University of Virginia Library

LETTER XV.

It is not in my power to give
you a particular detail of the whole proceedings
of the meeting which was held
to reform the plan of partnership in the
manner of your parliamentary journalists,
who make speeches for the members, perhaps
better than some of them make for
themselves; but I will endeavour to give
you a summary of the principles on which
they proceeded.

The professed design of the meeting
was to reform and amend the plan; but
in fact when they came to examine it they
found themselves obliged to pass the same
sentence on it that was once delivered
concerning the famous poet, Alexander
Pope, whose usual ejaculation was, G—d
mend me! “Mend you,” said a hackney
coachman, (looking with contempt on his
dwarfish form and hump back) “it would
not be half so much trouble to make a
new one.”

A NEW one was accordingly entered
upon, and the fundamental principle of it
was, not to suppose men as good as they
ought to be, but to take them as they are.
“It is true, said they, that all men are
naturally free and equal; it is a very good
idea, and ought to be understood in every
contract and partnership which can be
formed; it may serve as a check upon
ambition and other human passions, and
put people in mind that they may some

time or other be called to account by
their equals. But it is as true that this
equality is destroyed by a thousand causes
which exist in nature and in society. It
is true that all beasts, birds, and fishes are
naturally free and equal in some respects,
but yet we find them unequal in other
respects, and one becomes the prey of
another. There is, and always will be,
a superiority and an inferiority, in spite of
all the systems of metaphysics that ever
existed. How can you prevent one man
from being stronger, or wiser, or richer
than another? and will not the strong overcome
the weak? will not the cunning
circumvent the foolish, and will not the
borrower become servant to the lender?
Is not this noble, free, and independent
creature man, necessarily subject to lords
of his own species in every stage of his
existence? When a child, is he not under
the command of his parents? send him
to school, place him out as an apprentice,
put him on board a ship, enrol him in a
company of militia, must he not be subject
to a master? Place him in any kind
of society whatever, and he has wants to
be supplied, and passions to be subdued;
his active powers need to be directed, and
his extravagances to be controled, and if
he will not do it himself, some body must
do it for him. Self government is indeed
the most perfect form of government in
the world; but if men will not govern
themselves, they must have some governors
appointed over them, who will keep
them in order and make them do their
duty. Now if there is in fact such an inequality
existing among us, why should we
act as if no such thing existed? We have
tried the beaver scheme of partnership
long enough, and find it will not do. Let
us then adopt the practice of another
kind of industrious animals which we
have among us—Let us imitate the bees,
who are governed by one supreme head,
and under that direction conduct their
whole economy with perfect order and
regularity.”

On this principle they drew up an entire
new plan, in which there was one
chief steward, who was to manage their
united interest, and be ressponsible to
the whole for his conduct. He was to
have a kind of council to advise and direct
him, and several inferior officers to
assist him, as there might be occasion; and
a certain contribution was to be levied on
the trade, or on the estates of the whole,
which was to make a common stock for
the support of the common interest; and
they were to erect a tribunal among themselves,
which should decide and determine
all differences. If nine of the families
should agree to this plan, it was to take
place; and the others might or might not
adopt it; but if any one should finally
refuse, or if any should adopt it and afterward
fall from it, he was to be looked

upon as an outcast, and no person was to
have any connection with him.

The meeting having continued a long
time, every body became extremely anxious
to know what they were about; the
doors were kept shut, and no person whatever
was let into the secret till the whole
was completed. A copy was then sent to
each family for them to consider at their
leisure.

Though curiosity was now gratified,
yet anxiety was not relaxed. The new
plan of partnership went by the name of
the fiddle; those who were in favour of it
called themselves fiddlers, and those who
opposed it were stiled antifiddlers. The
former said it was the best plan that human
wisdom had ever contrived. The
latter imagined it pregnant with mischief
of every kind. The former compared it
to a strong sence about a rich field of

wheat. The latter compared it to the
whale that swallowed up Jonah.

In each family a consultation was held
on the question, Whether it should be adopted
or not? and liberty was given for
every one to speak his mind with the utmost
freedom. The objections, answers,
replies, rejoinders, and rebutters, which
were produced on this occasion, would
make a curious collection, and form an
important page in the history of man.
The fiddlers were extremely fond of having
it examined, because they said it was
like a rich piece of plate, which the more
it be rubbed shines the brighter. The
antifiddlers said it was like a worm eaten
bottom of a ship, the defects of which
would more evidently appear the more it
was ripped to pieces; they were therefore
for rejecting it at once, without any examination
at all.

When they were urged to point out
its defects, they would say, “It is dangerous
to put so much power into the hands
of any man, or set of men, lest they should
abuse it. Our liberty and property will
be safe whilst we keep them ourselves, but
when we have once parted with them,
we may never be able to get them back
again.”

If the plan was compared to a house,
then the objection would be made against
building it too high, lest the wind should
blow it down. How shall we guard it against
fire? how shall we secure it against
robbers? and how shall we keep out rats
and mice?

If it was likened to a ship, then it
would be asked, how shall we guard it against
leaking? how shall we prevent it
from running on the rocks and quick-sands?

Sometimes it would be compared to a
clock, then question was, how shall we secure
the pendulum, the wheels and the
balance from rust? who shall keep the
key, and who shall we trust to wind it
up?

Sometimes it was represented by a
purse, and then it was said to be dangerous
to let any one hold the strings.
Money is a tempting object, and the best
men are liable to be corrupted.

In short, the whole sum and substance
of the arguments against it might be summed
up in one word—JEALOUSY.

