The Furies :: :: University of Virginia Library

He that is more, then what he seemes to bee,
Deriues his worth from no such idle fame,
As fashion only giues: that which we see
Of golden vanitie, is not the same
Which it appeares; and therefore I would find
One that hath more then what bare fashion made,
That might without partialitie of minde
Proceed to censure that which heere is said.
Then leauing those, whose worth on vaine ostent
Of golden outsides only doth depend;
To you (praise-worthie Sir) this part is meant.
This Furie to your censure I commend:
In reading which, if you no profit gaine,
You shall at least find pleasure for your paine.

Epig. I. Ad Lectorem.

Two Furies you haue past; therefore be glad,
And (Reader) yet if you no ierke haue had,
Boldly read on: if Vertue with you goe,
You may escape Megaras whip I know.

Epig. II. Ad Megaram.

Vp thou third daughter of sad Acheron,
Earth more then pale Auernus now doth grone
Beneath hels tyrants, vp then, take thy stand,
Be readie with thy snakie scourge in hand
To startle them: and as thou tak'st thy name
From hate of ougly vice, now shew the same.
Spare none (dread Virgin) so men title thee,
True Virgins neuer can corrupted bee.

Epig. III.

By chance I met a thing vpon the way,
Which came from France at first as men did say:

It feign'd big lookes, yet had a womans face;
It stalkt it too, but with a womans pace;
And with a womans voyce it squeakt out oathes;
Had womans lockes and lookes, and womans cloathes,
Hat band and bodies, periwig of heare,
Excepting bootes and spurres, all womens weare.
Wondring I askt what 'twas: one, that did eye it.
Said sir, a gallant, or the cloathes belie it.
Musing, that womans weare should make a man,
To question with this gallant I began:
But faith I found him, both in act and speech
Woman in euery part, excepting breech.

Epig. IIII. In Pontiam.

Yong Pontia long lockt vp from sight of all
By her old Beco, vnto minde did call
A wittie wile, th' old Fox to circumuent,
And know her loued Parius whole intent.
An aged Crone, that came with staffe in hand
Bone lace to sel her mind did vnderstand,
And at the next returne from Parius came
With more bone-lace to sel, and in the same
A letter wrapt. Pontias good man stood by,
And askt his wife, which parcell pleas'd her eye:
That with the horned peaks, said she. He bought it
And with his owne hand to his wife he rought it,
Thus iealous Beco bought, such was his hap,
Bone lace with hornes, to edge his owne night-cap.

Epig. V. In Bibonem.

If (Bibo) I doe tax thee heere at all,
Good fellowes streight wil sweare my inke was gall.
For while thy purse can shew one crosse of monie,
No fellow-friend of thine shall spend one pennie:
And when thou scarse canst sit vpon thy stoole,
Thou drink'st vp all mens healthes. But know O foole
As if from friends thou wouldst win death by stealth,
Thou drink'st thine own disease to their good health:
And for thy kind good will (kind hearted Asse)
When thou art dead, this Epitaph shall passe,
Here Bibo lies, whose losse few now doe mone,
Though drinking to their healths he lost his owne.

Epig. XI.

Dvl Doll but one eye hath, and with that one
Sees more then many doe with two. For none
Lookes more asquint at others good, then she,
She enuies all, which that one eye doth see.
But Doll, to be a Christian now begin:
Put out that eye, or put away that sin.

Epig. VII. In Luponem.

Church-chaffring Lupo is an honest man,
Touch him with any fault no neighbour can,

Yet six impropriate liuings are his liuing;
His leauings to the Leuite in his giuing
Are pious deeds: and when rich Lupo writes
The false sowne seeds of his wiues stolne delights,
Sole heire to all these liuings, when he dies,
Yet still is wealthie Lvpo counted wise:
For he did leaue, but what he should haue done,
Improper liuings t'an improper sonne.

Epig. VIII. In Pisonem.

Piso t'his wife in all things doth accord,
Except in this: He needs must be her Lord
And she his slaue. To proue it, he wil draw
His argument from God and natures law:
He is the head, and she must be the foot.
Good reason too. Then Piso vrge her too't,
Humble her well and make her stoop to thee,
And thou perhaps in time all head maist bee.

Epig. IX.

