Times Cvrtaine Drawne :: :: University of Virginia Library

Indeed I drinke, more to obserue the Times,
And for the loue I beare vnto my friend
To hold him chat, then any other end:
Yea, my Observance tells mee I haue got
More by discoursing sometimes ore a Pot,
Then if I had good-fellowship forsooke,
And spent that houre in poring on a booke.
And this's the cause (we see it now and then)
“The greatest Clerkes are not the wisest men:
Which is confirm'd by Times-experienc'd Schoole,
“The meerest Scholler proues the meerest foole.

Yet to maintaine that Vice I'le ever shon
Which claimes prerogatiue in Albyon:
For know, these Pott-shots, I so much abhorre them
That though in pittie I am sorry for them
So to deforme their forme which is divine,
And make't more like the Image of a Swine;
Yet I so weigh them as they nere shall be
Partners of any secret knowne to mee,
For him my Bosom-friend I'le never make,
Who'le loose his reason for acquaintance sake.
Yet now and then to these men I will show
Some odd respect and spend my pennie too,
To gaine me knowledge of what humours raigne
By my Observance in all sorts of men.
For I doe know no humours euer were,
Which shall not be in part decyphered there.
One you shall see has Crochetts in his braine,
And hopes ere many dayes to Conquer Spaine;
Vp goe his scaling Ladders to the walls,
Which hauing rer'd, this reeling Captaine falls,
And falling thus he cryes to such stand by,
“Souldiers reuenge, your Captaine now must die.
An other's sottish drunke, and hee's for sleepe;
The third so tender-harted he must weepe,
Of which sort I haue knowne some pule and crie,
If they had heard but th'killing of a flie.
The fourth is Courtier-drunke, whose element
Is tyed to Kisses, Congies, Complement,
Of which sort many you shall each where see,
Who spend an houre in making of a knee,
Which hauing done, completely turning round,
It's ten to one they fall vnto the ground.

Once forth I went invited by my friend,
An houre or two in fellowship to spend,
Which were not idely spent, for each was bound,
As he was generous to drinke his round.
So generall grew this same generous health,
As some were faine to get away by stealth,
With many topsie-turvie strange adventures,
'Twixt wall and kennell making long endentures.
Others more wise (tho full as drunke) had care
To keepe their weake brains from the piercing ayre,
And therefore made their Pillow of their capp,
Setling their witts by taking of a napp.
My friend and I who yet had gift to stand
And goe, for we came on the latter hand,
Obseruing this, with one vnited force,
Resolu'd to trie a better and a worse:
To it we went, we two being all were left,
(For all the rest of sense were quite bereft)
Where either call'd for wine that, best did please,
Thus helter skelter drunke wee vpsefrese.
Bring Malmsey, quoth my friend, it's good for th'back,
And I to please my palate call'd for Sack;
So long we Sack't it till our Forts were wonne,
Round run the world, and we both fell downe:
Where whilest we lay (for now the ieast began)
My friend nere shew'd his louing heart till than.
Close 'bout my necke he hung and claspt me fast,
“Vowing his Saint all other Saints surpast,
“And I was Shee: O thou art of that grace,
Thus he began, then rifts he in my face,
As none, ô none, then could he not afford
To gaine a kingdome, halfe another word.

But canst thou loue? to satisfie his choice,
I told him Yes, faining a Womans voice:
For I had so much sense left in my braine,
As I resolu'd to trie his Cupping vaine;
Then vp he counts (tho wine of wit had reft him)
How many farmes his Father now had left him,
All which (quoth he) must to our heires succeede,
Which I found true, for All came vp indeede:
Beside, and happie may that word betide,
“For of that All came vp, some fell beside,
Which, if it had nor had a speedie vent,
Had gon well nie t'haue drown'd his beauteous Saint.
Thus lay we long like Images of death,
Whilest the fat Lubber prest me vnderneath;
Stirre could I not, so motionlesse was I,
Whilest he did coll and kisse me louingly;
Yea, I am perswad'd, if the Drawer had not come,
As good hap was, into our forlorne roome,
By kisses store (so kinde a heart had he)
He had gone nere in time to stifle mee,
For breathlesse I could neither speake nor moue me,
So heauie was the Block that lay aboue me.
At last releas'd, and both vpon our feete,
To quench the passion of our Loue-sicke heate,
On tearmes of friendship, now to make an end,
I was coniured by my Kissing friend
To pledge him but one Health, and then depart,
Which if I did Is'de ever haue his hart,
I gaue assent; the Health, fiue sences were,
(Though scarce one sence did 'twixt vs both appeare)
Which as he drunk I pledg'd; both pledg'd & drunk,
Seeing him now full-charg'd, behinde I shrunke,

Whilest hee his meaning copiously displaide,
And in the Chimney all his senses laide.
Nay, then good-night (quoth I) I will not stay
With him that casts his senses so away,
For this in me Experience begitts,
“He cannot loue his friend that loaths his witts.
Yet as a friend I caus'd him to be led,
In a magestick sort vnto his bed,
For hauing left his senses there behinde him,
I plac't him there, that they next Morne might finde him.
“Thus much for Humours which so diuerse be,
“As in each Subiect there's varietie,
“All which obseru'd with apprehensiue eyes,
“May add vnto the knowledge of the wise;
For weake's his iudgement or deprau'd's his will,
“Cannot extract good from apparent ill.

FINIS.