University of Virginia Library

DOGGES FROM THE Antippedes.

Satire 1.

[My angrie Whelpe I'ue turn'd to's kennell now]

My angrie Whelpe I'ue turn'd to's kennell now,
Fearing faire Ladies, that he would feare you.
But in his place (I hope to your delight)
Here's Dogges shall be more pleasing in your sight,
Accept them Ladies, in them thre's no harme,
Each take hir Dogge, & beare him in hir arme.

Satire 2.

[Ladies, they saie things which be fetched farr]

Ladies , they saie things which be fetched farr,
To manie of you, still most pleasing are.
I knowing what your humours best require,
Haue trauail'd farr, to fitt your sweet desire.
Cause litle Doggs your fancie best doe please.
I journei'd for them to Th'antyppedes.
Accept them then, such Dogges they are J wis,
As sweetly will your sweete lippes lick & kisse.

Satire 3.

[VVoemen I'ue done my worst, toth'worst of men]

VVoemen I'ue done my worst, toth'worst of men,
But now I'le occupie on you my penn.
Praie giue me leaue to doo't: Old Chaucers Iest
With some of you (I knewe) agrees with'best
With whom that earnest iest dus best agree
Let them (for baudie phrase) finde fault with mee.

Satire 4.

[Matchles Mistresse, thou pure vnspotted Dame]

Matchles Mistresse, thou pure vnspotted Dame,
Hadst had one spott, I would haue showne the same.
But since thou art, as neuer woman was,
I'le print thee there, where ne're was printed Lasse.
Paper's too fowle to beare soe faire a parte,
Therefore J'le print thy praises in my harte.

Satire. 5.

[To lee Morilla in hir Coatch to ride]

To lee Morilla in hir Coatch to ride,
With hir long locke of haire vppon one side,
With hatt & feather worne ith'swaggring'st guise,
With butt'ned bodies skirted dublett-wise.
Vnmask't, and sitt ith'boote without a fann,
Speake: could you Iudge hir lesse then bee some man?
Jf lesse? then this J'me sure you'd Iudge at leaste,
Shee was part man, parte woman; part a beaste.

Satire 6.

[Ere long I thinke that Deela meanes to trie]

Ere long I thinke that Deela meanes to trie,
If shee like birdes ith'aire can soare & flie.
Fewe Fowles like to this fowle, more feathers weares
For on hir head & handes, huge plumes shee beares,
And cause shee wil the easlier take hir flight,
Shee makes hir harte & heeles exceeding light,
Hir heeles, with lightest corke this light-one stuffes,
Hir harte, (through quills of pride) with winde shee puffes.
Oh sure shee'le flie, and thus shee'le make hir flight,
From Luste his lande, to Letchr'ies soyle out-right.

Satire 7.

[I praie you speake is not this tyme growne straunge]

I praie you speake is not this tyme growne straunge,
When feeble woemen vnto warriours chaunge?
Tis not the Coutte dame Lusta doth commend,
Hir daies 'fore seiged Cytties shee will ende.
Hir humor brookes noe Court-like dalliance,
But loues th'incounter of true valliance.
Milke-sopps are men which lulls in Ladies sapps,
And dare not bide (like hir) loud Culu'ryn clapps.
Per-due shee'le lie, and somtyme Centry stand,
And Kiu'la crie, with fire-lock in hir hand.
This is a wench will make all Courtiers sham'd,
If once hir actes be to their eares but nam'd.
I, this is shee which has such seruice showne,
As now shee is an Auncient-bearer growne.

Satire 8.

[When Gillyan and hir Gossipps all are met]

When Gillyan and hir Gossipps all are met,
And in the match of gossipping downe sett,
And plaine Mas Parson cutting bread forth'Table,
To tell how faste they talke, my tongue's not able.
One tells straunge newes, tother God-swerbert cries,
The third shakes head, the fourth alock replies
Shee on hir henns, this on hir duckes doe talke,
On thousand things at once their tongues shall walke.
So long as Cockes cann tread, & Henns will laie,
Gill and Gills gossippes, will haue wordes to saie.

Satire 9.