VVhich of the Sages order shall I keepe;
The one of which did laugh, the other weepe
To see my new made, Sir, who yet smels fresh
Of Lenton schooles, euen the first day that flesh
May be alow'd, seise the precostris, and
Out-acting famous Roscius with his hand

Giue pasport to his phrase appli'd vnfit
Coind in the mint of his own mother wit.
But chaffie stalkes of Corne their heads doe beare
High and aloft, whereas the fuller eare
Bowes humbly downe: he workes vpon this ground
Who is not, yet to some may seeme, profound,
And little reading serue, if in this case,
The bookes kinde index bee his common place.
But prethee (Domine) take heed in time,
Accept the counsell of my ruder rime.
'Tis nere too late good actions to begin:
The Asse must lay aside his borrow'd skin.
Backe to Parnassus, reade 'ore wisdomes booke,
And let time giue thy youth a grauer looke:
Else heere thy life and learning both are doomb'd,
With thy yong credit to be cradle-toomb'd:

Epig. X.

On earth Phisitions are as gods of health.
O then, how happie is our Common-wealth,
In which so many yong Phisitions been,
That they be gods, before that they be men!

Epig. XI. In Poeticam & paupertatem.

Twixt Poetrie and pouertie is found
Congruitie in sense as well as sound.
The cause is this: when Poetrie did aime
Beyond blind fortunes flight to follow fame,

Fortune tooke V. in Poetrie to place it
Twixt O. and E. with R. so to disgrace it.
But Gramer did denie; then Fortune swore
In spight of Gramer Poets should be poore.

Epig. XII. In Tubrionem.

Tvbrio the termer, though a rustick Asse,
Will make the Court his fancies looking glasse,
And late a yellow band he carried downe
To make himselfe more noted in the Towne.
On Sunday on he puts it, and, that all
The Rustickes might behold his yellow fall,
Loud gingling spurres he wore, to bid them stand
And view the fashion of his yellow band.
But Tubrio next time lay thy spurres aside;
Thy boots were only seene, thy band not ey'd.

Epig. XIII. In Amorem.

Loue is a boy and subiect to the rod
Some say, but louers say he is a god.
I thinke that loue is neyther god nor boy,
But a mad braines imaginarie toy.

Epig. XIIII. In Verrem.

Blunt Verres meeting with me in the strand
Said, God be praysed, holding vp his hand.

Why friend, what is the matter, answer'd I:
O sir said he, as I was passing by,
Plutoes black Coach, for sure the Coach was his,
From running ouer me did little misse.
This feare of his I checkt with some reproach,
And askt him why he thought 'twas Plutoes Coach.
Foure fierie horse, quoth he, which drew the same
Few with it through the street like lightnings flame:
The driuer sat before, neckt like a Bull,
Grimme was his beard, his cap was like a skull,
And with a whip, which in his hand he had,
He laid about and lasht, as he were mad;
Three Furies sate, Furies I thinke they were,
Within the Coach, whose heads with grizly heare
Were drest, or rather vndrest, and withall
Toyes like Medusas Snakes about did crall;
Their yellow coloured bands, and strange attire,
About their neckes, appear'd like wheeles of fire,
And on their cheekes, which glow'd with scarlet die,
And pappes made bare to euerie vulgar eye,
Blacke specks and pimpels here and there were seene
As if their bodies had infected beene.
This was their fashion, thus all three were shapt,
And glad I am that I from them escapt.
At this I smil'd, and bad my friend goe looke
What these three were, whom he for Furies tooke.

Epig. XV. In Gracchum.

Gracchus will sweare all women are vnchast,
Yet Gracchus thou I thinke a woman hast

Vnto thy mother, say then, what was shee?
O you are silent now, wel this must be;
Or women all must be vnchast no more
Or Grachus must be th' of-spring of a ---.

Epig. XVI.

VVill you know how we English men excell
All other Nations? euery one can tell,
Time and occasion out of all the rest,
Hath doubtlesse made an English man the best.
His head and neck are Spanish; for his hat
And ruffe vnto the World can witnesse that.
His back is french, clad in their court quaint weeds:
His belly German; for with them he feeds:
His breech Venetian, greedie in delight:
His legs are dutch, that cannot goe vpright:
He then I thinke is best, since all these can
Hardly make vp a perfect English man.

Epig. XVII.

A friend and I consorting on the way,
In midst of Cheap vpon a working day,
Spide a faire painted picture, as we thought,
Vpon a stall, set to be so'd and bought.
But marke our grosse mistake, when we drew neare
To veiw the same, it plainly did appeare
By knocking those light heeles against the bench,
'Twas no dead picture, but a liuely wench.

Epig. XVIII. In Lidiam.

Lidia though village bred and meanly borne,
Yet made my Ladies Chamber-maide doth scorne
Al but the Court, your Citie Sea-cole aire
Is foggie grosle, and spoile, her cheese greene faire,
She sayes that London dames are dull not wittie,
Nor fancies she the fashions of th Cittie:
Therefore all Citie sutors woe in vaine,
The learned Courtier hardly may obtaine
Faire Lidias loue, but wherefore? I can tell her,
She loues his Lordships yeoman of the celler.

