60. CHAPTER LX.
Now, Media was king of Odo. And from the simplicity
of his manners hitherto, and his easy, frank demeanor
toward ourselves, had we foolishly doubted that fact, no
skepticism could have survived an illustration of it, which
this very day we witnessed at noon.
For at high noon, Media was wont to don his dignity
with his symbols of state; and sit on his judgment divan or
throne, to hear and try all causes brought before him, and
fulminate his royal decrees.
This divan was elevated at one end of a spacious arbor,
formed by an avenue of regal palms, which in brave state,
held aloft their majestical canopy.
The crown of the island prince was of the primitive old
Eastern style; in shape, similar, perhaps, to that jauntily
sported as a foraging cap by his sacred majesty King Nimrod,
who so lustily followed the hounds. It was a plaited
turban of red tappa, radiated by the pointed and polished
white bones of the Ray-fish. These diverged from a
bandeau or fillet of the most precious pearls; brought up
from the sea by the deepest diving mermen of Mardi. From
the middle of the crown rose a tri-foiled spear-head. And
a spear-headed scepter graced the right hand of the king.
Now, for all the rant of your democrats, a fine king
on a throne is a very fine sight to behold. He looks very
much like a god. No wonder that his more dutiful subjects
so swore, that their good lord and master King Media
was demi-divine.
A king on his throne! Ah, believe me, ye Gracchi, ye
Acephali, ye Levelers, it is something worth seeing, be
sure; whether beheld at Babylon the Tremendous, when
Nebuchadnezzar was crowned; at old Scone in the days of
Macbeth; at Rheims, among Oriflammes, at the coronation
of Louis le Grand; at Westminster Abbey, when the gentlemanly
George doffed his beaver for a diadem; or under
the soft shade of palm trees on an isle in the sea.
Man lording it over man, man kneeling to man, is a
spectacle that Gabriel might well travel hitherward to behold;
for never did he behold it in heaven. But Darius
giving laws to the Medes and the Persians, or the conqueror
of Bactria with king-cattle yoked to his car, was not a whit
more sublime, than Beau Brummel magnificently ringing
for his valet.
A king on his throne! It is Jupiter nodding in the
councils of Olympus; Satan, seen among the coronets in
Hell.
A king on his throne! It is the sun over a mountain;
the sun over law-giving Sinai; the sun in our system:
planets, duke-like, dancing attendance, and baronial satellites
in waiting.
A king on his throne! After all, but a gentleman seated.
And thus sat the good lord, King Media.
Time passed. And after trying and dismissing several
minor affairs, Media called for certain witnesses to testify
concerning one Jiromo, a foolhardy wight, who had been
silly enough to plot against the majesty now sitting judge
and jury upon him.
His guilt was clear. And the witnesses being heard,
from a bunch of palm plumes Media taking a leaf, placed
it in the hand of a runner or pursuivant, saying, “This to
Jiromo, where he is prisoned; with his king's compliments;
say we here wait for his head.”
It was doffed like a turban before a Dey, and brought
back on the instant.
Now came certain lean-visaged, poverty-stricken, and
hence suspicious-looking varlets, grumbling and growling,
and amiable as Bruin. They came muttering some wild
jargon about “bulwarks,” “bulkheads,” “cofferdams,”
“safeguards,” “noble charters,” “shields,” and “paladiums,”
“great and glorious birthrights,” and other unintelligible
gibberish.
Of the pursuivants, these worthies asked audience of
Media.
“Go, kneel at the throne,” was the answer.
“Our knee-pans are stiff with sciatics,” was the rheumatic
reply.
“An artifice to keep on your legs,” said the pursuivants.
And advancing they salamed, and told Media the excuse
of those sour-looking varlets. Whereupon my lord
commanded them to down on their marrow-bones instanter,
either before him or the headsman, whichsoever they
pleased.
They preferred the former. And as they there kneeled,
in vain did men with sharp ears (who abound in all courts)
prick their auriculars, to list to that strange crackling and
firing off of bone balls and sockets, ever incident to the
genuflections of rheumatic courtiers.
In a row, then, these selfsame knee-pans did kneel before
the king; who eyed them as eagles in air do goslings on
dunghills; or hunters, hounds crouching round their calves.
“Your prayer?” said Media.
It was a petition, that thereafter all differences between
man and man in Odo, together with all alleged offenses
against the state, might be tried by twelve good men and
true. These twelve to be unobnoxious to the party or
parties concerned; their peers; and previously unbiased
touching the matter at issue. Furthermore, that unanimity
in these twelve should be indispensable to a verdict; and
no dinner be vouchsafed till unanimity came.
Loud and long laughed King Media in scorn.
“This be your judge,” he cried, swaying his scepter.
“What! are twelve wise men more wise than one? or will
twelve fools, put together, make one sage? Are twelve
honest men more honest than one? or twelve knaves less
knavish than one? And if, of twelve men, three be fools,
and three wise, three knaves, and three upright, how obtain
real unanimity from such?
“But if twelve judges be better than one, then are twelve
hundred better than twelve. But take the whole populace
for a judge, and you will long wait for a unanimous
verdict.
“If upon a thing dubious, there be little unanimity in
the conflicting opinions of one man's mind, how expect it in
the uproar of twelve puzzled brains? though much unanimity
be found in twelve hungry stomachs.
“Judges unobnoxious to the accused! Apply it to a
criminal case. Ha! ha! if peradventure a Cadi be rejected,
because he had seen the accused commit the crime for
which he is arraigned. Then, his mind would be biased:
no impartiality from him! Or your testy accused might
object to another, because of his tomahawk nose, or a cruel
squint of the eye.
“Of all follies the most foolish! Know ye from me, that
true peers render not true verdicts. Jiromo was a rebel.
Had I tried him by his peers, I had tried him by rebels;
and the rebel had rebelled to some purpose.
“Away! As unerring justice dwells in a unity, and as
one judge will at last judge the world beyond all appeal;
so—though often here below justice be hard to attain—does
man come nearest the mark, when he imitates that model
divine. Hence, one judge is better than twelve.”
“And as Justice, in ideal, is ever painted high lifted
above the crowd; so, from the exaltation of his rank, an
honest king is the best of those unical judges, which individually
are better than twelve. And therefore am I, King
Media, the best judge in this land.
“Subjects! so long as I live, I will rule you and judge
you alone. And though you here kneeled before me till you
grew into the ground, and there took root, no yea to your
petition will you get from this throne. I am king: ye are
slaves. Mine to command: yours to obey. And this hour
I decree, that henceforth no gibberish of bulwarks and bulkheads
be heard in this land. For a dead bulwark and a
bulkhead, to dam off sedition, will I make of that man, who
again but breathes those bulky words. Ho! spears! see
that these knee-pans here kneel till set of sun.”
High noon was now passed; and removing his crown,
and placing it on the dais for the kneelers to look at during
their devotions, King Media departed from that place, and
once more played the agreeable host.
