University of Virginia Library

Sir, though there be but few among us,
Who bids at every word God damn us;
Though we come not to martial closes,
Half gelded, and without our Noses:
As not accustom'd to those tricks,
Which hurts mens Noses, and their Pricks:
Although we do not rant and swagger,
Nor drink in Taverns till we stagger,
And then engage in drunken quarrels,
VVhere wit goes out by tooming Barrels;
Where some throw Stoops, and others Glasses,
Some struggle with the serving Lasses;
Some throw a Chandler, some a Can,
Some strive to Cuckold the Good-man.
Some mean their Elbow, some their Head,
Some cry, alace, their Shoulder-blade;
And some with spilled drink are dreeping,
And some sit on a Privy sleeping:
Some do not know at whom they'r striking,
And some are busie Pockets picking:
Some have their hair with fingers freezed,
And some cry out, they'r Circumcised.
Some have their Faces and their Throples
All scratched with Tobacco Stoples:
Some Coals with naked Swords are hewing,
And some ly in a Corner Spewing;
And other some get bloudy Fingers,
By grasping naked Knives and VVhingers,
VVhen they the fray intend to redd,
VVhen it were better they were a-bed:
And some cry, ye disturb the Laird,
And some cry, fy bring Baily Baird,
A man who is obliged much
Unto the War against the Dutch.
At that they call the Wench to reckon,
She comes and counts up three for one,
But gains not much, though she so trick it,
Beside her loss of Burges Ticket:
They tell her, they will money borrow,
And come and pay their Shot to morrow:
Their Officers, the other day,
Had Dyc'd, & Drunk, and Whoor'd their pay.

Sir, though we do not play such pranks,
For which we give unto God thanks;
Yet we your loyal Subjects are,
To serve you both in Peace and War,
With our Fortunes, and our Lives;
But if our Conscience, and our Wives
By any man be medled with,
We'l both defend with all our pith.
Sir, our conscience to compel,
Is to force our Souls to Hell.
If we do good, and think it evil,
In that we more obey the Devil,
Then doing ill, which we think good,
If holy Writ be understood.

Sir, we have been sore oppressed,
Our Wives and Serving Lasses Sessed,
Either to give beyond their reach,
Or else hear some Hirelings Preach:
Who Preach nought else, but rail and rant
Against the Holy Covenant:
And yet its known, that the Nation
Did take it, at their instigation;
For which, of late, they were so hearty,
When it was the prevailing party,
That they urg'd State, as they were wood,
To take some's Means, and others blood:
And others they compel'd to flee,
And hide themselves beyond the Sea:
And that, Sir, for no other reason,
But Ante-Covenanting Treason.

But now, Sir, when the guise doth turn,
They Preach nothing, but hang, and burn,
And harry all those of the Nation,
Who do refuse the Declaration:
Perswading us with tales and fictions
To take Oaths which are contradictions;
Having, for love of VVorldly Pelf
First taken contrair Oaths themself.

At the first, Sir, God be thanked,
VVe sold Covering, Sheet, and Blanket,
And Gowns, and Plaids, and Petticoats,
Meal and Pease, Barley and Oats,
Butter and Cheese, and VVool Fleeces,
For Groats and Fourty Peny pieces;
Capons and Hens, and Geese and Piggs,
Oxen and Horse which Till'd our Riggs;
And which our very hearts pierces,
Master Zachary Boyd's Verses,
Dickson's Sermons, Guthrie's Libels,
Bessie of Lanerk, and our Bibles,
And learn'd Religion by tradition,
VVhich smells of Popish superstition:
To pay our Fines we were so willing,
Which was for each fault Twenty Shilling:
Though we alledg'd for our defence,
It was too much by Eighteen Pence.

