University of Virginia Library


19

THE BARBER.

[_]

A fragment of a Pindaric Ode, from an old Manuscript in the Museum, which Mr. Gray certainly had in his eye when he wrote his “Bard.”

I.

Ruin seize thee, scoundrel Coe!
Confusion on thy frizzing wait;
Hadst thou the only comb below,
Thou never more shouldst touch my pate.

20

Club nor queue, nor twisted tail,
Nor e'en thy chatt'ring, barber! shall avail
To save thy horse whipp'd back from daily fears;
From Cantab's curse, from Cantab's tears!
Such were the sounds that o'er the powder'd pride
Of Coe the barber scatter'd wild dismay,
As down the steep of Jackson's slippery lane
He wound with puffing march his toilsome, tardy, way.

II.

In a room where Cambridge town
Frowns o'er the kennels stinking flood,
Rob'd in a flannel powd'ring gown,
With haggard eyes poor Erskine stood;
(Long his beard, and blouzy hair,
Stream'd like an old wig to the troubled air;)
And with clung guts, and face than razor thinner,
Swore the loud sorrows of his dinner.
Hark! how each striking clock and tolling bell,
With awful sounds, the hour of eating tell!
O'er thee, oh Coe! their dreaded notes they wave,
Soon shall such sounds proclaim thy yawning grave;
Vocal in vain, through all this ling'ring day,
The grace already said, the plates all swept away.

III.

Cold is Beau --- tongue,
That sooth'd each virgin's pain;
Bright perfumed M--- has cropp'd his head:
Almacks! you moan in vain
Each youth whose high toupee
Made huge Plinlimmon bow his cloud-capt head,
In humble Tyburn-top we see;
Esplash'd with dirt and sun-burnt face;
Far on before the ladies mend their pace,
The Macoroni sneers, and will not see.
Dear lost companions of the coxcomb's art,
Dear as a turkey to these famish'd eyes,
Dear as the ruddy port which warms my heart,
Ye sunk amidst the fainting Misses' cries—
No more I weep—They do not sleep:

21

At yonder ball a slovenly band,
I see them sit; they linger yet,
Avenger's of fair Nature's hand;
With me in dreadful resolution join,
To crof with one accord, and starve their cursed line.

IV.

Weave the warp, and weave the woof,
The winding-sheet of barber's race;
Give ample room and verge enough
Their lengthen'd lanthorn jaws to trace.
Mark the year, and mark the night,
When all their shops shall echo with affright,
Loud screams shall through St. James's turrets ring,
To see, like Eton boy, the King!
Puppies of France, with unrelenting paws
That crape the foretops of our aching heads;
No longer England owns thy fribblish laws,
No more her folly Gallia's vermin feeds.
They wait at Dover for the first fair wind,
Soup-meagre in the van, and snuff, roast-beaf behind.

V.

Mighty barbers, mighty lords,
Low on a greasy bench they lie!
No pitying heart, or purse, affords
A sixpence for a mutton-pye!
Is the mealy 'prentice fled?
Poor Coe is gone, all supperless to bed.
The swarm that in thy shop each morning sat,
Comb their lank hair on forehead flat:
Fair laughs the morn, when all the world are beaux,
While vainly strutting thro' a silly land,
In foppish train the puppy barber goes;
Lace on his shirt, and money at command,
Regardless of the skulking bailiff's sway,
That hid in some dark court expects his ev'ning prey.

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VI.

The porter-mug fill high,
Baked curls and locks prepare;
Reft of our heads, they yet by wigs may live,
Close by the greasy chair
Fell thirst and famine lie,
No more to art will beauteous nature give.
Heard ye the gang of Fielding say,
Sir John at last we've found their haunt
To desperation driv'n by hungry want,
Thro' the crammed laughing Pit they steal their way.
Ye tow'rs of Newgate! London's lasting shame,
By many a foul and midnight murder fed,
Revere poor Mr. Coe, the blacksmith's fame,
And spare the grinning barber's chuckle head.

VII.

