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An Epistle to a Highland Judge, from whom a lewd Woman stole a considerable Sum.
'Twas very fair, and far from being Trick,
To purge your Pocket, when she purg'd your P---k,
She acted like a Saint and not a Jilt,
When ye contracted Sin, she purg'd your Gilt.
Ye Infeft her in your Body, and she knew,
Your Purse as well as P---k, was Pendicle of you;
And since her Charter had receiv'd your Seal,
She was Proprietrix, so could not Steal.
To purge your Pocket, when she purg'd your P---k,
She acted like a Saint and not a Jilt,
When ye contracted Sin, she purg'd your Gilt.
Ye Infeft her in your Body, and she knew,
Your Purse as well as P---k, was Pendicle of you;
And since her Charter had receiv'd your Seal,
She was Proprietrix, so could not Steal.
Pray do not call fair Traders Thieves and Whores,
When ye was in her Spung, should she not be in yours,
The Woman had a prudent ART of Shifting,
A very honest Way, which Highland Folk call Lifting.
The Law had fix'd no Prices on her Trade,
But now there is a plain Decision made;
When her next Lover comes and lays her down,
Perhaps he'll bluntly tip her half a Crown:
But she will gravely whisper in his Ears,
My Price is Sixty Pound; for that's the Sheriff's Fiar.
You miss'd your Money, and you cry'd God sink her
She left me poor and Pox'd, and then he kick'd the Blinker:
Down rapt a Candlestick and Pewter Plate,
And poor Monoculus was all Defeat.
Some People said, who overheard the Sport,
Is this the Way to fence a Sheriff Court.
When ye was in her Spung, should she not be in yours,
The Woman had a prudent ART of Shifting,
A very honest Way, which Highland Folk call Lifting.
The Law had fix'd no Prices on her Trade,
But now there is a plain Decision made;
When her next Lover comes and lays her down,
Perhaps he'll bluntly tip her half a Crown:
But she will gravely whisper in his Ears,
My Price is Sixty Pound; for that's the Sheriff's Fiar.
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She left me poor and Pox'd, and then he kick'd the Blinker:
Down rapt a Candlestick and Pewter Plate,
And poor Monoculus was all Defeat.
Some People said, who overheard the Sport,
Is this the Way to fence a Sheriff Court.
At last came in the Constable and Guard,
And sly Rob Forbes, for to squeeze the Laird;
Says, ‘May it please your Honour, now to draw,
‘I represent the Kirk, your Honour knows the Law:
‘But did you ever know a Trade like ours;
‘We Servants of the Kirk live all by common Whores.
Whilst you prepare to lay the Talents down,
The D---l was in your Purse, and all the Angels flown.
And sly Rob Forbes, for to squeeze the Laird;
Says, ‘May it please your Honour, now to draw,
‘I represent the Kirk, your Honour knows the Law:
‘But did you ever know a Trade like ours;
‘We Servants of the Kirk live all by common Whores.
Whilst you prepare to lay the Talents down,
The D---l was in your Purse, and all the Angels flown.
Go on grave Judge, thou holy Highland Saint,
Fit Tool to serve a godly GOVERNMENT.
Fit Tool to serve a godly GOVERNMENT.
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