University of Virginia Library

LETTER IV.

To Mr. Thompson:—I arriv here last evenin 'bout
three o'clock, rite side up, all safe and sound. Fore day-light
yesterday mornin the nigger at the hotel in Augusty
nocked me up, and told me the omnibus for the railrode
was waitin for me. I wasn't no time gettin reddy, and
in a few minits I was ridin over the bridg what Lutenant
Odin clared so quick when he got loose from the
Pelegs, on my way to the Carolina railrode.

I never was in the land of shivelry before, and I had
a good deal of curiosity to see what kind of a place it
was whar the people lived what they say all sneezes
every time Mr. Calhoun takes snuff—and whar General
Kittledrum's men was born “with arms in ther
hands,” reddy and termined to take Texas from the
Mexicans, whether or no. Well, my opinion is, if Mr.
Dickens was to see Hamburg he wouldn't find the same
fault with it that he did with Boston. The white and
red paint in Hamburg wouldn't hurt his eyes much, and
when he went to sleep at night he might be monstrous
certain that he'd find it thar in the mornin. The fact is,
Hamburg is like the Irishman's horse—it is little but it's
ould. It was bilt long before the flood, and is got the
marks of antickuty in evry old rotten shingle, evry unnailed
clapboard, and in evry broken pane of glass.

Don't misunderstand me, Mr. Thompson; I ain't like
some travellers into foreign parts, what takes pains to
humbug ther readers 'bout evry grate city they visit, jest as
if nobody was ever thar before. Not by no means. When

I say Hamburg was bilt before the flood, I don't mean
the flood what drownded out all creation cept old father
Noey and his cargo of varmints, but I mean the flood
of 1840, what overflowed the whole country from
Shoolts's Hights to the Sand Hills in Georgia, settin the
fences and gin-houses a shassain and dancin hands-allround
with the pig-pens and chicken-coops of a thousand
river plantations. The oldest inhabitants of Hamburg
is all antydeluvians, and some of 'em is sposed to
be amfibious. History don't give any satisfactory account
of whar they cum from, but it's generally blieved
that the illustrious founder of the city is one of the same
Dutch of what tuck Holland. He's a monstrous man in
his way, and though he didn't bild a ark—cause he had
no warnin beforehand—he bilt a bridg what's stood a
thousand thunderstorms and freshets, and all the floods
sense the days of Noey couldn't tear it up. It was very
early in the mornin when we druv through the city to
the depo, and I couldn't form much of a opinion 'bout
the bisness of the place. At that time o' day it was
monstrous still and looked very much like a barn yard
does when ther's hawks about.

Jest before we got to the depo, ses the man what's
captain of the omnibus, ses he, “Major, I'll take your
fare, if you please.” Cum to find out, he meant a half
a dollar, for carryin me and my baggage to the railrode.
He's a monstrous clever little man, but a terrible politishan—so
I paid him, and he soon sot us down on the
platform by the cars.

Ther was a considerable bustle and fuss bout the depo,
gettin reddy to start. The passengers was gittin ther
tickets and ther checks for ther baggage, what some fellers
was nockin about like they would tear the hide off
evry trunk ther was thar, stowin 'em away in the cars—
some people was runnin about biddin good-by with ther
frends, and tellin 'em not to forgit a heap of things, and
sum was kickin up a rumpus cause they couldn't see ther

trunks after they was put in the cars. Bimeby evry
thing was fixed, and here cum old Beelzebub, with his
fire, smoke, sutbags and thunderations, to carry us to
Charlston. When I saw that everlastin, black, ugly
thing cum chug up agin the cars for 'em to tackle it on,
fizzin and fryin, and smokin like a tar kill, I thought
how if I was a hos or a mule, I'd take my hat off to it.
If ther ever was a thing what deserves a vote of thanks
from all the pullin generation of animals, I think it's the
locomotive ingine. Jest to think, the amount of hos flesh
it has saved sense it tuck to carryin the mails. A locomotiv
always seems to me to cum nearer a livin animal,
than any other machine invented by man, specially sense
they've got to hollerin at the cows when they git on the
track. It's a monstrous fractious, spiteful, headstrong
sort of a creeter, and sumtimes it takes it into its hed to
run off the track, but generally speakin it's jest about as
governable as any other team, and don't take no more
to feed it accordin to its size and strength. I can't help
but have a sort of feelin for 'em, and I wouldn't no more
think of makin 'em go without givin 'em plenty of wood
and water, than I would of makin my horses work without
givin 'em plenty of corn and fodder.