Rascals! we tread thee under foot,
(Weave we the woof; the thread is spun);
Our beards we pull out by the root;
(The web is wove; your work is done).
‘Stay, oh, stay! nor thus forlorn
Leave me uncurl'd, undinner'd, here to mourn.
Thro' the broad gate, that leads to College Hall,
They melt, they fly, they vanish all.
But, oh! what happy scenes of pure delight,
Slow moving on their simple charms unroll!
Ye rapt'rous visions! spare my aching sight,
Ye unborn beauties crowd not on my soul!
No more our long-lost Coventry we wail:
All hail, ye genuine forms; fair Nature's issue, hail!

VIII.

Not friz'd and fritter'd, pinn'd and roll'd,
Sublime their artless locks they wear,
And gorgeous dames, and judges old,
Without their têtes and wigs appear;

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In the midst a form divine,
Her dress bespeaks the Pensylvanian line,
Her port demure, her grave, religious face,
Attemper'd sweet to virgin-grace.
What sylphs and spirits wanton thro' the air!
What erowds of little angels round her play!
Hear from thy sepulchre, great Penn! oh, hear!
A scene like this might animate thy clay.
Simplicity now soaring as she sings,
Waves in the eye of Heav'n her Quaker colour'd wings.

IX.

No more tupees are seen
That mock at Alpine height,
And queues with many a yard of ribbon bound,
All now are vanished quite.
No tongs, or torturing pin,
But ev'ry head is trimm'd quite snug around:
Like boys of the cathedral choir,
Curls, such as Adam wore, we wear,
Each simpler generation blooms more fair,
'Till all that's artificial expire.
Vain puppy boy! think'st thou yon' essenc'd cloud,
Rais'd by thy puff, can vie with Nature's hue?
To-morrow see the variegated crowd
With ringlets shining like the morning dew,
Enough for me: with joy I see
The different dooms our fates assign:
Be thine to love thy trade and starve;
To wear what Heaven bestow'd be mine:
He said, and headlong from the trap-stairs' height,
Quick thro' the frczen street, he ran in shabby plight.
 

Sir John Fielding the active Police Magistrate of that day.

Coe's father, the blacksmith of Cambridge.


24

THE FARMER'S VISION.

The following lines were occasioned by my having, at the instance of my bailiff in Sussex, complained to a neighbour of his rookery, the only one in that part of the country; but having been afterwards convinced of the utility of rooks, I countermanded my complaint, and wrote “The Farmer's Vision.”

The lines are very incorrect and unfinished, being sketched only as a domestic amusement, to inspire humane and moral feelings in a new generation of my family, and with that view were inscribed to my eldest grand-daughter, Frances Erskine, as the fair poetress of St. Leonard's Forest, who, though not then sixteen years of age, could have handled the subject much better herself. It is, indeed, so capable of being made interesting, that I would have prolonged the vision, and worked it up into a Poem, but for an insuperable objection, viz. THAT I AM NOT A POET. It is not fit for publication, and a few copies are only printed for friends who asked for them, as it was too long to make them in writing.

E.
Old Æsop taught vain man to look,
In Nature's much neglected book,
To birds and beasts by giving speech,
For lessons out of common reach;
And though 'tis said they speak no more,
Once only too in days of yore,
They whisper truths on Reason's ear,
If human pride would stoop to hear—
Nay, often in loud clamours crave
The rights which bounteous Nature gave.
A flock of Rooks—my story goes,
Of all our birds the most verbose,—
Took their black flight to Buchan Hill,
On Willard's oats to eat their fill:

25

His gun he fired, when off they flew,
With scatter'd rear of not a few,
Fainting from many a cruel wound,
And dropping lifeless on the ground.
But one, bold rising on the wing,
Thus seem'd to speak—Rooks never sing—
“Before the Lord of this domain,
Sure, Justice should not plead in vain,
How can his vengeance thus be hurl'd
Against his favourite lower world?
A sentence he must blush to see
Without a summons or a plea;
E'en in his proudest, highest times,
He ne'er had cognizance of crimes,
And shall he now, with such blind fury,
In flat contempt of judge and jury,
Foul murder sanction in broad day,
Not on the King's but God's highway?”
Touch'd with the sharp, but just appeal,
Well turn'd at least to make me feel,
Instant this solemn oath I took—
“No hand shall rise against a Rook.”
Scarce had the solemn pledge been given,
When, signal of approving Heaven,
A form angelic seem'd to fly,
On meteor wing, athwart the sky,
Soaring in dazzling volutes round,
Until at last he reach'd the ground,
Just where my beeches hope to grow,
When the fierce tempests cease to blow —

