University of Virginia Library

SCENE III.

Enter LYCUS.
Lyc.
Captain, I'll soon return—I fain would find
[speaking to Anthemonides within.]
Some pleasant rogues to make a jolly party.
Mean while they'll bring the entrails; and I fancy
The girls will be return'd from sacrifice.
But what's this croud? Do they bring any thing?
And who is he in regimentals there?
He is not of Ætolia.

Wit.
Save you, Lycus.
The compliment goes somewhat 'gainst the grain,
For pandars are a set of people, we
Have no great love for—

Lyc.
As it cannot be,
I wish you happy: but I'm very sure
Fortune will not permit it to be so—

Wit.
That's a fool's treasure hoarded in his tongue,
That thinks it profit to abuse his betters.

Lyc.
The man who does not know his way to sea,
Should always take a river for his guide.
I knew not how before to abuse you well;
You're rivers, and I'll surely follow you.
Bless you? I'll follow as your banks shall lead.
Curse you? You'll find me treading in your steps.

Wit.
To serve the bad, and hurt the good, alike
Is dangerous—

Lyc.
How so?

Wit.
I'll tell you how.
Do a bad man a service, 'tis all lost:
Injure the good, your grief will last an age—

Lyc.
Wittily said!—But how concerns it me?

Wit.
'Twas your concern that brought us for your sake,
Although we do not much admire your pandars.

Lyc.
If you bring ought of good, I thank you for it.

Wit.
Good of our own we neither bring nor give,
Nor promise you; nor wish you good from others—

Lyc.
Troth, I believe you now—So great's your bounty.
But what d'ye want?—

Wit.
This man that you see here
In regimentals, Mars is angry with.

Lyc.
Would he were so with you!

Wit.
We bring him, Lycus,
To you for slaughter.

Col.
[aside.]
So—To-day the sportsman
Will have some game to carry home—The dogs
Will fairly drive the wolf into the toils.

Lyc.
Who is he?

Wit.
All we know of him is this:
Going to port, long after break of day,
We saw him landing from a merchant man.
He came to us directly from the ship;
Saluted us—which we return'd.

Col.
The rogues!—
How artfully they enter on the plot!

[aside].
Lyc.
What follow'd?—

Wit.
Why he join'd discourse with us—
Told us he was a stranger; with the town
Quite unacquainted: wish'd some place convenient
To indulge his taste—We've brought the man to you;
And, if the gods be but propitious to you,
Here is the rarest opportunity to make
Your market—

Lyc.
Ay—Is he so very eager?

Wit.
He's flush of money.

Lyc.
Yes, I have him sure.

Wit.
In love and wine he'd fain indulge himself.

Lyc.
A dainty place I'll find for him.

Wit.
But he
Desires to be quite private; none to know it,
No looker on—For, as he says himself,
He was a soldier of king Attalus
In Sparta; and fled thence but now, the city
Having surrendered—

Col.
Soldiers excellent!
Sparta tops all—

Lyc.
May gods and goddesses
Rain blessings on you for your good advice,
And giving to our hands so rich a prey—

Wit.
Besides, he has brought home provender, he tells us,
Three hundred pieces, golden Philippæans,
To be receiv'd the better—

Lyc.
I'm a king,
If I can draw this fellow in to-day.

Wit.
He's certainly your own—

Lyc.
I beg, by Hercules!
You'd recommend my house; it is the best.

Wit.
'Tis unbecoming us, or to persuade
Or to dissuade a stranger—If you're wise,
Do your own business—We have lur'd the ring-dove
Quite to your barn-floor—If you'd have him caught,
Best now yourself to catch him.

Lyc.
Are you going
So soon—

Col.
The affair I have intrusted to you,
My friends—

Wit.
You'd better talk to him, young man.
He is well skill'd in what you have in view.

Col.
I wish, when I deliver him the gold
[to the witnesses.]
You would take notice.

Wit.
We shall there at distance
Observe it well—

Col.
[aloud.]
For your good office, thanks!

Lyc.
[aside.]
The game will all be mine.—

Col.
[aside.]
Yes! that's according
As the ass kicks!

Lyc.
'Tis fit I speak him fair.—
The host salutes his guest—and bids him welcome.
I'm glad you are arriv'd in safety.

Col.
May the gods bless you, since you wish me well.

Lyc.
I'm told you want a lodging—

Col.
'Tis the thing
I'm looking for.

Lyc.
'Twas what your friends inform'd me,
Who went hence now—You'd have it free from flies—

Col.
By no means—

Lyc.
Why?

Col.
If that had been the case,
I would have gone directly to a jail.
No; I am looking out for such a one,
Where I may be more delicately treated;
More tenderly, than ever were the guests
Of king Antiochus.

Lyc.
I can provide you
One that will suit your taste, if you can like
In a sweet place, a sopha neatly dress'd,
A witty merry lass—

Col.
You're in the right road, pandar—

Lyc.
Where with Leucadian, Lesbian, Thasian, Coan,
Toothless with time, you may bedew your clay
An age: there costly unguents still I'll pour.
The o'erseer of the bath where you shall bathe,
In short shall heap a shop of perfumes on you—
But what I've said is something mercenary—

Col.
How so?

Lyc.
Because they must have money down.

Col.
You'll not receive more gladly than I give.

Lyc.
Follow me in then—

Col.
Lead me in then you,
For I am yours, to your good pleasure bound—

[Lycus and Collybiscus go apart.]
Wit.
Suppose we call out Agorastocles;
That he himself may be a witness, one
Without exception—Ho!—you thief-catcher,
Come out directly, haste; that you yourself
May see the money given to the pandar.