[Like to a Castell is faire Kitchin Kate]

Like to a Castell is faire Kitchin Kate,
And like the same, sh'was sackt & spoyl'd of late,
A Castle's strongly trencht, & fenc't with stones,
Kates corpes as strongly fenc't with good whale-bones.
A Castle hath percullize at each gate,
As good a fence as that has bonny Kate.
She hath a buske, ther's noe device more stronge,
That once let downe, hir Portall takes noe wronge.
Yet vengaunce take hir watch, had they not slept,
Kates strongest hold vn-ransakt had been kept.

Satire 10.

[Fjca's faire: none sees fairer if he winkes]

Fjca's faire: none sees fairer if he winkes,
Shee's sweet; as anie muskatt when shee stinckes
To see hir when shee readeth on hir boke,
(I meane hir glasse,) on which shee oft doth looke,
Twould make you laugh, naie laugh vntill you weeepe,
At th'action shee vnto hir shade dus keepe,
Now shee'le smile, now shee'le gloyt: naie this shee'le doe,
See'le kisse the same, naie seeke t'imbrace it too.
Yet watt yee what still makes them two to parte?
should I but tell't, you'd laugh 'till breake your harte.
Tis this: when shee had smil'd & done hir beste,
Then dus shee frowne, make mouthes, and doe the reste.
Which when the shade ith' glasse dus doe the like,
The shee in radge, dus it a peeces strike.
Faith speake, deserueth not that glasse a knock
That harbours apes, to giue such apes a mock?

Satire 11.

[Why hisband (quoth Misse Marchaunt) wher's my Pynck]

Why hisband (quoth Misse Marchaunt) wher's my Pynck
Oh God! his haire's not kymmed downe I thinke:
Come pretty Pynck come, thy nowne Mistrisse kisse,
Thy Meyster (Pinck) might thought on thee ere this,
Feth hisband feth; I'me mitch growne in your debt
That my sweet Puppie you would soe forgett.
Y'are troubled sore: what he yee else te tend?
You leue to heare me chide, else this yee'd mend.
Pre will yee fetch e kemm & kemm him straight,
Elas sweet Mopps, hee's naught to make thee waire.
What, he yee brought it? Feth ye'r such a one,
That lesse ye'r chidden nothing wilbe done,
Ebout him pre: Lard how leysurely yee doo't,
It seemes yee he but litle minde vntoo't.
Yet pre now ste: What eyles sweet Pynck to groane?
Oh! Pincke would pisse: Pre heue Pinck all elone.
What hes he don't? Pre make him cleane agen,
End Pinck and I, will vntoth'garden then.
So: Now hee's well, but heare yee? when I'm gone,
J pre bee yee a gadding streight from home.

Satire 12.

[VVhen Minia from hir Chamber downe descendeth]

VVhen Minia from hir Chamber downe descendeth,
All things belowe shee straight-waies discommendeth,
Queanes (quoth shee: how happs my Kitchen's thus disgrac't?
I were not wont to haue a spoone displac't,
Then straight tooth' Hall, where if a rushe she spies,
Where haue these slutts been brought-vp Lard shee cries?
Then faugh shee cries: out ont: what's this dus smell?
Must I bee serued thus? why Maides 'tis well.
So leauing them, tripping vppon hir toes,
Into hir shopp, t'ir prentizes shee goes,
Where if shee sees a boye but looke a wrie,
Why sauce-box, what stare you on shee'le crie?
And then shee plies hir worke which is a band,
Which to bee hemm'd, has hung tenn years in band.

Satire 13

[As Jynn and Pegg did in their Couches lie]

As Jynn and Pegg did in their Couches lie,
Thus did sweete Pegg yong Jynn instructifie,
Why Iynn wutt ne're leaue poring on a booke?
Come take a glasse, that's fitter on to looke,
If thou didst know how good bookes dulls the braine,
Thou'dst ne're thus booke-it while thou liu'dst againe.
Doe as thy sister Pegg dus, chaine in armes
Hir sweet-hart bounde with loue-linckt-charmes,
Reade in his face the pleasing lines of loue,
And they thy soule, to sweet delights will mooue.
Art rising Jynn? I prethee sweete-harte staie,
Heare mee speake one worde more, and then awaie.
Thou must not blussh: Why this is maidens chart,
Wee're priuat girle, wee'le talke wee care not what,
I'le saie noe harme, I'le tell thee onely this,
What pleaseth woemen beste, and what it is.
Oh tis man! who doth possesse a treasure,
Whose taste (for sweetnesse) hath noe measure
A treasure wench: such treasures there are none,
A Iuell 'tis: oh had'st thou such a one,
Thou would'st esteeme it at soe high a rate,
As ne're noe Iuell was soe pris'd of late.
Vnto it (girle) soure is the sweetest honie,
It's wine toth' harte, but Nector to the ---
These were the reasons Margett did aleadge,
Which firste did sett faire Iynns white teeth an edge,

Satire 14.

