University of Virginia Library

LETTER V.

You must have remarked in your
acquaintance with the life and character
of Mr. John Bull, that he is very whimsical,
and as positive as whimsical. Among
other advantages which he expected from
the settlement of his Forest, one was, that
the wild animals whom nature had made
ferocious and untractable in the highest
degree, would be rendered tame and ferviceable,
by receiving instruction and education
from the nurturing hand of humanity.
He had conceived a notion that
every creature has certain latent principles
and qualities which form a foundation

for improvement; and he thought it
a great piece of injustice that these qualities
should be suffered to remain uncultivated:
he had a mind that experiments
should be attempted to discover how far
this kind of cultivation was practicable,
and what use could be made of the animal
powers under the direction and control
of rational government. Full of
this idea, he came to a resolution, that it
should be the duty of every one of his
tenants to catch wild beasts of various
sorts, and discipline them so as to find out
their several properties and capacities, and
use them accordingly; and this kind of
service was mentioned in their respective
leases as one condition of the grants.

Some of the tenants, particularly Peregrine
Pickle, John Codline, and Humphry
Ploughshare, entered zealously into
the measure from principle. They had,
during Mr. Bull's sickness and delirium,
before spoken of, formed an association

for their mutual safety.[1] The object of
their union was two fold: first, to endeavour
by all fair means to tame and discipline
the wild beasts; and secondly, in
cafe of their proving refractory, to defend
themselves against their attacks. The
other tenants did something in the same
way; some from one principle, and some
from another. Peter Bullfrog, who was
as cunning as any of them, made use of
those which he had tamed as his caterers,
to provide game for his table, of which
the feathers and furs served him as articles
of traffic, and brought him in a profitable
return.

The principal consideration (setting
aside interest) which induced the more
zealous of the Foresters to enter into this
business, was an idea, that these animals
were a degenerated part of the human
species, and might be restored to their
proper rank and order if due pains were
taken. The grounds of this opinion were

these: Among the traditions of the ancient
Druids there was a story, that out of twelve
families which inhabited a certain district
by themselves, ten had been lost, and no
account could be given of them; and,
Where, said they, is it more likely to find
them than in this forest, in the shape of
some other creatures? especially, if the
doctrine of TRANSMIGRATION, which
the Druids held be true. Another tradition
was, that one of Mr. Bull's great
great uncles, by the name of Madok, had
many years ago disappeared, and the last
accounts which had been received of him
was, that he had been seen going towards
this forest; hence it was concluded that
his descendants must be found there. In
confirmation of this argument, it was alleged,
that the sounds which some of
these creatures made in their howlings,
resembled the language spoken in that
day: nay, some were positive that they
had heard them pronounce the word
Madokawando;[2] and one hunter roundly
swore that he had seen in the den of a
bear, an old book which he supposed to be
a Bible written in the Celtic language, and
this book they concluded must have been
left there by Madok, who could read and
speak no other language. Another very
material circumstance was the discovery
of a rock by the side of a brook,[3] inscribed
with some characters which bore
no resemblance to any kind of writing,
ancient or modern; the conclusion from
hence was, that it must be of the remotest
antiquity: this rock was deemed an
unaccountable curiosity, till a certan virtuoso
took into his noddle, first to imagine,
and then to become extremely positive
that the characters were Punic; and
finally this inscription was translated, and
affirmed to be nothing less than a treaty
of alliance and commerce between the
Phenicians and the first inhabitants of
this forest. From all these premises it was
inferred, with some plausibility, and more
positiveness, that one species at least of the
savage animals was descended from Madok,
and that the others were the posterity of
the long lost ten families, who were well
known to have had a commercial connexion
with the Phenicians, and that
these probably found out their haunt,
and followed them for the sake of their
former friendship. What happy light
do modern discoveries and conjectures
thrown on the dark pages of antiquity!

From these principles, as well as from
motives of humanity and of interest, some
of the Foresters entered with zeal on the
consideration and practice of the best
methods to fulfil this condition of their
grants, the disciplining the savage animals,
and they certainly deserve praise for
their honest endeavours; but, others who
pretended to the same zeal, it is to be lamented,
made use of this pretence to cover
their vanity or their avarice. Had

none but gentle means been used, it
is probable more good might, on the
whole, have been produced; but as it
often happens that many a good project
has been ruined for want of prudence in
the execution, so it fared with this; for
while the new comers were busy in
putting up their huts, and preparing the
land for cultivation, both which were
necessary before they could attend to any
other business, some of the savage tribe
would be a little impertinent, either by
peeping into the huts, or breaking up
a nest where the poultry were hatching,
or carrying off a chick or a gosling. These
impertinencies bred frequent quarrels,
and the poor creatures were sometimes
driven off with bloody noses, or obliged
to hop on three legs, or even laid sprawling
and slyly covered with earth, no service
or ceremony being said over the carcass,
and no other epitaph than “Poh,
they are nothing but brutes, and where's
the harm of killing them!” or in rhyme
thus:

