XII mery Iests, of the wyddow Edyth [by Walter Smith] |
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 | XII mery Iests, of the wyddow Edyth |  |
The tenth mery Iest, how this Wydow Edyth deceiued three yong men of Chelsay that were seruants to syr Thomas More, and were all three suters vnto her for Maryage: and what mischaunce happened vnto her.
At
Chelsay was her ariuall,
Where she had best cheare of all:
In the house of syr Thomas More
After that she had tolde of her store
And of her hauyour and credence eke,
There was nothing for her to seeke
That could make her mery other euyn or morow
I pray to God now geue her sorow.
Where she had best cheare of all:
In the house of syr Thomas More
After that she had tolde of her store
And of her hauyour and credence eke,
There was nothing for her to seeke
That could make her mery other euyn or morow
I pray to God now geue her sorow.
At Eltham she sayd that she dyd dwell,
And of her substance there she gan to tell:
Two wolsted Lomes she had by her fay,
And two Mills that went night and day:
A Beere brewhouse in which euery week once
Twenty quarters were brewed al at once,
Fowre Plowes she kept, the earth to cultiue,
And .xv. great knaues to help her to thriue.
Seauen women seruants ye wull to spin & carde,
And to mylke the kyne abroad in the yarde
She recounted her famyly & houssholde so great,
That three yong men she cast in a heat
Which seruants were in the same place,
And all they woed her a good pace.
By meanes I tel you and by brocage,
They sware they wolde be all her owne page:
One of them had to name Thomas Croxton,
And seruant he was to master Alengton
A man I tell you in whom dame nature,
Had don her part as in stature:
He was mighty chyned, with boanes stronge,
Shoulders broade, and armes longe.
Uery actiue and apt to euery thyng,
Able to serue any Prynce or Kyng,
As for his person and conditions withall
But there is a poynt least that for parciall
I should be holden: because he is my frend
Wherfore of his prayse here I make an end:
And somwhat I will tel of his woyng.
And of her substance there she gan to tell:
Two wolsted Lomes she had by her fay,
And two Mills that went night and day:
A Beere brewhouse in which euery week once
Twenty quarters were brewed al at once,
Fowre Plowes she kept, the earth to cultiue,
And .xv. great knaues to help her to thriue.
Seauen women seruants ye wull to spin & carde,
And to mylke the kyne abroad in the yarde
She recounted her famyly & houssholde so great,
That three yong men she cast in a heat
Which seruants were in the same place,
And all they woed her a good pace.
By meanes I tel you and by brocage,
They sware they wolde be all her owne page:
One of them had to name Thomas Croxton,
And seruant he was to master Alengton
A man I tell you in whom dame nature,
Had don her part as in stature:
He was mighty chyned, with boanes stronge,
Shoulders broade, and armes longe.
Uery actiue and apt to euery thyng,
Able to serue any Prynce or Kyng,
But there is a poynt least that for parciall
I should be holden: because he is my frend
Wherfore of his prayse here I make an end:
And somwhat I will tel of his woyng.
To his master & mistris, he was gretly beholdīg
For busy sute they made night and day,
In his cause if I shall the sooth say:
For busy sute they made night and day,
In his cause if I shall the sooth say:
And he him selfe was full seruiseable,
To this wydow at dinner and at the table:
And eke at supper he stoode ay at her back,
So neare that and if she had let a crack.
Neuer so styll he must haue had knowledge,
But all is honycombe he was in such dotage
To this wydow at dinner and at the table:
And eke at supper he stoode ay at her back,
So neare that and if she had let a crack.
Neuer so styll he must haue had knowledge,
But all is honycombe he was in such dotage
Wherin a little while, I let him dwell,
And of the seconde woer I shall you tell.
Which had to name Thomas Arthur,
And seruant he was to master Roper.
A proper man neither to hye nor to low,
But Dame nature sothely as I trow:
Referred his gift vnto Dame grace,
Desiring her to consider the case
Concerning this man, and that she wolde
Indew him with verteous maners manifolde
And no doubt she was therin nothing slacke
And of the seconde woer I shall you tell.
Which had to name Thomas Arthur,
And seruant he was to master Roper.
