University of Virginia Library

Scena. VII.

As they kisse.
Enter to them Bright. Newcut.
Br.
By your leave Madam, what for practise sake
Kissing your woman? Lord how a Ladies lips
Hate Idlenesse, and will be busied, when
The rest lyes fallow, And rather then want action
Be kind within themselves, an't be t'enjoy,
But the poore pleasure of contemplation!

New.
And how doe you find her Madam?

Aur.
Stay wench.
Does it not grieve you now, and make you sigh,

(New.
Lord,
And very passionately accuse Nature,
And say she was too hard to make your woman
Able to kisse you only and doe no more?

Br.
Js it not pittie but besides the guift
Of making Cawdles, and using of her Pencill,
She had the trick oth'other sexe?

Aur.
Me thinks
Your own good breeding might instruct you that
My house is not a new Foundation, where
You might, paying the rate, approach, be rude,
Give freedome to your unwasht Mouthes.

Dor.
My Lady
Keepes no poore Nuns that sinne for victuals, for you,
With whom this dead vacation you may trade
For old silke stockins and halfe shirts. They say
You doe offend oth' score, and sinne in chalke,
And the dumbe walls complaine you are behinde
Jn pension; so that your distressed Vestalls,
Are faine to foot their stockins, pay the Brewer,
And Land-Lords-rent in woman-kind, and long
More earnestly for the Terme then Norfolke Lawyers.

Br.
Why you have got a second, Ladie, your woman
Doth speake good Countrey language.

New.
Offers at wit,
And showes teeth for a jest.

Br.
We heare you are
To marry an old Citizen.

Aur.
Then surely
You were not deafe.

New.
And doe you mean his age,
Which hath seene all the Kingdome buried thrice,
To whom the heate of August is December;
Ex. Dorcas.
Who, were he but in Italy would save
The charge of Marble vaults, and coole the ayre
Better then ventiducts, shall freeze betweene
Your melting armes? Doe but consider, he
But marries you as he would doe his furres,
To keepe him warme.

Aur.
But he is rich, Sir.

Br.
Then,
In wedding him you wed more infirmities
Then ever Gallen wrot of; He has paines
That put the Doctors to new experiments.
Halfe his diseases in the Citie bill
Kill hundreds weekly. A lone Hospitall
Were but enough for him.

New.
Besides,
He has a cough that nightly drownes the Bell-man;
Calls up his Familie; all his neighbours rise
And goe by it, as by the Chimes and Clock.
Not fowre loame walls, nor saw dust put between,
Can dead it.

Aur.
Yet he still is rich.

Br.
Jf this
Cannot affright you, but that you will needs
Be blind to wholesome counsill, and will marry
One who by th'course of Nature ought t'have been
Rotten before the Queens time, and in Iustice
Should now have been some threescore yeares a Ghost,
Let pitty move you; Jn this Match you quite
Dostroy the hopes and fortunes of a Gentleman,
For whom had his penurious Uncle starv'd
And pin'd himselfe his whole life, to encrease
The riches he deserves t'inherit it
Had been his dutie.

Aur.
You meane his Nephew Plotwell;
A prodigall young man; one whom the good
Old man his Uncle kept to th'Inns of Court,
And would in time ha made him Barrester;
And raisd him to his sattin Cap, and Biggon,
In which he might ha sold his breath farre dearer,
And let his tongue out at a greater price,
Then some their Mannors. But he did neglect
These thriving meanes; followd his loose companions,
His Brights and Newcuts; two, they say, that live
By the new Heresie Platonick Love.
Can take up silks upon their strengths, and pay
Their Mercer with an Infant.

Br.
Newcut!

New.
I,
J doe observe her Character; well then
You are resolvd to marry?

Aur.
Were the Man
A statue, so it were a golden one,
I'de have him.

Br.
Pray then take along to Church
These few good wishes. May your husband prove
So jealous to suspect that when you drink
To any man you kisse the place where his
Lips were before, and so pledge meetings. Let him
Think you doe Cuckold him by looks; and let him
Each night, before you goe to rest, administer
A solemne oath, that all your thoughts were chast
That day, and that you sleep with all your hayres.

New.
And which is worse, let him forget he lay
With you himselfe, before some Magistrate
Sweare twas some other, and have it believ'd
Upon Record.

Pl.
Sister J've left your Bridegroome,
Under this key lockt in, t'imbrace your pillow.
Enter Plotw.
Sure he has eat Eringoes, he's as hot—
He was about to fetch you in his shirt.

Br.
Hows this? his sister?

New.
J conceive not this.

Pl.
My Noble friends, you wonder now to heare
Me call her sister.

Br.
Faith, Sir, we wonder more
She should be married?

New.
I'ft be your sister, we
Have labourd her she should not match her Uncle,
And bring forth Riddles, Children that should be
Nephews to their Father, and to their Uncle sonnes.

Plotw.
I laugh now at your ignorance: why these
Are projects, Gentlemen; fine ginns, and projects.
Did Roseclaps boy come to you?

Br.
Yes.

Pl.
I have
A rare Scene for you.

New.
The boy told us you were
Upon a stratagem.

Plotw.
I've sent for Roseclap,
And Captaine Quartfield to be here. J have
Put Salewit into orders, he's inducted
Into the French Church, you must all have parts;

Br.
Prithee speak out of Clowds.

Pl.
By this good light
Twere Justice now to let you both dye simple,
For leaving us so scirvily.

New.
We were
Sent for in hast by th'Benchers, to contribute
To one of 'em thats Reader.

Plotw.
Come with me,
I'le tell you then. But first J'le show you a sight
Much stranger then the Fish.

Dor.
Madam, heres Barneswright
And an old Merchant doe desire accesse.

Enter Dorcas.
Aur.
Bid 'em come in.

Pl.
Gentlemen, fall off.
Ex. Dorcas.
If we be seene the plot is spoild. Sister,
Now look you doe your part well.

Aur.
J am perfect.

Exit Plot. Br. Newc.