Satyres :: :: University of Virginia Library

Bvt range my Muse! find out some fresher Game,
Some Mayden matter, some vnchased Theame.
Beat through ye throwes of these disordered times.
The thorny thickets of contagious crimes,
And rouz from squat, pursue with æger cry,
The lurking Leaudnesse, strong scent villany,
Of those close Foxes, who (in milder skins)
Inuey, and guesse inuectiuely at Sinnes:
Bite with sharpe censure: and seuerely scan
The inward Vertues, by the outward man.

Beshrow mee (Sirs) if I dare strout in street,
Winke at a Window: A God-dam-me greet:
Vsher a Lady: but salute her Gloue:
Or Kisse a Maide for manners more then Loue:
Cringe to a Seriuener: be conuersing seene
In Ludgate, with a broken Citizen:

Turne oft in Pauls: call for a stoole o'th Stage:
Or walke atended with my Hackney Page:
Pace Turnball, Shorditch, Long-lane: or Pickt-hatch,
Least I be taken by this heedfull watch.
These pickthanke Pesants; that with Lynceus eye,
Inspect mans Actions too Iniuriously.

First to yon Masse of man: yon loade of Guts,
That all he handles in his belly puts:
Who euery meales meate makes a Masse cry,
Of Shambles, Poultry, Sea variety.
How on the Table he his Panch doth rest,
And stuffes it as a Wallet of the best.
Yet close his Buttockes rammes vp as in Pound
For feare o'th worst, to'th' good-behauiour bound.
Snorts at mid-day: yet startles at the sturre,
Of a betraying Boote, or tel-tale Spurre:
Cryes out of Fashions, as of Fasting-dayes,
Rebukes Excesse: gainst Vanityes inueyes:

Hates Vice as Hunger: and abhorres to stand
In sight of a (Sir reuerence) Saffron-band.
Tell him his Worship is too strictly wise:
His closest Trounces, full as full of vice.
As wide from Vertues meane as Largest size.

Next to yon Prester Iohn, that Learned Clarke:
Who after all my closest acts doth harke.
A man, that for a Wise one sure woo'd passe,
Shu'd there but 6. bee, as there 7. was:
Hee heretofore (out of his Loue exceeding)
Woo'd euer bee examining my Reading:
Now (more Officious) euer Checking is:
A strickt Remembrancer of all amisse.
Bid him bee lesse in Office: more in Loue:
Least he ere long Iacke out of Office proue.
Laugh, Laugh, Democritus! who can hold to heare
Socraticke Doctors, Catoes most austeer.

Roule vp the Records of Antiquity,
To frame Abridgements for youth's Liberty.
Accuse Wits folly. Times strange alterations:
The vaine expence of cloth consuming fashions,
When their allowance was (themselues can tell)
At least vnto a Codpisse halfe an Ell.

Lend me Athenian but a while thy light:
To scowre the scoutes, the Lurking holes of Spite,
And execrable Enuy: see the rout
Of Rascals: venome Vermin, I'le finde out:
Cankermouth'd Catchpoles, that in Ambush lye,
To wreck, to seck Vertues æternitie:
With poysnous blast of miscreant Infamy.

(Iustinian) is too Fortunate to beare
The name of Iust: (Flora) too Curtious farre
To harbour Honesty: (Varro) held to bee
Vaine, for his skilfull vaine in Poetry.

(Fantasticke) cannot with his Flaunders feete
Lock'd in his foure-wheele-casket vex the street:
Knocke in a Tauerne, but his Father heares,
Some 20 Leagues off. Luxurio feares
Retaine a seruant fairer then his wife:
Nor will Lorella in despaire of Life
Tell of her side-stitch or the Belly-ake,
Least she bee said Lucinas ayde to lacke.

Who is from scourge of Censure can scape free,
Yea (Temperate Nature) men will jerke at thee!
How suffer some but for a Sanguin Nose?
A Scarlet sconce? when each Logitian knowes
'Tis Vertues colour. How enuy some at
A Stirrill Chin? Or a top naked Pate?
Emblem of Truth, and Graces. What reproofe
Goes with a Limping Leg? Or Vulcan Hoofe?
Yea some so farre presume, as to define
Knaues, by their Bunch-back's, and their Goggle-eyne

When Accidents (affirmes the Stagerite)
Not Naturall cause no note but in Spirit.

Peace then Melampus, peace Albertus, Cocles:
Ptolœmie, Rasis, and Auerroes.
Gallon, Palemon: hence be silent all,
Or proue the cunning Huperphisicall.
And all lesse learn'd in Rules of Phisnomy:
That Natures notes, holde markes of Infamy.

Else (mincing Madam's) why doe we (alas!)
Pine at your Pencill and conspiring Glasse?
Your Curles, Purles, Perriwigs, your Whal eb one wheels:
That shelter all defects from head to heeles.
Making but Good what these count Vicious:
Yet not iniustly termed odious.

To strout in Purple or rich Scarlet dye
With siluer barres begarded thriftily:
To set in print the Haire: Character the Face:
Or dye in graine the Ruffe for Visage grace.