To shew the sutility of these arguments
it was observed by the opposite party, that
it was impossible to put it into any man's
power to do you good, without at the
same time putting it into his power to do
you hurt. If you trust a barber to shave
your beard, you put it into his power to
cut your throat. If you trust a baker to

make your bread, or a cook to dress your
meat, you put it into the power of each
to poison you; nay, if you venture to lie
in the same bed with your wife, you put
it into her power to choak you when
you are asleep. Shall we therefore
let our beards grow till they are long enough
to put into our pockets, because
we are afraid of the barber? Shall we
starve ourselves because the baker and the
cook may poison us? and shall we be afraid
to go to bed with our wives? Fie,
fie, gentlemen, do not indulge such
whims: Be careful in the choice of your
barbers, your bakers, your cooks, and your
wives; pay them well and treat them
well, and make it their interest to treat you
well, and you need not fear them.

After much debate and discussion,
some of the families adopted it without
exception, but in others the opposition
was so strong that it could not be made to
pass, but by the help of certain amend

ments which were proposed; and of these
amendments every family which thought
proper to make any, made as many as
they pleased. The new plan, with its
appendage of amendments, cut such a
grotesque figure, that a certain wag in one
of the families, like Jotham the son of
Gideon, ridiculed it in the following parable.

“A CERTAIN man hired a taylor to
make him a pair of small clothes; the taylor
meafured him and made the garment.
When he had brought it home, the man
turned and twisted and viewed it on all
sides; it is too small here, said he, and
wants to be let out;it is too big here, and
wants to be taken in; I am afraid there
will be a hole here, and you must put on
a patch; this button is not strong enough,
you must set on another. He was going
on in this manner, when his wife entered
the room—Have you put on the small
clothes, my dear, said she—No, said he.

How then, replied she, can you possibly
tell whether they will fit you or not? If I
had made such objections to a gown or a
pair of stays before I had put them on,
how would you have laughed at my female
wisdom? The man took his wife's
advice and faved the taylor a deal of
trouble.”

In like manner, the new plan of partnership
was tried on, and was found to fit
very well. The amendments were thrown
by for future confideration, and if ever
adopted, will be so few and so trifling as
to make no effential difference.

As soon as a sufficient number of the
families had adopted the plan, they began
to fet it in operation; and unanimously
chose for their chief steward and manager,
George, the grandson of Walter Pipeweed.
He had ferved them so faithfully
and generously in conducting the lawfuit
against Mr. Bull, that no person was higher

in their confidence. As he would take
no reward for his former services; so he
began this new business with a declaration
of the same kind, and a protestation that
nothing could have induced him to quit
the sweets of retirement for the toils of
public business but a disposition to oblige
his numerous friends who had united their
suffrages in his favour. Every one who
knows him is fully convinced of the sincerity
of his declarations, and he has perhaps
as large a share of the esteem and
affection of the people in these families as
any person ever could expect from a
course of faithful and friendly offices.

Besides him there is an under steward,
a council of advice, a chief clerk, a cashier,
and a master of the hounds. The under
steward is a person of a grave deportment,
much reading and strict integrity, and was
largely concerned in effecting the compromise
with Mr. Bull. The council of
advice are chosen from the feveral families,

and consist of persons of the best education,
abilities, and popularity. The
chief clerk has the care of the most important
papers, and the cashier keeps the
key of the strong box, which now has
something in it besides paper. By his
advice the debts of the company are put
in a fair way of being paid, though some
grumbling still subsists among those who
were obliged to sell their notes at a discount.
The master of the hounds is an
officer, who it was at first thought would
have very little business; but as the wild
beasls of the forest have of late grown very
troublesome, it is supposed that he will
have his hands full. There is too much
of a lurch for hunting among many of the
foresters; and some have not been ashamed
to express their wishes that the
whole race of wild creatures was exterminated
from the face of the earth. There
are others who still continue of the mind,
that these animals are a degenerated part
of the human species, and might yet be recovered
if proper methods were used to
tame them; but it is greatly feared, that
while the rage for hunting continues, all
such benevolent projects will fail in the
execution.

In some late hunting matches, these
wild animals discovered so much art and
courage, that several of the hunters were
laid to sleep in the bed of honour; and
the rest were obliged to take to their
heels, that they might “live to hunt another
day.” Some perfons are of the
mind that it is not best to seek these beasts
in their dens, but rather to guard the
fields and take care of the poultry at
home. Others are for pursuing them to
the thickest shades of the forest, and this
seems at present to be the prevailing opinion.
What the success of it will be
time must determine.

Since the new partnership has been
established, husbandry and trade have
been carried on briskly; the houses are
full of good things, and the children are
well clad and healthy; but there is one
inconvenience which usually attends a
full house, and that is, that rats are very
numerous, and a new species of them have
lately found their way thither.[1] Some
of them are very fat and sleek, and are not
afraid to appear in open day light;
though it is supposed they burrow under
ground, and have subterraneous communications
from house to house. This is
an inconvenience against which no remedy
has yet been found; though some people,
from their apparent voracity, are of
the mind that they will either prey upon
one another, or else eat till they burst.

I HAD almost forgot to tell you that
two new families have lately been added
to the number of partners. One is that

of Ethan Greenwood,[2] a stout, lusty fellow,
born in the family of Robert Lumber,
but married into that of Peter Bullfrog,
from whom, after a long dispute, he
has got a good tract of land, which originally
belonged to his own father, but was
surreptitiously taken possession of by his
father in law. The other is Hunter
Longknife,[3] he was bred in the family of
Walter Pipeweed, and has a large share of
his spirit of adventure. Having taken
up his residence in the outskirts of the
forest, he has had many a scuffle with the
wild beasts, who are extremely fond of his
green corn and young chickens, whenever
they can get a taste of them.