 | Letters of Mrs. Adams, |  |
TO JOHN ADAMS.
Your favor, dated at Amsterdam in July, was last
evening handed me, and this evening your letter of
the 10th of September, by Colonel Ogden, reached
me. I had for some time supposed that the delay
of public business would retard your return; and,
knowing that the definitive treaty was not completed
until September, and that the commercial treaty was
still to form, I had little reason to expect you, unless
your state of health required an immediate resignation
of all public business. Your letter, therefore,
which informs me of your determination to pass
another winter abroad, is by no means unexpected,
That we must pass it with a vast ocean between us
is a reflection no ways pleasurable, yet this must be
the case. I had much to do to persuade myself to
venture a summer passage, but a winter one I never
could think of encountering. I am too much of a
coward. It is now the middle of November. It
would be December or January, before I could possibly
adjust all my affairs; and I know of no person
with whom I am acquainted, except Mr. Jackson of
Newburyport, who is now going abroad. Mr. Temple
and family sail this month. Besides, there is a
stronger objection with me than even a winter's
voyage. Congress have not appointed any person
wish for that place. Many who have a more splendid
title, and many more thousands, to claim it with.
I know Mr. Jay has written pressingly to Congress
in your favor, and absolutely declined it himself;
but whether you will finally be the person is among
the uncertain events. One thing, however, is certain;
that I do not wish it. I should have liked very well
to have gone to France and resided there a year;
but to think of going to England in a public character,
and engaging, at my time of life, in scenes quite
new, attended with dissipation, parade, and nonsense,
—I am sure I should make an awkward figure. The
retired domestic circle, "the feast of reason and the
flow of soul," are my ideas of happiness, and my most
ardent wish is to have you return and become master
of the feast. My health is infirm. I am still subject
to a severe nervous pain in my head, and fatigue of
any kind will produce it. Neither of us appears to
be built for duration. Would to Heaven, the few
remaining days allotted us might be enjoyed together.
It has been my misfortune, that I could not
attend to your health, watch for your repose, alleviate
your hours of anxiety, and make you a home
wherever you resided. More, says a skilful doctor,
depends upon the nurse than the physician. My
determination is to tarry at home this winter; and, if
I cannot prevail upon you to return to me in the
spring, you well know that I may be drawn to you,
provided there is any stability in Congress. One
strong tie, which held me here, is dissolved. My
whilst I live." It is far from being my inclination.
Mr. Thaxter will be able to give me, when he
arrives, the best intelligence upon the subject. I
wrote largely to you last week. I hope this letter will
go by a French brig.
Adieu, and believe me, whether present or absent,
| Letters of Mrs. Adams, | |