University of Virginia Library

6. CHAP. VI.

That my readers may the more fully comprehend
the extent of the calamity, at this very moment
impending over the honest, unsuspecting province
of Nieuw Nederlandts, and its dubious Governor,
it is necessary that I should give some account
of a horde of strange barbarians, bordering upon the
eastern frontier.

Now so it came to pass, that many years previous
to the time of which we are treating, the sage
cabinet of England had adopted a certain national
creed, a kind of public walk of faith, or rather a
religious turnpike in which every loyal subject was
directed to travel to Zion—taking care to pay the
toll gatherers by the way.

Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being very
much given to indulge their own opinions, on all
manner of subjects (a propensity, exceedingly obnoxious
to your free governments of Europe) did

most presumptuously dare to think for themselves
in matters of religion, exercising what they considered
a natural and unextinguishable right—the liberty
of conscience.

As however they possessed that ingenious habit
of mind which always thinks aloud; which in a manner
rides cock-a-hoop on the tongue, and is forever
galloping into other people's ears, it naturally followed
that their liberty of conscience likewise implied
liberty of speech, which being freely indulged, soon
put the country in a hubbub, and aroused the pious
indignation of the vigilant fathers of the church.

The usual methods were adopted to reclaim
them, that in those days were considered so efficacious
in bringing back stray sheep to the fold;
that is to say, they were coaxed, they were admonished,
they were menaced, they were buffeted—
line upon line, precept upon precept, lash upon lash,
here a little and there a great deal, were exhausted
without mercy, but without success; until at
length the worthy pastors of the church wearied out
by their unparalleled stubbornness, were driven in
the excess of their tender mercy, to adopt the
scripture text, and literally “heaped live embers on
their heads.”

Nothing however could subdue that invincible
spirit of independence which has ever distinguished
this singular race of people, so that rather than submit
to such horrible tyranny, they one and all embarked

for the wilderness of America, where they
might enjoy unmolested, the inestimable luxury of
talking. No sooner did they land on this loquacious
soil, than as if they had caught the disease
from the climate, they all lifted up their voices at
once, and for the space of one whole year, did keep
up such a joyful clamour, that we are told they
frightened every bird and beast out of the neighbourhood,
and so completely dumb-founded certain
fish, which abound on their coast, that they
have been called dumb-fish ever since.

From this simple circumstance, unimportant
as it may seem, did first originate that renowned
privilege so loudly boasted of throughout this
country—which is so eloquently exercised in news-papers,
pamphlets, ward meetings, pot-house committees
and congressional deliberations—which establishes
the right of talking without ideas and
without information—of misrepresenting public affairs;
of decrying public measures—of aspersing
great characters, and destroying little ones; in
short, that grand palladium of our country, the
liberty of speech; or as it has been more vulgarly
denominated—the gift of the gab.

The simple aborigenes of the land for a while
contemplated these strange folk in utter astonishment,
but discovering that they wielded harmless
though noisy weapons, and were a lively, ingenious,
good-humoured race of men, they became very

friendly and sociable, and gave them the name of
Yanokies, which in the Mais-Tchusaeg (or Massachusett)
language signifies silent men—a waggish
appellation, since shortened into the familiar epithet
of Yankees, which they retain unto the present
day.

True it is, and my fidelity as an historian will
not allow me to pass it over in silence, that the zeal
of these good people, to maintain their rights and
privileges unimpaired, did for a while betray them
into errors, which it is easier to pardon than defend.
Having served a regular apprenticeship in
the school of persecution, it behoved them to shew
that they had become proficients in the art. They
accordingly employed their leisure hours in banishing,
scourging or hanging, divers heretical papists,
quakers and anabaptists, for daring to abuse the
liberty of conscience; which they now clearly proved
to imply nothing more, than that every man
should think as he pleased in matters of religion—
provided he thought right; for otherwise it would
be giving a latitude to damnable heresies. Now as
they (the majority) were perfectly convinced that
they alone thought right, it consequently followed,
that whoever thought different from them though
wrong—and whoever thought wrong and obstinately
persisted in not being convinced and converted,
was a flagrant violater of the inestimable liberty of
conscience, and a corrupt and infectious member of

the body politic, and deserved to be lopped off and
cast into the fire.

