University of Virginia Library

Sce. 6.

Iustice Hooke, Terpander, Anteros Mrs. Vrsly.
Hooke.
Terpander, you haue heard how much this match
May both concerne you and your Sonne, your fortunes:
The greater part of your inheritance
You know is mortgag'd to mee, nay (Ile tell you)
If I would vse that rigour of the law
'Tis forfeited and past recouery;
Thinke therefore quickly, if you would be free
From all those cares and troubles which afflict
Such as do liue in debt, compell your Son
To marry this my daughter.

Ant.
I am a witch,
A witch, a witch a rancke, starke stinking witch.

Hooke.
It is an ample dowrie I confesse,
And litle 'tis agreeing to my nature
To buy a husband at so deare a rate,
But I haue something that sounds father in mee;
And must not loose a daughter, if there bee
A remedy in nature. True it is,
That (by what angry Deity I know not)
Shee has so fixt her loue vpon your Son,
That I doe thinke naught but a quick fruition
Can rescue her from a death.

Ter.
Good Iustice Hooke,
I doe confesse your offer's fayre, and would
Accept it willingly but that—

Hooke.
But what?

Ter.
I feare my Son will not agree vnto't.

Ant.
Sir had you ta'ne an oath vpon the same
I would haue borne your sin, had you beene puriur'd.

Ter.
You know he hates all women.

Hooke.
very good.
Is he not your's, and vnder your command?
Wee fathers make our children refractory,
By being too indulgent over them;
Besides, I am perswaded that his vertues
Will not permit him for to contradict
Th'authority of a father.

Ant.
O ye Gods
Can ye permit this Villaine to profane
The sacred name of Vertue thus, who himselfe
Is nothing elss but a meere heape of vices?

Ter.
I ever yet found him obedient,
Nor doe I doubt to win him now: how ever,
I am resolv'd if he in this shall crosse me,
I'le disinherit him immediatly.

Ant.
I? is it come to that already? well
Prepare thy selfe now Anteros for th'encounter.

Hooke.
But see your sonne. Tis your best course at first
T'accost him gently.

Ter.
How now my son? how fare you?

Ant.
I am not well sir.

Ter.
How not well? your colour
Does not proclaime you very sicke, but say.

Ant.
Ther's something in my eyes that troubles me.

Ter.
What's that?

Ant.
A mote, a woman.

Ter.
After the old fashiō still?
Come on my son, I haue bin seeking of you,
And peradventure you may guesse the cause,

Ant.
I would I could not.

Hooke.
Hold up your head my daughter
And summon your best lookes in to your face.

Ter.
As I did walke even now into my pasture,
I did begin to thinke.

Ant.
That I was old,
That must be next.

Ter.
That now I'me strucke in yeares;

Ant.
Good, strucke in yeares;
And could he not as frugally have dispatcht it
In that one word of old?

Ter:
And—

Ant:
That it will be a comfortable sight
To see you married before I dye.

Ter:
That it will be a comfortable sight
To see you marryed before my death.

Ant:
I told you so, it is the common roade
Which they all use when they would pin a wife
Vpon the son. I wonder all this while
The staffe of's age, propp of his family
Did not come in.

Ter:
Whilest I was thinking thus,
Old justice Hooke, a Gentleman of rancke,
And of a family not to be despis'd,
Came to me with his daughter, and desir'd
Our friendship and affinitie; and to be briefe,
We haue concluded 'twixt yee two a marriage,
Which must be present; as for the portion,
H'as promis'd in the wedding fire to sacrifice
The Bonds wherein our Lands stand forfeited.
A thing beyond my hopes, or your deserts.

Ant.
A pox upon that thumbe under the girdle
There's mischiefe ever toward's: I never knew
One of that garbe that prov'd an honest man.
'Tis the graue cheating posture of the citie.

Ter.
What's that you mutter to your selfe? come speake.

Ant.
I am contented sir.

Ter.
Well said my son.

Ant.
But upon this condition, that it shall
Be lawfull too for me to sacrifice
Vnto the aforesaid fire a certaine trifle
Of mine.

Ho.
Whats that?

Ant.
My wife, & your faire daughter.

Ter.
Out on you traytor.

Ant.
Sir, by yea and nay
It cannot be afforded cheaper.

Hoo.
Wretch
And profane person.

Ter.
Sai'st thou so thou villaine?
Hast thou no more regard unto thy father,
Nor to his shipwrackt fortunes, that thou thus
Do'est studie his undoing? plot his ruine?

Ant.
But father, if I marry her to day,
When must the wooing be? to morrow sir?

Hoo.
Thou shalt not need to wooe her Anteros,
Shee is thine owne already.

Ant.
Is shee so?
Would you was hang'd sir for the newes.

Ter.
Pish, dome,
I will not spend an article of ayre
Vpon him more—good Mr Hooke lets goe,
The following houre shall see him no son of mine.

Hoo.
O, mildly sir.

Ant.
It is determined
By all the starres, they haue consulted, plotted
To make me miserable.

Hoo.
Come Terpander,
You are too harsh with him, I know your sonne
Does more esteeme of Vertue and Religion—

Ant.
Good Master Sacriledge, a word in private
(A little farther, yet a little farther)
How came you by that strange exotick word
You us'd but now? had you'r on interest?
Or was it lent you gratis of a friend?

Hoo.
What word good Anteros?

Ant.
Religion.
For I am sure yet thou never hadst,
Nor ever wilt haue any of thine owne.

