University of Virginia Library

Sce. 8.

Anteros. Loueall.
Ant.
Yet stay a little, who is this? hee's gone.
Once more the coast is cleare, now I'le aduenture
Towards the Sheepheards doore: not farre from hence
Hid in a thicket I haue prouided for me
A Sheepheards robes, these, if I can preuaile
With this same Stipes for to vndertake
A Seruant of my commendation,
Will I streight leape into, and so remaine
Disguis'd with him, for (as I vnderstand)
The family doth consist of himselfe and's dog,
As for his wife shee seldome is at home
Being a famous Midwife. Blessed house!
Surely in such a place Hippolytus
Did hunt away his solitary howers.
But I forget (tick tock) why Sheepheard, Stipes. How?
Not yet awake?

Lou.
Is not this Anteros?

Enter Loueall.
Ant.
How I was dealt withall by nature when
Shee molded this same lumpe of clay together,
And season'd it with soule, I know not, but
Let mee get out o'th world with obloquy
If euer I could find in all the herd
Of woman-kind yet so much excellence
As could procure a sigh, or kindle in mee
The least sparke of a desire.

Lou.
Tis he, his phrase
Betrayes him.

Ant.
I confesse like Whelps or Kitlings
Whilst they are young, and suck, and doe not know
The vse of tongue, they're pretty creatures, and
They may be look'd vpon without the danger
Of either stoole or vomit—but—

Lou.

But—
VVell Sir Ruffian, I hope to see this Blasphemy of yours against
that feathered Deity sent home with a shaft in your bosome for
interest erelong.

Ant.

VVhat my little vbiquitary Loueall?
my Page of the Smock? my commodity aboue staires? my Court
Shittlecocke? tost from one Lady to an other? The Kernell of thy
gloue sweete Iack.

Lou.

Take shell and all.

Ant.

Why here's a Parcell of mans flesh of another temper
now, that has the art of placeing his affections wisely,
can loue one because shee's faire, a second because shee's modest,
and has his packets of reasons in readinesse too; if he meetes
with a wanton Girle; that property takes him, there is
hope of actiuity, shee will not fill a bed like Pygmalions
Image before hee sacrificed to Venus: if shee bee rude, and
ignorant, her harmelesse simplicity catches him; he loues this for
the gracefull writhing of her neck; another because she can vayle
her borrowed teeth neatly with her Fanne when shee venters at
laughter: nothing can scape him, euery part of woman is full
of limetwigs to him: which though it bee an humour contrary
to mine, who care for none, yet I like it farre aboue your whining
constancy as sauouring more of the Man.

Lou.

True. For
why should I confine my loue to one Circle? we see that laborious
creature the Bee, which is often set before vs for a Coppy
of industry, not alwayes droaning vpon one flower, but as soone
as shee has suckt the sweetnesse from one, throwes her little
ayrie body vpon a second, and so to a third, till at last she comes
home with her thighes laden with that pretty spoyle.

An.

VVell said my Loueall, I perceiue thou wilt neuer dye
for loue then.

Lou.

No, If I doe, let me lye when I am dead
by that Cynick Philosopher with a staffe in my hand, to fright
the beaftsand fowles from my vnburied carkasse.—

But is there any newes I pray thee growne
Vp in this country since I went to court?

Ant.
O tanto e piu.
First Cleopes your sisters Louer—

Lou.
VVhat? he is not dead I hope?

Ant.
I would he were.
Is gone, has forsooke her.

Lou.
How?

Ant.
And she forsooth
Since his departure has betooke her selfe
Vnto a veyle, silence, and teares; in which
Monastick habit shee does spend her dayes.
I doe but tell you by tradition Sir,
Not from my selfe; but this I can assure you,
It is with vs the Parenthesis of eating.

Lou.
Ther's nothing man within mee. After such vowes?
Such protestations? but the Gods make Loueall
No creature, if he does not suffer for't,
Buy this disloyalty of his, at a deare rate.

Ant.
Can you be quiet? next your faire Kinswoman
Sweete Mistris Vrsly (who without all question
Was Kitlin to Nib, o'th Queene of Faries Kitchin,
Sent to your Vncle for a Newyeeres gift
Vpon exchange by the Else) has the Parsonage
Old Liuely liues in hung on her crooked back;
With which faire baite, your good and vertuous Vncle
Does angle for some young and hungry Scholler,
And daily expects the taking of the Gudgeon.
This very houre no lesse then 6 or 7
Are nibling at it, but the hooke is seene;
Your Vncle is not cunning in his fishing,
And so I pray you tell him—

Lou.
But stay Anteros.
I haue discouer'd (vnlesse mine eyes deceiue me)
A stranger thing then is all this you told mee,
What's that i' your hatt? tis not a Valentine
I hope?

Ant.
But I haue got a counter hope
Against that hope of yours; I hope it is.

Lou.
But art thou turn'd a Louer? hast thou got
A Mistris? thou a Mistris? let me see
That I may worship that great name, that has
Begot this miracle in thee.

