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Horace in London

Consisting of imitations of the first two books of the odes of Horace. By the authors of the rejected addresses, or the new theatrum poetarum [Horace and James Smith]
Smith, Horace (1779-1849)

collapse sectionI. 
BOOK I.
 I. 
ODE I. To John Bull, Esq.
 II. 
ODE II. HURLY BURLY!
 III. 
ODE III. THE BARONET'S YACHT.
 IV. 
ODE IV. BRIGHTON.
 V. 
ODE V. THE JILT.
 VI. 
ODE VI. WALTER SCOTT.
 VII. 
ODE VII. THE OUSTED TREASURER.
 VIII. 
ODE VIII. To HUNTINGDON, the Preacher.
 IX. 
ODE IX. WINTER.
 X. 
ODE X. TRIBUTARY STANZAS to GRIMALDI THE CLOWN.
 XI. 
ODE XI. FORTUNE TELLING.
 XII. 
ODE XII. To Emanuel Swedenborg.
 XIII. 
ODE XIII. THE JEALOUS LOVER.
 XIV. 
ODE XIV. To Mr. KEMBLE,
 XV. 
ODE XV. THE PARTHENON.
 XVI. 
ODE XVI. The EDINBURGH REVIEWERS.
 XVII. 
ODE XVII. THE WELCH COTTAGE.
 XVIII. 
ODE XVIII. MERRY AND WISE.
 XIX. 
ODE XIX. PLEASING PETULANCE.
 XX. 
ODE XX. THE BARD'S BANQUET.
 XXII. 
ODE XXII. THE BAILIFF.
 XXIII. 
ODE XXIII. CUPID'S INVITATION.
 XXIV. 
ODE XXIV. HORNE TOOKE's EPITAPH.
 XXV. 
ODE XXV. MY GODWIN!
 XXVI. 
ODE XXVI. THE STRAW BONNET.
 XXVII. 
ODE XXVII. THE BUMPER TOAST.
 XXVIII. 
ODE XXVIII. LUCRETIUS AND DR. BUSBY.
 XXIX. 
ODE XXIX. The TERMAGANT.
 XXX. 
ODE XXX. PRIVATE BOXES.
 XXXI. 
ODE XXXI. TO APOLLO.
 XXXII. 
ODE XXXII. To the COMIC MUSE.
 XXXIII. 
ODE XXXIII. CROSS PURPOSES.
 XXXIV. 
ODE XXXIV. CŒLEBS IN SEARCH OF A WIFE.
 XXXV. 
ODE XXXV.
 XXXVI. 
ODE XXXVI. THE GAOL DELIVERY.
 XXXVII. 
ODE XXXVII. LOB'S POUND.
 XXXVIII. 
ODE XXXVIII. THE BILL OF FARE.
collapse sectionII. 
BOOK II.
 I. 
ODE I. THE FIRST O. P. WAR.
 II. 
ODE II.
 III. 
ODE III. PHILOSOPHIC ENJOYMENT.
 IV. 
ODE IV. THE ACTRESS.
 V. 
ODE V. THE UNFLEDGED MUSE.
 VI. 
ODE VI. THE CLASSIC VILLA.
 VII. 
ODE VII. AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE.
 VIII. 
ODE VIII. To Mrs. MARY ANNE CLARKE.
 IX. 
ODE IX. THE YOUNG WIDOW.
 X. 
ODE X. TO ROMEO,
 XI. 
ODE XI. The QUIDNUNC.
 XII. 
ODE XII. MISS PUFF.
 XIII. 
ODE XIII. The STOCK JOBBER'S LAMENT.
 XIV. 
ODE XIV.
 XV. 
ODE XV. NEW BUILDINGS.
 XVI. 
ODE XVI. WIT ON THE WING.
 XVII. 
ODE XVII. PENNY WISE AND POUND FOOLISH.
 XVIII. 
ODE XVIII. THE UNANSWERABLE QUERY.
 XIX. 
ODE XIX. COBBETT.
 XX. 
ODE XX. THE LYRICAL LACKEY.

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98

ODE XXXIII. CROSS PURPOSES.

Albi, ne doleas plus nimio, memor.

'Tis folly yourself and your readers to vex,
With verses as feeble and bald as old Q.;
Your Fanny but echoes the creed of her sex,
Preferring a younger Adonis to you.
Amanda, the mild, follows Ned thro' the Park,
From Kensington Gardens to Cumberland Gate,
Yet Ned, an ungrateful and volatile spark,
Adores a virago, and truckles to Kate.
But sooner the shark from West Indian seas,
Shall swim in a bowl, and by children be fed,
Than Kitty, as rampant as Pope's Eloise,
Surrender the mistress, and marry with Ned.
99

So wills Madame Venus: she's ever delighted
To join young and old in one wearisome yoke,
Then tortures the bosom with flames unrequited,
And thinks our misfortunes an excellent joke.
Why cannot I love pretty Susan, or Polly,
Or gentle Nannette, or dear sensitive Jane?
The answer, alas! but exposes my folly—
I court lovely Ellen, and court her in vain.
I'd give all I'm worth to be able to hate her;
She smiles, and I picture consent in her eye,
When, cold and deceitful as ice to a skaiter,
She tempts me to pleasure, but leaves me to die.
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