![]() | Beasts at law, or zoologian jurisprudence | ![]() |
“It will turn out in evidence,
That Canis, prior to this offence,
Was guardian of a certain flock.
And, what may well your lordship shock,
The plaintiff was a member there,
And fed beneath his watchful care.
That, under friendship's false pretence,
He treacherously allured her thence,
And when they were retired apart,
Declared the purpose of his heart,
Which was....I blush the fact to mention....
Which was....a criminal connection
In legal parlance known, my lord,
By crim....no, stuprum, that's the word.
This not succeeding, he'd recourse,
As evidence will show, to force;
The extent of which will soon appear,
By testimony ready here;
And force, of any kind or sort,
If proven, will the charge support.
Now if the facts I've heard related
Turn out to be correctly stated,
This Mastiff must, without a doubt,
Deserve a cudgel, whip, or knout;
But, sapient Bulls, it is for you
To say how many blows are due;
Or whether crimes like fornication
Ought not to hurl him from his station.
'Tis true, the flock beneath his care,
Will try to lighten this affair;
For they, though oft insulted too,
Forgive and love, as spaniels do.
And lies are also set afloat
About this chaste and virtuous goat:
The time elapsed, since first offended,
Before complaint, will be extended,
And urged against the plaintiff's plea,
As proof to set the prisoner free.
These circumstances all demand
An explanation at our hand,
Which shall be given, when we'll show
The Goat did....what one ought to do;
She'd no desire to bring to shame
Her watchful shepherd, though to blame;
Till his repeated insults wrung
The story from her modest tongue.
That Canis, prior to this offence,
Was guardian of a certain flock.
And, what may well your lordship shock,
The plaintiff was a member there,
And fed beneath his watchful care.
16
He treacherously allured her thence,
And when they were retired apart,
Declared the purpose of his heart,
Which was....I blush the fact to mention....
Which was....a criminal connection
In legal parlance known, my lord,
By crim....no, stuprum, that's the word.
This not succeeding, he'd recourse,
As evidence will show, to force;
The extent of which will soon appear,
By testimony ready here;
And force, of any kind or sort,
If proven, will the charge support.
Now if the facts I've heard related
Turn out to be correctly stated,
This Mastiff must, without a doubt,
Deserve a cudgel, whip, or knout;
But, sapient Bulls, it is for you
To say how many blows are due;
Or whether crimes like fornication
Ought not to hurl him from his station.
'Tis true, the flock beneath his care,
Will try to lighten this affair;
For they, though oft insulted too,
Forgive and love, as spaniels do.
And lies are also set afloat
About this chaste and virtuous goat:
The time elapsed, since first offended,
Before complaint, will be extended,
And urged against the plaintiff's plea,
As proof to set the prisoner free.
17
An explanation at our hand,
Which shall be given, when we'll show
The Goat did....what one ought to do;
She'd no desire to bring to shame
Her watchful shepherd, though to blame;
Till his repeated insults wrung
The story from her modest tongue.
![]() | Beasts at law, or zoologian jurisprudence | ![]() |