CORRECT INTRODUCTIONS; HOW TO MAKE THEM
YOUR first step should be, of course, the
securing of an introduction. Introductions
still play an important part in social
intercourse, and many errors are often perpetrated
by those ignorant of
savoir faire (correct
form). When introducing a young lady
to a stranger for example, it is not
au fait
(correct form) to simply say, "Mr. Roe, I
want you to shake hands with my friend Dorothy."
Under the rules of the
beau monde
(correct form) this would probably be done
as follows: "Dorothy (or Miss Doe), shake
hands with Mr. Roe." Always give the name
of the lady first, unless you are introducing
some one to the President of the United States,
the Archbishop of Canterbury, a member of
the nobility above a baron, or a customer.
The person who is being "introduced" then
extends his (or her) right ungloved hand and
says, "Shake." You "shake," saying at the
same time, "It's warm (cool) for November
(May)," to which the other replies, "I'll say
it is."
This brings up the interesting question of
introducing two people to each other, neither
of whose names you can remember. This is
generally done by saying very quickly to one
of the parties, "Of course you know Miss Unkunkunk." Say the last "unk"
very quickly, so that it sounds like any name from Ab to Zinc. You might
even sneeze violently. Of course, in nine cases out of ten, one of the
two people will at once say, "I didn't get the name," at which you
laugh, "Ha! Ha! Ha!" in a carefree manner several times, saying at the
same time, "Well, well—so you didn't get the name—you didn't get the
name—well, well." If the man still persists in wishing to know who it
is to whom he is being introduced, the best procedure consists in simply
braining him on the spot with a club or convenient slab of paving stone.
The "introduction," in cases where you have no mutual friend to
do the introducing, is somewhat more difficult but can generally be
arranged as follows:
Procure a few feet of stout manila rope or
clothes-line, from any of the better-class hardware
stores. Ascertain (from the Social Register,
preferably) the location of the young
lady's residence, and go there on some dark
evening about nine o'clock. Fasten the rope
across the sidewalk in front of the residence
about six inches or a foot from the ground.
Then, with the aid of a match and some kerosene,
set fire to the young lady's house in several
places and retire behind a convenient tree.
After some time, if she is at home, she will
probably be forced to run out of her house to
avoid being burned to death. In her excitement
she will fail to notice the rope which you
have stretched across the sidewalk and will
fall. This is your opportunity to obtain an
introduction. Stepping up to her and touching
your hat politely, you say, in a well
modulated voice, "I beg your pardon, Miss
Doe, but I cannot help noticing that you are
lying prone on the sidewalk." If she is well
bred, she will not at first speak to you, as you
are a perfect stranger. This silence, however,
should be your cue to once more tip your hat
and remark, "I realize, Miss Doe, that I have
not had the honor of an introduction, but you
will admit that you are lying prone on the
sidewalk. Here is my card—and here is one
for Mrs. Doe, your mother." At that you should hand her two plain
engraved calling cards, each containing your name and address. If there
are any other ladies in her family—aunts, grandmothers, et cetera—it
is correct to leave cards for them also. Be sure that the cards are
clean, as the name on the calling card is generally sufficient for
identification purposes without the addition of the thumbprint.
When she has accepted your cards, she will give you one of hers,
after which it will be perfectly correct for you to assist her to rise
from the sidewalk. Do not, however, press your attentions further upon
her at this time, but after expressing the proper regret over her
misfortune it would be well to bow and retire.