[In trothla maides what thouhtes possesseth yee]

In trothla maides what thouhtes possesseth yee,
Iuste such-like thoughtes sometimes possesseth mee,
Myne sometimes wanton are: Maides you all knowe
That wee that Maidens are, our thouhts are soe.
To see a gallaunt gape (Maides your mouthes wipe)
To entertaine a faire Tobacco-pipe.
Beleeue me Maides, my maiden-thoughts it moues
To thinke of what doth passe 'tween two that loues.
It at a worde (Oh that J might come at hir)
Dus make my Maiden-mouth o're-flowe with water.

Satire 15

[Some thinkes that Vardingales that's monstrous wide]

Some thinkes that Vardingales that's monstrous wide,
At firste invented were onely for pride,
But truely none that thinketh soe as this,
But gesse (beleeue me) too too much a misse,
For they (I certainely it's soe surmi'sd,)
For these three reasons were at firste deui'sd.
Firste, for hott girles that subiect are to sweate,
It letts vp aire whereby to coole there heat.
Then for the girle whose bumm standeth not right,
(Tough hopper-tail'd) yet that will hide it quite.
But cheifly dus the wench, who through an Itch,
Has gott: alas I scratch a ---
Tis shee I saie that wears it not for Pride
For shee (god wott) cann neuer hate too wide;
She must haue trickes, (J deale too plaine to scoffe)
To beare vp cloathes, else they'd rubb plaisters off.

Satire 16.

[VVhen Seelas Taylor measure came to take]

VVhen Seelas Taylor measure came to take,
Of hir smale bodie, bodies new to make
They disagreed (yet time did giue them leasure)
How shee should stand, when hee should take hir measure
Hee'd haue hir vp-right stand, or else hee should
Ne're fitt hir bodie with a perfect moulde,
But shee not likeing it, made this replie,
I'le haue my bodie measur'd as I lie.
And full of bones I'de haue my bodies bee,
The bones sticht in, and quilted well quoth shee.
Now if thou think'st my bodies thou canst fitt,
I prethee honest Tayle-hir measure it.
The man mistakeing still hir meaning quite
Lyes on hir more, to haue hir stande vp-right.
But shee (hoping to beat it in his braine)
The second time replies to him againe.
Tayler quoth shee, I'me sure that I shall finde
Bodies made like thine fitting'st to my minde,
Noe other measure for my bodie take,
But by thy bodie, my newe bodies make.
Alas quoth hee those bodies ne're will fitt.
Ah Asse quoth shee, that Noddies had but witt
Then might my bodie, bodies haue right good,
And easlye I might haue been vnderstood.
'Waie hence (quoth shee) thou art some botching Noddy,
That canst not measure right a womans bodie.

Satire 17.

[If Gossippes once be gott to sitt and prattle.]

If Gossippes once be gott to sitt and prattle.
It's needles then to bidd their tongues to tattle.
Woe to their husbandes, for alas poore men
It's onely they shall smart and paie sor't then.
One by hir troth-la sweares how shee dus finde,
Hir husband growne alreadye much vnkinde,
For let mee aske him but a toy to giue,
Hee'le snapp me vp, with Lett's learne firste to liue,
I badd him buie (quoth shee) shooes that would creake,
Yet did hee not: oh! this would make one speake.
I chardg'd him buie mee hose quoth shee of redd,
Hee bought em blewe: I, I, hee'd haue mee dead:
I Gossipps, I ther's none soe matcht as I,
Then straightwaies put shee finger into eye.
At which: Gossipps: saies one, you griue to soone,
Another tells hir, yet 'tis honny-moone,
A thirde stepps vp: for sooth quoth shee they saie
That wee must husbands honour & obaie,
But had wee strength, I halfe the strength of men,
It should be seene quoth shee: Jfaith-la then.
And there shee stopps, setting hir teeth soe close,
As if shee fear'd hir madd-tongue would breake loose.
The fourth more wise: saies weake-ones must toth' wall,
Wee're borne to beare quoth shee: letts put vp all.
And then the bowle, the gossipps bowle ginnes walke,
But that once off: againe their tongues must talke.

