University of Virginia Library

20. CHAPTER XX.
The guests that Sheppard Lee invited to his wedding.

The appointed hour drew nigh, and all things
had gone on swimmingly with one single exception.
The persecution I had endured from Messrs.
Sniggles, Snip, & Co. the day before, I was fated
once more to endure; for, going home to my lodgings
about dusk to put on my best shirt, I found my
chief creditors assembled in solemn divan, or rather
in warlike ambush; and such a troop of bears
and wolves as they were was perhaps never seen
by an unfortunate gentleman before. What had
brought them together, especially at such an unlucky
moment, it was impossible to divine; but it
seems they had had in consideration the state of
my affairs and prospects, and had just come to the
conclusion, as I entered, that they were none the
better off for the coming of my uncle Wilkins, who
(for it appeared the villain Sniggles had been
sounding him on the subject) had disavowed all
responsibility for my debts, and all disposition to
discharge them, in terms not to be mistaken. It
had just been resolved, nem. con., as the saying is,

that I had cheated them, that I was cheating them,
and that I would cheat them as long as I could, and
that terms, therefore, should be kept with me no
longer.

To this moment my flesh creeps when I think
of the yell the villains set up when I stumbled
among them, and the audacity with which
they heaped on my devoted head their upbraidings,
menaces, and maledictions. They used highly uncivil
language, and some laid their defiling fingers
upon my collar, while all, as with one voice, cried
out to carry me before an alderman, and make a
public spectacle of me at once.

I say my flesh yet creeps while I think of their
ferocious conduct, and I shall remember it to my
death-bed; for of all the various woes and grievances
to which flesh is heir, and which I have had
uncommon opportunities to test, there are none
more truly awful in my recollections than a high
case of dunning.

It was several moments before I could utter a
word in defence; and when I did, having nothing
better to say, I assured the rascals I was just on
the eve of running away with my uncle's daughter,
and of course would be soon able to answer all
their scurvy demands. I told them the time was
fixed, the carriage and parson prepared, and my
fair Pattie in waiting; but, as I had told them many
thousand things before which were not always exactly
true, I found my present assurances received
with so little credit, that I was obliged to give them

ocular proof of my honesty and fair-dealing. I
invited them to follow me to my uncle's door, and
there station themselves until they beheld me come
forth conducting my bride to the carriage; after
which they might, if they would, follow me in like
manner to the parson: and I engaged, in the confidence
of my heart, if I failed to bring out a wife
according to promise, to follow them, without any
further demur, to the alderman, or to old Nick himself,
which was pretty much the same thing.

This proposal, being highly reasonable, was accepted;
and I had the honour of such an escort to
my uncle's doors as was never before enjoyed by a
bridegroom. The only one who did not accompany
me to my uncle's door was Mr. Snip the tailor;
who, passing a house where lived, as he said, a
young lady of his acquaintance, stepped in to show
one of his customer's new coats that he had on,
promising to follow after us in a moment. As my
stars, or the father of sin, would have it, this young
lady was that identical “dear Julia,” his cousin-german,
of whom I spoke before, and whom he
found rustling in satin, just prepared, as she informed
him, to join her dear Alicia Skinner, who
was to be married to the handsome Mr. Dawkins,
at the house of their friend Mrs. Some-one-or-other.

The tailor was thunderstruck, as tailors doubtless
often are; assured the dear Julia she was mistaken,
and acquainted her with the true state of the
case; the result of which was, as may be understood,
when she had carried her news to the expectant

Alicia, a certain scene of a highly interesting
nature. As for Mr. Snip himself, he rushed out of
the house to bring me to an explanation; but when
he reached the party I had already taken refuge in
my uncle's house.