 | The Poetical Works of Oliver Wendell Holmes |  |
THE TOOTHACHE
How well I remember through years that have gone
The hour when the first of my molars was drawn!
I often have sung of the day-dreams of youth,
But oh! its dread nightmare,—that pulling a tooth!
The hour when the first of my molars was drawn!
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But oh! its dread nightmare,—that pulling a tooth!
It had ached all the day, it had ached all the night
As morning came on it redoubled its spite
It jumped like a bull-frog—it beat like a drum
Till I shrieked “I can stand it no longer—I vum!”
As morning came on it redoubled its spite
It jumped like a bull-frog—it beat like a drum
Till I shrieked “I can stand it no longer—I vum!”
So I sprang from my bed with a series of howls
One eye sticking out of my head like an owl's
The other poor optic was closed as in sleep,—
In fact my poor peeper was tight as a peep
One eye sticking out of my head like an owl's
The other poor optic was closed as in sleep,—
In fact my poor peeper was tight as a peep
Then rushed the whole household to answer my call
Aunts sisters and mammy and granny and all
With plasters and lotions and potions and drops
And camphor and cajeput, laudanum and hops.
Aunts sisters and mammy and granny and all
With plasters and lotions and potions and drops
And camphor and cajeput, laudanum and hops.
So they drugged and they doctored and bandaged my cheek
(Still out of one corner I managed to speak;)
“Have the camphor and cajeput made it all well?”
No! It aches like—a word I prefer not to tell
(Still out of one corner I managed to speak;)
“Have the camphor and cajeput made it all well?”
No! It aches like—a word I prefer not to tell
Alas there was nothing could solace my pain.
Hops camphor and cajeput all were in vain,
But they kept at it stoutly with more of the same—
And so things went on till the Governor came.
Hops camphor and cajeput all were in vain,
But they kept at it stoutly with more of the same—
And so things went on till the Governor came.
“Let me see it!” he said: then all quaking with fear
I just opened my mouth—it was under my ear—
He gave but one look—Ah ha! there's no doubt
We must go to the doctor's it's got to come out!
I just opened my mouth—it was under my ear—
He gave but one look—Ah ha! there's no doubt
We must go to the doctor's it's got to come out!
So we started at once—as we got to the door
“Papa! I exclaimed, it is aching no more
Let us not waste our money, but go to the shop
That's next to the doctors and purchase a top.
“Papa! I exclaimed, it is aching no more
Let us not waste our money, but go to the shop
That's next to the doctors and purchase a top.
Done aching! the Governor says with a grin—
A rogue in the halter repents of his sin
That grinder's a humbug—it can't tell the truth
When its scared there is nothing will lie like a tooth.
A rogue in the halter repents of his sin
That grinder's a humbug—it can't tell the truth
When its scared there is nothing will lie like a tooth.
Then he rapped—And we hadn't a second to wait
For a doctor's a fish and a patient's the bait,
And before I knew what I was doing and where,
I was seated—my head on the back of the chair.
For a doctor's a fish and a patient's the bait,
And before I knew what I was doing and where,
I was seated—my head on the back of the chair.
How I wished he was dead or I'd never been born
As he poked in my mouth with his finger of horn!
And he fumbled and the next thing I saw
Was a damnable tool with a horrible claw!
As he poked in my mouth with his finger of horn!
And he fumbled and the next thing I saw
Was a damnable tool with a horrible claw!
The next I remember was “Stop! Let me go!”
And a yell as of murder committing,—Oh! Oh!
For I thought he was pulling my head by the roots
And its fangs were clenched under the soles of my boots.
And a yell as of murder committing,—Oh! Oh!
For I thought he was pulling my head by the roots
And its fangs were clenched under the soles of my boots.
That wrench of the key! I remember it yet
'Tis a moment it takes a whole life to forget;
The swelling soon went, but a terrible while
Elapsed ere my cheek was relaxed in a smile.
'Tis a moment it takes a whole life to forget;
The swelling soon went, but a terrible while
Elapsed ere my cheek was relaxed in a smile.
The moral sticks out like a pawnbroker's sign,
It projects from my verse like an upper canine;
There is something to say for the pleasures of youth
But its terrible drawback is drawing a tooth!
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There is something to say for the pleasures of youth
But its terrible drawback is drawing a tooth!
And thus I conclude—for my story is told—
It is good to be young, but it's best to be old
For we're curst with twelve molars that all must be drawn
And we never have peace till the-last of them's gone.
It is good to be young, but it's best to be old
For we're curst with twelve molars that all must be drawn
And we never have peace till the-last of them's gone.
| The Poetical Works of Oliver Wendell Holmes | |