A proper man neither to hye nor to low,
But Dame nature sothely as I trow:
Referred his gift vnto Dame grace,
Desiring her to consider the case
Concerning this man, and that she wolde
Indew him with verteous maners manifolde
And no doubt she was therin nothing slacke
Peace no more he standeth at my backe.
And yf he here me praise him he wil wene I flatter,
Therfore I wyl resort to former matter.
And tel of his woyng partly as it was,
And what spechfolke he had by gods grace.
His owne Master and Mistris also,
With other beside, I cannot tel who.
That laboured for him incessantly
And his owne selfe I tel you truly:
Was not necligent ne lost no time,
But gaue attendaunce from morning to prime,
And the after none with part of the night,
In her chamber the candels he did light:
And tymbred her fyres in the chymney,
And can ye finde in your hart he wold say,
To loue me swete hart best of all?
Yes quod she, but I wyll not tell you all,
What my hart thinketh as now,
But Thomas against to morow I pray you
That you wyll get you leaue to ryde with me,
As far as Braynford and there ye shall se
Some money receyued els it is yll,
But I wold we had one that this cup wold fil,
With Malmesey yt we might drink to bed ward
And yf he here me praise him he wil wene I flatter,
Therfore I wyl resort to former matter.
And tel of his woyng partly as it was,
And what spechfolke he had by gods grace.
His owne Master and Mistris also,
With other beside, I cannot tel who.
And his owne selfe I tel you truly:
Was not necligent ne lost no time,
But gaue attendaunce from morning to prime,
And the after none with part of the night,
In her chamber the candels he did light:
And tymbred her fyres in the chymney,
And can ye finde in your hart he wold say,
To loue me swete hart best of all?
Yes quod she, but I wyll not tell you all,
What my hart thinketh as now,
But Thomas against to morow I pray you
That you wyll get you leaue to ryde with me,
As far as Braynford and there ye shall se
Some money receyued els it is yll,
But I wold we had one that this cup wold fil,
With Malmesey yt we might drink to bed ward
Whip quod Thomas and got him downward
And commeth agayne with the cup full,
Drink Wydow quod he a good pull
And when ye see your time get you to rest
He haue you in his keping yt may keepe you best,
Adew quod she, and farewell till to morow,
Here is good Malmesey els god geue me sorow.
And commeth agayne with the cup full,
Drink Wydow quod he a good pull
And when ye see your time get you to rest
He haue you in his keping yt may keepe you best,
Adew quod she, and farewell till to morow,
Here is good Malmesey els god geue me sorow.
On the next day Thomas rode wt this wydow,
As far as Braynford and I shall tel you how:
And what chere they made by ye way as they rod
Thomas right well his horse bestrode
A full fayre styrrop out at the long,
His horse was a beast goodly and strong:
And beare them both easely away,
And styll wolde stand while Thomas did say
Let me kis you darling, turne your face hether
Be it quod she, ere that we wend farther:
And thus the passe the time as they ride
To Braynford where they did not long abyde:
For shortly to Thomas she gan then tell,
Her debtour was gon to Kingston to dwel.
As far as Braynford and I shall tel you how:
And what chere they made by ye way as they rod
Thomas right well his horse bestrode
A full fayre styrrop out at the long,
His horse was a beast goodly and strong:
And beare them both easely away,
And styll wolde stand while Thomas did say
Be it quod she, ere that we wend farther:
And thus the passe the time as they ride
To Braynford where they did not long abyde:
For shortly to Thomas she gan then tell,
Her debtour was gon to Kingston to dwel.
Thomas began for to muse of the matter,
And there then priuely he dyd inquere:
Of the goodman of ye house wher his horse stoode
Which line wher right well & sware by ye roode
She lied in euerything that she dyd say,
Then quod Thomas to him selfe a syrra, a syrra,
Is this the matter in very deede?
And there then priuely he dyd inquere:
Of the goodman of ye house wher his horse stoode
Which line wher right well & sware by ye roode
She lied in euerything that she dyd say,
Then quod Thomas to him selfe a syrra, a syrra,
Is this the matter in very deede?
Homeward he caryed her with good speede,
To Chelsay againe where she was vsed
As she was before and holden excused:
To Chelsay againe where she was vsed
As she was before and holden excused:
Thomas kept al this within his owne brest
Because his felows should not at him iest.