Satire 18.

[When as my creame is sowre, I straight-waies meet]

When as my creame is sowre, I straight-waies meet
With suger which dus make my sowre creame sweete,
And when my drinke is sowre, or that waies blame,
I meet with twentie things to mende the same.
But faith doe what I cann, yet for my life,
I cannot mende the sowrenes of my wife.
Yet honny'd termes vppon hir eu'rie howre
I duelie powre: yet still my wife is sowre.
May not J doubt hir sowrenes ne're will fleete,
When such sweet thinges wantes powere to make hir sweeete.

Satire 19.

[At this time Liba tha'dst noe neede to weepe]

At this time Liba tha'dst noe neede to weepe,
Hadst had the witt but of a sillie sheepe;
Couldst not thou marke whereon that harmeles beast
dus how rely chuse to make hir daiely feast?
Shee's sildome seeue the tale long grasse deuowre:
And why? because tis ranck & allwaies sowre.
But on the short: with which when shee dus meete
On that shee feedes; and why? because 'tis sweete.
Ah Laba hadst ath' sheepe but learned this,
Thy tall man had not had thee then I wis.
Faith wench, hadst but a lowe man halfe an houre,
Thou'dst tell mee all that's tall, are rancke & soure,

Satire 20.

[I must distill my witts best quintessence]

I must distill my witts best quintessence,
To Carractrise the wisdome of wise Prudence,
Hir worthy actes are of such noble fame,
As I'le haue Hall to Cronicle the same.
You long to heare hir deedes? I knowe you doe:
Will you be silent then? well then goe toe.
Shee 'fore hir Father, Mother, folkes and all,
Settes vp hir legg ath'mantle-tree ith'wall,
Quoth shee now Father I'le doe wonders great,
The old folkes hearing that (with feare) gann sweat,
Shee seeing that, shee bidds them nothing doubt.
For I (quoth shee) will onely pufft this fire out.
And therewithall shee lett forth such a ---
That halfe the spacious world (for feare) gan start
Oh heres a Girle to liue ith'Common-weale,
Who cann defend it with hir very taile.

Satire 21.

[Nothing's hard vnto a minde that's willing]

Nothing's hard vnto a minde that's willing,
It's seene by Winda in hir nightly drilling,
Harke Musketeers: if Musketeers youle make,
And learne all posternes right, hir course but take,
Shee eu'ry night as in hir bedd shee lies,
Dus all hir posternes, 'fore shee e're let flies,
Shee cockes, shee tries hir match, shee gardes hir pann,
Which done, sh'ungardes it, and presentes it than,
And with as good a grace as you'd desire
Shee blowes hir match, and brauely then giues fire,
Then dus shee caste about, prune & blowe,
Rechardge & to hir former posternes goe.
Souldiers; Drilling's not hard, If you'd doe soe.

Satire 22.

[For certen, yet in woemen ther's some sweet]

For certen, yet in woemen ther's some sweet,
With which wee blinde-men yet could neuer meet,
By reason naturall it must be soe,
To proue the same let's to the Bee-hiue goe,
Why did dame Nature giue the Bee a sting?
Some reasons sh'ad to giue hir such a thing.
And place it in hir taile (men marke the case)
The prettie Bees sweetst best & ritchest place,
Hir reason why shee plac't it in hir taile,
Was this (if my opinion doe not faile)
Because that place hir treas'rie is: in which
Lies all hir wealth: For Bees be sweetly ritch.
Now as with stinges dame Nature made the Bee,
Soe woemen hath shee made with stinges wee see,
For all their heades (I hope I doe none wrong)
Containeth stings: If not a stinge, a tongue,
But let vs term't a stinge; for it will prick,
And hee that striues with it gainst thornes dus kick:
They hauing stinges, noe question if wee search,
Shall honny finde where those sharpe stinges doe pearch.
Yet as you doe, doe not, for men you'le faile,
Jf Bee-like for the sweete, you search the ---

Satire 23.

[Mjlda? since you betooke your self to wiue]

Mjlda? since you betooke your self to wiue,
I hope y'aue tane the skillfulst tricks to thriue.
The time was Milda when your slender back,
(To couer it) a gowne well-nie did lack.
But now, nor gowne, nor nothing else you want,
What can you aske? but straight it has a graunt.
Manie Maidens, manie things would choake,
Had they (as you haue) Milda such a cloake.
For doe you heare? it may not be denaied
But cloakes fitts wiues, when they'le not doe a maide
Yet Milda faith I speake it to your grace,
You should haue chose your cloake with better face.

