XII mery Iests, of the wyddow Edyth :: :: University of Virginia Library

XII mery Iests, of the wyddow Edyth

[by Walter Smith]

Smith, Walter

The fyrste merye Iest: declareth, how this faire & wel nurtured Damsel Edyth, was maryed to one Thomas Ellys: and how she ran away with another, by whome she had a bastard Doughter: and how she deceyued a Gentleman, who (for her worthinesse) preferred her to Sir Thomas Dēnys, before whom she auouched her Daughter to be Heire of faire landes.

The second mery Iest: how this liynge Wydowe Edyth, made a poore man to vnthatch his House, and bore him in hand, she would bestow the coueryng of it with Lead: and how she deceiued a Barbour, makyng hym beleue she was a Wydowe, and had great abundance of Richesse.

The thyrd merye Iest: how this Wydow Edyth, decyued her Hoste at Hormynger, and her Hoste at Brandonfery, and borowed money of them both: and also, one Mayster Guy, of whom she borrowed iii;. Marke.

The fourth mery Iest, how this Wyddow Edyth deceiued a Doctor of Diuynitie at S. Thomas of Akers in London of fiue Nobles that he lay out for her, and how shee gaue him the slip.

The fyfth mery Iest, how this wydow deceyued a man & his wife that were goynge on pilgremage: who layd out for her .iiij. Nobles: and how she deceiued a Scriuener in London, whose name was Rowse.

The syxth mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth deceiued a Draper in London of a new Gowne: & a new Kyrtell, and how she sent him for a nest of Goblets to the Scriuener that she had deceiued afore.

The seuenth mery Iest who this wydow Edyth deceiued a seruant of Syr Thomas Neuelles, who in hope to haue her in maryage with all her great riches kepte her company tyll all his money was spent: and then she went to seeke her Freendes.

The eyght mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth deceiued a seruant oft he Byshop of Rochesters wt cogging and boastyng of her great Richesse: who likewise thought to haue had her in mariage.

The nynth mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth deceyued a Lorde, somtime Earle of Arundell: and how he sent fiue of his men seruantes and a handmayden to beare her company, and fetch her daughter who as she boasted was Heyre of great Landes.

10.

The tenth mery Iest, how this Wydow Edyth deceiued three yong men of Chelsay that were seruants to syr Thomas More, and were all three suters vnto her for Maryage: and what mischaunce happened vnto her.

11.

The, xi. mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth: deceyued three yongmen of the Lorde Legates seruants with her great lying crakyng and boastyng of her great treasure and Iuelles.

12.

The, xii. mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth deceyued the goodman of the three Cuppes in Holburne, and one Iohn Cotes that ryd will, her to Saint Albans to euer see her lands and tenements, and how they were rewarded.

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The, xi. mery Iest, how this wydow Edyth: deceyued three yongmen of the Lorde Legates seruants with her great lying crakyng and boastyng of her great treasure and Iuelles.

To Westminster, she walked after as I trow,
And in the house wt the pie in ye wyndow:
She was lodged, but there was no place,
Long for to tary considering her case.

Gon was her money wel neare all
She had full sodenly a great fall
As ye haue hard before but yet nothyng dismaid
On a day to her selfe thus she sayd:
What should I here dwell and no peny in purse
If I tarry any lenger I pray that gods curse
Lyght vpon me euen by and by.

Then away she got her and that hastely
And ere she had walked a forlong way or two
She had bethought her where for to go

Heauen kyng quod she full of grace
Why remembred not I my Lord Legats place
By God I must haue there, yet some good cheare

Alone wyll I go without any feare
And furst into the porters lodge full right
And there demaund for such a knight:
That I know well is not there now.

I shal report in what maner and how
My landes be kept from me by strength,
Such a tale I wyll tell at length,
That some man wyll geue an eare I trow
And desire me further for to know.

To the Porters lodge she goeth a great pase,
And as she had deuised, opened the case.

The Porter asked, why she went so bare?

In sooth quod she, I take no great care,
How that I go, whyle my busynes last,
I trust it shalbe mended now in haste.