And in her chamber the next night folowing
There was the reuell and the gossupping
The generall bumming as Marget Giggs sayde
Euery body laughed, and was well apayde:
Two of her woers being there present.
Thomas Arthur when he saw his time went
And sate him downe in a chayre solemply
And sayd nothing but now and then an eye:
He cast at his loue, as she stoode at the Cubord,
Because his felows should not at him iest.
And in her chamber the next night folowing
There was the reuell and the gossupping
The generall bumming as Marget Giggs sayde
Euery body laughed, and was well apayde:
Two of her woers being there present.
Thomas Arthur when he saw his time went
And sate him downe in a chayre solemply
And sayd nothing but now and then an eye:
He cast at his loue, as she stoode at the Cubord,
When she perceiued she spake nere a word.
But stept vnto him and kissed him sweet,
Sayīg how is it wt you, I pray you let me weet.
But stept vnto him and kissed him sweet,
Sayīg how is it wt you, I pray you let me weet.
Thomas answered on this world I think
Cut a straw quod she, take the cup and drink.
Therwith she imbraced him be mery sweet hart
She turned her arse in his lap, & let a great fart,
And I loued you not (quoth she) I wold not geue you this
Ha ha quod Tomas, ye be a mery one iwis
Cut a straw quod she, take the cup and drink.
She turned her arse in his lap, & let a great fart,
And I loued you not (quoth she) I wold not geue you this
Ha ha quod Tomas, ye be a mery one iwis
They laughed on a row yt som of them shoke,
The Wydow desired ye court to be broke
And ech wight to his bed to repayre.
The Wydow desired ye court to be broke
And ech wight to his bed to repayre.
The morow was Sunday and the wether fayr.
This Wydow determined her selfe to walk,
As far as Halywell, for she hard men talke:
That there should be a sister that day professed,
And to offer with her she was disposed:
Desiring the yong Nunne wt her sisters all,
To pray for her to the hie God immortall
That it shal please him of his aboundant grace,
In the end of this world, yt away from his face:
She ne should be seperate in any wise,
To Holywell she walked and once or twise
She drank or she came there, for ye way was long
This Wydow determined her selfe to walk,
As far as Halywell, for she hard men talke:
That there should be a sister that day professed,
And to offer with her she was disposed:
Desiring the yong Nunne wt her sisters all,
To pray for her to the hie God immortall
That it shal please him of his aboundant grace,
In the end of this world, yt away from his face:
She ne should be seperate in any wise,
To Holywell she walked and once or twise
She drank or she came there, for ye way was long
The Nuns in ye quyre had begon their song:
In the hye masse & Bels gyn to ryng.
In the hye masse & Bels gyn to ryng.
When the wydow approched to make her offering
After ye Gospel her purse she toke in hand:
And serched therin, but nothing she fand.
A syde she cast her eye and anon was ware,
Of Thomas Croxton at Chelsay her first woer,
To whom she sayd I pray you lend me fast,
Some white mony that I might offer in hast,
Or els chaunge me a noble quod she anon
After ye Gospel her purse she toke in hand:
And serched therin, but nothing she fand.
A syde she cast her eye and anon was ware,
Of Thomas Croxton at Chelsay her first woer,
To whom she sayd I pray you lend me fast,
Some white mony that I might offer in hast,
Or els chaunge me a noble quod she anon
Thomas Croxton looked her vpon
And sayd sweet hart ye shal chaunge no Golde
At this time: I haue money inough, holde.
How much wyll steede you, say on, lets see.
And sayd sweet hart ye shal chaunge no Golde
At this time: I haue money inough, holde.
Xii. pence I pray you, delyuer vnto me,
Quod she than, and see it be in Grotes,
For I wyll offer, .xl. pence, because of reportes,
And I might once get home, I wold not care for money
Quod she than, and see it be in Grotes,
For I wyll offer, .xl. pence, because of reportes,
And I might once get home, I wold not care for money
When she had offered the sooth to say,
She romed in the Cloyster too and fro,
Tyll a yong man saw where she dyd go,
And water Smyth was this yongmans name,
One of her wowers, and I might tell for shame,
She romed in the Cloyster too and fro,
Tyll a yong man saw where she dyd go,
And water Smyth was this yongmans name,
One of her wowers, and I might tell for shame,
A, thought Water, now here is good place,
To speake of my matter, and to shew the case
How it standeth with mee, and also to be playne.
