XII mery Iests, of the wyddow Edyth :: :: University of Virginia Library

XII mery Iests, of the wyddow Edyth

[by Walter Smith]

Smith, Walter

The fyrste merye Iest: declareth, how this faire & wel nurtured Damsel Edyth, was maryed to one Thomas Ellys: and how she ran away with another, by whome she had a bastard Doughter: and how she deceyued a Gentleman, who (for her worthinesse) preferred her to Sir Thomas Dēnys, before whom she auouched her Daughter to be Heire of faire landes.

The second mery Iest: how this liynge Wydowe Edyth, made a poore man to vnthatch his House, and bore him in hand, she would bestow the coueryng of it with Lead: and how she deceiued a Barbour, makyng hym beleue she was a Wydowe, and had great abundance of Richesse.

The thyrd merye Iest: how this Wydow Edyth, decyued her Hoste at Hormynger, and her Hoste at Brandonfery, and borowed money of them both: and also, one Mayster Guy, of whom she borrowed iii;. Marke.

The fourth mery Iest, how this Wyddow Edyth deceiued a Doctor of Diuynitie at S. Thomas of Akers in London of fiue Nobles that he lay out for her, and how shee gaue him the slip.

The fyfth mery Iest, how this wydow deceyued a man & his wife that were goynge on pilgremage: who layd out for her .iiij. Nobles: and how she deceiued a Scriuener in London, whose name was Rowse.

The syxth mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth deceiued a Draper in London of a new Gowne: & a new Kyrtell, and how she sent him for a nest of Goblets to the Scriuener that she had deceiued afore.

The seuenth mery Iest who this wydow Edyth deceiued a seruant of Syr Thomas Neuelles, who in hope to haue her in maryage with all her great riches kepte her company tyll all his money was spent: and then she went to seeke her Freendes.

The eyght mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth deceiued a seruant oft he Byshop of Rochesters wt cogging and boastyng of her great Richesse: who likewise thought to haue had her in mariage.

The nynth mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth deceyued a Lorde, somtime Earle of Arundell: and how he sent fiue of his men seruantes and a handmayden to beare her company, and fetch her daughter who as she boasted was Heyre of great Landes.

10.

The tenth mery Iest, how this Wydow Edyth deceiued three yong men of Chelsay that were seruants to syr Thomas More, and were all three suters vnto her for Maryage: and what mischaunce happened vnto her.

11.

The, xi. mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth: deceyued three yongmen of the Lorde Legates seruants with her great lying crakyng and boastyng of her great treasure and Iuelles.

12.

The, xii. mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth deceyued the goodman of the three Cuppes in Holburne, and one Iohn Cotes that ryd will, her to Saint Albans to euer see her lands and tenements, and how they were rewarded.

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The second mery Iest: how this liynge Wydowe Edyth, made a poore man to vnthatch his House, and bore him in hand, she would bestow the coueryng of it with Lead: and how she deceiued a Barbour, makyng hym beleue she was a Wydowe, and had great abundance of Richesse.

From Wainsworth than she tooke her way,
To kew: where thē, ye Lord Chamberlayn lay

And not far from his place, a good long space,
In a poore mans house lodged she was:
And was in good credence with him in deede,
She seing the house couered with reede:
Sayd to her Hoste vpon a day,
Mine Host (quod she) next to the hye way,
Take ye the thak of your house a downe,
It is a foule sight buttyng on the towne:
Haue it away fast, leaue the Rafters bare,
And for a new couering take ye no care.
It shalbe hilled agayne ere it be long,
But loke ye wel that the Rafters be strong:
For I tell you they shall beare a great weight
Hoste (quod she) I sweare by this light:
I wyll haue that end couered with Lead,
Came neuer such a couering ouer thy head.
Nor none of thy kin I may say to thee,
It lyeth in my Store house, so mote I thee.
In fayre playne rolles new melt with glede,
My Plommer bestowed it, I pray God hym spede
An honest man is he, and expert in that Art,
The selfe some day that he did depart
A way from my house I cannot tell where,
Many a fayre Noble with him he did bere.

