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University of Virginia Library

Nuptial Dialogues and Debates

Or, An Useful Prospect of the felicities and discomforts of a marry'd life, Incident to all Degrees, from the Throne to the Cottage. Containing, Many great Examples of Love, Piety, Prudence, Justice, and all the excellent Vertues, that largely contribute to the true Happiness of Wedlock. Drawn from the Lives of our own Princes, Nobility, and other Quality, in Prosperity and Adversity. Also the fantastical Humours of all Fops, Coquets, Bullies, Jilts, fond Fools, and Wantons; old Fumblers, barren Ladies, Misers, parsimonious Wives, Ninnies, Sluts and Termagants; drunken Husbands, toaping Gossips, schismatical Precisians, and devout Hypocrites of all sorts. Digested into serious, merry, and satyrical Poems, wherein both Sexes, in all Stations, are reminded of their Duty, and taught how to be happy in a Matrimonial State. In Two Volumes. By the Author of the London Spy [i.e. Edward Ward]

Ward, Edward (1667-1731)

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I.

[The First Volume]

I.

DIALOGUE I. Between a surly Husband, and condescending Wife.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

II.

Dialogue II. Between an extravagant Husband, and a prudent Wife.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

III.

Dialogue III. Between a dying Wife, and a profligate Husband.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

IV.

Dialogue IV. Between a pert Lady, and an old fumbling Libertine.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

V.

Dialogue V. Between a wealthy Niggard, and his generous Termagant.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

VI.

Dialogue VI. Between a pert Lady and her Spouse, concerning Superiority in Wedlock.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

VII.

Dialogue VII. Between an Officer at his Departure, and his affectionate Wife.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

VIII.

Dialogue VIII. Between a kind and wealthy Wife, and her facetious Husband of inferior Fortune.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

IX.

Dialogue IX. Between an old drolling Gentleman with a Carbuncle-Nose, and his merry Tallow-fac'd Lady.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

X.

Dialogue X. Between a generous Husband, and his parsimonious Wife.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XI.

Dialogue XI. Between a Termagant Court-Lady, and her Spouse, about settling in the Country.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XII.

Dialogue XII. Between a depending Courtier, who would have sacrific'd the Chastity of his Wife to a certain Great Man, in hopes of Preferment, and his vertuous Lady, who was avers'd to a Compliance.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XIII.

Dialogue XIII. Between a squeamish cotting Mechanick, and his sluttish Wife, in the Kitchen.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XIV.

Dialogue XIV. Between a pious Clergy-man, and his vertuous Lady.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XV.

Dialogue XV. Between a tender and religious Husband, and his barren melancholy Lady.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XVI.

Dialogue XVI. Between a fond Gentleman, and his coaxing Lady.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XVII.

Dialogue XVII. Between a prudent Gentleman, and his obliging Lady, about her keeping Company with a certain Gentlewoman of a slender Reputation.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XVIII.

Dialogue XVIII. Between a teazing Husband, and his vexatious tipling Wife.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XIX.

Dialogue XIX. Between an honest-blunt Gentleman, and his fantastical Lady, who, between forty and fifty, had made her a colour'd Furbelo'd-Scarf.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XX.

Dialogue XX. Between a City-Termagant, and her Mechanick Spouse.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXI.

Dialogue XXI. Between a thriving Chandler and his Wife, about the Education of their Daughter.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXII.

Dialogue XXII. A Pastoral Dialogue between Coridon a Shepherd, and his Wife Phillis, concerning the innocent Pleasures of a Rural Life.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXIII.

Dialogue XXIII. Between a rattle-headed News-monger, and his prudent Wife.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXIV.

Dialogue XXIV. Between the happy Pair, concerning the Comforts of mutual Fidelity, and the innocent Pleasures of a retir'd Life.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXV.

Dialogue XXV. Between a generous Mechanick and his old stingy Wife, about her locking up the Cupboard to keep the Victuals from his Apprentices.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXVI.

Dialogue XXVI. Between a nice affected Gentleman, and his careless, slatternly Lady.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXVII.

Dialogue XXVII. Between a High-Church Gentleman and his Low-Church Lady, about the difference of of their Opinions.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXVIII.

Dialogue XXVIII. Between a young Libertine, and an old canting rich Widow, whom he had marry'd for her Money.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXIX.

Dialogue XXIX. Between an old, prodigal, new-sworn Constable and his young noisy Wife, concerning his Power and Authority.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXX.

Dialogue XXX. Between the forgiving Husband, and the penitent Adulteress.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXXI.

Dialogue XXXI. Between a rich Sea Captain and his young beautiful buxom Lady after six Months Marriage.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

XXXII.

Dialogue XXXII. Between an old Country Couple, in the Winter of their Age, concerning the Disobedience of their Children, &c.

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

II.

The Second Volume.

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167

Moral Reflexions on the foregoing Dialogue.

If Woman once has fix'd her Mind
On any Vice or Failing,
If you'd reclaim her, who can find
What Way is most prevailing?

Hard Words provoke, and make her worse,
Blows raise her Indignation;
He's wise, that can prescribe what Course
Will work her Reformation.

If drinking Brandy be her Crime,
E'en let her have enough on't;
For neither Words, or Length of Time,
Will ever bring her off on't.

Her Quarterns into Quarts improve;
Encourage, and not blame her;
Kill her with what she most does love;
Death only can reclaim her.

Ne'er mind the Fault'ring of her Lips,
When she by Chance is fuddl'd;
Nor heed her Stumbles, or her Trips,
Whene'er her Brains are addl'd.

168

At her destructive Habit wink,
And shew no Signs of Anger;
Should you, perhaps, the less she'll drink,
And plague you but the longer.