To speake of my matter, and to shew the case
How it standeth with mee, and also to be playne.
Softly he walketh this wydow agayne
And fyrst hayled her as him thought meete,
Then toke her in his armes and kissed her swete
She knew him wel inough for he was one of thē three
That I told you before dwelt in Chelsay
And fyrst hayled her as him thought meete,
Then toke her in his armes and kissed her swete
She knew him wel inough for he was one of thē three
That I told you before dwelt in Chelsay
This Water his tale gan for to tell
Wydow quod he take keepe and mark well,
What I shal to you say without dissimulation:
I can no lenger mew mine hartely affection.
Ne inclose the secrets of my trew minde,
But to you I must breke trustyng ye wilbe kinde
Syrcūstance voydyng because I cannot suiurne
Long with you at this time, but I must returne
From whence I come, therfore to you anon
Among all your suters I pretend to be one.
Now Wydow looke well vpon me quod he
And yf you can finde in your hart to loue me:
As wel sweet darlyng as I loue you,
Than I trust there shalbe such seeds isow
Betwyxt vs both that it shalbe principally
To Gods pleasaunce and to our comfort secondly
Wydow quod he take keepe and mark well,
What I shal to you say without dissimulation:
I can no lenger mew mine hartely affection.
Ne inclose the secrets of my trew minde,
But to you I must breke trustyng ye wilbe kinde
Syrcūstance voydyng because I cannot suiurne
Long with you at this time, but I must returne
From whence I come, therfore to you anon
Among all your suters I pretend to be one.
Now Wydow looke well vpon me quod he
And yf you can finde in your hart to loue me:
As wel sweet darlyng as I loue you,
Than I trust there shalbe such seeds isow
To Gods pleasaunce and to our comfort secondly
Then the Wydow answered wt a smiling chere
And sayd goodmā Water I pray you tel me here
Whether ye meane good sadnes or els yt ye iest,
And sayd goodmā Water I pray you tel me here
Whether ye meane good sadnes or els yt ye iest,
I thinke as I speake so god my soule rest.
Quod Water therfore shew vnto me
That I shalbe excepted, or els that I am not he
I am a yong woer and dare not speake for shame
But yet to loue vnloued ye know it is no game,
Quod Water therfore shew vnto me
That I shalbe excepted, or els that I am not he
I am a yong woer and dare not speake for shame
But yet to loue vnloued ye know it is no game,
Troth ye say quod she, I affyrme the same
And if I loue you not agaī in faith I am to blāe
Whē I come next to Chelsay ye shal wel find
That afore all other I beare you my good mynd
A Crucifyx quod she of the pure Golde
Which many a day hath remayned in my holde,
Ye shal haue it for a token and a remembrance.
And if I loue you not agaī in faith I am to blāe
Whē I come next to Chelsay ye shal wel find
That afore all other I beare you my good mynd
A Crucifyx quod she of the pure Golde
Which many a day hath remayned in my holde,
Ye shal haue it for a token and a remembrance.
Thā water stode on tipto & gan him self avance
I thank you quod he euen with all my hart,
He kissed her deliciously, and then dyd depart.
I thank you quod he euen with all my hart,
He kissed her deliciously, and then dyd depart.
To Chelsay againe, she came the same night,
But thā ye world was chāgd al was cum to light
But thā ye world was chāgd al was cum to light
Her substance was knowne & her selfe also,
For Thomas Arthur yt day had ridden to & fro:
And tried her not worth the sleue lace of a gowne
In all England in Cittie nor yet in towne:
Than well away her dyet was chaunged
Her potage & eke her ale were well poudred
With an holsome influence that surgeons call,
Ponder Sinipari yt wil make on cast his gall:
It made her stomake vnable to broke any meate
Now was she cold and forthwith in an heate.
Her pulses beate, and her collour went and come
No morsell dyd she eate but now and then hum,
She was greatly mistemperd, & far out of frame
All that late at Supper had good game
Her to behold, and they laught all aboute.
