir,
As peace and mercy to one new departed,
Why would you goe though, and deceiue me so,
When my aboundant loue tooke all the course
That might be to preuent it, I did that,
For my affections sake, goodnes forgiue me for't,
That were my owne lifes safety put vppon't,
Ide rather dye then doo't, thinke how you vsd me then,
And yet would you goe, and hazard your selfe too,
'Twas but vnkindly done.

Capt.
Whats all this Madame?

Lady.
See then how rash you were and short in wisedome,
Why wrong my faith I did, slanderd my constancy,
Belyed my truth, that which few Mothers will,
Or fewer can, I did, out of true feare
And louing care, onely to keep thee heere.

Capt.
I doubt I am too quick of apprehension, now
And that's a generall fault, when we heere ioyfully,
With the desire of longing fort, I aske it:
Why? were you neuer false,

Lady.
May death come to me,
Before Repentance then?

Capt.
I heard it plaine sure,
Not false at all?

Lady.
By the reward of truth,
I neuer knew that deed
That claimes the name on't.

Capt.
May then that glorious reward you swore by,
Be neuer failing to you, all the blessings
That you haue giuen me since obedient custome
Taught me to kneel & aske 'um, are not valuable
With this immaculate blessing of your truth:
This is the Palme to victory.
The Crowne for all deserts past, and to come,
Let 'em be numberlesse, they are rewarded,
Already they'r rewarded: blesse this frame
I feele it much too weake to beare the ioy on't.

Lady.
Rise Sir,

Capt.
O pardon me—
I cannot honor you too much, too long,
I kneele not onely to a Mother now,
But to a woman that was neuer false,
Yeare deare, and yeare good too: I thinke a that,
What reuerence doe's she merit tis fit such
Should be distinguisht from the prostrate sexe,
And what distinction properer can be showne,
Then honor done to her that keepes her owne,

Lady.
Come sir, Ile haue you rise,

Capt.
To doe a deed then,
rises.
That shall for euer raise me: O my glory,
Why this, this is the quarrell that I lookt for,
The tother but a shift to hold time play,
You sacred ministers of preseruation,
For Heauens sake send him life,
And with it mighty health, and such a strength,
May equal but the cause, I wish no foule things,
If life but glow in him he shall know instantly
That I'me resolud to call him to accompt for't.

Lady.
Why harke you sir,

Cap.
I bind you by your honor, Madame,
You speake no hindernce too't,
Take heed, you ought not

Lady.
What an vnhappines haue I in goodnes,
'Tis euer my desire to intend well
But haue no fortunate way in't, for all this
deserue I yet no better of you: but to be greeud agen?
Are you not well with honest gaine of fame,
With safety purchasd, will you needs tempt a ruine,
That auoyds you?
Exit Lady.

Capt.
No y'aue preuaild: things of this nature sprung,
When they vse action must vse little tongue.
Now sir, the newes?

Enter a Seruant.
Ser.
Sir theres a gentlewoman,
Desires some conference with you.

Capt.
How, with me?
A Gentlewoman? what is she?

Seru.
Her attendant
Deliuered her to be the Colonels Sister.

Capt.
Oh fer a storme then,
'Lasse poore vertuous Gentlewoman,
I wil indure her violence with much pitty,
She comes to ease her heart good noble soule,
Tis ee'ne a charity to release the burden,
Were, not that remedy ordaind for weomen,
Their hearts would neuer hold three yeares together,
And heere she comes, I neuer markt so much of her,
Enter the Colonels Sister.
That face can be the mistris of no anger
But I might very wel indure a month me thinks,
I am the man speake Lady, Ile stand faire.

Sist.
And Ime enioynd by vow to fall thus low,
She kneeles.
And from the dying hand of a repentant
Offer for expiation of wrongs done you,
My selfe, and with my selfe all that was his,
Which vpon that condition was made mine,
Being his soules wish to depart absolute man,
In life a soldier death a Christian.

Capt.
Oh Heauen has toucht him nobly, how it shames
My vertues slow perfection: rise deere brightnes,
I forget manners too, vp matchlesse sweetnesse,

Sist.
I must not sir, there is not in my vow
That liberty, I must be receiu'd first,
Or all denyed, if either, I am free,

Cap.
He must be without soule should deny thee,
And with that reuerence I receiue the guift,
As it was sent me, worthy Colonel,
Has such a conquering way i'th blest things,
Who euer ouercomes, he only wins.

Exit.
Hem, within.
Enter Captaine Albo, a Baud and a Whore.
Bau.

Harke of these hard-hearted Blood-hounds: these
Butchers are ee'ne as mercilesse as their Dogs, they knocke
downe a Womans fame, ee'ne as it walkes the Streetes
by 'um.

Whor.

And the Captaine heere that should defend vs,
walkes by like Iohn of the Apple loft.

