University of Virginia Library

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78

BENCHES IN CONGRESS SPRING PARK.

[ILLUSTRATION] [Description: 628EAF. Page 078. In-line Illustration. Image of a man and woman sitting on a park bench.]

One of the saddest discomforts to young lovers, newly-married
people, and young gentlemen who desire to get certain young
ladies “on the string,” is the absence of benches in the park.
There is only one bench where two people can sit and talk in the
whole inclosure. This bench is in a conspicuous location on the
hill, commanding all the approaches, to be sure, and so situated as
to incur no very quick surprises on the part of the dog-in-the-manger
pirates who spend their time watching hand-holding
beaux, or susceptible bachelors, always on the point of proposing.
Every lover in Saratoga knows where the double bench is situated.
You will always see it occupied morning, noon, and night;
while hovering around, within accessible distance, will be a half
dozen couples waiting for the next chance to sit there.

Yesterday I visited the bench with my old “statician”—a crusty
old bachelor, who unseen has watched this bench for twenty years.
He has the name and address of every young lady and every
lover who have held hands on this bench, the number of kisses
stolen or given away, and the names of the stealer and the
stealee. He showed me his record book. Great Heavens! What
secrets were there. What a flutter it would cause in Congress
Hall, I thought, to publish them.