Now I'll warrant, there are hosts of my readers,
ready at once to lift up their hands and eyes,
with that virtuous indignation with which we always
contemplate the faults and errors of our
neighbours, and to exclaim at these well meaning
but mistaken people, for inflicting on others the injuries
they had suffered themselves—for indulging
the preposterous idea of convincing the mind by
toasting the carcass, and establishing the doctrine
of charity and forbearance, by intolerant persecution.—But
soft you, my very captious sirs! what
are we doing at this very day, and in this very enlightened
nation, but acting upon the very same
principle, in our political controversies. Have we
not within but a few years released ourselves from
the shackles of a government, which cruelly denied
us the privilege of governing ourselves, and using
in full latitude that invaluable member, the tongue?
and are we not at this very moment striving our
best to tyrannise over the opinions, tie up the
tongues, or ruin the fortunes of one another? What
are our great political societies, but mere political
inquisitions—our pot-house committees, but little
tribunals of denunciation—our news-papers but
mere whipping posts and pillories, where unfortunate
individuals are pelted with rotten eggs—and
our council of appointment—but a grand auto de fé,

where culprits are annually sacrificed for their political
heresies?

Where then is the difference in principle between
our measures and those you are so ready to
condemn among the people I am treating of? There
is none; the difference is merely circumstantial.—
Thus we denounce, instead of banishing—We libel
instead of scourging—we turn out of office instead
of hanging—and where they burnt an offender in
propria personæ—we either tar and feather or burn
him in effigy—this political persecution being, some
how or other, the grand palladium of our liberties,
and an incontrovertible proof that this is a free
country!

But notwithstanding the fervent zeal with which
this holy war was prosecuted against the whole race
of unbelievers, we do not find that the population of
this new colony was in any wise hindered thereby;
on the contrary they multiplied to a degree, which
would be incredible to any man unacquainted with
the marvellous fecundity of this growing country.

This amazing increase, may indeed be partly
ascribed to a singular custom prevalent among them,
and which was probably borrowed from the ancient
republic of Sparta; where we are told the young
ladies, either from being great romps and hoydens, or
else like many modern heroines, very fond of meddling
with matters that did not appertain to their
sex, used frequently to engage with the men, in

wrestling, and other athletic exercises of the gymnasium.
The custom to which I allude was vulgarly
known by the name of bundling—a superstitious
rite observed by the young people of both
sexes, with which they usually terminated their festivities;
and which was kept up with religious
strictness, by the more bigoted and vulgar part
of the community. This ceremony was likewise,
in those primitive times considered as an indispensible
preliminary to matrimony; their courtships
commencing, where ours usually finish—by
which means they acquired that intimate acquaintance
with each others good qualities before marriage,
that has been pronounced by philosophers
the sure basis of a happy union. Thus early did
this cunning and ingenious people, display a shrewdness
at making a bargain which has ever since distinguished
them—and a strict adherence to the good
old vulgar maxim about “buying a pig in a poke.”

To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly
attribute the unparalleled increase of the yanokie
or yankee tribe; for it is a certain fact, well authenticated
by court records and parish registers, that
wherever the practice of bundling prevailed, there
was an amazing number of sturdy brats annually
born unto the state, without the license of
the law, or the benefit of clergy; and it is truly astonishing
that the learned Malthus, in his treatise on
population, has entirely overlooked this singular

fact. Neither did the irregularity of their birth
operate in the least to their disparagement. On
the contrary they grew up a long sided, raw boned,
hardy race of whoreson whalers, wood cutters, fishermen
and pedlars, and strapping corn-fed wenches;
who by their united efforts tended marvellously towards
populating those notable tracts of country,
called Nantucket, Piscataway and Cape Cod.