Poems on Several Occasions :: :: University of Virginia Library

Push around the brisk glass, I proclaim him an ass,
That at cares of the world can repine;
'Twas our sorrow to drown, and dispel fortune's frown,
That Jove sent us the juice of the vine:
'Tis but this in all sects that true friendship protects,
And irradiates the lamp of our clay;
This the parsons' looks teach, tho' against it they preach;
So regard them who pleases, I say.

II

'Tis not long ago, since a vicar I know,
But whose name 'twere ungodly to tell;
Round the bottle and bowl, sat with many a good soul,
Full of glee, till ding dong went the bell;
Then heaving a hick-up, and chair with a kick-up,
“I must go or the church will complain;
But friends don't think me rude, I swear by my priesthood,
I'll just preach, and be with you again.”

208

III

So the parson went straight, tho' he stagger'd in gait,
With his sermon in mem'ry's large chest;
To the pulpit he 'rose, but soon fell in a doze,
And roar'd, “Excellent wine I protest.”
The whole congregation, in great consternation,
Left the church, with a sigh at the cause;
But the clerk, more devout, cries, sir, sir, they're all out,
“Oh, then fill 'em again, my brave boys!”

IV

Tho' in law 'tis design'd, Justice still shou'd be blind,
Yet she'll peep if self-int'rest but call;
And I'm certain you wou'd, with a hogshead that's good,
Bribe the council, judge, jury, and all.
I was one of the quest, on a man gone to rest,
And said felo-de-se, if 'tis so;
Cry'd the first of the jury, and damn'd like a fury,
“Sir, not your fellow, I'd have you know!”

209

V

I once kept a kind miss, and surpriz'd her in bliss,
With a quaker, a cuckoldy knave;
Why how now, you false punk! oh, my dear, I was drunk:
As she reason'd so well, I forgave.
If to drink be a fault, by the scriptures we're taught,
For old Noah wou'd tipple they say;
And we gather from hence, that all mortals of sense,
Shou'd be sons of old Noah,—huzza!