University of Virginia Library

THE ETIQUETTE OF TELEPHONING

ON Thursday morning, therefore, you should go to a public telephone-booth in order to call the young lady's house. The etiquette of telephoning is quite important and many otherwise perfectly well-bred people often make themselves conspicuous because they do not know the correct procedure in using this modern but almost indispensable invention. Upon entering the telephone-booth, which is located, say, in some drug store, you remove the receiver from the hook and deposit the requisite coin in the coin box. After an interval of some minutes a young lady (referred to as "Central") will ask for your "Number, please." Suppose, for example, that you wish to get Bryant 4310. Remove your hat politely and speak that number into the mouthpiece. "Central" will then say, "Rhinelander 4310." To which you reply, "No, Central—Bryant 4310." Central then says, "I beg your pardon—Bryant 4310," to which you reply, "Yes, please." In a few minutes

a voice at the other end of the line says, "Hello," to which you answer, "Is Miss Doe at home?" The voice then says, "Who?" You say, "Miss Doe, please—Miss Dorothy Doe." You then hear the following, "Wait a minute. Say, Charlie, is they anybody works around here by the name of Doe? There's a guy wants to talk to a Miss Doe. Here—you answer it." Another voice then says, "Hello." You reply "Hello." He says, "What do you want?" You reply, "I wish to speak to Miss Dorothy Doe." He says, "What department does she work in?" You reply, "Is this the residence of J. Franklin Doe, President of the First National Bank?" He says, "Wait a minute." You wait a minute. You wait several. Another voice—a new voice says-"Hello." You reply "Hello." He says, "Give me Stuyvesant 8864." You say, "But I'm trying to get Miss Doe—Miss Dorothy Doe." He says, "Who?" You say, "Is this the residence of—" He says, "Naw—this is Goebel Brothers, Wholesale Grocers—what number do you want?" You say, "Bryant

Not realizing his mistake, the Groom stands waiting for the Bridal Procession, apparently in high spirits and the best of health. Such an attitude toward a wedding is in the worst possible taste. PERFECT BEHAVIOR tells all about the correct appearance and conduct of Bridegrooms.

[Description: Drawing of a Groom, dressed in a tuxedo, looking straight ahead with a smile on his face. Another man in a tuxedo stands to his left with a sneer on his face. ]

The Best Man has just been introduced to the Maid of Honor. Instead of waiting for her to extend her hand and make the acknowledgment, he has turned on his heel and bolted from the room. This constitutes a social blunder, after the commission of which he could never again, in polite society, be considered quite a gentleman. PERFECT BEHAVIOR would have told him how the man of birth and breeding learns to face anything with perfect "Sang froid."

[Description: Drawing of a man running out a room in which a surprised young lady and an older gentlemen stand. ]

The Groom has just presented his Best Man to his sister, who, though she is more than eager to make every one feel at home, has failed to make at once the pun "de rigueur" on the words "best man." An awkward silence has ensued. What is to be done? Should one of the gentlemen fill the breach by making the pun for her? If so, which? PERFECT BEHAVIOR covers the whole subject of making the "best man" pun authoritatively.

[Description: Drawing of two men and a woman in the midst of an awkward silence. ]

The young man at the right does not know how to drink. Nevertheless, he has been selected by a friend to act as Best Man at his wedding and has attended the Bachelor Dinner. Instead of doing what he should do under the circumstances, he is making himself conspicuous by remaining coherent while the others sing "Mademoiselle from Alabam." Had the Bridegroom provided himself with a copy of PERFECT BEHAVIOR he would have known better than to have selected him.

[Description: Drawing of three men sitting at a table. Two of the men are singing and partying, the other man is looking at his watch. ]

4310." He says, "Well, this is Rhinelander 4310." You then hang up the receiver and count twenty. The telephone bell then rings, and inasmuch as you are the only person near the phone you take up the receiver and say, "Hello." A female voice, says, "Hello, dearie—don't you know who this is?" You say, politely but firmly, "No." She says, "Guess!" You guess "Mrs. Warren G. Harding." She says, "No. This is Ethel. Is Walter there?" You reply, "Walter?" She says, "Ask him to come to the phone, will you? He lives up-stairs over the drug store. Just yell 'Walter' at the third door down the hall. Tell him Ethyl wants to speak to him—no, wait—tell him it's Madge." Being a gentleman, you comply with the lady's request. After bringing Walter to the phone, you obligingly wait for some twenty minutes while he converses with Ethel—no, Madge. When he has finished, you once more enter the booth and tell "Central" you want Bryant 4310. After a few minutes "Central" says, "What number did you call?" You say patiently, "Bryant 4310." She replies, "Bryant 4310 has been changed to Schuyler 6372." You ask for Schuyler 6372. Finally a woman's voice says, "Yass." You say, "Is Miss Doe in?" She replies, "Yass." You say, "May I speak to her?" She says, "Who?" You reply, "You said Miss Doe was at home, didn't you?" She replies, "Yass." You say, "Well, may I speak to her?" The voice says, "Who?" You shout, "Miss Doe." The voice says, "She ban out." You shriek, "Oh, go to hell!" and assuming a graceful, easy position in the booth, you proceed to tear the telephone from the wall. Later on in the day, when you have two or three hours of spare time, you can telephone Miss Doe again and arrange for the evening's visit.