At last, we had no more to give,
Neither knew we how to live;
They felled all our Hens and Cocks,
And rooted out our Kail Stocks,
And cast them ov'r the Dikes away,
And bid us, jeering, fast and pray.
Being incensed with such harms,
VVe were necessitate to Arms;
And through the Countrey we did come,
VVe had far better stay'd at home.
VVe did nothing but hunt the Glaiks,
For after we had got our paiks,
They took us every one as Prizes,
And condemn'd us in Assizes,
To be hang'd up every where,
And fix'd our Heads up here and there.
Once dreadful Heads, Sir, all did doubt them,
They had so meikle wit about them.
And we, who scapt those grievous Crosses,
Did hide our selves in Bogs and Mosses:
Where we fed on sodden Leather,
Mingled with crops of Heather;
Which, our hunger to asswage,
VVe thought most savoury Pottage;
For Drink, it was no small matter,
If we got clear, not muddy Water;
In which, we heartily do wish
There be none who desire to Fish;
That by the Devils instigation,
Brings on us all this tribulation.
When in that case we could not stand,
We Sally, Sir, with Sword in hand;
Let men cry, Rebels, till they grow hoarse,
VVe're Subjects nev'r a white the worse.
Though we prefer you not to God,
VVho do so, Sir, their Faith will nod,
If Government take changing tours,
They will renounce both you, and yours;
As doth appear by some of late,
When that Usurper rul'd the State:
They strove, Sir, to be sent apace
To abjure you in the Worlds face.
Though some, Sir, of our Duniwessles
Stood out, like Eglingtoun and Cassils,
And others, striving to sit still,
VVere forc'd to go against their will:
Yet other some, as all men knows,
VVho should be sent, were near to blows;
That is, at very boystrous words,
Putting their hands upon their Swords,
To make men think that they were stout,
VVhen it was known the World throughout,
To fight your foes, when they were sent,
They alwayes took the Bog a-sclent,
And running from the fight by stealth,
VVould then sit down and drink your health:
And since they could not think, like Asses,
To beat your foes by drinking Glasses;
It's evident, Sir, as we think,
They drank your Health for love of Drink.

Yet many, Sir, were disappointed,
Who so forsook the Lords Anointed;
They were not all alike regarded,
Some well, and some were ill rewarded:
They who play'd best with both the hands
Inrich'd were by their Neighbours Lands.
Some from their Creditors got refuges
Some were made Clerks, and others Judges:
Some swearing their Stocks were spent,
Strove to get down their Anualrent:
Detaining, Sir, by that extortion,
The Fatherless and Widows portion,
Which Usuring Fathers Lent to Lairds,
Who play'd it all at Dice and Cards:
Which forc'd some Lasses to miscarriage,
Because they could not get a Marriage.
But among those of stricter life,
The truth-tell-colour grew so rife,
That it marr'd all the Charms and Graces
Of those who could not paint their Faces.

But other some got mocks and scorns,
By giving to their Land-Lords Horns,
And spewing Claret, mull'd with Eggs,
Between the Lord Protectors Leggs,
When they did endeavour to pray
Before him, on a Fasting-day.
Some Whally's Bible did begarie,
By letting flee at it Canarie,
Taking it up, where it lay next,
That they might read on it the Text;
When Cromwel Preach'd with great applause
The Revelation of his Cause:
And some of them empawn'd their Cloaks,
And other some brought home the Pox:
Giving foul Linnings all the wite,
Some turn'd your friends for meer despight;
Vowing you never to withstand
Again, without something in hand.
And some turn'd Ordinance-forsakers,
Others for grief of heart turn'd Quakers:
Some in their Conscience took remorse,
Crying, I'm damn'd, till they grew hoarse,
And made the standers by admira
To see them take the fits of Spira.
To bring those troubled Souls to peace,
Some reads Alvarez helps to grace;
Some Sanctuary of a troubled Soul,
Some cited Passages of Paul:
Explaining well what he did say;
Some reads on Mr. Andrew Gray:
Some told the danger of back-sliding,
Some the good of Faith abiding;
Some reads the Cases of Richard Binning,
Some Fergusson reads of Kilwinning:
And some them pressed very sore
To hear a little of Doctor More:
But others cry'd, Away, and Tush
VVith Vipers in a Balmy Bush?
VVith blind Pilots, guiding Ferries,
VVith Toads lurking in Straw-berries.
His Doctrine of Justification
Drives all the Court to Desperation.
Few there are saved, as we guess,
By their inherent righteousness.
He hath some good among great evils,
He tells of Bastard getting Devils
Of their Bodies, or Vohicles,
Their Herauldry and Conventicles.
It's sport to see his fancy wander
In their Male, and Female Gender.
He doth so punctually tell
The whole œconomy of Hell,
That some affirm he is Puck Hary,
Some, he hath walked with the Fairy.
Though Intellectuals be neat,
Though he mean well, and is no cheat,
His case is desperat and sad,
For too much Learning makes him mad.
VVe'll read on the True Converts Mark,
Or we will read on Bessie Clark,
Or else on Bakers Heavenly Beam,
Or on the Lady Culross Dream;
Which sundry drunken Asses flout,
Not seeing the Jewel within the Clout.
Like Combs of Cocks, who takes no heed
When they Gower, or Chaucer read.
When they had said, and read their fill,
It did not cure the Patients ill:
They still cry on, and howl, and mourn,
Their counsels would not serve the turn.
No comfort at all find they can,
Until a Grave and Reverend Man
Advise them to resist temptation,
With Spainish Wine, and Fornication.