To clog the Eare with plummets: clag the wrests
With Busk-points, Ribbons, or Rebato-Twists:
From Barbors tyranny to saue a locke,
His Mistris wanton fingers to prouoke:
Such Trifles, Toyes: in these sharpe Crittitks view,
Throwes vs in number of the damued Crue.

As if a Frounced, pounced, Pate coo'd not,
As much Braine couer, as a Stoike cut.
Or practicke Vertue, might not lodge as soone
Vnder a Silken, as a Cynicke gowne.
Fond fond Philosophers: who e're definde
Vertue a Habite of the Cloathes but minde?

Tell me (precisely) what auailes it ware,
A Bongrace Bonnet, Eye-brow shorter Haire?
A Circumcized Ruffe? Conuerting Eye?
In Sadnesse? Yes Indeed? Yea Verily?
To beare a Bible euery Edifying day
Of an Armefull, (beside the Apochriphay?)

To carry no more cloath then skin: to shee
The Stockens worne at Knees, the Shooes at Toe?
If thou but nod at Fryers, Or be tane
Cloasly conuerting an impure Queane?
Found in a Morgage, not a minute spare?
Or turne Informer for a demyshare.

Who Vertue holdes a bare apparant Good,
Makes nothing Uice, that may assume a hood,
A vaile of Well, pure honesty no more
Then flat Hypocrisie: a painted Whore.
Countes nothing more (when indeed nothing lesse)
Then others mens Opinions Happines.
And Vertue (rare!) All thinges to be at End:
When euery action needs to Good must tend.

Giue me a Genius: a well tempred minde
which no Feare vrge: no Syren note can winde
From way of Right: that doth all Good approue
For no Good else, but for bare Vertues Loue.

Whome not Cymerian darknes, more then day:
Nor Gyges Ring could corrupt any way.

A Minde well mounted, that will scoffe at Hate,
Trample on Fortune, feircel Incounter Fate,
Spurne at the sound of Vulgar praise as base:
Spit a defiance in proud Enuyes face:
An armed Conscience that dares grapple with
A muster of Opinions, in the teeth:
Who though a Theater should striue bring out
His closest grosest Faults, and all about
Set on to barke: durst boldly stand it out.

Who thinks to trauerse so vpright the Stage
(Free from Contable of this Censorious Age:
Or aimes in Action at the Vulgar grace,
Of Hydra-Headed multitude, Applause;
Need frame himselfe a Nature that will brooke
As many shapes as euer Proteus tooke.

To crye God saue you with a Courtly grace,

To Kisse the Hand, to lay at Foote the Face;
To act the Cros-point Congey sleightly:
Is held Affecting Proud Humility.
To Vaile the Bonnet: stiffe as Elephant,
A Furlong off to cast a Complement:
To titch the Brimmes: or scarce to speake at all:
Wee stately, scornefull, hatefull Gesture call.
And carelesse carriage argues, Loues neglect:
In best indeauours Critticks finde defect.

Let me no oftner then Apollo appeare
To Laugh, to skip (like Phæbus) once a yeare,
To goe more formall then my wonted fashion,
Corrected in my Taylours last Edition,
To rectifie my Fore-top: or assume,
For one nights Reuels a 3. story Plume:
(Though some will Lasses weare, and Leekes as oft,
And with a more (perchance) Ambitious thought:
Straight 'tis surmised, rumord round about

I roare, I score, I lauish, lash it out.
Trifle Times Treasure: And keepe open port,
To all Companions of licentious sort,
When in a day or two, being found alone,
Hemmed in the hopefull habite of a Gowne.
By me a Plowdon or a Littleton.
Lord! what a new bred fame gins hence to passe,
How I am changed from the man I was?

Thus I can expectation falsify:
Weary out Censure in vncertainty:
Redeeme Time as I list: proue Want of Wit
In those that most inuentiue jerke at it:
And most precize, of greatest vice condemne.
Making my Faults theirs: by Belying them.

Know I can Frolique be with (Fregio)
Court it in Comptest phrase with (Curio.)
Come deepe the Caster: and Carouce it free.
(As farre as Vertues limites Licence mee.)

In as rich Grograns, Sattins, Tissues, goe
As Florence, Carles, Tartary can showe.
Meet, and crye farwell, to those spirits bolde
By Pistoll tenure that their Liuings holde,
Confer with Crop-eard knights ath'post; heare tell
Of Stangate prizes, and of Shooters Hill,
Of Brothells, Stewes, of vilest villanies,
And learne out Vertue by her contraries.

Fond Affectation, to be counted Great,
To be The man held: to be pointed at.
I e're neglected. Singularitye
May sometimes vertue be: nere Policye.
Who is a man of Note (note this from me)
Is sure ne're to offend in socrecie:
To liue in Bondage in Fames Iealosie.

Tis not the mouthfull of mans breath I care,
Nor seuere Censure of strict Criticks feare
In spite of Enuy, Hate 'twas neuer known:

But euer Fame will Vertue waite vpon;
And now, when Vertue Vice is held: whome is't
We may not Praise or Dispraise as wee list?