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Page 121


The study to be happy is a momentous one, and its
pursuit is one of the great rights that are laid down in
our political decalogue. How to be happy is just what
we all would like to know. A few suggestions on this
subject may not be amiss; and if they should not be
deemed exactly the thing, try the opposite course from
the one recommended, and see if that will secure the
desired end. Get up in the morning scolding and fretting
with everything and everybody — it will be an
excellent discipline for yourself, and give your family
an ardent appetite for breakfast; and if the fault happen
to be with your wife, make no apology — it is a lesson
put in in advance, and will operate prospectively.
Growl about the expense of dinner, and hint about
being ruined through home extravagance; this will, of
course, secure economy, and help bring about perfect
peace in the household. Kick the dog, if he is in your
way, and if he bite you it will afford excellent evidence
that things are working. Refuse to acknowledge your
neighbor's bow; he is a wretch that some one has been
talking about, and hence deserves to be cut by one of
your superior purity; of course, your contempt will
break his heart. Complain to the widow next door that
her son is a disgrace to the neighborhood, and hint to
her about the Farm School and the poor-house; it will
tend very much to cheer her. When you come home
and find the floor scoured, plant your dirty feet upon
it; the cheerful phenomena attending this experiment
will be very novel. Be crabbed as a bear to employés,
and find all the fault you can; nothing gives such a delicious
flow to the spirit, and secures such willing service,
as good wholesome censure. Always assert your


Page 122
own superior claim to wisdom, and prove your companions'
stupidity by measuring their little corn in your
big bushel; it will give them a very exalted opinion of
you. If a boy come into your store to sell you anything,
drive him off, and threaten to set the dog on him;
it will encourage him to persevere in an honest calling.
We have laid down a few propositions, which may be
added to. Should one follow these carefully, he would
soon, undoubtedly, attain the ultimate of mundane bliss.