Capt.

What for interiections Prisse? Hem, Enax, Vah: let
the Carnifexes scoure their throates: thou knowest there is
a curse hangs ouer their bloudy heads, this yeare there shall
be more Butchers Pricks burnt then of all trades besides.

Bau.

I doe wonder how thou camest to be a Captaine.

Cap.

As thou camest to be a Baud Meg, and Prisse to be a
whore, euery one by their deserts.

Bau.

Baud, and Whore? out you vnprofitable raskall, hast
not thou beene at the new Play yet, to teach thee better
manners: truely they say they are the finest Players, and
good speakers of Gentle-women of our quality; Baud and
Whore is not mention'd amongst 'um, but the handsomest
narrow-mouth'd names they haue for vs, that some of them
may serue as well for a Lady, as for one of our occupation.

Who.

Prethee Patronesse, lets goe see a peece of that Play:
if we shall haue good words for our mony, tis as much as we
can deserue ifaith.

Bau.

I doubt 'tis too late now, but another time Seruant.

Cap.

Let's goe now sweet face I am acquainted with one
of the Pantomimick, the Bulchins will vse the Irish Captaine
with respect, and you two shall bee boxt amongst the better
sort.

Who.

Sirra Captaine Albo, I doubt you are but white-liuer'd,
looke that you defend vs valiantly, you know your
pennance else: Patronesse, you remember how you vs'd
him once?

Bau.

I seruant, and I shall neuer forget it, till I vse him so
agen: doe you remember Captaine?

Cap.

Mum Meg, I will not heare on't now.

Bau.

How I and my Amazons stript you as naked as an
Indian.

Cap.

Why Meg?

Bau.

And then how I bound you to the good behauiour,
in the open fields.

Who.

And then you strow'd oates vpon his hoppers.

Cap.

Prethee sweet face.

Who.

And then brought your Ducks to nibble vpon, him
you remember?

Cap.

Oh, the remembrance tortures me agen, no more
good sweet face.

Bau.

Well, lead on Sir: but harke a little.

Enter Chaugh and Trim.
Chau.

Didst thou bargaine for the bladders with the
Butcher Trim?

Trim.

I sir, I haue 'um heere, I'le practise to swim too sir, and
then I may roare with the water at London bridge, he that
roares by land and by water both, is the the perfect Roarer.

Chau.

Well Ile venter to swim too: if my father in Law
giues me a good dowry with his daughter, I shall hold vp
my head well enough.

Trim.

Peace, sir, heere's practise for our roaring, heer's a
Centaure, and two Hippocrenes.

Chau.

Offer the iustle Trim.

Iustle:
Cap.

Ha? What meanest thou by that?

Trim.

I meane to confront thee, Cyclops.

Chau.

Ile tell thee what a meanes, is this thy Sister?

Cap.

How then sir?

Chau.

Why then I say shee is a Bronsterops: and this is
a Fueus.

Who.

No indeed sir, we are both Fucusses.

Cap.

Art thou military? art thou a Soldier?

Chau.

A Soldier, no I scorne to be so poore, I am a Roarer.

Cap.

A Roarer?

Trim.
I sir, two Roarers.

Ca.

Know then my fresh water friends, that I am a Capten.

Chau.

What, and haue but two to serue vnder you?

Cap.

I am now retiring the field.

Trim.

You may see that by his Bag and Baggage.

Chau.

Deliuer vp thy Panagron to me.

Trim.

And giue me thy Sindicus.

Cap.

Deliuer?

Bau.

I pray you Captaine bee contented, the Gentlemen
seeme to giue vs very good wordes.

Chau.

Good words? I if you could vnderstand 'um, the
words cost twenty pound.

Bau.

What is your pleasure Gentlemen?

Chau.

I would enucleate my Fructifer.

Who.

What sayes he Patronesse?

Bau.

He would enoculate: I vnderstand the Gentleman
very pithily.

Cap.

Speake, are you Gentile or Plebeyan, can you giue
Armes?

Chau.

Armes? I sir, you shall feele our armes presently.

Trim.

Sault you the Women, Ile pepper him til he flinks
agen: I perceiue what Country-man hee is, let mee alone
with him.

Cap.

Dar'st thou charge a Captaine?

Trim.

Yes, and discharge vpon him too.

Cap.

Foh, tis poyson to my Country, the slaue has eaten
pippins: Oh shoote no more, turne both thy Broad-sides
rather then thy Poope: 'tis foule play: my Country breeds
no poyson: I yeelde, the great O Toole shall yeeld on these
condicions.

Chau.

I haue giuen one of 'um a faire fall Trim.

Trim.

Then thus farre wee bring home Conquest: follow
me Captaine, the Cyclops doth command.

Chau.

Follow mee Tweaks, the Centaure doth command.

Bau.

