University of Virginia Library

Scena II.

To Them Baneswright.
Aur.
O Mr Baneswright, are you come? my woman
Was in her preaching fit, she only wanted
A Tables end.

Banesw.
Why whats the matter?

Aur.
Never
Poore Lady had so much unbred holynesse
About her person; I am never drest
Without a sermon, but am forct to prove
The lawfulnesse of curling irons before
She'l crisp me in a morning; I must show
Text for the fashions of my gownes, she'l aske
Where Jewels are commanded, or what Lady
Ith' primitive times wore ropes of pearle or rubyes,
She will urge Councells for her litle ruffe
Calld in Northampton shire; and her whole service
Is a meere confutation of my clothes.

Banesw.
Why Madam, I assure you time hath beene
However she be otherwise, when she had
A good quick wit, and would have made to a Lady
A serviceable sinner.

Aur.
She can't preserve
(To guift for which I took her) but (as though
She Were inspird from Jpswitch) she will make
The Acts and Monuments in sweet-meats; Quinces
Arraigned and burnt at a stake; all my banquets
Are persequutions, and Dioclesians dayes
Are brought for entertainment, and we eat Martyrs.

Banesw.
Madam she is farre gone.

Aur.
Nay, Sir, she is
A Puritan at her needle too.

Banesw.
Indeed?

Aur.
She works religious petticoats; for flowers
She'l make Church Histories; her needle doth
So sanctify my Cushionets, besides
My smock-sleeves have such holy imbroderies,
And are so learned, that I feare in time
All my apparell will be quoted by
Some pure Instructer. Yesterday I went
To see a Lady that has a Parrot, my woman
While I was in discourse converted the fowle,
And now it can speak nought but Knoxes workes,
So theres a parrot lost.

Banes.
Faith Madam she
Was earnest to come to you, had I knowne
Her Mistresse had so bred her I would first
Ha preferd her to new England.

Dor.
Surely, Sir,
You promised me when you did take my mony
To help me to a faithfull service, a Lady
That would be saved. Not one that loves profane,
Unsanctified fashions.

Aur.
Fly my sight
You gooddy Hofman, and keep your chamber till
You can provide your selfe some cure, or I
Will forthwith excommunicate your zeale,
And make you a silent waiting woman.

Banes.
Ms Dorcas,
If you'l be usher to that holy learned woman
That can heale broken shinnes, scald heads, and th'Itch,
Your schoole-mistresse, that can expound, and teaches
To knit in Chaldee, and work Hebrew samplers,
Ile hlpe you back againe.

Dor.
The motion sure is good
And I will ponder of it.

Aur.
From thy zeale,
Ex. Dorcas.
The frantick Ladies judgements, and Histriomastix,
Deliver me. This was of your preferring,
You must needs help me to another.

Banes.
How
Would you desire her qualified, deformed
And crooked like some Ladies, who doe weare
Their women like black patches to set em of?

Aur.
I need no foile, nor shall I think I'me white
Only between two Moores; or that my nose
Stands wrong, because my womans doth stand right.

Banes.
But you would have her secret, able to keepe
Strange sights from th'knowledge of your Knight vvhen you
Are married, Madam, of a quick faining head?

Aur.
You vvrong me, Baneswright, she vvhom I vvould have,
Must to her handsome shape have vertue too.

Banesw.
Well Madam I shall fit you, I doe know
A cholerick Lady which within these three weekes
Has, for not cutting her cornes vvell, put off
Three vvomen; and is now about to part
With th'fourth, just one of your description.
Next change oth'Moone, or vveather, vvhen her feet
Doe ake againe, I doe believe I shall
Pleasure your Ladiship.

Aur.
Expect your reward.

Exit Baneswright.