University of Virginia Library

BILLIARD HINTS.

Persons who desire to become expert billiardists would do well to
peruse the following with extreme care:

The first point to be observed in the game is the point of the cue. Keep
it well chalked by all means. The best means is chalk.

In taking aim, let your eye run along the cue. If it won't run, use an
onion.

Avoid the use of a bridge, you will soon learn to get along swimmingly
without one.

Pay a great deal of attention to grace. Should Grace decline your
attentions, there are plenty of other girls.

Don't sit on the cushion between shots. The cushion is not made to sit
on. If you sit on the cushion how can the Balls hit on the cushion.

If you wish to shine as a billiardist you must endeavor to take the shine
out of every other player.

Play cautiously and mind your P's and Cues.

Don't allow yourself to get nervous; always endeavor to be Carme.

Don't use the bottle to much while nursing the balls.

Make a point of making all the points you can.

If a lady should propose a match to you, it would be the height of
rudeness to refuse.

Deal gently with the covering of the table. Billiard room proprietors
will stand wear but not tear.

If asked to play off, you had better decline to play on, unless you
desire to get stuck.

Young players, not yet out of leading strings, should practice stringing
for the lead.

On no account count more than you ought to count.

Don't attempt too difficult shots at first. Learn by degrees, starting
with about 45 degrees. When you get up to 90° Fahrenheit, you will be
able to make it pretty hot for your opponent.

Avoid misses. Of course I don't mean by this that you are to shun the
society of young ladies.

If your head is level you'll play on the “Bevel.”—“Billiard Cue.”

Dean Alford tells of a Scotch lad in a military school who went up
with a drawing of Venice, which he had just finished, to show it to the
master. Observing that he had printed the name under it with two “n's”
(“Vennice”), the master said, “Don't you know that there's only one `hen'
in `Venice!' ” “Only one hen in Venice!” exclaimed young Sandy, with
astonishment; “I'm thinking they'll no hae mony eggs, then.”

“Wife,” said a man, looking for his razor-case, “I have places where I
keep my things, and you ought to know it.” “Yes,” said she, “I ought
to know where you keep your late hours.”

A Manufacturer advertises a patent shoe that will prevent horses from
“balling.” Spiner says this is not a new idea, as Mrs. S. has used a shoe
often to stop the young Spiner's bawling.

---

43