 | The Poetical Works of Oliver Wendell Holmes |  |
LETTER
Listen to me and I will try
To tell you what a dollar will buy.
To tell you what a dollar will buy.
A dollar will buy a Voter's conscience,
Or a book of “Fiftieth thousand” nonsense;
Or a book of “Fiftieth thousand” nonsense;
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Or a ticket to hear a Prima Donna,
Or a fractional part of a statesman's honor;
Or a fractional part of a statesman's honor;
It will buy a tree to sit in the shade of
Or half the cotton a tournure's made of.
Or half the cotton a tournure's made of.
It will buy a glass of rum or gin
At a Deacon's store or a Temperance inn,
(The Deacon will show you how to mix it
Or the Temperance Landlord stay and fix it.)
At a Deacon's store or a Temperance inn,
(The Deacon will show you how to mix it
Or the Temperance Landlord stay and fix it.)
It will buy a painting at Burbank's hall
That will frighten the spiders from off the wall;
That will frighten the spiders from off the wall;
Or a dozen teaspoons of medium size,
That will do for an Agricultural prize.
That will do for an Agricultural prize.
It will buy four tickets to Barnum's show—
(Late firm of Pharaoh, Herod & Co.)
(Late firm of Pharaoh, Herod & Co.)
Or get you a paper that brings by mail
Its weekly “Original thrilling tale”—
Of which the essential striking plot
Is a daddy that's rich and a youth that's not,
Who seeking in vain for Papa's consent,
Runs off with his daughter—the poor old gent!
The Governor's savage; at last relents
And leaves them a million in cash and rents.
Its weekly “Original thrilling tale”—
Of which the essential striking plot
Is a daddy that's rich and a youth that's not,
Who seeking in vain for Papa's consent,
Runs off with his daughter—the poor old gent!
The Governor's savage; at last relents
And leaves them a million in cash and rents.
Or a Hair-wash, patent, and warranted too,
That will turn your whiskers from gray to blue,
And dye old three score as good as new;
So that your wife will open her eyes
And treat you with coolness, and then surprise,
And at last, as you're sidling up to her,
Cry “I'll call my husband, you saucy cur!”
That will turn your whiskers from gray to blue,
And dye old three score as good as new;
So that your wife will open her eyes
And treat you with coolness, and then surprise,
And at last, as you're sidling up to her,
Cry “I'll call my husband, you saucy cur!”
Or a monochrome landscape, done in an hour,
That looks like a ceiling stained in a shower;
That looks like a ceiling stained in a shower;
Or a ride to Lenox through mire and clay,
Where you may see, through the live long day,
Scores of women with couples of men
Trudging up hill—and down again.
Where you may see, through the live long day,
Scores of women with couples of men
Trudging up hill—and down again.
This is what a dollar will do,
With many things as strange but true;
This very dollar I've got from you—
P. S. We shouldn't mind if you made it two.
With many things as strange but true;
This very dollar I've got from you—
P. S. We shouldn't mind if you made it two.
| The Poetical Works of Oliver Wendell Holmes | |