26

Aloud he cried—“The bird you saw,
Broke not the universal law;”
His speech, no wonder, seem'd most strange,
Since Nature's laws can never change—
“'Twas I that hover'd in the air—
The secrets of this world I bear—
Know, then, since Man's disastrous fall,
He still, though Sovereign Lord of all,
Must share, by the Supreme decree,
With creatures of the land and sea.
Whatever lands or seas produce,
The gifts of Heaven for common use:
Though Man subdues the stubborn soil,
Their portion is not therefore spoil;
What are their rights, their instincts prove,
Beyond whose bounds they cannot move,
But all the ample range within
Became their own by Adam's sin;
From thence arose a deadly sting,
Infix'd in every living thing:
But Heaven, its mercy still to show,
Palsied this else destructive foe,
By forging an unbounded chain
Of dying and of life again—
First the mute plants enjoy their hour,
They live in the consummate flower,
With sexual love embrace their kind,
And leave their endless tribes behind,
Midst the pale fading stalks are seen
Their infants swath'd in vivid green;
In this perfum'd and painted bed,
The smaller animals are bred,
Where myriads fill their countless span,
Unseen by any art of man,
Whilst still in the ascending line
New things arise by power divine;
But all their mortal nature feel
As turns the quick revolving wheel;
Yet when in heaps the largest die,
No rank corruption taints the sky;
The putrid mass restores the ground
Till vital heat in Death's cold arms is found—

27

Here runs out the mysterious clue,
And the great course begins anew:
Type of that promis'd glorious day,
When Earth's whole scene shall pass away,
When time himself, grown sick with age,
Shall perish on this mortal stage,
And Death, subdued in Heavenly strife,
Shall sink beneath eternal life.
But truths, which angels cannot reach,
Are far beyond my powers to teach;
Yet learn what human kind may scan,
The law which rules this fallen state of Man.
The lower world's allotted part
Was given, to turn the fatal dart
Aside from him, whose trespass gave
All nature to the penal grave;
For think not that the curse of hell
On living creatures only fell;
The globe, through all its frame partook
Man's mortal doom, and since has shook
With inward flames, whilst fever'd air
Flashes with due electric glare;
Nor could this mighty chief endure
One single hour the mass impure,
But for the aids creation gives,—
By others lives and deaths he lives.
The serpent first, his earliest foe,
And the whole reptile class below,
From earth their deadliest venoms draw,
Thriving by an inverted law,
Which life, in various forms, bestows
Midst vapours whence such poison flows,
That none dare meet the fatal damp,
Without fam'd Davy's magic lamp—
Blasts that from caverns issuing hot,
Would kill a giant on the spot,
If left, with undiminish'd power,
Man's feeble organs to devour:—
But filter'd thro' their sluggish forms,
From monstrous snakes to smallest worms,

28

Fell hydrogen is chas'd away,
And air resumes its wholesome sway.
The insect tribes you vainly fear,
As hidden cause of famine drear;
Rashly defam'd—you cannot see,
In their minute anatomy,
Their various duties, nor their skill
To aid the Universal Will;
Insects are but a mass of life,
Engag'd with Death in constant strife,
And, whilst triumphant in the fight,
Presumptuous man complains of blight.
What falsehoods will not human folly dare!
They form the very element of air;
Their beings all its vital powers supply,
Without them, vacuum is, when all must die.—
In the large animals, you see
And own a wise economy,—
Their strength, their gifts, distinctly prove
A system of protecting love;
Without their aids, Man's boundless sway
You feel would languish and decay;
Plain lesson sure, that others bear
Like stations in paternal care,
With powers all weigh'd in nicest scale,
That none to mischief may prevail;
Nor could the soil its produce yield,
Tho' Coke himself prepared the field,
But for the never-ceasing round,
In which both life and death are found:
But chief when tilth is first begun,
Earth meets the air and blessed sun,