Than, in came a yoman that was called Shyre
And stood vpright, and warmed hym by the fyre,
Geuyng an eare alway now and than,
And at the last, he stept foorth lyke a man

Saying fayre mistresse, what is your sute?
If ye think it best: come tell me without
And for the good mind I beare to all wydowes
I promise you ere you go out of this house
Ye shal haue friends and that without money,
Wherfore take ye no thought but be ay mery.

And while they were cōmonyng of this warke
A Yeman approched yt was called Iohn Clarke:
And he demaunded what the matter was?

Gentleman quod she, thus standeth the case,
I am a poore wydow left all alone
And hether I am come to make my mone.
Great wrong I haue, as God well knoweth
For in all this world I ne oweth
Pound nor Noble that ought to be payd,
But often times so much I am delayd.
I pray to God once to send me an hed
That I may sleep at home in my bed:
For I am wery of this renning about,
And yet alway I stande in great doubt
Least that the bigger wyll eate the Been,
Gentylmen quod she, ye wot what I meane?
Therfore help me for your mothers blessyng
And ye shal haue golde & golde good sterlyng:

Further she saw comming to herward,
The thyrd Yeman called Thomas Aprichard:
Which anon demanded what ye matter ment
Iohn Clarke quickly by the hand him hent:
Led him apart, and tolde in his eare,
Seest thou quod he, this homely gere?
By gods sids she is a wydow & yt of gret substance
And mary she would, I know by her daliance

Peace quod Thomas, haue her to the wyne,
And let vs drawe cuttes, eyther thyne or myne,
So be it, sayd Clark and let vs no more talk
Misteris sayd he, wil it please you to walk
In to the towne? and drink a pynt of wine
And doubt ye not ye shall do wel and fine:
For and if that ye pretend title of right,
Ye shal haue them yt in your quarell wil fight
And nede be: but it shal not come therto.

Gentlemen quod she, I am pleased to go,
With you at this time trusting of your ayde
And one of you three, I shal make wel apayde
Who so euer he be and God before.

Master Clark tell me where ye were bore,
And yf ye wylbe a good husband so god me spede
And folow my counsell, ye shal haue no neede:
To none of your kyn, but ye shalbe able
To lend vnto him, Hall, Chamber and stable,
As he shalbe able to lend vnto you.

God thank you sayd Clark, but here is ye house now
Wherin we wyl drink & make good chere.

Hostes quod he, fetch vs bread, ale and beere
And eke wine and that of the best,
Said Thomas Aprichard, for so god my soule rest
This night I am disposed to laugh it euen out
Be mery wydow and nothing doubt.
For he dwelleth not vnder our kings obeysance,
Shal do you wrong in England nor in Fraunce.

But all Thomas words little she did regard,
Her eye was euer to Iohn Clark ward
To whom she sayd the selfe same tide,
Master Clark quod she, wyll ye to morow ride?

As far as Barking, ye shal haue horse of me,
And eke a noble in your purse so mot I thee
And there nothing els shal ye do
But se my folks and cattels also:
And then returne when ye shal se it good.

Quod Iohn Clarke I shal by the rood:
But where standeth your horse, let me yt know,

He is not far hence as I trow
Quod she: I shal tel you in the morning,
Well then let vs drink in the euening:
Quod Iohn Clark, for here is good drink indeede
And good meat also, I pray you widow feede.
The time they pas merely til ten of the clok
Yea, and I shal not lye, till after the first cok:
Then they departed and to their beds went,
Thomas aprichard payd for all that was spent

Iohn Clark in the morning made him yare,
Thought he: now I wyll yander away fare
I lyke this gere euen very well.

He inquereth for ye wydow, but no man can tel
Where she is become, with walk queane walk
Ihon Clark then fell into other talk
And let her go the feend be her gyde,
But here now I can not long abyde.
Considering her pastime in euery place,
For if I shuld leaue off, it shuld deface
In a maner her booke, which were greae pitie
And ruth also, I swere by Saint Dauye
Wherfore somewhat further of her I wyl wryte,
And without addition truely to indyte.

FINIS.