Hoo.
O profane person!

Ter.
This once I speake it.
Wilt haue his daughter?

Ant.
What shall I answer him?
I shall be dis-inherited that's certaine.

Ter.
He melts, Mr Hooke, hee melts, I feele him comming.
Hee is our owne.

Ant.
But why so suddenly?
Good sir, at least giue me some time to think.

Ter.
Never hope it.

Ant.
But why sir to day?

Ter.
Because it pleaseth him it most concernes.

Ant.
Doe but deferr it till to morrow sir,
(Could I obtaine but this request, I was happy,
aside.
I'de keepe to morrow in another world)

Ter.
Vntill to morrow? not for an houre: I know
Your disposition sonne too well for that.
I haue you now, but where you'l be next day,
Hee's wiser then your father that does know.

Ant.
But father, I beseech you heare.

Ter.
But son
I will not heare, I tell you. Master Hooke,
You here doe giue your daughter?

Hoo.
Willingly.
Anteros, receiue thy loving wife.

Ter.
How now?
You will not urge me?—goe too, doe not doe it.

Ant.
O that mine armes are now at libertie!
O Stipes, happiest man aliue, thou hast
No hands to make a contract,—is there never
A Mouse-hole hereabouts to creepe into?
But stay awhile, my paper portion.
The writings.

Hoo.
Take them.

Ant.
You'r an honest man.
[He giues them him, & Ant. teares thē in pieces.]
Tis right.

Hoo.
Now take your wife.

Ant.
I wish you a Barber sir.
Is that faire Edifice yours?

Hoo.
It is my sonne.

Ant.
Gooder and gooder still; my son? then take
My counsell sir, go to your house and purge,
You will be mad else presently; prevent
The current of the humour, for I see
(With that poore little reading which I haue
I'th volume of man) by your distempered looks,
That some strange deepe, and conquering Melancholy
E 're long will seize you: why doe you follow me
Thus with your braided ware? nay never frowne,
Good Mr Iustice, let's haue no Warrants made,
Nor Mittimusses with your distorted lookes;
Wee haue a forehead too, and can looke grim,
And make as ugly and prodigious faces,
As the most ignorant Iustice of you all.
But shall I tell you (sweet Mr Velvet-hose)
What I will doe, because you were so kind,
For to deliuer in the Bonds for nothing?
Nay sir, I must transplant these thumbes, before
I can resolue you: so.—Thou'rt a damn'd rascall,
And I will cut that throat of thine (doe you marke?)
And when I'ue done, will fillip that morsell, woman,
On an embassage to my Hawkes, no more;
By heauens I'le do't.

Hoo.
On Traytor, Miscreant,
Daughter take heed; Terpander, O Terpander,
He threatens me to cut my throat.

Ter.
How's that?

Ant.
Sir, you must pardon him, the man is mad.

Hoo.
He sweares he will make hawkesmeat of my daughter.

Ant.
On my virginitie sir, he does me wrong;
I did not charge a syllable upon him,
But fell as coolely from me as a dow
Vpon a drooping field; each word I vented
VVas steep'd in an hony-combe. I did but bid him
In a plaine, civill dialect to provide
An other husband for his daughter: for
I doubted that I should not be at leasure
This brace or two of yeeres to marry her.
And I may tell you sir, indeed I cannot.

Hoo.
O, O, am undone, cheate! and gull'd, undone,
Villaine I'le bind thee to thy good behaviour.

Ant.
I would you could sir, I would thank you for't:
But fie M. Hooke, a head of that silver dye,
A beard of such an honourable length,
For to bee gull'd? and so egregiously?
By a young man with ne're a haire o'ns face?

Ter.
Come sonne, I doe not like these courses, nor
Doe they become a Gentleman, I'le not haue
That contumely dwell our family,
That we should use such indirect proceedings
For to reedifie our tottering fortunes.
By all the Magicke in the name of Father
I doe conjure thee; by this aged head,
And these gray hayres, by thy dead Mothers Vrne,
By all her cares and feares, by what is dearest
Vnto thy soule, I charge thee, take his daughter.

Ant.
Without all question I am the first, the first
That ever pierie has made miserable.
Well Master Hooke, you see what may be done,
VVhat angry spirits a man may lay, while he
Does stand secure within the circle of father.
Your daughter I will haue; onely know this,
There is another thing which belongs to her,
Which I must haue too, that's the Parsonage;
'Twas ever yet allotted for her portion,
And I expect my right.

Hoo.
How? woe is me,
I am undone.

Ant.
Before I stretch forth a paw
Towards her, i'le haue it.

Vrs.
Father, good father let him,
He will go back from's word els.

Ho.
Well, he shall haue it.
Hold: by the vertue of this writing, it
Is lawfull for you (after old Liuelyes death)
For to present the first Fy, fy, fy, fy.
I had this drawne (alas) for another end.

Ant.
My law does tell mee it will doe. Come on,
Since there's no remedy, let's even to't.
Yes hangman, I forgiue thee heartily,
'Tis but thy office.

Hoo.
Come Terpander, we
VVill keepe the wedding at my house, but heare you?
The cost and charges shall be yours.

Ter.
Agreed,
Most willingly. Follow me sonne and daughter.

[She sits downe, & puls stones out of her pocket]
Vrse.
Come husband Anteros, will you play at chackstones
VVith me?

Ant.
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
I will bee there immediatly: nay goe.