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Which set to sale the livings of the Church.
(Oh are you here my daughter? wipe your nose;)
I take no bonds in secret, sell no horse
For his price centuple, nor doe I send
The eager suiters up unto my Lady,
That she might judge which is the better gifted.
(Sir if your father will be bound to pay
Hee takes Stuc. aside.
The first yeeres revenues, you are the man shall speed,
A reservation of mine owne tithes too
Must be concluded on before you haue it)
But as a true lover of vertue, doe
Chuse rather to conferre a double good
Then the least dammage on the man I deale with.
Behold my young and tender daughter here;
I doe confesse shee's not the rarest piece
That ever nature drew, nor is it fit
That such as you, who either are, or should be
Wedded unto your Bookes, should haue a lowd
And clamorous beautie to disturbe your studies.
You need not feare the thought of her perfections
Will call you from a piece of Greeke to reade
Miracles in her face. Hold up your head,
Enter Liuely.
And tell me now which of this goodly troupe
You haue most mind to, for on him will I
Bestow old Liuely's Parsonage, and thee
In Marriage.

Liue.
Excellent, excellent good, ha, ha, he.

Vrse.
I will haue Anteros, Terpanders sonne.

Hoo.
Let me not heare another syllable,
You peevish girle, you; you haue Anteros?
What doe you weepe? no more: come on your wayes,
And sit you downe here by me, while your Suiters
Explaine themselues and their good parts before you.

Vrs.
Father, huff, huff, I will none of those two men
With the short haire, doe what you can I will not.

Hoo.
Why so my daughter? peace.

Vrs.
Huff, huff,—because I know
As well as can be by their lookes, that they
Cannot containe themselues within an houre,
And you doe know I cannot hold my wa—

Hoo.
Peace thou most arrant foole, before your wooers
Thus to proclaime your imperfections?

Live.
Ha, ha, he: another bout with my conserues for that;
This box shall add three moneths unto my life,
He eats conserues.
And this same slice of Quinces seven. I, I,
Begin to pleade, doe, doe.

Zeal.
My sweetest Mistresse,
This fellow speakes thorow the nose.
I will divide this my Oration
Iust into three and thirtie parts, all which
With your vouchsafed patience at this time
I will runne through.

Hoo.
The candle of the day
Will burne within the socket, ere thou'st done;
I pray thee leaue.

Zeal.
No sir, I will not leaue,
I am not yet arrived at the poynt.

Gan.
And he doth use to tyre all his hearers.

Hoo.
Oh; he hath don't already, don't already

Zeal.
Besides all this—

Hoo.
Now out upon his lungs,
My dinner will bee spoyl'd, the capon burnt,
The beefe as blacke as mummy; this mans breath
Will blast them all.

Live.
Ha, ha, he.

Hoo.
Hast thou ta'ne Orders fellow?

Zea.
If't please you, no.

Hoo.
Did'st e're preach?

Zea.
Onely one Sermon Sir
For approbation to a female Audience.
But I haue heere letters of commendation
From seventeene honest men of good report
Amongst their neighbours.

Hoo.
Spare your paines good sir.

Tem.
As for my selfe, fayre Gentlewoman,
This is hoarse.
I cannot but inveigh against these times
Wherein—

Hoo.
What sayes hee?

Arth.
If it please your Worship,
Ha's lost his voyce with rayling against Bishops,
And the fayre discipline of the Church.

Hoo.
Oh villaine,
Command him silence.

Stuch.
'Tis a courtesie sir
You inflict upon him, tis not a punishment.

Gan.
The holy Matrons now will rob their husbands
To contribute to the afflicted Saint.

Live.
And think they merit in it. But no more;
I will goe gull them all, and presently.—
o—o—o—o—oo—ooo—
The longest day I see will haue his euening,
o—o—o—oo—o—ooo—

Hoo.
But see old Liuely; stand close and obserue.

Liu.
O! now the wisht for minute does approach
Which I so long haue wayted for, and not I
Alone—but let them now enjoy their wishes.
o—o—oo—ooo—
I feele my heart-strings crack, and the whole lumpe
Groanes for a speedy dissolution.

Ho.
How's this? but yesterday he was in's sacke,
Told me he hop'd to liue to eate a Goose
Which graz'd upon my graue: so suddenly?

Liu.
Haue I no friends about me? must I goe
Out of the world in private thus? from home?
Without one friend to take his leaue of me?
Kind Iustice Hooke, O that good man Mr. Hooke.

Hoo.
Peace, not a word: what does he name me for?

Liue.
Would thou wast here, but to participate
Of my last dying breath, I would pronounce thee
Mine heyre in totall.

Hoo.
Beare witnesse Gentlemen—
Good Mr. Liuely, 'lasse how fares it with you?

Liue.
Whoe's that names me?

Hoo.
He whom you ask'd for,
Sacriledge Hooke.

Liue.
Sacriledge Hooke's mine heyre,
he fals down as if he were dead.
And so farewell thou false and flattering world.

Arth.
Alasse hee's dead.

Ho.
Peace, not so lowd for feare you call him back.
Yee all can beare me record I'me his heyre.

All.
Wee can.

Hoo.
Why Robert, Oliver,
Runne to the Church immediately, and cause
The bell bee tould with speed: old Mr. Liuely
Is newly dead—Alas, I can but weepe
To view this spectacle of mortalitie,
And I haue cause to spend some teares for him—ha ha he.

Arth.
I doubt he is not fully dead yet Patron,
Shall I make sure work with him? giue him a knock?

Hoo.
Offer no violence vnto the dead
I charge you, 'tis as bad as sacriledge,
Which I haue alwayes hated.

Liue.
So has the Devill.

Gan.
Sweet Mistris Vrsely.

Zeal.
Fairest Lady.

Temp.
Stay,
No haste good sir.

Arth.
But by your leaue sweet sir.

Hu.
Tis I haue right unto her, shee's a creature,
And you are one o'th wicked.

Stutch.
Out thou rascall that liv'st upon thy rayling;
Good Mistris Vrsely,—
They all lay hold on her.
I haue a share therein.

Mrs Vrse.
VVhy father, father,
O me, me, me, they'le pull mee into pieces;
O my hand, O my arme, my arme, O my backe.

Liue.
Ha, ha, he.

Hoo.
Forbeare this rudenesse gentlemen, my daughter
Shall haue her choyce; these are not wayes to gaine her,
They must bee gentle, soft behaviours
That winne a woman, not such boysterous Rhetoricke.—
But harke, the bell doth toll: I'le presently
Goe seize upon his goods and chattell,

Liu.
Ha?
he rises.
And will you so? but I doe know a tricke
VVorth twenty of that.—I pray good Mr Hooke,
VVhom toll's this bell for?

Hoo.
Oh! for my hopes,
VVhat does hee liue againe?

Liu.
And liues to laugh at thee, and at thy basenesse,
Covetous wretch. Ha, ha, he.
Sir, as I take it I may change my will. Ha, ha, he.

Hoo.
Oh what a knaue is this? a ranke old knaue?
A stinking knaue? a knaue in graine? fie, fie,
That I should thus bee guild? follow me daughter,
And you Gentlemen.

Liue.
Ha, ha, ha, Away you Ravens,
I'le make yee all goe barefoot yee young villaines.

Hee beats them in with his staffe.