University of Virginia Library

FEEING WAITERS.

In regard to feeing waiters, I do not see much of it. I deem
it entirely unnecessary to the procurement of a quick and satisfactory
meal at Congress Hall; and the payment of a bonus to
the colored boy is a mere matter of fancy on the part of the
guest. Mark, I say it is simply a fancy and not a sine quâ non.
It may be, and I think it is a fancy, both gratifying to the waiter
and to the guest to now and then gladden his eyes with a substantial
reward. “Gratitude is a lively sense of favors to come,”
says Dr. Holmes, and this is the feeling which makes us all
work, love our neighbors, and pray the big prayers of our faith.

The extravaganza of “Saratoga,” as played at the Fifth
Avenue Theatre, and everybody here will have it that I am the
identical Mr. Lewis—I say this extravaganza, with the feeing of
waiters and all, was accepted, not because it was true, but because
it was cleverly told.

A cleverly-told thing is as good as a true one. How many
times we have called the Germans transcendentalists, when they
are in reality the most matter-of-fact people in the world. Their
religion is based on absolute reason. They will have no humbug
in music, painting, or war. Then, too, we have listened to the
clever stage Yankee and the blustering Southerner, with bowie
knife and a bandit hat—both characters which do not exist at
present. Again, we have noticed the common error of calling
the women of extreme Southern climes more hot-headed and
passionate than those of more Northern latitudes. This is a
mistake, for I have seen five times as much passion among the
ladies of St. Petersburg and Moscow as I have seen in the hot
climates of Leghorn, Rome, Marseilles and Madrid. The Northmen
consume more oxygen, more oil, more fat, while the Southmen
live on cool fruits and vegetables. In the North the people
drink brandy, Burgundy, whiskey, rum and gin—fearful engenderers
of passion, while in the South they imbibe light sour
wines, clarets, the Rhein-heimers, or champagne, which in itself is
the greatest passion-slayer among liquids. So when they talk
of high prices here, they speak from force of habit and because

[ILLUSTRATION] [Description: 628EAF. Page 084. In-line Illustration. Image of a boy handing a man a hat from the many that are in front of him. The caption reads, "DOWN ON THE KNOXES."] the high price stories have been so often and so cleverly told
that they get to believe them.