Satire 24

[A ladie fairer farr then fortunate]

A ladie fairer farr then fortunate,
(In dauncing) thus o'reshott hirselfe of late,
The musick not in tune, pleas'd not hir minde,
For which: shee with the fidlers fault did finde.
Fidlers quoth shee, your fidles tune for shame.
But as shee was a speaking of the same,
(To mend the consort) let shee did a ---
Whereat the fidling knaues thus did hir greete
Maddam your pipe's in tune, it plaies most sweete,
strike vp quoth they, (but then the knaues doe smile)
And as you pipe, wee'le daunce an other while.
At which, awaie the blusshing Ladie flinges,
But as shee goes, hir former noates shee singes.

Satire 25.

[Welthus, none of your daughters that I sawe]

Welthus , none of your daughters that I sawe,
But halfe did tempt mee be your sonne in lawe:
And iuste but halfe: For euer I did see,
In eech of them, somwhat to alter mee.
Kates Virtues my affection much did moue.
But streight hir crookednesse did quench that loue.
Black Sues great portion made mee wish hir well,
But thinking on hir pride my loue straight fell.
Besse for his bewtie I could much affect,
But Besse wantes witt, that made mee Besse reiect,
With Doll for hir housseffrie I could hould,
But blame not smale men, much to feare a scould.
Ellen for hir silence I could loue: but
Although I hate a scould, I loath a slutt.
Were Nan noe wanton, shee'd my humor sitt,
But Nan has wantonnes vnto hir witt,
Yet Wealthus giue me Nan, for doe you heare?
With wantonnes (as most men dus) J'le beare.

Satire 26.

[Sweet Mistresse, I'le not putt thee (thou shalt finde)]

Sweet Mistresse, I'le not putt thee (thou shalt finde)
In this my bookes disgracefulst place behinde,
In that place will I toothles Liva putt,
And flout at hir, cause shee's soe rancke a slutt.
And Minsa there I'le putt, who eates at table,
As if to eate at all, shee were not able.
Hir, there I'le put, cause 'fore solkes shee'le not eate,
But in a corner eate vp worldes of meate.
Likewise I'le Lica put into that place,
For Cuckolding hir man before his face.
But Mistresse, you behinde I'le neuer put,
Worldes of wealth, shall ne're perswade mee too't.
Where louers put their loues, there doe you looke
To bee inrouled, and put in my booke:
Ith' midle, and before, (cann I doe lesse?)
There will I put you, my sweet Misteresse.
Where J will write on you; thinges of delight,
Thinges fittli'st fitting true-loues appetite.

Satire 27.

[And praie now why is there noe likelyhood]

And praie now why is there noe likelyhood
That Agus should doe his yong wife noe good?
Heare my example, and I'le proue it then,
That none please yong Girles like these aged men.
A yong-man hauing matter to endite,
With manie wordes superfluous hee doth write,
Loading the paper with much Idle stuff,
O'rechardging it with much more then enough.
Whereas an aged man dus neuer write,
But vntoth' purpose hee dus still endite.
What e're ould men doe doe: (I doe not flatter)
Toth'purpose tis: they roundly goe toth' matter.
And therefore Tatlus, why art such a one,
To thinke that Agus sonne, is not his sonne?
Ist cause the boie is such a chopping ladd?
Or cause hee is not hair'd like his old dadd?
If this bee all? then thou a fault art in,
Why Tatlus, hee is like his mothers kinn,
His mother couzens hath: fine proper men,
The boie in fauour maie bee like to them.
Or like his god-fathers the boie may bee,
That falls out oft, although noe kinn you see.
Fie Tatlus, I faith thou hast a slaund'rouus tongue,
To doe an old-mans yong-wife soe much wrong:
Why old-mens breath getts boies, it is soe strong.

Satire 28.

[Lord, what meane you Gossipp? praie forbeare]

Lord, what meane you Gossipp? praie forbeare,
My husband noates your often comming here,
Soe soone as euer hee is gott toth' Plowe,
You are here: praie la-bee: what ayle you now?
I will not faith: good-lord y'are such a man,
I hope you'le rest: hee will bee here a nan:
Y'are such an other: whoo'd thinke you such a one?
Oh! I heare my husband: praie bee gone.
La-bee I saie: fie, fie: I praie la-bee,
Hee's in the yard, hee's crying hutt and gee.
Harke, harke; J saith J heare him: oh tis sore!
Naibour: sneake out, & I will watch at dore.