29

Then numbers beyond numb'ring rise,
Some skim the earth, some scour the skies;
Th' astonish'd farmer toils in vain,
Each hour destroys his ripening grain,
But Providence beholds the scene,
And other beings step between,—
Yet let not man presume to know
Their course, nor dare to strike the blow;

30

Blind as the mole he snares,—shall he,
Murmuring at the Supreme decree,
At random break that mighty chain,
No link of which is made in vain?
At Oatlands, where the buoyant air
Vast clouds of Rooks can scarcely bear,
What verdure paints returning spring!
What crops surrounding harvests bring!
Yet swarms on every tree are found,
Nor hear the fowler's dreaded sound;
And when the kite's resistless blow
Dashes their scatter'd nests below,
Alarm'd they quit the distant field,
To seek the park's indulgent shield,

31

Where, close in the o'ershadowing wood,
They build new cradles for their brood,
Secure—their fair protectress nigh,
Whose bosom swells with sympathy—
Nor glows a heavenly breast in vain—
God builds her royal house again,
And bids Frederica smiling see
Restor'd great Frederick's monarchy,
See Gallia's ruthless vultures die—
Whilst the Black Eagle mounts the sky—
But scenes like this how rare to find!
As rare as York's delightful mind.
To man, whoever pleads the cause
Of Nature's universal laws,
Must prove them made alone for him;
To other views his sight is dim:
Your grave philosopher will tell ye,
To clothe his back and fill his belly

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Is the grand scope of all creation,
The rest but mere imagination.—
Ungrateful masters!—Yes—'tis true;
But servants should have comforts too—
The bounteous Author of the whole,
Inspir'd as with one living soul,
Each sentient being, great and small,
Eternal Justice reigns thro' all,
And selfish man, the secret known,
Must guard their rights to save his own.
Thus rooks, of corn must have their fill,
Or else farewell to Buchan Hill—
For proof yon lonely insect see
Sav'd out of millions only he.”
A wireworm then his speech address'd,
And thus the hidden truth confess'd—
“Yes—out of millions, million fold,
The last upon your soil behold;
From your good neighbour's highest tree
Black harpies came, and left but me,
Harpies to us the worst of fiends,
To you the best and surest friends—
Know, then, the various seeds you sowed,
That the first burst of vigour showed,
Were never touch'd by tongue of Rook,
The whole, both root and branch, we took,
And but for those, you seek to kill,
Darting with never-ceasing bill,
No grain that Sussex ever knew
Would raise one single blade for you;
Still might you sow whole miles of oats,
Yet not be richer twenty groats;

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E'en the fam'd grasses Petworth grows,
Midst all that wealth or skill bestows,
Would, as thro' magic, disappear,
Nor rise with Spring another year.
Cease, then, unjustly to complain,
With impious threats, or pilfer'd grain,
It is their wages for the good
They do in making us their food;
Their portion of the crop is small,
Better spare that than give us all
If thrift impels your bailiff's rage,
Let larger views his thoughts engage.
To pluck up taxes by the root,
Let him both Lords and Commons shoot;
And still to keep the merry farce on,
To end all tithing, shoot the parson;
Still more, to save your Lordship's pelf,
Next shoot the shepherd—last himself—
Then see what helpless man could do,
By saving that to others due:
When government was at an end
Who would your lonely cot defend?
Religion's altars overthrown,
Moral restraints there would be none;
If Rooks offend you, who would then
Protect you from worse thefts of men—
What from the midnight murderer's knife,
Now fearless rais'd against your life?
When clos'd your steward's watchful eye
Your choicest cattle soon would die,
Your fields unsown, your rents unpaid,
Your smiling farms in ruins laid—
Your shepherd gone, your flocks would roam,
Nor find at night their shelter'd home;

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No labourers left to pare and burn,
The barren heath would soon return,
And woods unthin'd would strew the ground
On every storm's relentless sound.
To laws of God then, or of man,
Ordain'd for this contracted span,
Let each submit within his sphere,
Nor hope to find perfection here.
Farewell—for I have liv'd a day,
And from this world must haste away,
Enjoy your longer—higher life,
Set free at last from hourly strife;
Rush not into the toils again
Nor wealth nor honours to attain;
Here happier prospects you may see;
Your guardian spirit speaks thro' me,
For not to us was reason given,
Nor speech, by all disposing Heaven,—
Those ampler powers, and form divine,
Image of God, are only thine—
Yon radiant angel, still in view,
Was once a mortal man like you—
Yet see, He bursts upon the sight
With wings outspread 'midst floods of light.”
I look'd, but nought was seen around,
Nor heard, but distant thunder's sound.
 

