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Horace in London

Consisting of imitations of the first two books of the odes of Horace. By the authors of the rejected addresses, or the new theatrum poetarum [Horace and James Smith]
Smith, Horace (1779-1849)

collapse sectionI. 
BOOK I.
 I. 
ODE I. To John Bull, Esq.
 II. 
ODE II. HURLY BURLY!
 III. 
ODE III. THE BARONET'S YACHT.
 IV. 
ODE IV. BRIGHTON.
 V. 
ODE V. THE JILT.
 VI. 
ODE VI. WALTER SCOTT.
 VII. 
ODE VII. THE OUSTED TREASURER.
 VIII. 
ODE VIII. To HUNTINGDON, the Preacher.
 IX. 
ODE IX. WINTER.
 X. 
ODE X. TRIBUTARY STANZAS to GRIMALDI THE CLOWN.
 XI. 
ODE XI. FORTUNE TELLING.
 XII. 
ODE XII. To Emanuel Swedenborg.
 XIII. 
ODE XIII. THE JEALOUS LOVER.
 XIV. 
ODE XIV. To Mr. KEMBLE,
 XV. 
ODE XV. THE PARTHENON.
 XVI. 
ODE XVI. The EDINBURGH REVIEWERS.
 XVII. 
ODE XVII. THE WELCH COTTAGE.
 XVIII. 
ODE XVIII. MERRY AND WISE.
 XIX. 
ODE XIX. PLEASING PETULANCE.
 XX. 
ODE XX. THE BARD'S BANQUET.
 XXII. 
ODE XXII. THE BAILIFF.
 XXIII. 
ODE XXIII. CUPID'S INVITATION.
 XXIV. 
ODE XXIV. HORNE TOOKE's EPITAPH.
 XXV. 
ODE XXV. MY GODWIN!
 XXVI. 
ODE XXVI. THE STRAW BONNET.
 XXVII. 
ODE XXVII. THE BUMPER TOAST.
 XXVIII. 
ODE XXVIII. LUCRETIUS AND DR. BUSBY.
 XXIX. 
ODE XXIX. The TERMAGANT.
 XXX. 
ODE XXX. PRIVATE BOXES.
 XXXI. 
ODE XXXI. TO APOLLO.
 XXXII. 
ODE XXXII. To the COMIC MUSE.
 XXXIII. 
ODE XXXIII. CROSS PURPOSES.
 XXXIV. 
ODE XXXIV. CŒLEBS IN SEARCH OF A WIFE.
 XXXV. 
ODE XXXV.
 XXXVI. 
ODE XXXVI. THE GAOL DELIVERY.
 XXXVII. 
ODE XXXVII. LOB'S POUND.
 XXXVIII. 
ODE XXXVIII. THE BILL OF FARE.
collapse sectionII. 
BOOK II.
 I. 
ODE I. THE FIRST O. P. WAR.
 II. 
ODE II.
 III. 
ODE III. PHILOSOPHIC ENJOYMENT.
 IV. 
ODE IV. THE ACTRESS.
 V. 
ODE V. THE UNFLEDGED MUSE.
 VI. 
ODE VI. THE CLASSIC VILLA.
 VII. 
ODE VII. AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE.
 VIII. 
ODE VIII. To Mrs. MARY ANNE CLARKE.
 IX. 
ODE IX. THE YOUNG WIDOW.
 X. 
ODE X. TO ROMEO,
 XI. 
ODE XI. The QUIDNUNC.
 XII. 
ODE XII. MISS PUFF.
 XIII. 
ODE XIII. The STOCK JOBBER'S LAMENT.
 XIV. 
ODE XIV.
 XV. 
ODE XV. NEW BUILDINGS.
 XVI. 
ODE XVI. WIT ON THE WING.
 XVII. 
ODE XVII. PENNY WISE AND POUND FOOLISH.
 XVIII. 
ODE XVIII. THE UNANSWERABLE QUERY.
 XIX. 
ODE XIX. COBBETT.
 XX. 
ODE XX. THE LYRICAL LACKEY.

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161

ODE XVII. PENNY WISE AND POUND FOOLISH.

Cur me querelis exanimas tuis.

Why plague me to death with your sighs?
Why mope you thus froward and mulish?
Your Brother, your friend Pennywise
Will never survive his Poundfoolish.
You lose in adventure your gold,
Whilst I half commissions am rich in;
I freeze in the parlour with cold,
You waste all the coals in the kitchen.
So firm our affection, so true,
So constant, or losing or winning,
The blow that demolishes you
Will set all my farthings a spinning.
162

How complex the purse we have spun!
If e'er Liberality sever
The close twisted thread of the one,
The other is ruin'd for ever.
If fever assail me, for thee
Dog cheap with the evil I'll wrestle;
I'll spurn Doctor Bailey to fee
Some second rate knight of the pestle.
Our mother, high wages to save,
Engaged for a nurse a cheap dawdle,
Who hurried her off to the grave,
By giving her gruel for cawdle.
When O. P.s set up a hubbub,
We did not each other as foes treat,
I pack'd off the beefeater's club,
And you rais'd the pillars in Bow Street.
Last week I bespoke me a hearse,
Self Interest whisper'd—Self murder;
But Avarice lurk'd in my purse,
And, lucky escape! overheard her.
163

Our bed is a second-hand tent;
Away with the cushions of comfort!
Do you daub the house with cement,
And I'll burn a coal to Count Rumford.
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