 | 1. |
| 2. |
| 3. |
| 4. |
| 5. |
| 6. |
| 7. |
| 8. |
| 9. |
| 10. |
| 11. |
| 12. |
 | THE LORGNETTE. The lorgnette, or, Studies of the town |  |
I am sure, Fritz, you will have been delighted
with this fragmentary journal; isn't it naive and
earnest? Indeed, if I had any suspicion of who
was the author, I would address her a complimentary
extracts; and if she will have the kindness to
address her card, or any further communication,
to John Timon, at Mr. Kernot's bookstore, she
would confer a special favor.
I have already freely offered the use of my paper
to such persons as might feel aggrieved by any imagined
personal allusions; and it is in virtue of
this offer that I give place to a feeling letter, which
seems to have been drawn up by the counsel of the
person whose character has been unfortunately impugned.
It is needless to say, that in alluding to
Mr. Browne, (of whose name I had no knowledge
except through my friend Tophanes,) I was utterly
unconscious of doing injustice to a meritorious and
useful member of society. Far be it from me to
wound the feelings or to harm the business of any
individual whose merits are so striking and timely
as those set forth in the letter below:—least of all,
an individual whose connection with the church
should screen him from hasty or injudicious remark.
My sense of propriety, as well as what is
due to the Holy Catholic Church, would forbid.
Tophanes thinks from the style of the letter, that
it may have been drafted by a distinguished member
of the bar, Mr. B—y.
Sir,—In some of your papers you have made
flippant, and I think I may say, indelicate allusions
to a Mr. Browne. A gentleman bearing
that name, though differently spelled, has called
my attention to the fact, and has consulted me
(an advocate and attorney at law) upon the propriety
of instituting an action for damages.
Believing, sir, that you are not insensible to the
principles of duty and generosity, when well set
forth, I have determined to address to you this letter
of explanation and enunciation, which (if published)
will set Mr. B.'s character in the right light;
and by its publication (as mentioned above), the
said Mr. B. will consider himself reinstated in the
brilliant position which, from allusions made (as
above stated), he had reason to fear might be temporarily
(so to speak) obscured.
Mr. Browne, sir, is a man who perhaps has done
more to the advancement of society toward its
present elevated position than any other man, or
indeed than any man whatever. Mr. B. not only
possesses, by virtue of his ecclesiastical connection,
a high moral consideration, but he is also the
generous patron of very many young gentlemen
and purely—young men.
Mr. B.'s fees are moreover reasonable; he has
never over-charged, even though supplying ladies
with gentlemen of the first water; his arrangements
are ordered in the most researcha style; he
gives advice in regard to the capacity of ball-rooms,
the time of arrival, the disposition of candles, servants,
fiddlers, and hackney cabs, which few men
are capable of doing in an equally creditable manner.
Moreover, he receives with proper decorum
unattended ladies, sees to their safe delivery—from
their carriage—and closes the door upon them discreetly,
when the affair is over. He furnishes statistics
in regard to character if desired, and can
inform uninformed ladies in regard to pretensions,
expectations, dancing properties, drinking disposition,
gastronomics, and temper, of most of the
young men in society.
Few indeed could be so poorly spared from the
beau-monde; and his retirement from his station
would leave a gap that certainly no man of ordinary
capacity could fill up. In that event, sir,
which your injudicious allusions acting on a sensitive
and deserving conscience might possibly induce,
the ladies of our fashionable world would be
be without a patron, the carriages would stray
about like lost sheep, the servants be wayward and
fitful in their movements, and the whole charm of
our social assemblages be gone. In short, without
Mr. Browne, the balls would be without their ornaments,
and the streets without a whistle.
Picture to yourself, sir, a man in an overcoat,
standing on the door-steps, braving the storms of
winter and the sleet of driving clouds, hour after
hour,—calling out to the hackmen ever and anon,
like a watchman of old,—deprived of the opportunity,
even if he had the disposition, to go to
the corner, for a drink,—watching over the horses
and carriages of hundreds of dancing and immortal
creatures,—and, sir, I think you will say that it
is difficult for the mind to conceive of a higher and
worthier philanthropy.
I have addressed you this in justice to my client,
and if it be published I shall consider the honor of
my client satisfied; otherwise, sir, the law must
take its course.
As I may have some testy correspondents in future,
who may use threats to get their letters published,
Tophanes as a literary assistant. I shall therefore
have at command the same means of getting out of
scrapes that is now so generally adopted by the city
journals;—that is to say, in case any article may
offend a pugnacious party, I shall have only to
state `that the responsible editor was absent,—that
he deeply deplores the insertion of the offensive
paragraph,—that he has known the offended party
from boyhood, &c.'
To be sure, Fritz, I have a dislike of imitating
the contemporary journals in any matter; and it
is only in view of getting out of scrapes that
might endanger my incognito, that I should ever
presume to take advantage of a popular chicane,
which, to tell the truth, is as unworthy the dignity
of a journal, as it is bemeaning to the character of
a man.
My publisher advises me that inquiries are numerous
as to the probable length of this series of
Studies of the Town, and he asks what answer
shall be given.
Tell them, Mr. Kernot, that when my whim
changes, or the town reforms, the paper will be
stopped. And this is as safe and credible an announcement
as any in the Literary World, or the
weeklies may whip it into their chit-chat syllabub,
if they can.
| THE LORGNETTE. The lorgnette, or, Studies of the town | |