At that time my bailiff in Sussex.

Alluding to the Bill I introdueed into the House of Lords to prevent cruelty to animals.

The Chancellor has no criminal jurisdiction.

I surrounded my Cottage for shelter, which was before entirely exposed on almost the summit of a high hill, by taking beeches out of my woods of a very considerable age and height, where they have since stood, till very lately, rigged during the winter like ships to hold them against storms that sometimes blow in at my windows and threaten my roof, but have hitherto spared my navy, which has rode out many tremendous gales without the loss of a cable, and now braves them without support: all the trees having taken root and flourished.

Mr. Coke of Norfolk—the most enlightened agriculturist, the soundest politician, and one of the honestest and best men this country ever bred.—Every British Statesman should once, at least visit Holkham, at the Annual Meeting called the Sheep Sheering— they would there see the erroneous policy of too extensive a system of colonization, and the folly of encouraging the emigration of our people, whilst so many millions of acres, in our own island, are lying waste. The subjeet is much too large and important for a note, but I owed this homage to Mr. Coke.

It may be necessary here to come under the poet's licence, otherwise vermin of all descriptions, however manifestly destructive in our gardens, ought to be permitted to lay them waste.—The cconomy of nature throughout the minuter gradations of animal life mocks all investigation; yet Providence must undoubtedly have intended that all created beings should be fed as their instincts direct. Trees, therefore, of all kinds bear their fruits and seeds in a thousand times greater quantity than are necessary for their reproductions, and which must obviously have been intended for animal subsistance.—When they grow in a wild state innumerable tribes of birds and insects take their allotted proportions without interference, and man is contented with what remains, whatever it may be; but in the resorts of luxury he will bear no partnership.— The peaches and nectarines on his walls bring an hundred times what would come to his reach if they grew in the desert, yet he will not spare one of them, but hangs his honeyed bottles on every branch, when wasps and other insects surround them; not, indeed in their natural number, but multiplied by the allurements of human monopoly. —In the same manner, when men congregate in large cities, and amass greater wealth than is, perhaps, consistent with a wholesome state of society, thieves and robbers abound in proportion; and the judge at the Old Bailey, like the gardener in the orchard, has a duty imposed upon him to keep them down.

Cowper, in his Task, has given the rule for our conduct to the lower world in almost a word; and the latitude he allows to man's acknowledged dominion, is surely amply sufficient.—

“The sum is this—if man's convenience, health,
Or safety interfere, his rights and claims
Are paramount, and must extinguish theirs,
Else they are all—the meanest things that are
As free to live, and enjoy that life
As God was free to form them at the first,
Who in his sovereign wisdom made them all.”

The whole subject of humanity to animals is so beautifully and strikingly illustrated in this admirable poem, that no parents ought to be satisfied until their children have that part of it by heart.