Ling! ling! went the bell. “All aboard,” ses the
captain, and the next minit away we went with the thunderinest
rattlin, puffin and snortin I ever did hear. In
a few minits Hamburg was out of sight, and the pine
trees went dancin along behind us, as if ther roots
couldn't hold 'em in the ground when they saw us
comin among 'em.

Ther ain't nothin much to interest the traveller on the
railrode from Hamburg to Charlston; and if a man
can't find no company in his thoughts, he's monstrous
apt to be lonesome. Along at the fust ther wasn't many
passengers, and most of them was preachers what
had been up to Augusty to tend a convention. They
was the dryest set of old codgers I ever met with, til the

joltin of the cars shuck up ther idees a little, and then
they fell to disputin about religion like all rath. After
awhile one old feller, what had his hed tied up with a
red cotton handkerchef, and didn't belong to the same
church with the rest of 'em, mixed in with 'em, and in
about five minits they got into one of the hottest kind
of argyments 'bout sprinklin and dippin. The old hardshell
laid about him like rath, and the louder the racket
and the more dust the cars made, the louder the old
feller fired away at 'em, and whenever he stopped for
breth, two or three of the others was down on him like
a Yankee thrashin-machine. They kep up one everlastin
string of argyment about forty-five miles long, and to
them what sot a little ways off from 'em, and could only
hear a few words now and then, it sounded zactly like a
reglar cussin match; and sumtimes they'd look at one
another like they meant jest what they sed. Bimeby the
old hardshell caved in for want of breth, and all the rest
of the way he was hockin and hemin, and tryin to git the
dust and sinders out of his wind-pipe.

Evry now and then we stopped and tuck in more passengers.
'Bout halfway to Charlston we tuck in two
ladys and a little baby. One was a old lady, and she
held the little boy, which was a butiful little feller, 'bout
the size of my little Harry, in her lap. The other was
a handsome young gall, and she was cryin. You know
how butiful a pretty woman looks when she's cryin, but
you know that's the very time no gentleman ought to
stare at 'em. Well, she tried to dry her eyes as fast as
she could, but every now and then the tears would bust
out agin in grate big draps, and then she'd put her handkerchef
to her face. Sumtimes she would look at a
ring she had on her finger, and then the tears would
come agin. I felt monstrous sorry for her, but I tried
not to let her see me lookin at her. Bimeby a sort of
skimmilk-lookin feller cum and tuck a seat rite close by
her, and looked her rite spang in the face, like he was

gwine to eat her up. The pore gall hadn't a very strong
stummuck, I spose, and turned away from him. He foller'd
her, and she turned back again, and thar he was
agin, with his everlastin sheep's eyes, lookin her rite in
the face. Thinks I, drat your imperence, I wish that
gall was my cousin. Just then she looked up to me,
as much as to say, Sir, did you ever see such insurance?
and I looked back to her, as much as to say, No, Miss,
I'll be drat if I ever did; and the next minit I gin the
feller a sort of a cross-cut look, as much as to say he
was a infernal imperent puppy. He looked back that
he begged my pardon, he didn't know she was any
thing to me; then I looked a kickin at him, if he didn't
look out, and he looked tother way a little while, and
then tuck himself off into another car. The young lady
sot thar a minit or two, then looked the sweetest kind
of a thank you, sir, to me, and went and tuck a seat by
the side of the old lady. They talked together, and
looked over now and then towards me.

Nothing didn't turn up of interest on the way, and
bimeby I begun to see signs of town. The closer we
got to Charlston, the thicker the plantations and houses
begun to git. Bimeby I could see the steeples; and in
a few minits more we was rollin along among the little
old frame houses, til we got to the depo. And now
the fuss commenced. Sich a everlastin rumpus I never
seed before. Soon as the gates was open here cum a
gang of fellers with whips in their hands, poppin and
snappin about 'mong the passengers, axin us to go here
and go thar, and whar's our baggage, and if we was
gwine to the boat, and more'n twenty thousand other
questions before we could answer the fust one. The
fust thing I knowd a feller had one of my trunks one
way and another one had tother carryin it off in another
direction, while two more was pullin the life out of my
carpet bag to see which should have it. I shuck the
two fellers off my trunks monstrous quick, and was jest

gwine to tackle the chaps what had my carpet bag,
when who should I see but my old frend, Bill Wiley,
what used to live up to the old Planters' Hotel, in
Madison, you know.