Her Hoste when he had hard this tale,
With his hands his cap he gan avale:
And with his knees flexed, sayd vnto her there
I cry you mercy Mistris, what do you here?
In this poore cotage which is not meete for you

Holde thy peace (quod she) for I wil not be kno
What I am as yet and for consideration,
Go thou thy way and worke after the facion.

As I haue sayd: & looke thou speke no worde
But is none of my Lords seruants at bord
With you (quod she) nor hawnte they not heare
It is lyke yt they should, for you haue good beere.

Yes (quod her hoste) now and then among,
My Lords Barbour is here, wt many a good song
A liuely yong man I tell you & full of corage,
Somtyme we haue here, our whit wine wt vorag
And wafers pyping hot, out of the glede,
We chat and laugh it out, so God me spede:
Mistresse folke must nede be mery somtyme.

Hoste, ye say true by holy, Saint Sym:
Quod the wydow, but let vs go to dinner,
It is .xii. of the cloke and som what ouer:

Into the house they go, and take refection,
And after they fell in further communication.

This yong mā ye barbour as he was accustomed
Came in sodenly, and biddeth them God spede:
Welcome my guest (quod ye good man of ye house)
How haue you done, since we eate the sowse:
The last night ye remember to bedward?

Cut and it were a stone neuer so hard
Quoth this barbour, it should disgest with me
For somtime when it wyll not forge,
I drinke a little lamp Oyle, & cast vp my gorge
And then forthwith, I am as hole as a trowt,
But Hoste, (quod he) what woman went out
At the Dore now: doe you know her well?

By gods body Thomas barbour, I shal thee tel
She is a widow of late come to towne,
Bot at al aduentures, I had leuer thā my gowne
Thou were sure to her, for she to me sayd,

She is worth a .M.li. and euery man payd
Besyde land, I cannot tell how mych,

The barbour gan to claw there it did not ych
Holde your peace (quod he) she cōmeth in againe,
Mistresse sayd Thomas, wil it plese you to drink
And be ye mery, and vse not to think:
Me semeth, it becōmeth a wel fauoured wight
And namely a woman to be glad and light.

Yong man (quod she) I thank God of his lone,
I haue no great cause to make any mone:
I knowledge this, that God hath indewed me
An hundred folde better than I am worthye:
And I pray to hym, that I neuer do the thing
Which is contrary, vnto his hye pleasyng:

Gods blessīg haue you (sayd Thomas barbour)
Forsooth ye speake lyke a good Cristian creature
But let vs leaue al this, & make some good cheare
Ostes, fyll vs another pot with beere
Quod ye Barbour, & bid this gentilwomā welcōe

Mistrisse sayd ye good wife, this is all & some,
Ye be hartely welcome, euen at one worde
And therwith she droue ye Cat of the borde
And made rome for a dish or two more.

This wydow had vnder her chin, a sore
That Surgeons cal Noli me tangere,
Which when the barbour did espye
He sayd Misterisse, may I be so bolde?
Nay yet I will not touch it, for my hand is colde
I pray you what is this, God saue the mark?

A thing (quod she) yt I wyll take no great cark,
For Surgery therto: for I was borne so,
I thank God whether I ryde or go:

It doth not greue me otherwise than you see

And it is no great blemysh, so mote I thee
Quod the Barbour, but a lytell eye sore:
Now Mistrisse, do ye gladly, I can no more,
I trust we shall make better chere then this,
And then he began for to coll her and kysse:
So long they were dalliyng, both day and night
Tyll eche had others their trouth yplyght,
whiche was the same day, as I hard say,
That the thatch of the house was pulled away
And asked they were in holy churche,
Where Christs workemen do wurche.

But when he by long communication,
Knew her falshod and dissimulation,
And after he perceiued, he was begyled,
In all the haste, his wife he exyled,
Ratyng her with termes somthyng rude,
And here of hym, I wyll conclude.