Those Rebels also to obey,
Those Hirelings ceas'd for you to pray;
Because their Stipends, and their Living
Were at the foresaid Rebels giving.
They thought a man a venial sinner
Who left sworn duty for his dinner:
Yea, some of them were of opinion,
They might pray for that Devils Minion.
They would not stick for love of Pelf,
To pray, Sir, for the Devil himself:
But we, in the Usurpers faces,
Remembred you in Prayers and Graces;
And if we had had Guns and Swords,
Our actions would have back'd our words.
Our fault, Sir, was, for which we moan,
We thought to do it all alone.
Since it was only want of wit,
Since it was a distraction-fit,
We pray you, Sir, be no despiser
Of us, whom God hath made no wiser.

Royal Sir, to those our times
Apply'd may be a Poets Rhimes,
Who coursly singeth, that a Wight
Obeying King, in wrong or right;
If that the King to wrack shall go,
VVill in like manner turn his foe:
But who obey no sinful thing,
Do still prove constant to their King.
The Rhime is barbarous and rude,
But, Sir, the saying's rich and good;
In Print yet forth it hath not crept,
VVe have it in a Manuscript:
The Good-man keeps it, as we think,
Behind a Dish, upon the Bink:
And yet it's thought by many a man
Most worthy of the Vatican.
It's worthy, Sir, of your Saint James
That stands upon the River Thames.
Ye'll not find saying such another,
Put all their Guilded Books together:
Tho with these two ye joyn in one
The Bibliotheck of Prester John.
Cause Pages cry it still before ye,
As Philip did Memento mori.

Since then we Arm for Conscience sake,
May't it please you, Sir, some pity take,
And not by Bishops instigation
Inforce on us the Declaration,
Nor make us give, beyond our reach,
To keep's from hearing Hirelings Preach;
Who last year Preached Oaths to take,
And this year Preacheth them to break:
When they have forced men to take them,
Then first of all, themselves they break them.
Except God, Sir, their manners mend,
They'l oath it to the Worlds end.
Men either must foreswear themself
As oft as they turn Coats for Pelf,
Or else their Conscience is so scurvie,
They will turn all things topsie turvie.
And we will give what we can reach
To keep's from hearing those men Preach,
As Achisons, Balbies and Placks,
Which is enough, Sir, for our packs.
Likewise, in any other thing
VVe will obey you, as our King,
If ye require it at our hands,
VVe'll quite to you both Lives and Lands.
Nothing to fight can us compell,
Except to keep our Souls from Hell;
VVhat ever mischief us befall,
Or else the Devil take us all.
Ye need not, Sir, distrust, or fear,
VVhen Out-Law-VVhiggs do Ban, or Swear;
It doth unto the VVorld appear,
Keeping our Oaths hath cost us dear.
VVe pray God, that Your Majesty,
And then Your Royal Progeny,
May peace and truth with us defend,
As Kings, unto the Worlds end.
VVe with all duty and respect
Your gracious Answer do expect.