English Roses by F. Harald Williams [i.e. F. W. O. Ward] |
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THE NEW CODE OF 1999. |
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 | English Roses |  |
THE NEW CODE OF 1999.
When the New Code of the ages, carefully evolved through stages
Of more Aclands into pages of the most portentous length;
Reached the climax of perfection by a process of selection
Heedless of mere class objection, it attained a fearful strength;
And My Lords who elevated England's youth and fulminated
Their imperial laws, orated in proud rescripts without pause
Comforts for the millions yearly coddled, and instructed clearly
How to bleed Producers dearly with some fresh and leech-like clause.
Of more Aclands into pages of the most portentous length;
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Heedless of mere class objection, it attained a fearful strength;
And My Lords who elevated England's youth and fulminated
Their imperial laws, orated in proud rescripts without pause
Comforts for the millions yearly coddled, and instructed clearly
How to bleed Producers dearly with some fresh and leech-like clause.
Every pupil had a teacher to himself who was a preacher
Of strange gospels, and a reacher through all science and each art
And unheard of pranks and passes loved by molecules and gases,
Precious to the sovereign Masses and their rather costly heart;
And he had as much of Learning or as little as his yearning
Mind which never thought of earning for himself or others chose,
And no tutor would (however scientifical and clever
His certificates) endeavour to disturb one child's repose.
Of strange gospels, and a reacher through all science and each art
And unheard of pranks and passes loved by molecules and gases,
Precious to the sovereign Masses and their rather costly heart;
And he had as much of Learning or as little as his yearning
Mind which never thought of earning for himself or others chose,
And no tutor would (however scientifical and clever
His certificates) endeavour to disturb one child's repose.
Every pupil trained in “Do Fa” and the rest enjoyed a sofa.
From the rates which had to go far now, and were a monstrous drain
On the groaning squire and squarson and the casual fossil parson
Left by taxes worse than arson in their greediness of gain;
Yes, he had an arm-chair present and his own apartment pleasant—
Far more spacious for the peasant than for any royal Prince—
And a cheery stove the latest and the best, which gave the greatest
Warmth and stood the awful State test, at which feebler stoves would wince.
From the rates which had to go far now, and were a monstrous drain
On the groaning squire and squarson and the casual fossil parson
Left by taxes worse than arson in their greediness of gain;
Yes, he had an arm-chair present and his own apartment pleasant—
Far more spacious for the peasant than for any royal Prince—
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Warmth and stood the awful State test, at which feebler stoves would wince.
Every pupil had a servant waiting on him fond and fervent
Just to help his harassed nerve, anticipating the least need,
In the winter with hot water-bottles for his cosy quarter
When the Influenza slaughter spared no person's cloth or creed;
In the summer time with fanning to assuage the heat unmanning
By a little pleasant planning, and in other welcome ways
To make parishes more debtful, and insure him from the fretful
Cares and flies that were forgetful or the sun's aggressive rays.
Just to help his harassed nerve, anticipating the least need,
In the winter with hot water-bottles for his cosy quarter
When the Influenza slaughter spared no person's cloth or creed;
In the summer time with fanning to assuage the heat unmanning
By a little pleasant planning, and in other welcome ways
To make parishes more debtful, and insure him from the fretful
Cares and flies that were forgetful or the sun's aggressive rays.
Every pupil had his dinners free and paid for by the sinners
Who were better off and winners of the wealth the State required,
Not mere miserable pottage once a boon to boor and cottage
But prime thumping steaks and what age quite as much as youth desired;
Pudding too (and not by measure meted) at his utmost pleasure
To sustain the priceless treasure as the standards' course went on,
And all delicacies grateful to his palate by the plateful
Even at lessons, no more hateful to the school phenomenon.
Who were better off and winners of the wealth the State required,
Not mere miserable pottage once a boon to boor and cottage
But prime thumping steaks and what age quite as much as youth desired;
Pudding too (and not by measure meted) at his utmost pleasure
To sustain the priceless treasure as the standards' course went on,
And all delicacies grateful to his palate by the plateful
Even at lessons, no more hateful to the school phenomenon.
Every pupil had the papers night and morning, and cut capers
With the last new lamps and tapers, if his eyesight was not good;
And though later he might grovel in some mean and grimy hovel,
Yet at school could claim the novel which adjacent ever stood;
And discussed each burning question whether sex or indigestion
With a frank and broad suggestion and with all his learning pat,
Never in the dullest season at a loss for some fit reason
Why he played at cards or treason like a free Arithmocrat.
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And though later he might grovel in some mean and grimy hovel,
Yet at school could claim the novel which adjacent ever stood;
And discussed each burning question whether sex or indigestion
With a frank and broad suggestion and with all his learning pat,
Never in the dullest season at a loss for some fit reason
Why he played at cards or treason like a free Arithmocrat.
Every pupil had the middle of his studies and each riddle
Soothed by the delectant fiddle found by his paternal Board,
And indulged in pure immersions and the elegant excursions
With all kinds of dear diversions lavished from rich neighbours' hoard;
While he patronized his betters and he multiplied the fetters
Forged by statesmen turned to sweaters of a large imperial kind,
And requited with rude chatter benefits that made him fatter
In developing his matter at the cost of his small mind.
Soothed by the delectant fiddle found by his paternal Board,
And indulged in pure immersions and the elegant excursions
With all kinds of dear diversions lavished from rich neighbours' hoard;
While he patronized his betters and he multiplied the fetters
Forged by statesmen turned to sweaters of a large imperial kind,
And requited with rude chatter benefits that made him fatter
In developing his matter at the cost of his small mind.
Every pupil was a master and with progress moved the faster
On in spite of such disaster as the overburdened Rates,
Living on the milk and honey and expending still more money
Ere he came to matrimony and the life that educates;
Till Her Majesty's Inspector, now no more a paid detector
Of abuses and dissector of the knowledge without shape,
Grieving for his lost vocation and the sad abomination
Of the general desolation, hanged himself in his Red Tape.
On in spite of such disaster as the overburdened Rates,
Living on the milk and honey and expending still more money
Ere he came to matrimony and the life that educates;
Till Her Majesty's Inspector, now no more a paid detector
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Grieving for his lost vocation and the sad abomination
Of the general desolation, hanged himself in his Red Tape.
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