University of Virginia Library

13. THE HON. MISS SAUSSAGE'S MARRIAGE.

[Reported expressly Not for “The Wedding Observer,” but for “The
Spirit of the Times.]

The ceremony of the Hon. Miss Saussage's marriage
took place on the 10th instant at the chapel of St. Imitante.
This distinguished lady—whose descent and character
are so familiar to the whole Christian Marketing world,—
so familiarly known as a distinguished representative of the
Porkine race of nobility, who take their heraldic devices from

the record kept of the ordines who went into Noah's ark, and
who are so remarkable for the successful warfare which
they have kept up with the Jews, has actually allowed herself
to be stuffed into the lips and throat of Prince Albertross,
the popular and majestic owner of the splendid sand
mansion, and at least one half a quarter of an acre of
Saline ground, called, known, and designated upon the map as
“Coney Island Point.”

The officers of the household of the fair bride began to
arrive at Fulton Market, at one quarter before six o'clock,
A. M.—looking very sleepy and very hungry. The Alderman
of the 18th Ward, the Head Justice of the Police Office,
the Lord Chamberlain of the Marine Court, Archbishop Shad,
his Grace the Duke of Mackerel, the Duke of Rigmarole,
his Honor Daniel O'Lobster, the High Constable, Prince
Philorugglesius, Chancellor Blackhawk, Lord What-a-licking,
Sir Loin, Sir Beefsteak, Sir Cutlet, Sir Calveshead, the
Lords in Waiting, the Ladies in Waiting, Maids of Honor—
made to see every thing done Honor bright—Bedchamber
women— we shall have to send to England to find out what
they were intended for—Gentlemen-Rushers, Loafers, Bearon-s,
Counts, No-ac-counts, and all the rest of the invited
part of heaven-created nobility, assembled at precisely six.

The Ladies of Miss Saussage's suite were summoned by
the Master of the horses that were to drag them, at about
one-quarter past six. We say about, because we are in extreme
doubt in reference to the seconds, although we have
made the most painful exertions to arrive at the precise moment.
The Ladies all jumped upon the carts with extreme
grace, amid the enthusiastic plaudits of the assembled multitude,
which had now lined the streets, and rendered the progress
of the carts and their interesting contents difficult, if not

dangerous. Mrs. O'Blessington was particularly remarked
for the fulness of her bust, and the liveliness of her action,
and the delicious freedom of the favors which she bowed to
the common people.

At half past six the suit of the happy Albertross mounted
their carts under a heavy discharge of two pistols, and the
roll of a bass drum. Notice was immediately afterwards
given to the happy bridegroom, that it was time for him to
begin to get his heart into the proper state of palpitation, and
to prepare for family duty.

The Royal Locofoco Bridegroom immediately quitted the
retiring room of the fish-stall, where he had been feverishly
reposing, and passed through the market in the uniform of a
private militia corporal, with plate and feather. We took
notice, with great pleasure, that he showed his American
contempt for “orders,” by wearing his pantaloons in great
disorder, and that his stockings were bound by no garters,

He wore the insignia of a First High Priest of the order
of night-hood, and the star of the order of Bosom Comesir.
The alderman of the 18th Ward was decorated with a stick
mounted with a piece of real-gilt. The head Justice appeared
in his usual official robes—having, out of his modesty and
meekness, long since adopted, and steadfastly held fast to, the
example of culprits whom he has converted—an apparel consisting
of a great-coat that had been through the hands of
seven pawnbrokers, for improvement, highly embellished with
cuts and engravings, and splendidly furnished with paintings,
both of oil and water—we think we might safely add—gin.
The grand Deputy Constabulator of the Police was dressed in
a gorgeous suit of no fools caption paper, on which were beautifully
stamped the sections of the Revised Statutes of the
State of New York relating to Hush Money. His Sea-green

Highness Archbishop Shad, was simply clad—being a Christian
and the head of the Church—in his pontifical scales of silver,
his salary being small.—The only ornament we noticed
about his immaculate and sinless Glory, was a plain belt of diamonds,
which his own apostolic incorruptibility had paid for
out of the process of the pleasant tribute of his tythes, added to
the donations of pious old women, and the tears of small children,
whom his eloquence and proud description of the stars in
Heaven had caused to cry. The Duke of Mackerel was arrayed
in a superb dress of net work, brought from Fish-her-land,
expressly for this purpose. The Hon. Dan. O'Lobster
appeared in the dress of a water-Field Marshall, red and
black, with claws, each with a penny “passant,” tongue-armed
and lingued, with teeth azure, a duplinected portrait of
Erinnys and Cataline being painted upon his patriotic back.

But enough. Time wastes, and we are anxious to give
the first intelligence. We wish to be, as usual in advance of
all the other papers. We have no moment left to tell the
color of the ladies' frocks, and petticoats, and chemisettes;
we can barely say that they all showed their noble blood, particularly
the butcher's wives, in and out. There was no mistaking
them for anything but women—republican queens—
and while it may be said that they do not belong to English
no-a-bility, we are sure, from the tremendous and exulting
upshoutings of the crowd as they successively made their
appearance, that they are set down in the hearts of all
people who agree with them as individuals of the greatest
Ability.

