 | Beasts at law, or zoologian jurisprudence |  |
“Respected members of the jury,
I rise reluctant, I assure you,
To unfold a blackened catalogue
Of actions that must damn the Dog.
Your bos-ships are to hear a suit,
Brought by a harmless female brute,
For 'sault and battery by defendant,
Who guilty is you may depend on't.
The indictment charges him, we find,
With acts of that peculiar kind
Which law thus technically terms,
And, as you hear, the bill affirms
The acts were two, distinct in feature,
But just the same in grade and nature.
Perhaps no crimes more common are,
But still, the fame of this affair
Has spread so wide, that every beast
Must feel a little queer, at least.
No doubt, my lord, that some in court,
Are prejudiced by mere report;
Those, in particular, who know
Of circumstances, long ago.
In which this Dog was implicated,
And justly, too, I've heard it stated.
But still, my lord, we would assure you,
And all the Bulls upon the jury,
That we most earnestly desire
Your prejudices may expire;
Your prepossessions be discarded,
And nought but fact and truth regarded.
I only make these observations,
Because so many false relations
Are handed round, about the fact,
As puzzles reason how to act.
I therefore, as becomes my station,
Request a fair investigation,
Impartial, candid, and complete,
And then I'm sure of Dog's defeat.
I rise reluctant, I assure you,
To unfold a blackened catalogue
Of actions that must damn the Dog.
Your bos-ships are to hear a suit,
Brought by a harmless female brute,
For 'sault and battery by defendant,
Who guilty is you may depend on't.
The indictment charges him, we find,
With acts of that peculiar kind
Which law thus technically terms,
And, as you hear, the bill affirms
15
But just the same in grade and nature.
Perhaps no crimes more common are,
But still, the fame of this affair
Has spread so wide, that every beast
Must feel a little queer, at least.
No doubt, my lord, that some in court,
Are prejudiced by mere report;
Those, in particular, who know
Of circumstances, long ago.
In which this Dog was implicated,
And justly, too, I've heard it stated.
But still, my lord, we would assure you,
And all the Bulls upon the jury,
That we most earnestly desire
Your prejudices may expire;
Your prepossessions be discarded,
And nought but fact and truth regarded.
I only make these observations,
Because so many false relations
Are handed round, about the fact,
As puzzles reason how to act.
I therefore, as becomes my station,
Request a fair investigation,
Impartial, candid, and complete,
And then I'm sure of Dog's defeat.
| Beasts at law, or zoologian jurisprudence | |