Satire 29

[Why John quoth Nan, I praie nowe John forbeare]

Why John quoth Nan, I praie nowe John forbeare:
You'le not a done, Ifaith I'le hitt your eare,
Whoo'd bee a Chamber-maide? why Iohn? fie, fie:
A done I saie; Ifaith Iohn I will crie,
Pussh, pussh: praie leaue, another time you shall,
Why harke; praie harke: Ifaith my Mistresse call.
Shee'd rise and make hir readie: out alas,
How will shee tie hir shoes and want hir glasse?
I'm in a fine case to goe to hir sir:
Fie John: are not you sham'd to keepe this stirr?
I'de not ha thought you would haue vs'd mee soe,
How is my colour? fie how I doe blowe?
Shame you not to putt mee in this heate?
A handkercher: fie, how my face dus sweat.
Well, well: Ifaith did not I loue you well,
Of this your wagg'rie to your shame I'de tell,
Lord my ruff! sett it with thy finger Iohn,
Harke, harke; pies on hir, how shee rapps for Nan.
Fare-well, J'le tell hir, sh'as a waggish man,

Satire 30

[I could allowe your suite; but doe you here?]

I could allowe your suite; but doe you here?
My creditt Sir: my reputation's deare,
What greater blott could to my Credit bee?
Then yeilde my loue to such a one as yee.
Againe you knowe your maister growes of late,
To haue a mar'les suspitious Ieolous pate.
H'immagins what has past: and John you knowe,
Wee haue too open been; twas longe of you.
Lett's charie bee: my deeds shall then approue,
That like to thee, none shall attaine my loue.

Satire 31.

[Prouda: your Father on his death-bedd lies]

Prouda : your Father on his death-bedd lies,
Tis tenn to one, within this howre hee dies.
For God-sake Prouda while as hee doth liue,
Goe vnto him; & his greate faulte forgiue.
Hee dus desire the same: hee praies that hee
(E're die) to you may reconciled bee.
For God-sake Prouda let his latest breath
Make you a mendes: hee'le seale the same with Death.
Were I a maide, my Father should be bould
To saie, & saie againe that I were old.
Alas your father takes it on his death,
Hee ment noe harme with vtt'ring of that breath.
Hee vowes, hee little thought to woman-kinde,
That saying would haue troubled so their minde.
Good yong-Prouda, now shewe your selfe t' aue witt,
And but vnto his death hate him for it.

Satire 32.

[Widowes? your Push, nor Praie Sir stand awaie]

Widowes? your Push, nor Praie Sir stand awaie,
Noe nor your fie for shame, forbeare I praie,
Can make a souldier cease his enterprise;
I tell you widowes, souldiers are too wise,
They know that breaches into Towres are made,
To enter them; whereby the Towre t'invade.
They knowe that asking, shall J enter in?!
Is not the waie a Towre, or Forte to winn.
Their discipline is such, they vse smale speech,
But with true courage, falls-vppintoh' breach.
Where maugre Daungers worste, they'le make th'adventure,
And (as true spirits should) brauely enter.
They will not with beseechings pray them yeild,
For falls they'le take, but they will winn the field.

Satire 33.

[VVhy Matrita, what will it praie boote mee?]

VVhy Matrita, what will it praie boote mee?
To blabb, or tell a tatling tale of thee,
Should I gaine ought to saie thou louest John?
That smooth-chin'd youth thy fathers serving-man,
Not for a thousand Millions I'le report,
That nightly to his bedd thou dust resort.
Why, I could tell what trickes hee putts on thee:
But they shall neuer be reueal'd for mee,
The gettings will but little fill my purse,
To tell of thy two children sent to nurse.
Or tell howe closely eu'rie thing was wrought,
As how the mid-wife, blind-folded was brought.
Ifaith but Idle I my selfe should showe,
If I should make the world, these secretts knowe.
Come wench: none shall know't: bee not whit dismaiede,
Some Londonier will take thee for a maide.

Satire 34.