Any thing sweet Gentlemen, wilt please you to lead
to the Tauerne, where weele make all friends.

Trim.

Why now you come to the conclusion.

Chau.

Stay, Trim; I haue heard your Tweakes are like
your Mer-maydes, they haue sweet voyces to entice the
passengers: lets haue a Song, and then weele set 'um at
liberty.

Trim.

In the commendation of Roaring, not else Sir.

Chau.

I, in the commendation of Roaring.

Bau.

The best we can Gentlemen.

Sing Baud.

Ch.

Melodious Minotaure.

Tr.
Harmonious Hippocrene.

Ch.

Sweet-brested Bronsterops.

Tr.
Most tunable Tweake.

Chau.

Delicious Duplar.

Trim.
Putrefactious Panagron.

Ch.

Calumnious Calient.

Tr.
And most singular Sindicus.

Bau.

We shall neuer be able to deserue these good words
at your hand. Gentlemen.

Cap.

Shake golls with the Captaine, hee shall be thy valiant
friend.

Chau.

Not yet Captaine, wee must make an end of our
Roaring first.

Trim.

Wee'le serue 'um as we did the Tobacco-man: lay
a curse vpon 'um, marry wee'le lay it on gently, because they
haue vsed vs so kindly, and then wee'le shake gols together.

Who.

As gently as you can, sweet Gentlemen.

Ch.

For thee, Oh Pander: maist thou trudge till the damn'd
soles of thy boots fleet into durt, but neuer rise into Ayre.

Trim.

Next, maist thou fleet so long from place to place,
till thou beest kickt out of Fleetstreet.

Chau.

As thou hast liued by bad flesh, so rotten mutton be
thy bane.

Trim.

When thou art dead, may twenty whores follow
thee, that thou maist goe a Squire to thy graue.

Cap.

Enough for me sweet faces, let me sleepe in my graue.

Ch.

For thee old Sindicus, may I see thee ride in a Caroch
with two wheeles, and drawne with one horse.

Trim.

Ten Beadles running by, in stead of foot-men.

Cha.

With euery one a whip, steed of an Irish dart.

Trim.

Forty Barbers Basons sounding before in steed of
Trumpets.

Bau.

This will be comly indeed sweet Gentlemen Roarers.

Trim.

Thy Ruffe starch't yellow with rotten Egges.

Chau.

And maist thou then be drawne from Holborne, to
Hounslow-Heath.

Trim.

And then be burnt to Colebrooke for destroying of
Maydenhead.

Bau.

I will study to deserue this kindnesse at your hands
Gentlemen.

Chau.

Now for thee little Fucus, Maist thou first serue out
thy time as a Tweake, and then become a Bronstrops as she is.

Trim.

Maist thou haue a reasonable good Spring, for thou
art like to haue many dangerous foule falls.

Chau.

Maist thou haue two Ruffes torne in one weeke.

Trim.

May Spiders onely weane thy Cobweb-lawne:

Chau.

Maist thou set vp in Rogue Lane.

Trim.

Liue till thou stink'st in Garden-Allyes.

Chau.

And die sweetly in Tower-Ditch.

Who.

I thanke you for that good sir Roarer.

Ch.

Come, shall we goe now Trim, my father in law stayes
for me all this while.

Trim.

Nay, I'le serue 'um as wee did the Tobacco-man: Ile
burie 'um altogether, and giue 'um an Epitaph.

Chaugh.

All together Trim, why then the Epitaph will
be accessary to the sinne: alas, he has kept the doore all his
life time, for pity let 'um lye together in their graues.

Ca.
Eene as thou wilt Trim, and I thank you too sir.

Trim.
He that the reason would know, let him harke,
Why these two were buried neere Maribone Parke:
These three were a Pander, a Baud, and a Whore,
That suckt many dry to the bones before.
Will you know how they liu'd? heer't may be red,
The low Countries did euer finde 'um bred,
They liu'd by Flushing, by Sluce, and the Groyne,
Sickened in France, and dyed vnder the Line.
Three letters at last commended 'um hither,
But the hangman broke one in putting together.
P. was the first, who cryes out for a Pardon,
O. craues his booke, yet could not read such a hard one,
An X. was the last, which in coniunction
Was broke by Brandon, and heere's the conclusion.
By three trees, three letters; these three, Pander, Baud, Whore:
Now stinke below ground, stunke long aboue before.

Chau.

So, now we haue done with you, remember Roaring
Boyes.

Trim.

Farewell Centaure.

Chau.
Farewell Bronsterops.

Trim.

Farewell Fucus.

Exeunt Chaugh and Trim.
Cap.

Well Meg: I will learne to Roare, and still maintaine
the name of Captaine ouer these Launcepresadoes.

Bau.

If thou do'st not, maist thou bee buried vnder the
Roaring curse.

Exeunt.