Epig. XIX. In nigrum

I prethe Niger leaue to play the Ape,
In this quaint age, Chaucers misconstru'd iape
Is not so sordid, as each common iest
Which thou dost parbreake; thou art growne a guest
Most cumbersome to friends, thy iests are gall,
Yet rather then loose one, thou'lt loose them all;
But Niger take good heed, least with some friend,
Thou iest away thy wit, too in th' end.

Epig. XX.

In time of peace, the wisemans counsel is,
To practise martiall feates, and we in this,

The garland to our English Hauns must yeeld:
Who daily traines good fellowes for the field:
The bloud-red lettice tauerne is the plot
Which for a campus Martius Hauns hath got;
The Vintners Iuie bush for these affaires
The ensigne is, to which his men repaires
His Drums and Fifes are Fiddles, Sagbuttes are
His Trumpets, thus begins his desperate warre;
Fiue in a ranke in stead of smaller shot
Play with Tobacco Pipes, whose vapour hot
Heating the head hid all in cloudes of smoke,
Doth with high valour eytherside prouoke;
Then eagerly instead of Cannos roare,
The pottle pots doe thunder on the floare;
Hanus brauely brings them on, pel-mel they close;
Then on the boord the bloud-like licour flowes,
Heere one drops downe an other there doth fall,
Heere one as wounded, leanes against the wall,
But Hauns stil leader-like doth courage crie,
Till they about him all like dead men lie,
And he in his own head now wounded sore,
Is carried from the fight let none therefore
Slight valiant Hauns, more men to death doe yeeld
In Hauns his battailes, then in Mars his field.

Epig. XXI. In Fortunam.

'Mongsts Ethnickes Fortune was a Deitie,
'Mongst Christians 'tis a grosse impietie,
To thinke it any powre, if any ill
Betide a man, 'tis his his owne wicked will

Was cause of it; if any good, t'is knowne
'Tis from aboue: then Fortune there is none,
'Tis but a word of idle wits creation
And fauours fooles but in imagination.

Epig. XXII. In nomen suum.

Rich heart of Richard, as the Saxons say,
Is th' Ecymologie: an other way
Is hard and rich. But some from this I feare,
Hard to be Rich, the name of Richard beare.

Epig. XXIII. In Papam Rom.

Rome cals her Bishop Papa, of a Father:
We English cal him Pope, of Popa rather.
Popa a bloudie Sacrificer is
Or greedie glutton; therefore not amisse:
Since he still sacrifices for our fall,
A Pope, not Papa, Englishmen him call.

Epig. XXIIII.

Some the word wanton fetch, though with small skill,
From those, that want one to effect their will,
If so, I thinke that wantons there are none,
For till the World want men, can they want one?

Epig. XXV.

Amongst the pack of knaues, which is the chiefe;
Your breaker, broker, vsurer, or thief?
I know, thta many men your thiefe will say;
For in this age, your great rich wise man may
Breake, yet be whole and compleat as before:
Whereas your thiefe, a thiefe is euermore.
Thus from your thiefe the breaker th' odds must haue,
To be your wise, rich, great and compleat knaue.

Epig. XXVI.

From impure mouthes, now many beare the name
Of Puritan, yet merit not the same.
This one shall only be my Puritan,
That is a knaue; yet seemes an honest man.

Epig. XXVII.

Is that great deed of Edgar, Englands glorie,
To be approu'd: who as we reade in storie
Destroi'd this Kingdomes wolues; because that they
Deuour'd our sheep? sure yes: yet some say nay,
Wishing we had no other wolues; for then
Wolues did eate sheep: but sheep now eat vp men.

Epig. XXVIII.

VVoman mans shadow is, lone is the Sunne,
Now in the Sunne, if man his shadow shunne;
It followes him: but if he follow it,
It then shuns him and shewes his want of wit.

Epig. XXIX. In mortis timorem.

How base hath sinne made man to feare the thing,
That men call Mars; which yet hath lost all sting,
And is but a priuation, as we know,
Nay is no word if we exempt the O.
Then let good men the feare of it defie,
All is but ó when they shall come to die.

Epig. XXX. In Scyllam.

Coy Scylla sweares that she will neuer loue me,
Rayles at my rimes; and sayes, that she wil proue me
A traytor to the sex; yet none shall find,
That I was euer false to woman kind,
She sayes their secrets are disclos'd by me,
And so condemnes me; yet in Charitie
I should be quit, were women of my iurie,
Since 'twas in heat of bloud, and writ in Furie.