University of Virginia Library

A learned Man, whom once a Week
A hundred Virtuoso's seek,
And like an Oracle apply to,
T' ask Questions, and admire, and lye to,
Who entertain'd them all of Course
(As Men take Wives for better or worse)
And past them all for Men of Parts,
Though some but Sceptics in their Hearts:
For when they're cast into a Lump,
Their Talents equally must jump;
As Metals mixt, the rich and base
Do both at equal Values pass.

With these the ord'nary Debate
Was after News, and Things of State,
Which Way the dreadful Comet went
In sixty-four, and what it meant?
What Nations yet are to bewail
The Operation of its Tail;
Or whether France, or Holland yet,
Or Germany be in its Debt?
What Wars and Plagues in Christendom
Have happened since, and what to come?
What Kings are dead, how many Queens
And Princesses are poison'd since;
And who shall next of all by Turn
Make Courts wear black, and Tradesmen mourn?
What Parties next of Foot, or Horse
Will rout, or routed be of Course?
What German Marches, and Retreats
Will furnish the next Month's Gazettes?
What pestilent Contagion next,
And what Part of the World infects?
What dreadful Meteor, and where
Shall in the Heavens next appear;
And when again shall lay Embargo
Upon the Admiral, the good Ship Argo?

Why Currents turn in Seas of Ice
Some thrice a Day, and some but twice;
And why the Tides at Night and Noon
Court, like Caligula, the Moon?
What is the nat'ral Cause why Fish,
That always drink, do never piss;
Or whether in their Home the Deep
By Night or Day they ever sleep?
If Grass be green, or Snow be white,
But only as they take the Light?
Whether Possessions of the Devil,
Or mere Temptations do most evil?
What is't, that makes all Fountains still
Within the Earth to run up Hill;
But on the Outside down again,
As if th' Attempt had been in vain?
Or what's the strange magnetic Cause,
The Steel or Loadstone's drawn, or draws,
The Star, the Needle, which the Stone
Has only been but touch'd upon?
Whether the North-Star's Influence
With both does hold Intelligence;
(For red-hot Ir'n, held tow'rds the Pole,
Turns of it self to't, when 'tis cool)
Or whether Male and Female screws
In th' Ir'n and Stone th' Effect produce?
What makes the Body of the Sun,
That such a rapid Course does run,
To draw no Tail behind through th' Air,
As Comets do, when they appear,
Which other Planets cannot do,
Because they do not burn, but glow?
Whether the Moon be Sea, or Land,
Or Charcoal, or a quench'd Firebrand;
Or if the dark Holes that appear,
Are only Pores, not Cities there?
Whether the Atmosphere turn round,
And keep a just Pace with the Ground;
Or loiter lazily behind,
And clog the Air with Gusts of Wind?
Or whether Crescents in the Wane
(For so an Author had it plain)
Do burn quite out, or wear away
Their Snuffs upon the Edge of Day?
Whether the Sea increase, or waste,
And, if it do, how long 'twill last;
Or if the Sun approaches near
The Earth, how soon it will be there?

These were their learned Speculations
And all their constant Occupations;
To measure Wind, and weigh the Air,
And turn a Circle to a Square;
To make a Powder of the Sun,
By which all Doctors should b' undone
To find the North-west Passage out,
Although the farthest Way about;
If Chymists from a Rose's Ashes
Can raise the Rose itself in Glasses;
Whether the Line of Incidence
Rise from the Object, or the Sense?
To stew th' Elixir in a Bath
Of Hope, Credulity, and Faith;
To explicate by subtle Hints
The Grain of Diamonds and Flints,
And in the Braying of an Ass
Find out the Treble and the Base;
If Mares neigh alto, and a Cow
A double Diapason low.