Ant.
Away,
Keepe backe those common eyes, they be prophane.

Lou.
By all the lips of honour I must see't.

Ant.
Come you haue learn'd such perfum'd oathes at Court,
By all their Feather-men and Tire-women,
Boxes of fucus, cabinets for cerusse—
Nay looke you now—not for a million.

Lou.
For a farre lesser summe sweete Sir nay come
I must and will.

Ant.
Death! what a mad man's this?
Why if you must and will, then see.

Lou.
What's here?
Rex et regina magnæ Britanniæ? what's this? what's this?
What are the King and Queene thy Valentines? ha, ha, he.

Ant.
Yes marry are they; why doe you laugh so Loueall?

Lou.
Who can refraine? ha, ha, he.

Ant.
For whom should I admire
Loue, or adore more? I tell thee Iack, I care not
For such poore weake Idolaters that lye prostrate
To euery little Starre that can but twinkle;
Those petty votaries of Egypt, which
Worship the Onion and the Leeke—for mee
I will not bend a knee vnlesse it be
Vnto the Sun or Moone.

Lou.
Thou art mad, starke mad,
A citizen of Bedlam.

Ant.
I am mad,
Yes, Yes, I am. You then that are so wise
He puls him back.
Enioy your wisedomenesse alone—farewell.

Lou.
Come back ith' name of goodnesse—Anteros—

Ant.
My company may infect you Sir, I am mad.

Lou.
What is my little boy growne sullen now,
And will not eate its dinner?

Ant.
Well, what then?

Lou.
This day my Anteros I will dedicate
To thee and laughter, to morrow I will study
Some deepe reuenge for my abused sister
Vpon that villaine; but no more, thy hand.
Shall wee be merry and laugh each man his rubber?

Ant.
I'me for you for a single game or so.

Lou.
VVell, shall I make a motion then? stay you
He offers to goe out hastily.
But here a little.

Ant.
Call you this a motion?
One word before you trauaile, whether now?

Lou.
I will returne immediatly.

Ant.
So you shall.
He offers againe and Anteros puls him back.
Speake ere you goe.

Lou.
VVell, if I must I wil.
Last night it was my chance to ouertake
Vpon the way a brace of fine tame fooles,
Which I haue brought along with me, these now
He offers to go, Anteros pulls him backe.
Will I goe fetch vnto thee.

Ant.
Peraduenture.
Surely the man has Quicksiluer in's heeles.
I pray thee tell me, what are they for creatures?

Lou.
Wee shall loose time.

Ant.
Rather shall gaine it Sir.

Lou.
The first of them is a fine spiced gallant,
One that has beene some three yeares in codling
At th'Innes o'th' Court, and (as hee tells me) intends
To lye, and soake a while to make him rellish
In the rose-water of a Knighthood, strew'd
O're with the Sugar of a yearely rent
Of some nine hundred—after the old mans death.
And all this cookery is to please the pallate
Of some nice Minion, who to make her weight
Drags peraduenture some three thousand after her.

The thing (to doe it right) beside the managing of it's rapier, and
a pretty competencie of play parcels, can salute you, and take
it's leaue of you in French, but so miserably harsh that any one
may conclude, hee neuer trauail'd for his language further then
Littleton—He—

Ant.

Is a very asse, no more of him;
but what's the other?

Lou.

His kinsman. What hee is now he
knowes not himselfe, else he would haue tolde me, but he has
beene a Lawyers Clerke in's dayes, his prattle is altogether about
the complections, and hee will reade you a lecture of simple bawdery
for some two houres in your eare if you'l suffer him, and after
all this, he feeles you by the nose, and cryes Marke the end
on't.

Ant.

And is this all? giue me thy hand, I haue a brace of
the like creatures at my seruice. I will play with thee from a
Stiuer to a Guilder, from a Guilder to a Doller, from a Doller to a
French crowne, from a French crowne to a pound, from a pound, to
a hundred (marke what I say) in the way of friendship, with
those two grand coxcombes thou hast all to be worded so.

Lou.

You will, are you so confident?

Ant.

Yes marry am I.
Onely I will not cloy you with an inuentory of your dishes before
hand, take this in briefe. One of them is a Scholler newly
warme in a lambskin, Nephew to old bully Liuely, at whose house
they are both now, the other is an elder brother, and an heire,
and he shall tell you so as soone as he sees you. But stay where
shall our Campus Martius be?

Lou.

No place better then this,
but speake the houre.

Ant.

Let me see, [Hee lookes vpon his

watch]
'tis iust eight now, some halfe an houre after nine I will
not faile.

Lou.

To bring your champions with you.

Ant.

Or
else I'le make good the place my selfe, which I would be loath
to doe I tell you.

Exit.
Lou.
My first worke now is for to see my Vncle,
And as I heare my melancholly sister.
That done through the backe doore that leades to th'Stables
(where they are taking order for their horses.)
I will goe visite my two creatures and
Prepare them for the Combat.