 | Poems on Several Occasions |  |
46
The ELECTIONEER.
There once liv'd in Repute a substantial Free-holder,
No Briton on Earth could be braver or bolder,
A Party-man stanch and resolv'd, tho' the Story
Does not call him directly a Whig or a Tory.
But the Reader, to this way, or that, as inclin'd,
May his Party, perhaps, by his Honesty find.
His Head was still full of the Law and the Right,
So he never would bribe, but he sometimes would fight
For when Mobs grew unruly, he always stood bluff,
And could play well at Foot-ball, a Kick and a Cuff.
Our Patriot strait-lac'd was in that way of thinking:
That no Bribe should go farther than Eating and Drinking:
So he kept open House for all Comers to feast,
And made never a Knave, but made many a Beast;
Tho' even in Drinking he kept a decorum,
Men might do as they pleas'd with the Liquor before 'em
He all under-hand dealing and tricking defy'd,
And was always a Thorn in his Enemy's Side.
He answer'd their Truth, and detected their Lies,
He their Bullies outbrav'd, and outwitted their Spies,
He made many a good, but despis'd a bad Vote,
And they never could pick any Hole in his Coat.
To avoid all suspicion of Bribing and Largess,
He was nobly determin'd to bear his own Charges.
So small his Discretion, so large his Affection,
That he dip'd his whole Freehold Estate in Election.
He ev'ry day went more and more down the Wind,
And his Party drop'd off as his Fortune declin'd.
His Enemies crow'd, and triumphantly swore
They would stick on his skirts, and pay off his old score.
From his Friends but a faint Commendation he got,
A well-meaning Man, but a little too hot.
He found small Effect of his Cost and his Pother,
When by One Side forsook, and oppress'd by the Other.
He ran upon Tick, while he Credit could meet,
And, the Bread he had squander'd, he wanted to eat:
Till hard pinch'd, and unable to fast any longer,
A Purse he attempted to satisfy Hunger;
But was ta'en in the Fact, being raw at the Trade,
And before the next Justice that instant convey'd.
No Briton on Earth could be braver or bolder,
A Party-man stanch and resolv'd, tho' the Story
Does not call him directly a Whig or a Tory.
But the Reader, to this way, or that, as inclin'd,
May his Party, perhaps, by his Honesty find.
His Head was still full of the Law and the Right,
So he never would bribe, but he sometimes would fight
For when Mobs grew unruly, he always stood bluff,
And could play well at Foot-ball, a Kick and a Cuff.
Our Patriot strait-lac'd was in that way of thinking:
That no Bribe should go farther than Eating and Drinking:
So he kept open House for all Comers to feast,
And made never a Knave, but made many a Beast;
Tho' even in Drinking he kept a decorum,
Men might do as they pleas'd with the Liquor before 'em
He all under-hand dealing and tricking defy'd,
And was always a Thorn in his Enemy's Side.
He answer'd their Truth, and detected their Lies,
He their Bullies outbrav'd, and outwitted their Spies,
He made many a good, but despis'd a bad Vote,
And they never could pick any Hole in his Coat.
To avoid all suspicion of Bribing and Largess,
He was nobly determin'd to bear his own Charges.
So small his Discretion, so large his Affection,
That he dip'd his whole Freehold Estate in Election.
47
And his Party drop'd off as his Fortune declin'd.
His Enemies crow'd, and triumphantly swore
They would stick on his skirts, and pay off his old score.
From his Friends but a faint Commendation he got,
A well-meaning Man, but a little too hot.
He found small Effect of his Cost and his Pother,
When by One Side forsook, and oppress'd by the Other.
He ran upon Tick, while he Credit could meet,
And, the Bread he had squander'd, he wanted to eat:
Till hard pinch'd, and unable to fast any longer,
A Purse he attempted to satisfy Hunger;
But was ta'en in the Fact, being raw at the Trade,
And before the next Justice that instant convey'd.
The Member, against whose Election he stir'd,
By the dint of Demerit was gotten prefer'd.
One that all sorts of Business went readily thorough,
And was chose by good Votes, but not those of the Borough.
One, who swore to his Friends he would never deceive 'em.
Yet, in their Distress, thought it prudent to leave 'em:
Convinc'd, tho' be sure no Preferment he courted,
That a Ministry ought to be always supported:
In Commission of Peace a most notable Man,
In the First of King George, or the Last of Queen Anne.
When his Foe brought before him, the Magistrate spy'd,
Quoth his Worship, Was this the best Man of his Side?
He that Virtue and Justice had still in his eye,
Whom no Army could fright, and no Treasury buy?
These Upbraidings the Wretch in Misfortune provoke,
Who reply'd,—You your Friendships and Promises broke,
Were forsworn, by Ambition and Avarice led;
And I, when half-starv'd, would have robb'd for my Bread:
We are both Rogues; but if you'll allow me my due,
You must own, I'm the honester Rogue of the two.
By the dint of Demerit was gotten prefer'd.
One that all sorts of Business went readily thorough,
And was chose by good Votes, but not those of the Borough.
One, who swore to his Friends he would never deceive 'em.
Yet, in their Distress, thought it prudent to leave 'em:
Convinc'd, tho' be sure no Preferment he courted,
That a Ministry ought to be always supported:
In Commission of Peace a most notable Man,
In the First of King George, or the Last of Queen Anne.
When his Foe brought before him, the Magistrate spy'd,
Quoth his Worship, Was this the best Man of his Side?
He that Virtue and Justice had still in his eye,
Whom no Army could fright, and no Treasury buy?
48
Who reply'd,—You your Friendships and Promises broke,
Were forsworn, by Ambition and Avarice led;
And I, when half-starv'd, would have robb'd for my Bread:
We are both Rogues; but if you'll allow me my due,
You must own, I'm the honester Rogue of the two.
| Poems on Several Occasions | |