Whatever plausible excuses might
have been made for these proceedings,
they served to render the creatures jealous
of their new neighbors; but instead of abating
their appetite for mischief, it sharpened
their invention to take more sly
methods of accomplishing it. The more
wary of them kept aloof in the day timd,
and would not be enticed by the arts
which were used to draw them in; however,
they were sometimes pinched for
food, and the new inhabitants used to
throw crusts of bread, handfuls of corn,
and other eatables, in their way, which
allured them by degrees to familiarity.
After a while it was found that nothing
succeeded so well as molaffes. It was therefore
thought a capital manœuvre to drop
a train of it on the ground, which the

creatures would follow, licking it, till they
had insensibly got up to the doors of the
houses, where, if any body held a bowl
or a plate besmeared with the liquor, they
would come and put their noses into it,
and then you might pat them on the back
and sides, or stroke them, saying, “Poor
Bruin, poor I sgrim, poor Reynard, poor
Puss,” and the like, and they should suffer
themselves to be handled and fondled
till they dropped asleep. When they awaked
they would make a moan and wag
their tails as if they were asking for more,
and if it was denied them, they would
retire to the woods in disgust, till the scent
of the molaffes operating on their depraved
appetites, invited them to return where
it was to be had. This was upon repeated
trial found to be the most effectual way
of taming them, as they might be taught
to imitate any kind of tricks and gestures
if a dish of molaffes was held out as a reward.

The Foresters knew that they could
not ingratiate themselves better with their
old master Bull, than by humouring his
itch for projects. They therefore took
care to raise reports and write letters from
time to time concerning the wonderful
success which they had met with in civilizing
the savage animals. Bull was greatly
pleased with these reports, and made a
practice of sending presents of trinkets to
be distributed among them; such as collars,
earrings, and nosejewels. Several
times some of the most stately and best
instructed of them were carried to his
house for a show, where he had them
dressed up in scarlet and gold trappings,
and led through all his apartments for the
entertainment of his family, and feasted
with every nicknack which his cook and
confectioner could procure. He was so
fond of being thought their patron and
protector, that he usually spoke of them
as his red children, from the colour of their
hides. It is not many years since one of

them, after being led through several families
and plantations of the tenants, was
carried home to Mr. Bull's own house,
dressed in the habit of a clergyman, having
been previously taught to lift his paw
and roll his eyes as if in the act of devotion.
This trick was so well carried on
that the managers of it picked up a large
pocket full of pence, by exhibiting him
for a raree show, and the money was applied
toward building a menagerie, where
beasts of all kinds might be brought and
tamed. This project, like many such
whims, has made more noise than profit;
for most of those who were supposed to
be tamed and domesticated, after they had
been sent back to their native woods, with
a view to their being instrumental in
taming their fellow savages, have returned
to their former ferocious habits, and some
of them have proved greater rogues than
ever, and have done more mischief than
they could otherwise have been capable
of.

Mr. Bull himself was once so full of the
project, that he got his chaplain and some
others to form themselves into a club; the
professed object of which, was to propagate
knowledge among these savage creatures.
After some trials which did not
answer expectation, old Madam Bull conceived
that the money which was collected
might as well be expended in teaching
Mr. Bull's own tenants themselves a little
better manners; for some of them
were rather awkward and slovenly in their
deportment, while others were decent and
devout in their own way. Madam, as we
have before observed, was a great zealot
in the cause of uniformity, and had a vast
influence over her son, by virtue of which
the attention of the club was principally
directed to the promoting this grand object.
Accordingly, every one of the tenants
was furnished with a Bible and a
Prayer Book, a clean napkin, bason, platter,
and chalice, with a few devotional
tracts, and some young adventurers who

had been educated in the family, were
recommended as chaplains; who had also
by orders to keep a look out toward the
savage animals, when they should fall in
their way.

The chaplains were tolerably well received
in most of the families; but some,
particularly Codline and Ploughshare,
who gloried in being able to say their
prayers without book, always looked sour
upon them, and would frequently say to
them, “Go, take care of the savage objects
of your mission, and don't come here
to teach us, till you have learned better
yourselves.” The chaplains in disgust,
and perhaps in revenge, for they were but
men of like passions, would pout and swell
and call fchifmatic and other canonical nick
names, of which there is extant a large
vocabulary, and would frequently write
letters, much to the disadvantage of their
opponents. It is not many years since
they, with the club which sent them, were

pretty severely handled by one of Codline's
own chaplains, and it is supposed
that they have ever since been more modest;
certain it is that they are now on
better terms with their neighbors than
formerly; this may, in part, be owing to
Mr. Bull's deserting them and refusing to
pay them for their services ever since the
time that he began to quarrel with his
tenants. On that occasion some of them
removed their quarters; others kept their
old places and have got along as well as
they could without the help which they
formerly received.