“Why, bellow, Majer,” ses he, “is that you?”

“I blieve it is, Mr. Wiley,” ses I, “but thar aint no
tellin how long I'll last, if I don't git away from these
oudacious scamps.”

“Well,” ses he, “Majer, jest pint out your baggage
to Patrick here, and then foller me.”

I show'd 'em to Patrick, and then went with Mr.
Wiley and got into the omnibus, what tuck me, with a
whole lot of other passengers, to the Charlston Hotel.
When I got thar, they axd me to put my name down
in a big book, and then it tuck me 'bout a ower to git
the dust and smoke off my face. As soon as I was
done washin here cum three or four niggers with little
short-handled brooms, and begun to sweep the very life
out of me. I hollered at 'em and ax'd 'em what in the
mischief they meant; but they jest thrashed away as
hard as they could lick it—first at me and then on their
hands—keepin up the devlishest drummin I ever heard;
and the more I twisted and turned to try to git out of
ther way, the harder they kep at it. Bimeby I sent one
of 'em a lick aside of his hed, what put a stop to his
fun, and the rest tuck the hint; but one tall yaller feller,
what wanted to make a few extra flourishes, got a kick
jest as he was leavin, that raised him-right off the floor.
I never did see the like of 'em in all my born days. I
do blieve they'd have a brush at a man if they had to
throw him down and hold him. Mr. Wiley said it was
all right, and that they was only tryin to git the dust
off me. That all mought be, but I don't see no sense
in brushin the breth out of a man if he is got a little
dust on his clothes.

In the afternoon I tuck a walk over the city to look
at the fine bildins and the ships. I tell you what,

Charlston aint no fool of a city. Meeting street, and
King street, and Market street, is very fine, and has got
sum monstrous handsum bildins in 'em. The best part
of the streets is too narrow and crooked, but Meeting
street is a butiful width, and from the Charlston Hotel
down to the bay, has got sum as pretty views as I ever
seed in any picter. After tea I went down to the place
they call the Battery. The wind was blowin monstrous
stiff, and the waves from the sea cum rollin in and
slashin the nasty salt water all over me. It was a very
lonesum place, and smelled like a old shot-gun what
hadn't been cleaned out for a long time. They tell me
here it's nateral for the sea to smell so, and that people
soon gits use to it, so they don't mind it. The place
made me feel sort o' sollemcolly, and I started to go to
the Hotel. It was sum time before I could find the
way, and as I was walkin along in the moonlight, I
passed lots of ladies and gentlemen. I heard sum
sweet female voices and saw sum butiful faces which
made me think of Mary, and by the time I got to the
Hotel I was homesick as the mischief. I went to my
room and tried to go to sleep; but ther was a company
of midshipmen and navy officers in the next room what
had jest cum home from a long voyage, and they was
drinkin wine and singin “we wont go home til mornin,”
and makin speeches, and breakin glasses, so I
couldn't sleep a bit; and the merrier they was the worse
I felt.

This mornin I tuck another walk to look at the soldiers.
They had a general musterin of the shivelry
here to bury a officer, and I tell you what's a fact,
Charlston can parade a pretty respectable showin of the
nation's bullworks. There was sum fust rate companys
and a good many fine lookin officers among
'em. The Guvernor was thar in his regimentals, but I
could'nt see General Kittledrum. Ther was one little
officer thar what had so much military sperit in him,

that it put him cumpletely out of shape. He didn't
stick more'n 'bout three feet out of his boots, and he
looked like a jack-knife that was opened so far that it
bent over back. Its a terrible pity that he couldn't
grow a little bigger, or simmer down his sperit a little
more, for the sword is certainly too much for the skabbard.
They say he's a fust rate officer, only he's a
little out of proportion. The fact is, we may say what
we please, and laugh as much as we've a mind to, 'bout
Carolina shivelry, but ther ain't no mistake about it,
Carolina is a gallant little state, and every sun she's
got's a soldier.

I'd like to stay in Charlston two or three days, but
I hain't got time now. When I cum back from New
York I'll know more about cities, and then I can make
up my mind better about Charlston. I'm gwine to
Wilmington in the steamboat this afternoon. Pervidin
she don't bust her biler, nor git blow'd to ballyhack by
sum bominable harrycane, you will hear from me agin
soon. So no more from