[Deepe desp'rat daunger in this Satire lies]

Deepe desp'rat daunger in this Satire lies,
Cause desp'rat folkes it dus annotomize.
It tells what manner chatt, when woemen meete,
They each the other commonly doe greete.
Kate bidds hir Gossipp sitt, which once downe sett,
Then fall they vnto that, for which they mett.
That is to prate as they occasion take.
As each occasion for their purpose make,
Occasion good kinde Kate has full enough.
To praise hir gossipps fashonable ruffe.
Hir gossipp sitts not mumm, but shee agen,
Lookes on Kates gowne, and much comends it then,
Or on hir hatt, orelse vpon hir tyre,
Commending (for the fasshon) hir high wyre.
Protesting if hir husband were noe clowne,
Shee would (e're long) haue such a fasshon'd gowne.
Hee has enough (quoth shee) and then shee weepes,
But mee (Ifaith (the hogg) at hard-meat keepes.
At which; hir gossipp Kate comforts hir then,
And tells hir there's noe best amongst these men.
Tis thought that I quoth shee lead a good life,
But Gossipp, gossipp, since I were his wife,
God knowes it gossipp (speake to you I maie)
I haue endur'd manie a stormie daie,
And then dus too-kinde Kate a crying fall,
At ende of which, shee curseth man-kinde all.
Yet faith quoth shee why should wee freit at man?
They'le all be naught, lett vs doe what wee cann.
I, quoth hir gossipp, they bee crabby elues,
But letts be wise, & make much of ourselues.
And then the Custardes fetcht to cheare the harte,
At eating which, they'le laugh vntill they ---

Satire 35.

[My ruf-rude penn would women fayne befrend]

My ruf-rude penn would women fayne befrend
Could it but finde one worthie to commend
It findes but one, my Mistres is that one
Else had this barren world afforded none
Yet ne're-seene-shee howe shall J sett hir forth?
Containes in hir a treble world of worth.

Satire 36.

[Ambitious girle, why altred I my state?]

Ambitious girle, why altred I my state?
Howe sowre's my life to what it was of late
While I in Cottadge did my selfe containe
Poore simple I, knewe nothinge that was vaine
Then might I gam som bee with modestie
Yet vnsuspected rest, from Ieolosie
The Milk-maydes life, oh happ'ire t'is I weene
Then is the life to be an Emprours Queene.

Satire 37.

[Because madd Girles I knowe what you loue best]

Because madd Girles I knowe what you loue best
Out of my loue you see I'ue gott you prest
If there be faultes escap't, I doe not feare:
I knowe with presse-scapt-faultes you vse to beare
J loue you Girles, then howe could J doe lesse?
Then putt you (sinc I loue you) intooth presse.

Satire 38.

[By Putting other women intooth presse]

By Putting other women intooth presse
A kind of loue to them I did expresse
Because that most of them are pleased best
When by theire loues they most of al are prest
But thou my loue: (my hart is knowne to thee)
By none but by my selfe shalt pressed be
All workes I write on thee, (If there's noe let)
I will my selfe those workes both print and set
Sweet wench, soe styf my loue shall stand to thee
As J will sett, prynt, presse and write on thee.

Satire 39.

[Women, you terme me Idle: I confess]

Women, you terme me Idle: I confess,
My Idle workes doth shewe I am noe less
But nowe my Idle worke I will laie by
To praie you better occupyd' then I
Jll occupid' J am; and cause t'is ill
Otherwise (as you bee) occupyd' I will.

Satire 40.

[You little Dogges, my farr-fetcht merchaundize]

You little Dogges, my farr-fetcht merchaundize
My sweetest foystes, my thinges of highest prize
Harke to the chardge I shall impose on you
Not onelie harke, but see the same you doo
Such as shall vse you well: Doggs vnto such
Be fawninge on; of them still make you much
If anie rates or kickes at you: then harke
At them turne you agen, and grynn and bark
But see that you with bytinge none assayle
Exceptinge those whoo'd haue you lick the tayle
Those onelie byte: J that place byte a good
Die soe your fanges, as yf they were all blood.

Satire 41.

[Cease whippets nowe, noe more a barkinge keepe]

Cease whippets nowe, noe more a barkinge keepe
Be quiet Dogges, the Ladies will goe sleepe
Commit them to theire rest; and doe yee hatke
If pryvate freinds come to them, doe not bark
Avaunt you Currs; commit them to theire ease
And scudd you back to your Antipedes.