The procession was formed at precisely one minute and
a quarter after seven. The prince rode in a wheelbarrow,
drawn by two mules, each led by the head by a New Orleans
negro. It was remarked that as the bridegroom got into the

barrow, he was very pale, and he showed his characteristic
humanity and urbanity by condescendingly asking one of the
negroes if he was sure the mules' ears were on tight. On
imbibing a gin cocktail, brought to him by an equerry, who was
coming from Holt's-hotel-palace with a load of wood, the
Prince seemed to be much relieved, and he sat up straight,
just like any common man. He held the glass in his own
hands, and drank with his own mouth. Nothing seemed to
disturb the happy serenity of his countenance, although we
regret to say that there was a slight tumor on his nose, and
the fading remains of a scratch across his eyebrow—both,
however, trophies of his early piety, and valor in battle.
The procession now moved towards the Fulton Ferry, preceded
by a squadron of Lynchers. The Directors of that
valuable Ferry, with their natural and praiseworthy spirit of
accomodation, had taken early pains to stop the flood tide
from coming in, and had banked out the river across, from
side to side, by ramparts and bastions of Graham bread—
lapis durus—so as to make a splendid crossing place over
which the company might go without wetting a single hub of
their wheels. The bottom was hard, and beautifully variegated
with the bones of different dead fish, men, &c. It
was happily observed by the Prince that the floor was truly
Mosaic. This delightful sally, on being communicated to the
gentlemen and ladies on the carts, produced such a roar of
laughter that the Ferry-master himself felt bound to send a little
boy to the Prince, to solicit him to stop his wit, or else the
cortege would laugh down the abutments of the river, and get
the whole party foaming. The Prince replied with his usual
good nature, that he agreed that Attic salt was better than
East River salt, and in the most affable manner desired the
lad to say to his employer he would not let the party get into
liquor of any kind by means of his own invitation, or compalsion,
until they arrived at Brooklyn Heights, where the marriage
was to be solemnized. We are happy to add that the
Ferry-master expressed great gratification on the receipt of
this pleasing intelligence, and dispatched an answer to Prince
Albertross by a clam-boy, who had just sold out, full of
meek acknowledgment of the gracious condescension of the
Prince. The happy train then passed over in the following
order—

First Cart;—Two Gentlemen Rushers—Janitor of St.
Catharine-slip College—Groom of the Centreville Course.

Second Cart;—Equerry in waiting, Hon. Your Grandfather—Two
Pages of Honor, with indexes on their faces—
Groom in waiting, holding a brush and a horse-towel.

Third Cart;—Clerk of the market—High Constable—
Superintendent of Streets—the Hon. Aleck Niger, President
of the Court of Dover—Clam-boy in waiting.

Fourth Cart;—Bedchamber women in waiting, in a dreadful
hurry—Captain of the Ewe-man Guard, Earl Ram—“Master
of the Buckhounds,” Captain Florida—“Treasurer of the
Household,” Lord Swartwout.

Fifth Cart;—Maid of Honor in waiting—Duchess of Pretension's
Lady in waiting, Lady Susan Dountous—“Gold
Stick,” Lord Astor—Lord in waiting, Viscount Poverty—
Devil a-waiting, Lord Sinner.

Sixth Cart;—Lady of the Chamber furniture in waiting,
Hon. Miss Empty—Master of the Horses and Mules, Lord
Ostler—Lord Steward, Earl of Abyssinia, Lord Chamberlain,
the Earl of Hugbridget.

Seventh Cart—Miss Saussage all alone by herself, it being
considered the most impressive style of doing the thing
to ride her separate and apart, not only from her husband, but

even from her mother and intimate friends. This superiority
of taste and more delicate refinement was generally remarked
as being highly to the advantage of American propriety, and
far exceeding that of the fashion prevailing in some foreign
parts.

Eighth Cart—Albertross in his wheel barrow, brought
up the rear, in the manner above described.

The party arrived at Brooklyn Heights, at three minutes
and fifty-nine seconds and one quarter after eight o'clock, and
soon put up a magnificent pavilion of oiled-cloth, under the
shade of a most thalamical looking grove of pines, which had
been for some time past under cultivation for the purpose.
The solemn ceremonies proceeded without the slightest delay.
The bridegroom after affectionately kissing the hand! of the
mother of his betrothed, so audibly that some of the ladies
present actually fainted, led the sweet Miss Saussage to a
rock where Archbishop Shad was standing, book in hand to
read the couple into glory. We are pleased to repeat the observation
common in every person's mouth, that he did it most
efficaciously;—not a word of the service was omitted. In
addressing the members of this new partnership of flesh, he
even called them by their Christian names—Molusca and
Albertross. The bridegroom endowed the bride with all his
worldly goods, [the inventory of which is at present mislaid]
the vows were spoken—allegiance—fidelity—love—truth—
honor—obedience!—necessity—nature—nurses, and all the
other pathetic and thrilling incidents of a real love match were
mixed up together, and overwhelmed us so that we hastily
retired with a sort of jealous grief to leave the tied couple
together.

We conclude our hasty report by adding that we are assured
by the highest authority that the bridegroom's linen was

made by a highly distinguished manufacturing house in the
county of Connaught, and that he has no corns. At the time
we left the solemn process of annexation, it was confidently
believed that the happy parties would actually go to bed together
at night. The wedding cake was a monster of beauty,
being made by that distinguished cuisinier Thomas Downing,
Esq., of Broad Street. It was manufactured out of three
hundred of the best salted codfish, compounded with five hundred
bushels of potatoes from the farm of Sir Skin Kidney,
and fifteen kegs of Goshen butter. Further particulars in our
next.

P. S. We omitted to mention that on the next morning the
republican Queen Molusca and the happy Albertross were
observed sitting upon the dock below the berth occupied by
the Providence steamboats, looking cool, fresh, and vigorous,
and reading the last number of the “Spirit of the Times.”