For Thomas Arthur yt day had ridden to & fro:
And tried her not worth the sleue lace of a gowne
In all England in Cittie nor yet in towne:
Than well away her dyet was chaunged
Her potage & eke her ale were well poudred
With an holsome influence that surgeons call,
Ponder Sinipari yt wil make on cast his gall:
It made her stomake vnable to broke any meate
Now was she cold and forthwith in an heate.
No morsell dyd she eate but now and then hum,
She was greatly mistemperd, & far out of frame
All that late at Supper had good game
Her to behold, and they laught all aboute.
Quod she, for Goddess loue let me come out
Let me come let me come, for our Ladies sake,
My bely rumblyth, and my hart doth ake
In such wise, that I know I am but dead,
If I haue non ayre: ah good Lord my head.
Let me come let me come, for our Ladies sake,
My bely rumblyth, and my hart doth ake
In such wise, that I know I am but dead,
If I haue non ayre: ah good Lord my head.
But she was ay kept in, that she could not start
Tyll my Lady gan to haue pytie in her hart,
And for womans honestie, bad that she shuld ryse
Tyll my Lady gan to haue pytie in her hart,
And for womans honestie, bad that she shuld ryse
But ere that tyme, I am sure twyse or thryse,
It knocked at the Doore to haue issued out,
But with great payne, she made it walke about.
It knocked at the Doore to haue issued out,
But with great payne, she made it walke about.
When that she was vp, she got her foorth apace
And er she had walkt .xxx. fote, she marked a chase
And eftsones another, thrugh the Hal as she yede
Her nose burst out also and gan for to bleede.
Into ye colehouse she goth, & there made a draght
Held her ay theron, tyll she had layde her laght.
And whē she was of her nest, one yt hight Browne
Cam rōnyng in his Dublet wtout core or Gowne
Saying Madame, Madame, by the mans bones
I feare me, least there be fyre among your coles,
Howbeit, I saw no lyght, but a stynkyng smoke:
And er she had walkt .xxx. fote, she marked a chase
And eftsones another, thrugh the Hal as she yede
Her nose burst out also and gan for to bleede.
Into ye colehouse she goth, & there made a draght
Held her ay theron, tyll she had layde her laght.
And whē she was of her nest, one yt hight Browne
Cam rōnyng in his Dublet wtout core or Gowne
Saying Madame, Madame, by the mans bones
I feare me, least there be fyre among your coles,
Howbeit, I saw no lyght, but a stynkyng smoke:
O bont Deus quod my lady, get thee fast & look
God sheld and our lady, that any recheles wight
Bare thyder any Candel, this present night:
Go loke, go loke quod she in haste get thee hence.
God sheld and our lady, that any recheles wight
Bare thyder any Candel, this present night:
Go loke, go loke quod she in haste get thee hence.
Browne went him furth, & by the sufflemence,
He tryed that there was no materyall fyre,
He laughed & sware by the soule of his Syre
That one word more he could not speake for shāe
Good night quod he, at the best is this game:
He laughed & sware by the soule of his Syre
That one word more he could not speake for shāe
Good night quod he, at the best is this game:
Soone after the wydow came forth wel eased,
That Cony, ye cony quod she, was not wel rosted:
That I eat at Halywell, but I haue made auoydance
The deuill go wt all, & a vengeaunce,
I shal mend now I trust: & then she went to bed:
That Cony, ye cony quod she, was not wel rosted:
That I eat at Halywell, but I haue made auoydance
The deuill go wt all, & a vengeaunce,
I shal mend now I trust: & then she went to bed:
Her lodging was chāged there, yt rested her hed
But she was in more honour, than euer she was afore
Not wtstādīg her gown & kyrtle of her gore
Was taken away and restored to the owner.
But she was in more honour, than euer she was afore
Not wtstādīg her gown & kyrtle of her gore
Was taken away and restored to the owner.
The massiff chaynes day & night she did were
And wher gret Estats were chaynes about theyr necks
She had disayne to were thē on her legs
But whether she be content or displeased,
For the space of three weeks ye chaynes she wered
And after in a day at a gayle deliuery,
She was discharged being glad and mery.
And wher gret Estats were chaynes about theyr necks
She had disayne to were thē on her legs
But whether she be content or displeased,
For the space of three weeks ye chaynes she wered
And after in a day at a gayle deliuery,
She was discharged being glad and mery.
| XII mery Iests, of the wyddow Edyth | |