Times Cvrtaine Drawne :: :: University of Virginia Library

Menippus and Mercator.
Menip.
Helpe (Reuerend Chremes) helpe what shall I doe?
Mine eyes, mine eyes.

Mer.
How now, whats matter now?

Menip.
Oh Chremes helpe me with your Spectacles,
I haue such paine and dimnesse in mine eyes.

Mer.
Dimnesse my Sonne, some cloud, some pannickle,
Some Cataract, perhapps it's but some pearle.
Puluis Benedictus, the Collirium
I cleped Ierosollimitanum
Were excellent; Oculus Christi's sure.

Menip.
True, but my sicknesse ha's indeed no cure.

Mer.
Why thine eyes well.

Menip.
No, there's before mine
A webb, a mist, so rancke, I cannot spie
A Thiefe, that takes my Purse before my face;
A Letcher may from's friend get speciall grace,
A winke, a nodd, a foote, a wringe, a kisse,
Sent by some Childe, yet I see none of this.

Th'vngracious sonne too, for his Syre may dight
The iuyce of Henbane, Poppie, Aconyte,
Cantharides, or Salamanders bloud,
And I taste some, yet call it wondrous good;
A foole may find a Hare beside my nose,
And catch her too; for I am none of those
That can discouer profit, whether 't sayle
I'th likenesse of a Meynard, or a Whale.

Mer.
But where's thy paine then?

Mer.
Marrie Grandsyre this,
Mine eyes they smart to see the happinesse
Of fooles; how prosperous honour follows knaues,
Or when they spie a crew of cringing Slaues,
That to an Idoll bow, and kisse their hand,
That cares not two-pence which of them were hang'd,
So's Lacquey scape, his Cooke, his Horse-keeper,
His Barber, Pander, and his flatterer.
Mine eyes ake too, as oft as they behold
A russet Swaine, his clothes not onely old,
But's selfe growne so with winding at the screw
Of the Lawes Labyrinth: which endlesse tew,
(Like th'webb of Ithaca) many record
Three times t'out-strip Drakes voyage 'bout the world:
I say they ake, when 'gainst the flintie earth.
He knocks his knees, to homage him whose breath
Perhapps must stab him, and with some French friske
Poyson him like a banefull Basiliske.
Nor is the Countrey vtterly exempt
From Obiects too, that breede my discontent.
Mine eyes ake there, as often as I looke
Vpon a Sheepheard, that should with his crooke
Defend his flocke, and driue away the Fox,
To see him mall the same with fatall knocks,

And beat his dogs, and giue the Wolfe that stands
Watching his prey, his young and tender lambs.
Againe mine eyes they paine me wondrous sore,
to see a greasie Lout that ha's more store
Of deadly sinnes then

See Ariosto.

of Diuinity,
For xviii. hundred pound immediately;
Aduanc't into no ordinary chaire,
A fellow that can talke of nought but fare.
Pig, Turquey, Pheasant, wine of Crete or Gaule,
Or

Rhennish.

Heidle-berge, whether's more cordiall.
Potato, Chyna, or Eringian root,
O how my Eyes they start, they sting and shoot
To see this dropsie paunch, that now outswells,
The monstruous belly of Pantagrewells:
Tumbling as in Pontificalibus,
While diuine spirits and ingenious
To him like water Spaniells must croutch loe
To take the ducks of his command.

Mer.
so, so;
I doubt thine eyes be Linceus matches, else
What office hast thou for my Spectacles?

Menip.
Good Sr. I would discouer now with them,
What store of Whales, this yeare there shalbe tane
About the Pole, and whether those that goe
From Brill to yeare shall profit yea or no!

Mer.
Why foole these be not like Prospectiue glasse.

Menip.
No, I know that, most reuerend aged Asse;
And yet with these, thy sight doth farre excell
Cycillian Straboes, that could truely tell
The Ships of Carthage, & thou these neare showes,
What's done within the Compasse of thy house,
And thine owne sheetes: yet canst thou cleerely see,
To Greene-land, Bantham, and there what will be.

The price of Pepper, Cloues and Mace this yeare
And what's like either to be cheape or deare,
In each place of the habitable world,
Such wondrous helpe these spectacles afford.
Thou seest what store of Sables there shall come
From Rhezan, spotted Armines from the Donn.
Thou seest when warres betwixt the Turke shall rise
And Sophie, then, then brasse wil beare good prize.
Thou seest the sugar Canes in Chyna too,
Silke ranke as grasse, which makes thee hunt out so
The North-West passage to preserue the men
That thither may returne, but two of ten
From this lov'd Golgatha. A hundred weight
Of Sugar six pence! why, who would not freight
With all the elements to get to Iapon,
A March-pane three times cheaper then a Capon.
Oh happy Eyes, which certainly will soone
Discouer next new nations in the Moone,
And what commoditie, what quintessence
Of newer traffique may be had from thence.

Mer.
What dost thou mocke me now? Thou meagre spy
Got by consent of some Anatomy,

This is spoken as he is going away in a chafe: expressing the testie Nature of Age. Imprecatio.

Ile teach ye ieast at a Magnifico.

Exit.
Menip.
What are ye gone? stay, let my blessing goe
along with thee; may, may thy gracelesse sonne,
Of all that thou dishonestly hast wonne,
Not leaue a groat: let him make duckes and drakes
Too of thy money, that their flight may take
Into the coffers of safe-keeping Thames,
Then let him lauish out all that remaines

To lull his sences in a Lethargy

It is heere to be vnderstood, the reason why the Satyrist directs his imprecatiō not to himselfe, but to his sonne; it is because nothing can be sayd to an old man, that will so soone moue his patience concerning himselfe, being vpon the point of going hence; as the malediction of his sonne, in whom are laid vp all his hopes, and resemblance of a new life in his posterity: in whom he may be sayd to liue after death, as he deriued from him naturally, breath.

Of pleasure curelesse, vntill beggary,
Nip him by th'sleeue and make him try a friend
In vaine for six-pence; (for, but few will lend
Great summes to desperate debtors): last of all,
Let him die leprous in an Hospitall.

I. H.

FINIS.