For myself, my opinion is, that we rarely succeed in a war of utter extermination against animals we proscribe; and even if we could prevail, others more mischievous than those we destroy might multiply, perhaps, from their destruction.— We ought, therefore, to be contented to destroy the individuals or masses of them, when they grievously offend, rather than carry on a systematic war against them for their total annihilation. It is thought by many well-informed persons, that the destruction of weasels, and creatures of that description, for the preservation of the game, has increased the number of the field-rat in many parts of England: an animal more dangerously destructive. It is extremely difficult, besides, if not quite impossible, to subdue whole classes of innumerable and scarcely visible insects—witness the ineffectual attempts, by lime, by soot, and by all that chemistry could bring into action, to overpower the Turnip Fly, that unrelenting enemy to every farmer.—This little Epicure feeds on its first leaf, which is soft and smooth, shewing itself in a few days after sowing, but when the second or rough leaf appears, their repast is over, when they either die or remove in search of other food; many ingenious contrivances have been invented to carry on against them an exterminating hostility, but their incalculable numbers and dexterous instinct of self-preservation have always defeated them. Mr. Coke, who in all his experiments seems to follow after the pattern of nature, and to be aware of the folly of systematically counteracting her, pursues a more natural and a more successful course: he sows more than double the quantity of turnipseed usually sown by others, or which could possibly come forward to a crop.—At this extraordinary feast the flies are left undisturbed, and before the superfluous and otherwise useless vegetation can be consumed, the rough leaf appears, when they instantly emigrate to his neighbour's territories, with probably four or five generations of their families, where, if there be only an ordinary sowing for their support, they eat up the whole in a day, and leave the farmer nothing. —The fact is, that they often move from place to place, and are occasionally billetted upon us by nature upon their march, and we must provide for them the allotted cations under the common penalty of a distress.

Frederica, Duchess of York, Princess Royal of Prussia at the time of her marriage, and niece of Frederick the Great.

Amusing myself often with poetry, but, as I have said in the preface, at no time aspiring to the name or character of a poet, I never should have regretted the insignificance of this little fable, but for the accidental allusion in it to Her Royal Highness. The exalted rank and retired habits of this excellent Princess confining the knowledge of her talents, manners, and distinguished accomplishments within the contracted circle of a few, I should have been more desirous to record them in unfading numbers; but no man can add a cubit to his stature, and I must, therefore, content myself in this note to express my affection, admiration, and respect.

The “Farmer's Vision” was written immediately after the battle of Leipsic, whilst Europe was following up the advantage of that great conflict, and the victory of Waterloo confirmed this prophetic vision. It cannot, therefore, be considered as flattery, nor even partial regard, to remark, how greatly the skill and unwearied attention of the Commander-in-Chief of our army contributed to the glory of that memorable event;—since, as great performers on music must have the finest and best tuned instruments to draw out their extraordinary execution, —so, the most accomplished officers must have the highest disciplined troops to secure their genius in the tremendous crisis of such a battle. Such British troops the illustrious Wellington commanded when, in a single day, he re-edified a world almost in ruins. I shall never therefore think that our national character for generosity and justice is wound up until some public reward is conferred by Parliament on the Duke of York.

These destructive insects, particularly in lands newly broken up, devour every thing before them; but a large flock of rooks will in half a day destroy a number of them equal, perhaps, to all the inhabitants of Great Britain: yet, I have no doubt that the wireworm was created for some salutary purpose, since the balance of animal life appears thus to be preserved by natural means, without our frequently vain effort to preserve it.

Lord Egremont, by his judieious improvements in Sussex, has set a most useful example in our county, which, not with standing its vicinity to London, is at least half a century behind any other that I am acquainted with; and its appearance in many parts, from neglect of cultivation, roads and canals, has been cast mistakingly on the land, to the great injury of landed proprietors in the valuation of their estates

It is the general opinion of naturalists that numerous classes of insects are brought into life by the action of the sun, and, having laid the foundation of a new generation, sink again for ever in the first shade of night. My friend William Spencer mentioned to me a remarkable instance of these ephemera in a whitish moth, which he had frequently seen on the banks of the Neckar, near Heidelberg. In the morning the air was thronged with them rising on the wing, but they fell like the withering leaves of autumn, when the sun was going down.


35

EPIGRAM.

[_]

The late Dr. Lettsom used to sign his prescriptions, “I. Lettsom,” a circumstance which coupled with some peculiarities in his conversation, gave rise to the following Epigram:—

Whenever patients comes to I,
I physics, bleeds, and sweats 'em;
If after that they choose to die,
Whats that to me!—I Letts 'em.

IMPROMPTUS.

[All who in safety wish to be]

All who in safety wish to be,
Should watch the safest marks at sea;
But noting sea-marks only one,
Commend me to Mark Anderson.

36

[Of depth profound, o'erflowing far]

Of depth profound, o'erflowing far,
I venerate the Edinbro' bar;
But muttering curses 'twixt my teeth,
I abhor the shallow bar of Leith.